The invite list will likely be at least somewhat impacted by who is paying for the wedding. If the parents are paying they will feel freer to invite some of their own friends. I know my brother paid for his own wedding and only invited one of my mother’s friends who he felt particularly close to.
The invite list is also typically impacted by the size of the family – parents with a large family may end up inviting fewer friends to keep the numbers down.
Venue size/desired size of wedding also plays a role in who is invited.
I can only speak for our experience – we paid for D and SIL’s wedding. But we wanted to keep the list manageable with covid so the venue (chosen pre-covid) would not feel too crowded. So we ended up inviting a smaller group of our close friends because we didn’t want the kids to cut any friends from their list. The in-laws also invited a small group of friends. In all we had 3 tables of parent’s friends and we were all happy with that.
Like most things wedding related there is no one rule that fits every situation.
Agreed that this is a weird response to an invitation, especially seeing as how they went to the sister’s wedding.
Ds1 gets married in two weeks. There was some kind of snafu with the invitations and not everyone who was supposed to got one, including one of my dearest friends. But it’s fine; she wouldn’t have gone anyway. What surprised me is learning that none of the first-tier aunts and uncles got invited. My mom and dad came from large families so I sure didn’t expect all the aunts and uncles to be invited, but the ones who are close to my mom and dad and I sure needed to be, IMO. I’m talking seven people tops, including spouses. But whatever. The bride comes from a small family so I’m sure looking at our numbers seemed overwhelming. Her mom is an only so there were no aunts or uncles on her mom’s side and only one on her dad’s side.
My son and dil did not understand that my mom’s sisters expected to be invited to their wedding. We saw the aunts at a funeral and they talked about how excited they were to get an invite.
They were hastily put on the list, none attended and I’m sure they all sent gifts.
My kids of course know my mom’s sisters well, we’ve vacationed with them before.
My daughter & son-in-law divided the invite list into 50-person blocks. The total invite number was 200. My husband & I got 50, in-laws got 50, daughter got 50 and son-in-law got 50. Beyond that, my daughter didn’t micromanage who we chose to invite. The wedding was ultimately postponed for a year because of Covid, and they ended up with 146 at the wedding. Pre-Covid, the number probably would have been closer to the original 200 but I was secretly glad that it wasn’t.
MOB called me up indignant that friends of hers were not invited , told me to talk toher daughter and my son, I demurred, she said well then these people were coming anyway. i said well that’s certainly a choice.
i said, oh gosh, I would feel so bad if they had to sit in the lobby because the couple really wouldn’t have spare seats for people who were wedding crashers. Of course they didn’t show up after all.
We attended the wedding ceremony this weekend that I had asked questions about a couple months ago (the ceremony was planned for outside, the reception inside - we declined the invite to the reception but hoped to attend the ceremony).
The ceremony was planned for outside but Saturday was an awful weather day. When we left the house for the venue it was sleeting and 39 degrees. When we arrived it was spitting a few sprinkles/flurries. Everyone assumed things were moved inside. Me and others left the gloves and hats in the car - H and I had said we would be ok wearing a mask inside for the ceremony and then would leave.
As we walked up to the venue I realized people were turning right and down a big hill instead of left into the ballroom. The ceremony was being held outside!!! It was a good walk to the outside area - not covered at all. People were unprepared. My neighbor who has been through some radiation had a bald head, having left her hat in the car. People had bare legs and open toed shoes. They did have baskets of fleece lap blankets for guests - a nice touch if you were cold (or wet!). The bridesmaids were shivering and the bride had a stole on for the entire ceremony. Luckily it was less than a half hour. As we left the venue after the ceremony it started pouring again.
I guess they got their outdoor wedding! We were still glad to be there and it was sweet and quick. But I have to say this felt a little like “the hell with the guests, we are determined to marry outside!!”
In figuring out numbers for Ds wedding, we wanted smaller because of cost but also wanted numbers that would take into account venue and church restrictions if covid continued ( which it did). Also promised couple that we wouldn’t invite people they didn’t know and even originally cut the number of degrees of relatives down. So first priority was close family and couples friends, then individual friends of each (work, church). We only had a handful of guests that were long time friends of ours. Grooms parents had a few more which was fine since from way out of state and many wouldn’t come anyway. Goal was to have 175 attending out of 230 invited. Covid spike (especially for those who had to fly) took us down to 140. So small by our standards since family (not beyond aunts and cousins) accounted for 50 or so. By comparison D’s cousins prob had more like 300 guests.
I will say, H works from home with people quite far away so took out issue of his work friends. When we got married he was in big law firm. Lots of our guests came from there. Also his parents were very social and invited many long term friends that I did not know. Really tried not to have guests at Ds wedding that didn’t have a personal connection to them.
Just curious about what folks here think about destination weddings. Will driving 40-50 miles to get to the venue be considered a “destination wedding”?
Attended a friend’s son’s wedding last month. Couple are from San Diego - so wedding was there. Not a destination wedding for them or their close friends. However, it was a destination wedding for most of his family and friends (from the east coast). No second thoughts about us attending the wedding - we were going no matter where it was! But the “destination” made it more fun for all of us - we stayed at the same hotel, met for breakfast every morning, hung out late at night chatting . That wouldn’t have happened if we were all close to home !
For my daughter’s wedding next year, they are planning to have the ceremony outside and the reception inside. They have a fallback inside ceremony location, but it was an added cost to do this. It could be the couple was hoping this would not be needed, so didn’t have the option in place, not so much a “to hell with the guests.”
I consider destination wedding where you need to stay in a hotel. My BIL called over the weekend and asked what other events were planned for the wedding. We (parents of bride) will host a brunch the morning after. I got the impression he was thinking “is that it?” When his step daughter was married at a very $$$ destination wedding there were three days of events, we are not keeping up with those Joneses.
It is so challenging planning weddings in this time of Covid and restrictions. I would try to be as flexible as possible—as guest or anyone connected with wedding.
It does sound like it was a hardship for many guests to be outdoors in the bitter cold for that ceremony but thankfully it was brief.
I guess being prepared is especially important in these Covid times—overplan and bring the hat and gloves and expect wrinkles.
Destination weddings can be so very different. We attended one where everyone had to fly over. The hotels were very $$$. The parents hosted a evening outdoor reception (very windy so things like plates and food flew), followed by luau dinner show. Wedding and reception was next evening and brunch as hosted the day after. I wasn’t clear on who paid for what but it was very nice and lavish and cost a fortune.
Have been to other events where the family of the couple had roots on Oahu and it was much simpler and there were smaller gatherings he ceremony.
There is no ONE right way or answer, other than what the couple wants and can afford.
You could be right that there might be an extra cost to have it inside. But the MOB messaged me the morning of the wedding and said “we are not sure yet which way we will go” - it sounded like if inside it would be in the ballroom (where the reception was). So I guess it was a matter of where they set up some folding chairs and the large gold “ring” the bride and groom stood in front of.
Our daughters wedding ceremony was supposed to be outdoors, but it was chill and raining. Ceremony was moved indoors. It wasn’t a perfect arrangement but it worked. Ceremony was not very long.
H and I saw two beautiful weddings on our walk yesterday at the beach near our house. It turned out to be an amazing weekend here in San Diego which does not always happen in November. The temps were in the low 80’s and it was a clear, lovely day. I told H if these two brides had to do their weddings on a November Sunday since that was all that was available at the venues I was happy they each got such a perfect day.
Wow, that is great! It poured buckets and was extremely windy here in my neck of the woods yesterday. I felt sorry for any couples who had their weddings in (heated) tents!
