HI all,
I’m moving out in the fall and into a dorm. The thing is, I’ve only lived as an only child. Not to say I haven’t had sleepovers or overnight summer camps, but I’ve never lived with someone else like a roommate for an extended period of time. 7 days max, and only when I was younger. The other thing is that I’ve recently come out as Gay. I’m absolutely terrified of having a roommate and/or making them uncomfortable about me being LGBTQ. I really want to do the university experience with a dorm and roommate and such… I just hope they’re not homophobic. Has anyone else out there been in a similar situation? I’ve dealt with homophobia in the past on a smaller scale. I’m really looking forward to my college life but I also totally understand that there are people out there that may be uncomfortable with me being LGBTQ.
Do I openly disclose that I’m gay from the start? I feel like I should?
Would love advice on this as this is one of the many reasons I didn’t do campus housing as soon as I started college.
A lot of colleges have Facebook groups to look for roommates, or you could probably even find one on your school’s college confidential. If you are really worried that might be better than trying a blind pair, because then you could make sure you are both comfortable beforehand. I know my college made it relatively easy to switch if you and your roommate weren’t getting along, so there is always that option too if you wanted to go for the random roommate!
Hey there. To start, congratulations on coming out. I know it’s hard. As for the dorming situation, I suggest that maybe you disclose that you’re gay beforehand. Some people in this world are really messed up, so for your own safety that might be the best way to go. It’s best to make sure that you’re both comfortable. As for looking for roommates, try social media! Facebook groups, Instagram pages, etc. I hope all goes well and you find yourself an amazing roommate!
My son’s first college roommate was gay, randomly assigned (although I think the fact that my son was in chamber singers and the high school plays all four years might’ve played a part). My son is straight, but has roomed with gay guys ob choir trips voluntarily since they were his friends, never thought twice about it. His roommate was a special education major who has an impressive volunteer background, we’d joke about what an as***** he must be. ETA his profile picture was of himself surrounded by 4 girls in front of a big rainbow flag. It was perfect.
On a housing form my S21 filled out for a college summer program, he could check off whether he wanted (or was open to) an LGBTQ friendly dorm/roommate. He checked yes and, while he is straight, he ended up with a trans roommate. That was two years ago and they are still very good friends. If your school does not offer a place for you to self identify or request an LGBTQ friendly roommate or dorm, then I would get in touch with the Student Life/Affairs division and/or LGBTQ point person and ask. You should be able to be you in your housing situation!
Thank you! <3
I go by a code of being honest open and transparent so many plan was to do nothing different here. Just wasn’t too sure how that might come off to people.
Social media has been hard to find but will keep searching!
OMG I have the exact same worry. So glad I’m not alone in this! I am sure (or at least hope) both of us will find a welcoming community once we get to college!
Hi there!
As a gay man myself, I’ve definitely thought about this a lot as I prepare to enter the form life in college. I’m my research and discussions with others I’ve definitely learned that universally it’s best to just be open about your sexuality when looking for a roommate. For personal growth and mindfulness to how others may feel, be open and confident about who you are because it’LOL only benefit you in the end! I’ve heard that a lot of universities actually have LGBTQ+ friendly dorms, or floors where they will place you with others you identify with. I wish you the best!
Honesty in my opinion is always best, and I’m sure your future roommate will appreciate you opening up to them about being gay. From what my older friends said, more people begin looking for roommates around May/June so hopefully you’ll find someone around that time frame! Best of luck to you!
I would ask you one thing, do you walk up and tell strangers personal things about yourself? I would think that you probably don’t. Get to know your roommate and then decide what you want to share with them. Don’t confuse honestly with revealing things that are deeply personal to you. The good news is that most incoming college freshman are very open minded.
My daughter is queer, and she is also an only child. So she basically made sure that it she would share a room with somebody who was LGBTQ-friendly, and stated this on the dorm forms. She ended up with an amazing roommate and they are best friends. They weighed sharing a room this year, but Sophomores are usually in singles, so they opted to take adjoining rooms.
Your generation tend to be a lot more accepting and comfortable with sexualities which are different than their own, but add to your preferences that you prefer somebody who is LGBTQ-friendly, so you don’t get stuck with somebody who is homophobic. If your dorm forms don’t have that option, call the residence people, and ask them how to ensure that you don’t get stuck with somebody like that.
I just recently saw a conversation about this exact topic! One man said
something along these lines: they don’t put people of opposite genders together randomly because people wouldn’t be comfortable with that. And why? The only reason is the potential for sexual attraction. So, it follows -this is still him - that they shouldn’t randomly put a male who is attracted to men together with a man. He said he would be uncomfortable with a gay male stranger as a roommate, not as a friend, but as a roommate.
So, yeah, there are people like that, so like some people said above check with housing and make sure they’re putting you with someone open to sharing with someone who part of the LGBTQ community.
