Again…you do not have to send a gift unless you want to. Getting an invitation does not require you to send a gift.
If you want to send a gift, go ahead, but I’m trying to figure out why you would do so. Is this guy friend that special?
Again…you do not have to send a gift unless you want to. Getting an invitation does not require you to send a gift.
If you want to send a gift, go ahead, but I’m trying to figure out why you would do so. Is this guy friend that special?
You can also consider sending a modestly priced gift from their registry.
Thumper, no. It’s just the old ties. He’s lonely and moved to a new city ( not near me). He offends people. He is trying to reconnect with HS friends, which was a happy time for him.
Today I asked him if his DD was socially aware, thinking I could make a donation to a charity that she may like. He chuckled. Well, there are many months ahead to see how things go.
I do appreciate having a place to vent, even if over such an insignificant topic.
@bookworm i suspect that he has very few people to invite to the engagement and wedding which is why you are getting an invite. Sometimes imo it’s hard to tell people that there is no one you wish to invite.
I guess that this is one of those times I would be very gracious, decline the invitation and send a small check.
@bookworm - I think maybe your friend is putting himself in what he thinks is the right choice, i.e. he gave you (?) grief before for not inviting him, so now he’s showing what he thinks one should do, i.e. inviting you.
I agree with the group that it’s nice to send a gift but not obligatory. A letter of congratulations, I think, is obligatory.
Our first born daughter just got engaged last night to a wonderful guy whom we like dearly. Now what? Wedding is not until he’s done with graduate school which few years from now. What to do in the meantime? This will be a long engagement. But who knows? Maybe they’ll decide to be sooner. We haven’t really talk about it.
Obviously we can’t plan of an engagement party yet because of the pandemic but we are planning to have a dinner/celebration just my family and him this weekend. His family is at the opposite side of the coast.
@2018dad, maybe a note to his parents to tell them what a fine son they raised? Thank goodness your daughter isn’t trying to plan a wedding under COVID-19 constraints!
@bookworm It sounds as if he is kind of lonely and trying to connect with old friends. Maybe he doesn’t have a lot of people to put on the guest list but feels like he should. Just let him send whatever invitations he wants to and decline graciously. It is easy enough to decline since you live at a distance. Send a gift, if you like, based on your friendship with him, even though you are not close to his daughter, and a nice card. But only if you want to.
When my daughter got married, I was happy to be able to invite a few friends from different parts of my life, including one high school friend, and a few from college. I chose friends who had seen my daughter at least once in a while over the years but having them there was more about me than her. I felt like it was a big milestone in my life as well and I enjoyed having people I’d grown up with mark it with me. (I would not have invited them if space had been an issue.) I was not at all distressed though about friends who turned down the invitation. It’s fine to say no.
I am looking at this thread because I am so longing to go to a party, especially a wedding! I want to get dressed up and see people again! I keep hoping my son will get married but this doesn’t seem like the best year to do it.
@2018dad, Congratulations! Very exciting news. It is a very strange time to be engaged. My son got engaged in late February. We were supposed to meet son and fiancee in April but couldn’t happen because of the pandemic. Also, plans were in the works to meet the dad and stepmom. We are east coast, but other family is in a mountain state. Now, we may meet them at the wedding if we’re lucky.!
We are finally meeting up with son and fiancee on Sunday, driving to meet each other, staying outside and social distancing. Original plan for wedding was next spring, or early summer. All plans on hold. Your daughter and her fiancee may really not be able to tell you much at this point about their plans because so much is going on right now. I have tried to be patient about asking too many questions!
Enjoy the moment, support the couple. A major milestone for them, and for you. Happy Engagement!
Congratulations @2018dad ! I hope all goes well with the planning.
My goddaughter who got married in May just with the B and G parents but who is still planning a vow renewal and a big reception August 22 (which I am waiting for the updated invite but doubt we will attend regretfully) posted this article today on her social media - I’m sure it rings true for many brides - and grooms
https://seedsofwhitezinniahome.wpcomstaging.com/2020/07/17/a-friendly-psa-from-a-tired-2020-bride/
Great article @abasket and one of the reasons I am trying my best to not ask too many questions and take their lead on what they want to plan. It is a stressful time, fiancee is in health care and worries about even starting to plan anything before there is a vaccine. It is a loss for many brides and grooms to not have the usual festivities associated with engagement/marriage . I’m guessing my son may very well have a very small wedding first and bigger party later.
Just sent a baby gift to one of son’s friends he/we’ve known since he was 5. No baby shower because of all this but knew I wanted to send something. Expectant/new parents are also having different experiences these days. I feel for them. It’s never a bad thing to send a gift during trying times.
@2018dad, congratulations! While these may be uncertain times, knowing that your D has found the person with whom she wants to share her life is special indeed. The word of the day for those of us planning weddings is flexibility and I suspect that will be true for the foreseeable future. But now is the time to celebrate their love - details will take care of themselves . . . later
And I have been very happy to see how creative couples have gotten to still celebrate their commitment - zoom weddings, smaller weddings, etc. It will all work out in the end, @2018dad. Enjoy the celebration this weekend and enjoy the wild ride!
Congrats, @2018dad ! We did a Zoom call with the two sets of parents and bride and groom right after the engagement.
We are now under three weeks from the backyard version of the wedding (I hope). I ordered personalized disposable face masks for a little Covid-memorabilia and I will start baking version two of their wedding cake tomorrow. Hopefully version 3, next March, will be made by a professional! Now if someone can share with me the best way to control the weather I would be forever grateful - inside is not an option
We are at just under 4 weeks until S’s backyard wedding in North Carolina. (Original plans were for 125 person wedding in October.) Fingers crossed and many prayers lifted that we all stay healthy until then (and after.) They are both paramedics and her family, who all live in the same general area, are not great about social distancing or masking. I am nervous about the whole thing but trying to not let that overshadow our excitement about the marriage and about seeing them for the first time in 7 months. Like @runnersmom, inside is not an option (at least not for my household!) so fingers also crossed that it’s not blistering hot or stormy. It’s all one big crap shoot but as long as they get to say “I do” that’s all that really matters, and the rest will make for good stories - probably about how the 3 people from the groom’s side sat outside by themselves all week-end while the others partied in the house!! I also ordered some cute face masks for the girls and moms to wear while we’re getting our hair done in the morning. It may be the only way I can get FDIL’s family to put masks on!! Needless to say we will do the required quarantine upon returning to our home state!
@Embracethemess, I’ll be thinking about you! We’ve ordered a very large tent (probably twice what we’d need under normal circumstances) that should accommodate both the ceremony and dinner if it’s raining. If it’s storming, we’ll postpone until the next day (hopefully not a full weekend of rain). The advantage of only 15-20 people is that everyone is local and mostly family - they are all on call to be flexible, as is the rabbi. We’re all doing our own hair and makeup (not my strength), though everyone is dressing up in their wedding finery (it was going to be black tie - oy, in the August heat!). The only vendor from the original March plan will be the photographer who will come for a short while. Good luck to your family - you’re right, all that matters is that, in the end, the kids are married!
@runnersmom Was thinking of you and glad everything is falling into place for the wedding. I’ll hold a good thought for all of you!