I didn't get in early and it was the best thing that could have happened

Applying to College
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hi all - this was a big week for early decisions rolling out, and I know more are scheduled to come out this weekend and over the next couple of weeks. For those of you who got good news this week - congrats! But this post is for the rest of you - those of you who didn’t get the news you wanted to hear and the ones who are still waiting and anxiously refreshing your portal and your CC threads…

In order to pass the time, I thought we could start a little thread where those of us who have been through this before post our ED disappointments (and hopefully happy endings).

I’ll start. I applied early decision to UPenn. A few older kids I knew and liked went there, and my extended family was in Philly. It was a beautiful day when I visited and I snapped a photo posing with my grandma in front of the LOVE sign, and I somehow got the idea that Penn was the perfect school for me. I applied ED and got rejected. Not deferred, flat out rejected! I was stunned and embarrassed. I knew deferral was a real possibility, but rejected!? That seemed harsh.

I ended up at Kenyon, where I spent the most amazing 4 years in tiny, bucolic Gambier. I met the best friends of my life, some of whom I still talk to pretty much every day. I majored in creative writing, interned at the Kenyon Review, and loved living on a beautiful, rural campus in a college town where (almost) everyone knew each others’ names. In hindsight, it’s hard to imagine myself at a larger urban school like Penn, though I know it can be a great choice for some people. Turned out I was a small LAC person at heart, and I’m grateful I ended up at Kenyon. My life would be so different if I hadn’t. (I still think Penn should have deferred me though).

For those of you who don’t get in early to your dream school, remember these decisions are based on so many factors and, no matter what decision you get, it says little about how wonderful, qualified, and worthy of attending an amazing college you are. Of course, you may be sad or jealous or even angry if the college you love didn’t show you love back - absolutely take the time you need to feel all of that. But don’t forget that life unfolds in strange and unexpected ways, and what seems like bad news at first may actually turn out to be the best news after all.

I’m wishing you all good luck in these next couple of weeks - whatever that means for you!

Anyone else have a story to share?

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My son was just excepted to Kenyon ED today…I loved reading this.

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My D18 applied ED to WashU. She was deferred. She hung onto hope and was then denied in the spring. What made it sting a little more is that 2 classmates who applied RD both got in, and only 1 went there.

She did nothing wrong. Was an amazing hs student. Even did a pre college program at Wash U the summer after junior year and her gc nominated her for a special Wash U scholarship that was very involved with essays. She submitted it. Ah well.

She wound up at her safety – the University of Pittsburgh. Why? Because they rolled out the red carpet for her! 1. Merit money, 2. Honors College, 3. Auto admit into their Physician Assistant program. Stay open minded and objective after the emotions calm. Love the school that loves you back! :heart: Best of luck

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Thank you @CC_Joy for taking a moment to pause and celebrate the big picture. :yellow_heart:

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This is a great idea!

It was always Tufts for me …then for some reason I decided Cornell ED at the last minute. I was then deferred.

I didn’t’ want to do ED2 anywhere because I wanted to keep my options open.

I was then waitlisted at Tufts during RD and given TO at Cornell.

I then had to commit to a different school - which would have been NU - but they didn’t give enough $$$.

May 6th Tufts called me off the waitlist. AND offered me the most generous award!!!

So I thought I would be all wrapped up by Christmas wound up going until May!

Hang in - write those LOC’s, gather extra recommendations, update admissions with new accomplishments. For some it’s a longer journey than hoped - but in the end all wind up where we are meant to be.

My brother - had it easier than me. He just made U Miami today - his dream school.

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My DD got rejected from Northeastern yesterday. I am so amazed at her winning attitude about it. She is amazingly resilient and moving forward. I am feeling a bit sad and frustrated with the process. I’m sure it will all sort out in the end. Just feeling a little sad for my girl! This is hard on moms too!

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Thanks for sharing and so excited for your brother! I hope he knows how excited you are for him. You are a great brother.

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Thank you - he had to overcome a lot (injuries, health) to get to this point. Started out senior year in the hospital too. so we are thrilled.

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My D17 got rejected ED1 from Swarthmore and wound up feeling like she’d dodged a bullet by the time all her results were in, as she kept seeing/hearing things about what a pressure cooker that school can be (Sweatmore, misery poker, etc.)

Obviously Swat is an exceptional place for the right student, but D17 did feel relieved not to have to go there in hindsight. She graduated from Hamilton this May and had an unbelievable 4 years of growth and opportunity there. She definitely feels like it all worked out for the best!

Also served as a caution to make sure you’ve really done your research before applying ED to a school. My D decided against going ED2 anywhere and really appreciated getting to make the affirmative decision to choose Hamilton after a serious personal comparison with Vassar and Smith. It gets said here a lot, but “love the schools that love you back” helped turn the stress equation around for my D17. My D23 learned a lot from her sister’s experience - and so did I!

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A couple years ago, after a great visit and multiple interviews, my S was rejected (not deferred) from WashU ED. It stung, even though we knew it was a bit of a stretch (my S is super bright, had a rigorous course load, good AP scores and an SAT score in the 1500s, but hadn’t applied himself in high school so his grades were meh). Anyway, several days later, he was accepted to Tulane EA and ended up attending. He says now it was absolutely the right choice. In fact, his good friend and roommate at Tulane has a twin brother at WashU, so my S gets a first hand account of the differences. This info has bolstered my S’s belief that he ultimately landed in the right spot for his personality. And I am happy to report that, despite plenty NOLA fun, his work ethic has improved since high school!

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Truly a great topic! Thanks for doing this.

S had his eyes set on Boston College back in 2016. We looked at and visited many schools. BC was always the litmus test. We’d go on a visit to X, I’d ask for his thoughts afterwards, and it was always something like “good but not BC”. Didn’t have ED so he applied EA and got deferred which meant waiting another 2 months (dreadful). Eventually was rejected but he had already assumed that and had several other great choices.

Decided on Wake Forest. It was an mazing four yrs for him. He would probably tell you he’s lucky the way it turned out because he has such great friends and had such a wonderful experience, personal growth, great outcome, etc. Hard to imagine another setting with such a rare combination of extremely close campus community, prof / scholar rapport, active student body, personal touch, and exciting ACC sports (ironically the same conference as BC). Really quite unusual .

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Love it!!! Thank you!

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Not ED but S20 was deferred EA and then rejected from Georgetown and Michigan (engineering) and rejected from Columbia and Northwestern RD. He ended up at Northeastern, where he has a 3.9 GPA, is thriving socially and loves Boston. Did not end up choosing engineering for his major.

Due to Northeastern’s incredible Covid testing and quarantining efforts during the pandemic pre-vaccines, the school had an extremely safe in-person experience last year while most of those colleges were remote. He starts a co-op in his field in January, I don’t pay tuition and he gets paid. Really glad with how things turned out.

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My story is from a long time ago, and was not ED. However, when I was applying to graduate schools my “dream school” was Cornell. It was the only school that I visited in spite of requiring a 2,000 mile flight from the west coast. I was very disappointed when I was rejected by Cornell. A week or two later I got accepted by Stanford and went there instead (yes, I understand that preferring Cornell over Stanford might have been foolish). I loved my time at Stanford and did well there.

It was only years later that I realized that Stanford was always a far better fit for what I specifically wanted to study compared to Cornell. It seems likely that at the time the admissions staff at both universities understood this far better than I did.

Admissions staff at top universities are trying to find students who are a good fit for their program. They might not be 100% perfect, but they seem to be pretty good at this. They understand their own program very well. When you are turned down by one school and accepted to a different school there is often a very good reason for this.

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this is literally so amazing to hear and is making me feel so much better about my own application anxiety. I applied ED to barnard and I’m supposed to hear back from them on Tuesday, and all I can do is just sit and think about all the things I could’ve done ‘better’ on my application and how terrible it’ll be if I don’t get in, so hearing this story was maybe the best thing that’s happened to me today.

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For what it is worth my kid got deferred ED at what was described at the time as “the dream” school.

Come RD round he got accepted to “dream school” plus 2 other “finalists”. Visited all three as an accepted student and “dream school” dropped to 3rd.

He has never looked back and been thrilled where he landed. In all honesty I think he would have wound up equally happy at any of his top choices.

Good luck and I hope and strongly suspect it will all work out!!

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My D never applied early, but she was rejected at her top two choices and waitlisted at both her other top choices. She was set to attend a college when a waitlist offer came through in the summer at another school. She was very conflicted due to the lateness of the offer, but chose the waitlist school and had a great four years.

I don’t think either of the schools that rejected her (one was an Ivy) would have been a great fit. Those schools clearly didn’t think so either. She never dwelled on the rejections and kind of feels she had a lucky escape.

For any students reading, you might be feeling low about yourself if you’ve just dealt with a bunch of rejections, but ask yourself: do you really want to be at a college that doesn’t want you? Commit to putting your heart into the college you end up at and have a great time.

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