Hey all,
I still owe this thread a wrap up post about our decision but I am copying a post from another thread that shows some of what we went through.
@EastGrad I suspect this refers to my family’s circumstances, if it doesn’t I would love to be put in touch with these folks because we have a ton in common:
“You’re so right, @carolinamom2boys. This is happening to a 2018 grad in our neighborhood (who attends a charter rather than our excellent local high school). She was accepted by many tippy-top schools, including Brown and Tulane. Her heart is set on Brown. Her parents are insisting that she go to Tulane on the full scholarship they have given her. They could probably afford Brown but according to their neighbor it will include many sacrifices on their part. Last I heard, she wasn’t speaking to them and hadn’t since mid April. Sort of sad to end your child’s senior year this way.”
Let me clarify a few things so that these circumstances don’t become over dramatized and a piece of internet lore that might misdirect someone in the future:
“Her heart is set on Brown. Her parents are insisting that she go to Tulane on the full scholarship they have given her.”
A more accurate description would be:
My daughter saw herself at Brown more than Tulane. She worked very hard in high school [as so many do] and believed that a spot at a progressive Ivy League University on the east coast was a better and more fitting outcome for that hard work than Tulane.
Her parents immersed themselves in finding out as much as they could about both amazing opportunities to help their daughter and themselves to arrive at a decision that was the ‘best’ under the circumstances. There is actually an entire thread on this topic on CC which was one small part of the due diligence that we did.
“she wasn’t speaking to them and hadn’t since mid April.”
It was a difficult decision, and of course a very wonderful decision to have to make. Our daughter did not engage with us for many days, probably 2 - 3 weeks, about this decision because there was a lot of emotion involved and some other personal issues. We hoped that it would be a collaborative discussion leading to a consensus decision of what was best for the entire family. However, that was not the case at the start. We respected that she was not ready to engage and gave her the space she needed to come to grips with her opportunities and to begin weighing them against one another.
We shared all of the information that we were obtaining with our daughter. This information included, among other information, considered advice from some of the most amazing, intelligent, and successful people that we know, many of whom EastGrad you also know and whose thoughts, advice and observations I am certain you would not dismiss out of hand, as well as advice from their children who attended and are attending the top colleges and universities in the country for undergrad, grad and professional education. Our daughter was part of many of these conversations.
“Sort of sad to end your child’s senior year this way”
Equipped with a vast amount of information, we had numerous discussions about our daughter’s numerous opportunities, and these discussions as well as the entire journey were educational experiences for all of us. In the end, the decision was not tremendously difficult. There was still some mild mourning that needed to be done for the loss of the idea of attending a progressive Ivy League University on the east coast, which was gradually replaced by the growing excitement for the adventures that lie ahead.
Our daughter’s senior year ended last Friday. The ending was as close to a fairy tale ending that one could imagine, with much joyful celebration with friends and family coming from afar to show their support for this wonderful young woman.
“They could probably afford Brown but according to their neighbor it will include many sacrifices on their part.”
The question for us wasn’t “can we afford it?” it was “is it a good decision to afford it?” when weighed with the other options and future plans of our daughter. Hopefully the decision we made will work out. It’s like anything - you do your best, make the choices you think are right and then cross your fingers and hold your breath!
All the best - Cheers!