18-year-old virgin

Student Lounge College Life
21

<p>dude AGREED about the micro cost-benefit analysis on intercourse</p>

<p>(btw opportunity cost lols)</p>

<p>yeah so i'm not catholic, but in my culture, saving your virginity is a really big deal. and i think that's a good thing, because it is sacred. personally sacred-maybe it doesnt have to be religiously sacred, but to you, yourself, just ask that question, you know? im never going to get it back, is this person worth it? i mean, im 19 years old, a guy, and im still a virgin...and i really see no problem at all with this.</p>

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<p>The issue of virginity had alot to do with keeping blood lines pure waaay back when. Many things have been added to religous doctrine over time as it has been "enhanced" in each version. </p>

<p>Keeping or losing your virginity is a personal choice. Care should be taken to prevent pregnancy or STDs. For me personally, it did not matter if the person I was with was a virgin or not, it was not part of the relationship that mattered. There is nothing wrong with experience. </p>

<p>Being a virgin at marriage will not guarantee a happy, long marriage anymore than being experienced will mean certain divorce. However, a positive healthy sexual relationship is a big part of a positive healthy marriage. With every other subject in life we want to learn more to make ourselves better.We want to gain experience and knowledge experience brings. </p>

<p>Why that logic stops at sex for some people, with the assumption that they will be perfect the first time out..forever, is a bit misquided. We don't follow that logic with other aspects of our lives do we?</p>

23

<p>I'm not sure I have any great advice to give, but I did want to post.
You mentioned in your post that you don't plan on getting married, and in parentheses put that you can't. Why can't you? Or do you just not want to (which is fine - many people choose not to marry).
Do you still pray and try to have a relationship with God, even if you're not involved in the Catholic church anymore?<br>
I'm a Christian (not Catholic), and God IS real... I'm sure He cares. Whether or not to have sex is a big choice, so it's worth praying about. Or talking about with some people who know you well who are nonjudgmental.</p>

<p>I'm a virgin, by the way, and I'm considerably older than 18. I finished my bachelor's degree in 2001, worked for a while, and just last month started working on my master's degree. By my standards, 18 seems really young. Are you sure you want to lose your virginity already?<br>
Perhaps make a list of the pros and cons. I find that helps with making decisions because it sometimes puts things into perspective.</p>

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<p>plot93- he can't get married (legally, and presently) because he is gay. go back and read more carefully and you can answer your own questions.</p>

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<p>You say you are feeling guilty because premarital sex is against the Catholic Church. But isn't homosexuality against the Catholic Church as well? I'm not trying to bash anything here, I'm a Catholic myself. I'm straight, but I must admit that I am not concerned with or care for either of those doctrines of the Church. Now, you believe in God, you believe in Jesus, you have your own values, beliefs, and conscience, you can determine what is right and wrong, what is just and what is unjust. So the Church dissapproves of gays? WHO CARES. Personally, I'm not exactly a gay rights activisit I think its kind of unnatural but who the hell am I to judge? Personally, if I'm sitting next to a woman I know and like, I enjoy grabbing her butt! Is that against the Bible? PROBABLY. Am I an immoral person now who is going to hell? I wouldn't say so; I help my neighbor every day and still give praise to God.</p>

<p>I don't think your guilt is coming from your conscience, or even your religion, Catholicism, at all. Your guilt is coming from your societal conditioning. Society has taught people (specifically women mostly) that sex is bad, or that having sex makes one a slut or a whore, which you seem to be thinking right now. Sex is natural. Men want it, women want it (yes this is true all you lonely guys and to you women who are trying to hide it), everyone desires it; it's a natural biological process and need. In primitive times, do you think humans had all this dating, drama, guilt, nervousness, all this b.s. before sex? Clearly not. Why should you? Oh right, you've been conditioned by society.</p>

<p>You're a man for chrissake! You make no excuses for your desires! Why should you? Should you apologize for your desires as a man? Hell no! Of course, many people may disagree with me here. I'd be surprised if they didn't. But I wouldn't build this up as a big thing. So if you want to, go ahead. Just use protection man.</p>

26

<p>No reason to feel guilty, sex is ok. Just use protection.</p>

27

<p>If I may give you any advice on this topic….</p>

<p>Sex is like driving a car. The more you practice, the better you get.
The better you get, the more you enjoy doing it.</p>

<p>If no religious guilty feeling or any other crap is holding you from doing it, I don’t see anything wrong with your trying to find out yourself how you feel after that.</p>

<p>There’s nothing wrong… but use protection to avoid messy aftermath.</p>

28

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<p>The problem with the Church is that it doesn't tell you why you shouldn't have sex until marriage. It's better for you psychologically; it allows sex to be the special thing that you have only experienced with your spouse; and it ensures that you don't get pregnant or get STDs. </p>

<p>I'm not Catholic - or religious at all, for that matter - but I do think that Christianity nails this one. </p>

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<p>Saving yourself is a ridiculous concept. Virginity is not a present - and, if it were, it's much like making a present of a disposable camera. After the honeymoon night, the virginity issue is over. What is not over, however, is having experience with other people. This is hard to explain to people who have not been in many relationships, but it's analogous to your honeymoon. Imagine that you are going to Hawaii. It would be a hell of a lot less special if you had already been there with half of the men you've dated. Your time there would not be about building memories with your spouse but would also have shadows of all of your exes in there. It's not something special between the two of you, but rather something almost mechanical.</p>

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<p>Again, please rid yourself of the ridiculous notion that virginity is a gift or an offering. It's nothing save the state of being until you've had sex. The real question is whether or not having your husband as your first will make your relationship better. Perhaps it will - you will have something special between the two of you. You won't be comparing it to being with others; you won't be worried that you don't stack up to his exes. Marriage/lifelong love is the ultimate emotional attachment between two humans. There's a reason why people save the ultimate physical act for that. Your marriage is between the two of you (unless you're from Utah, but I can't help you there) - sex should be something unique to the relationship. </p>

<p>Generally, the sex is better when you wait. A 1994 study showed that 32% of women orgasm from sex each and every time; for the most part, those women are married conservative Protestants in the Bible Belt. Those who report that sex is "extremely physically and emotionally satisfying" are, again, married religious types. </p>

<p>When you practice your jump shot, you are doing it over and over, in many situations, so that it becomes second nature to you. You want to get over any emotional reactions - basket too far, not sure if you can make it - and concentrate on the mechanics. With driving, likewise, you want to get over any emotions - thrill of speed, fear of doing the wrong thing, fear of merging, etc. </p>

<p>Which is exactly why "practicing" sex makes it worse. Once you remove the emotions, none of it is nearly as good. You can't turn your emotions on and off - you can't have sex be a meaningless activity in your teens, then have it be gentle lovemaking that is special to you and your spouse in your twenties. Most everything sexual is better when you wait.</p>

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<p>Because having sex out of cynicism is a really lousy decision. Because you can always, if you want later on, have sex; but you can't reverse your decision to have it. Because most people who have sex when they are 18 regret it. Because the experience won't even be that physically enjoyable. (As you get older, the communication in your relationships improves and you'll date people who are much more responsive to your own needs and much better able to control themselves.) </p>

<p>I'll admit that it sucks to date people more experienced than yourself - that's been the story of my life. Despite that, I would much prefer that to the alternative. Also, as I get older, I find that an overly experienced man is a turn-off. If there is a "One" for me, I can guarantee that he's not someone who slept around in his teens and 20s. </p>

<p>I do know people who had sex in college with the person they thought was "The One," but are now not dating. Their big concern is whether or not they will fall in love with someone who is a virgin and requires the same in a spouse - or if they will fall in love with a virgin, who wishes that the other person's past were different. (In certain circles, almost everyone is a virgin in their mid-twenties.)</p>

<p>Also, this all depends on what area of the country you end up in. Many Southern types will have waited. Would you prefer to be a virgin and have a spouse who isn't, or not be a virgin and have someone who is? Or have someone who may just refuse to marry you because you slept with a lot of people?</p>

<p>One more thing: someone once said that once sex and alcohol come into your life, they never really get out of it. Once you start having sex, you'll likely end up having sex with everyone you date for more than a month or so. (Saw an interesting study that showed that most American women have sex after the 5th or 6th date.) Do you really want your life to be like that? Do you really want to justify to someone why you've slept with other people but not with him? (Trust me, there are a lot of men who think that you should immediately do with them everything that you've done with other people. And a lot of not so sleazy men who think the same thing.)</p>

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<p>Finally??? You're 18, for Heaven's sake! What finally are you talking about?</p>

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<p>See above. Also, why have sex without love? That's a recipe for disaster. Again, condoms don't protect against emotional heartbreak nor against becoming very jaded. Why not wait until you're in love? Sex isn't going anywhere. It's been around for a long time and I can guarantee that people will still be having it when you fall in love.</p>

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<p>
[quote]
u say you are feeling guilty because premarital sex is against the Catholic Church. But isn't homosexuality against the Catholic Church as well? I'm not trying to bash anything here, I'm a Catholic myself. I'm straight, but I must admit that I am not concerned with or care for either of those doctrines of the Church.

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<p>Uhm that's what i was thinking for a moment too. haha. I mean it's impossible for you to get married except in certain states so I think you should have your own standards. I would think just make sure u really really care about this person. If u feel uncomfortable about the situation of it or would most likely feel guilty after you are done, then somethings probably wrong here...</p>

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<p>I didn't read many of the posts after the first page...but.</p>

<p>Personally, I think it'd be better for you to wait a little longer. Wait until you're with someone you truly care about that makes you feel safe instead of guilty. </p>

<p>I'm waiting until I'm married, but if I weren't, I sure would just screw whoever I was attracted to. I'd wait until I thought I was in love and all that jazz.</p>

<p>Just my two cents.</p>

31

<p>Wait, you're more likely to orgasm if you wait? </p>

<p>Er...that doesn't really make sense.</p>

<p>By that token, frequent masturbation will "dull" the pleasure...and that definitely isn't the case. I also disagree that having meaningless sex in your teens will prevent you from having a loving sexual relationship in the future...when you love a person, the sex is special; it's different than the sex you've had before...(not condoning meaningless sex here - just saying).</p>

<p>But I do essentially agree with you in that, FOR SOME PEOPLE, achieving the latter might be more difficult if you've got a lot of bad memories/jadedness to overcome.</p>

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<p>"you can't have sex be a meaningless activity in your teens, then have it be gentle lovemaking that is special to you and your spouse in your twenties."</p>

<p>that's wrong. but that's all i have to say.</p>

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<p>If you are with someone for a considerable amount of time (make what you will of the word "considerable") and you feel the time is right, you should have sex. I don't want to go into some sort of religious debate, but it would seem to me that the people that have actually had sex and started to live together like a couple will realize what marriage life is going to be like. I've always wondered why some people wait (not to have sex in particular) but to become emotionally intimate and connected with someone on a daily basis before they marry. If you live together for several months or have sex and realize that something isn't working, you know before all the headache of getting married to someone that you would end up becoming unhappy or that maybe that person isn't quite it.</p>

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<p>Yeah i'm waiting til i get married to but that's because of not only my religion but also STDs and i don't wanna just screw everybody...and I KNOW i'm going to feel guilty if i do have sex before i get married. I don't wanna go thru all that headache. ek.</p>

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<p>I just don't understand gettin married before sex. It's like buying a car without test driving it first. I mean, sex is a pretty important and deep connection, yet your going to get married without knowing anything about this? You're not going to get STDs if you use protection and saying 'my religion told me so' seems like a contrived excuse. Yeah, religion also forbids divorce, but your marriage will likely end in one when you wait. Hell, the Quaran has passages that tell muslims to KILL the infidels. To KILL other people. I know religous tolerance and political correctness are oh so important but THAT PART OF THAT RELIGION IS WRONG. No one follows the Bible to the letter and the people that do are the people causing hate and destruction in this world. I'm no atheist, in fact I'm Christian but some zealots.... they just don't get it.</p>

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<p>
[quote]
Yeah, religion also forbids divorce, but your marriage will likely end in one when you wait.

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<p>Um... are you really saying that people who wait to have sex until marriage are more likely to end up divorced? Are you REALLY saying that? </p>

<p>Please, if you have the balls, ask the divorced people you know (and at the rate divorce is in this county, there'll probably be a lot) whether they waited to have sex before marriage. I don't think your silly statement will hold water. I'm not saying couples who wait won't get divorced. But I'm definitely not saying couples who wait are more likely to get divorced, either.</p>

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<p>"Please, if you have the balls, ask the divorced people you know (and at the rate divorce is in this county, there'll probably be a lot) whether they waited to have sex before marriage. I don't think your silly statement will hold water. I'm not saying couples who wait won't get divorced. But I'm definitely not saying couples who wait are more likely to get divorced, either"</p>

<p>I don't know if I would jump on the other poster so fast. It is impossible to prove your side of this arguement as well. </p>

<p>Virginity is a personal choice. The choice to remain one or not, shouldn't be held against anyone.</p>

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<p>I am willing to bet that all pro-virginity people here are females.</p>

<p>given an opportunity, guys just can't say no to sex.</p>

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<p>
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I don't know if I would jump on the other poster so fast. It is impossible to prove your side of this arguement as well.

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<p>Actually, my initial argument was that a person should not definitively state couples who wait are more likely to divorce, not whether it's actually a true statement or not a true statement. It's unprovable, which tempers the validity of the they-ARE-more-likely-to-divorce argument, not mine.</p>

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I'm not saying couples who wait won't get divorced. But I'm definitely not saying couples who wait are more likely to get divorced, either.

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<p>Remember?</p>

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<p>^that is one of the most ignorant statements i've heard in my life. i'm female and violently opposed to the idea of waiting until marriage (i don't mind if others do, but i certainly won't). i would like to be in a somewhat meaningful relationship before i do, but that's because i am a private person and don't trust easily, and has nothing to do with me being female.</p>

<p>for whatever it's worth, about half of my female friends have lost their virginities. some were in meaningful relationships, some not. some have had sex with more than one guy. not one has ever mentioned feeling pressured, or regretting the decision (in fact, my impression has been quite the opposite). incidentally, all but one of my male friends are virgins.</p>

<p>no generalizations, thanks.</p>

<p>edit: this was a reply to 13351.</p>