I feel fairly certain that there was a similar thread before.
I am interested in how you make friends- whether you moved to a new location after retirement, stayed in the same place but now do not have the kid connection with parents, or just ventured out to make friends.
I am especially interested the ones that move to a new location- that would require a whole new network of friends. Even though we are staying put , we are retiring and really had very little time to foster friendships other than the ones we have had for years from work or kids parents. My work friends have moved since retirement. I think that the common ground of kids, work, etc made this easier in the past.
I am interested, too. I just moved to a new city, but promptly have been out of town for a month due to a family emergency. I have some ideas when I get back – joining a national group I was in previously that has local groups and activities, try a couple of exercise clubs/classes that seem interesting, and joining a new UU church. I will hopefully have a new job soon, so maybe can make connections there. But it isn’t like freshman year of college – everyone isn’t looking for a new set of friends in their 50s.
I have my sons’ friends’ parents as friends, and I get together with some of them for lunch or we get together as couples a few times a year. But we haven’t yet moved away from where we raised our family.
I have a monthly ladies’ breakfast group that started with the mother of one of my son’s friends but spread to include other women she knew. It’s six of us, and we meet religiously on the first Saturday of every month.
DH and I also have two couples that I know through my job whom we get together with four or five times a year.
We also have some wonderful friends whom we met through the local dog parks. We get together with those people six or seven times during the year, often for odd things – a breakfast to send someone off who’s moving, or Christmas dinner.
I have many female friends whom I know from work. In two weeks, I’m going into NYC (just an hour away) to meet one for lunch, one for coffee, and one for dinner.
If I were to move, I would join a church, volunteer somewhere, join a gym, be nice to the neighbors. I find one person leads to another. You need to be interested in new people and open to learning about them on their terms.
We now live in an area where we did not raise out kids, none of those longtime friend relationships. I really have only three small social groups:
A great friend that I met through DD and this friend is quite social, so I meet people through her
A shift in the neighborhood & dog walking. We moved in to a neighborhood with people in their 80s, many have sold out and now we have 5 new families who are our age not 80+, sadly they are all second home people so not around all the time, but that does make it festive when people are here (we are one of three full timers in a 12 house block.) Many of us have dogs and dog walking has caused me to find one excellent friend and many acquaintance plus level friends
A religion affiliated small group, we have tried for the last ten years to find one of our church related small groups, the first one did not go well, it took a long time to get the second one, because we are in a small town 30-40 minutes from our church, but this group really clicked.
It is a bit sad to be in a place with people who have not known your kids all their lives; I am preparing an invite list for a shower for DD and, I realized how few of my friends actually know my kids!
I am open to ideas and I do wonder how, with no kids home & no more sports to attend, how am I still so busy? I think I am just tired or lazy?
When I first moved to my area, I didn’t know anyone except a few neighbors and we were not close and had no interests in common. But I love playing tennis, so I joined a tennis club. The women are mostly around my age, empty-nesters and about to be empty-nesters. Now I have dozens and dozens of friends. We play tennis (naturally), but we also meet for lunch or coffee, have parties, go on tennis trips together and all sorts of things.
Find something you are interested in and join a group.
We are empty nesters that have moved to a new location. I have more friends now then I ever had. I have friends in our new neighborhood (the dog helps to start conversations), friends in the organizations I volunteer for and friends from the gym. I found that taking exercise classes such as yoga, Zumba and spin make it easy to chit chat before and after class. One of my best new friends is someone I met through a book club that the local library organized. Our community has a ton of lunch/ dinner fundraisers. I went to a couple of these by myself and met some nice people there.
I have stayed friends with the moms of some of my kids friends, but have also made friends at yoga, at church,neighbors,euchre group, on cc, etc.
If you are moving to a new area, try finding out if there is anyone there that you already know - someone you grew up with, a friends from college, a distant cousin, etc. Reach out to them. At least some of them will likely be interested in renewing the ties and can introduce you to others.
^This. I found a childhood friend through Facebook that lives in the community that we moved to. Although she and I remain merely acquaintances, some of the people she introduced me to have become my friends.
I am clueless too, so don’t feel bad. We’ve lived in the same town for 20+ years, but all the friends we made in school-related groups seem to want nothing more than emptynest solitude. Our invites (we tried starting a girls night, a bible study) are unsuccesful. And we’ve made a faithful effort to try stuff – we’re active in our church, for example. But while we see these people often and stop and say hi when we meet, it’s not the sort of thing where we invite them to dinner (we’ve tried, and everyone is too busy, or can’t find a good time, etc…)
I had a few friends that we did breakfast together every few months; that fell off. And then I couldn’t determine if asking to do it again (and getting, “oh sure, but not ___ or ____ days”) was failing to get the signal that they were done. So I waited for them to ask, and they didn’t. We do garden with a bunch of people we know, but I see that they go out together to stuff and we are not invited; it makes me hesitant to think of them as more than friendly acquaintances. Curse you, social media! We both work on church and volunteer committees but that’s not like having a social life where you go to dinner, or a movie, or hiking, with anyone but my DH. Or is that what adult social life is? Shared meetings?
Lived in the same neighborhood for 15+ years. Still only know a few neighbors. When we moved in, I brought cookies around and they were aghast (“are you selling something?” one asked). My son spent 3 months in the hospital and none of them knew or cared. The one side neighbors have a big fence. Backyard mowed my garden down (we share a lot line) the week they moved in. Other side have screaaaaaaming children and knock down fights in the driveway.
We are so discouraged by this, we just don’t try anymore. We are nice, articulate, well-educated, open minded people, btw.
I moved to a new town a few months ago after my daughter went away to college. I have been looking at the various options for getting to know people, including fitness club, church (with small groups), meet-up groups (to attend arts performances, go hiking, eat out, etc.), and more.
Unfortunately, I’ve been dealing with personal crises ever since I moved here that have caused me to go out of town regularly (two deaths in family, employer bought out, etc.). Therefore, I can’t actually report that I’ve made tons of friends yet. But I’m very optimistic. The people I have met here and there – including at the park where I take the dogs regularly – are super friendly, and I am looking forward to joining some of the groups I’ve picked out in the near future. There are some friends of friends who live near me as well, and I might follow up with some of them also.
Get a dog and take it a dog park at the same time each day. Join a house of worship, or just attend one regularly. Join a gym. Volunteer for a charity that interests you. Tutor kids or mentor adults in your area of expertise. Join your new area’s historical society or environmental organization, if those things interest you. Take a class at your community education center.
We are planning to move to a rural or semi-rural area next summer (husband’s idea, not mine!) and these are some of the things I plan to try. They have worked in the past, so I have hope!
We moved countries after our kids left home. It’s taken us almost 3 years, but we now have a nice group of friends (men, women and couples). Some are from church - Bible study, Men’s group, Choir. Some from a community choir that we both enjoy. Volunteering for me at two local historical properties. And H joined a board game club that meets once a week. And I joined a women’s group that plans lots of outings and lectures, etc.
All of these activities provided us with acquaintances but to really make friends, we had to make more of an effort - invite people out to lunch or for drinks, or have people over to our house for dinner and games.
I don’t think I am a natural at making new friends, or even making conversation, but I join sports/activities groups, like a masters swim club or a running club. I can at least talk about the work out or the race we are training for. A book club would work for the same reason.
If you are religious, join a church. Religious organizations seem to be great sources for activities and for meeting people. Volunteer.
Sing, sew, swim. Best thing I did was join a women’s chorus. That’s 100 like-minded women in one place every Monday night for rehearsal and then trial by fire at concert. Good way to forge friendships. Sewing classs–same thing on a smaller scale. And my water aerobics classes are very social–we all go to the theater or brunch together. None of it happens overnight of course but it happens.
We’ll keep our dues low. 
