When thinking about college, I think too many students (and sometimes families) start and stop with these questions:
- What school will get me the most research/internship/future job opportunities?
- What school will most easily allow me to get the highest paying job/best grad school?
- What school name will most impress my friends and family?
My daughter started to ask other questions, like:
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What school will not over-tax me academically, so that I have time and energy to put into building a group of forever friends and genuinely getting to know instructors and professors in fields that interest me (all those people I want to someday throw my bachelorette party or be godparents to my children or start a business with me or write the foreword in my first published book)? Going to college shouldn’t be just about acquiring skills and knowledge, but about finding your ride-or-die people. Some people can meet them in the trenches of all-night study sessions at an Ivy, but others will struggle to make meaningful connections when their nose is always in a book and mind is always clouded with problem sets.
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Because I am not 100% certain about what I want to study or my future career, what school offers a lot of great majors and makes it easy to get the major or majors you want or to switch majors?
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What school offers many different clubs and activities and opportunities to get involved in the community that interest me and which are not competitive to join? What school will also not over-tax me academically so I have time and energy to explore these other interests? Employers want to hire graduates who are involved in their communities and are able to talk with clients about subjects beyond the academic.
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What school features a student body that strikes me as friendly and supportive and not so driven and ambitious that being around them stirs up my own competitiveness and anxiety to unhealthy levels? Part of becoming a healthy independent adult means learning to achieve work-life balance and care for my own mental health in the decades of working years to come. Some people are energized by hours in the lab and need less downtime; others need space to take more walks and binge watch more TV on the weekend to manage stress. No one should try to force themselves to be a kind of person they are not.
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What kind of school is both affordable and likely to allow me to succeed academically so that when I have a more focused grad school and/or career goal, I will have the money and grades I need to achieve it? Assume, as a result of my undergrad education, I develop a passion for a subject and clearer career goals and now want to dive headlong into one of the nation’s best programs, which happens to be at a top-ranked university. Will I have the money and grades needed to attend, or will I have blown all the funds while I was still finding myself (and maybe messed up my GPA in a highly rigorous program)?
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Will I have ample opportunity to make up for some life experiences I missed out on during the pandemic and sow some wild oats and avoid burnout before I have to buckle down in a challenging grad program or career and pay a mortgage, etc.? I realize it is a privilege to be able to take time to learn and smell roses and not grind away unceasingly to survive, but if that privilege exists, it seems shortsighted to pass it up.
Over-achievers sometimes fail to see the downsides of achieving their highest goals. Sometimes getting the lead role means staying up all night to do homework when cast-mates with small roles got it done between their scenes. And sometimes the environment on the “best” sports team is toxic because teammates are competing against each other for playing time more than working toward a common goal. Likewise, sometimes the pressure to be “perfect” is exacerbated in classrooms where everyone is a superstar; not only can you never be the “best” in that kind of group, but it can start to feel like you are never enough. Each person has to evaluate for themselves the amount of pressure they can or want to handle at this moment in their lives.
After asking THOSE questions, my daughter stopped caring about prestige and is 99% sure she will attend one of the safest of safety schools, because it the one that gives her joy when she thinks about attending (not pleasure because of what OTHERS will think, but genuine joy at the prospect of what she will experience there).