Woohoo 
!! Congrats! Date set = big milestone. 
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Thatâs the date my nephew is getting married. Bride went dress shopping yesterday (second store). Her mother went âtent shoppingâ as they are going to get married in the backyard of her aunt and uncle. It sounds like it would be an economical option, but nooooo. B&G donât really care about all the details so her mother is running the show and everyone is happy about it.
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D24 flew home for a week last week, spent a few days at the beach with her childhood friends then we had a small bridal shower for D24 last Sunday at my neighborâs house. I only have a few female relatives who live here (my mom and SIL), and since the wedding is on the West Coast we have not invited many local friends of ours. The shower was just my mom, SIL, about six high school friends, D18 and a few neighbors. However, an hour before the shower, as I was preparing some of the food, an ambulance showed up at my neighborâs house (two women coming to the shower). One of them thought she was having a heart attack so they ended up at the hospital and missed the shower. Fortunately it was not a heart attack, but acute pancreatitis.
The shower turned out really nice. I stupidly did not plan well and should have had it catered. I know MOB is not supposed to host, but the MOH just finished grad school and has no money, and my neighbor, whose house we had it at, works two jobs so I didnât want to burden her. I told MOH I would reimburse her if she took care of invites and decor, and I would handle food. However, I was out of town my two days off b/f D24 arrived, then worked five days straight prior to the shower, so the only time I had to prep was after work Saturday night, then in the early hours before the shower (11:30 brunch). I made two quiches, a strata, large fruit salad, chicken salad with croissants, caprese salad, and spinach salad. My mom brought muffins. We had a mimosa bar and D18 made cupcakes that were supposed to look like a wedding dress (she did a great job considering she had no idea what she was doing!) We also ordered cookies from her friendâs mom who has a baking business. They were so pretty!
The MOH did a great job with the decor and setting everything up. She made a cute party favor (soap in a little burlap sack) and I bought mini bottles of sparkling wine. It was an exhausting time prepping, but so happy to see D24 enjoying catching up with her friends. She hadnât seen any of them since 2019, the summer before the pandemic. They ended up staying for hours!
Now I just need to find a MOB dress!
Sharing a few photos
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Looks like a lovely shower. Iâm glad your D had a wonderful time!
Anyone else dealing with some family drama in the lead up to the wedding? Weâre two months out and the invitations have been sent and RSVPâs starting to come in. On both sides of the family we have situations where an aunt seems to be taking this opportunity to settle a score or âsend a messageâ to their sibling (sister of FOB on one side and SIL of MOG on the other side) by not coming and letting you know why. (Even assuming they have some legitimate gripe, this isnât the time or place to air them in my opinion.) Anyone else experiencing something like this? Tell me Iâm not alone.
We did not have that experience but my advice would be not to dwell on other peopleâs ârevenge tourâ (appropriate or not). Having grumpy unhappy relatives decline will give everyone more time to spend with friends and loved ones who choose to celebrate with you (and as a bonus it will avoid any potential for grumpy relatives to create any sort of unpleasantness at the wedding).
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Iâm not aware of any drama, just a lament of some family that was unable to come. Personally I think it could be a blessing that the troublemaker aunt declined. Better than drama at the big event. But yea, too bad she was not kind enough to keep quiet.
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At the weddings that have occurred, Iâm unaware of any drama by rsvps. If there was any, none of us were told about it. So far, S hasnât shared any drama in his wedding plans for his 10/2023 wedding.
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I have a relative who tries to make everything about them, tries to second guess and be offended by the decisions of the bridal couple.
So yes.
In the end, the decisions of the bridal couple is for them and what they want. Not for a relative to dictate.
(In our example, the bridal couple wanted to have the rehearsal dinner to be immediate family and bridal party. Relative was offended that not every out of town guest was included. To a wedding where the rehearsal dinner would be in effect all of the invited guests)
Some people find ways to make everything about them.
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Our DDâs wedding was deemed a great time by all but 2 members of my and DHâs family. One person met new people and speculated in detail about the cost of everything (!) and the other didnât like that it âwasnât how he would have done itâ. Who weighs in on how folks celebrate their vows? Love seeing different approaches and appreciate being included. Attend a wedding with love in your heart and a go with the flow attitude or send regrets. Folks used to at least âsmile and nodâ.
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I only have two first cousins. I was invited to both weddings but didnât go to either. The first got married about 2 weeks after my preemie daughter came home from the hospital so there was no way I was going, and my sisterâs baby was about a month old and she didnât go either (a 2000 mile trip for us). It had nothing to do with my father going, even though I didnât really speak to him at the time.
Second one got married when my kids were 3 and 4 and they werenât invited. My uncle asked if that was why I wasnât going but it was really because I couldnât afford it. I didnât have anyone to watch them and one of my kids is adopted and had only been with me about a year so didnât want to leave her with anyone.
I never asked anyone not to invite me and my father to the same event, just that they let me know so I could make a decision. In fact, I always expected them to invite him and Iâd just celebrate with them at another time.
Now for the 3 weddings coming up in our family, we are most concerned about some family members not acting appropriately at a wedding (alcohol) so they may not be included. My sister and I (she the mother of one, me the mother of 2) have agreed that the brides and groom should invite who they want and no one, even aunts, uncles, cousins, has a right to feel slighted. My sister has only asked her son to invite our uncle and aunt (our parents have died) and since they are in their 80s will not attend. My kids aren"t to the invite stage yet.
So don"t let the rude relatives bother you. Just do things your way.
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Lots of dramarama in my fatherâs family way back when. I remember some of my fatherâs cousins saying they wouldnât come if others were invited to my brothersâ bar mitzvah receptions, gigantic affairs in a catering hall. As far as I can recall, my parents invited everyone. There was, however, a fist fight at my younger brotherâs party.
My older brother (I was the oldest) would not attend my daughterâs bat mitzvah because my motherâs side of the family (a grand total of seven people) attended. His loss.
A strategy used by relatives who were afraid some family members would get drunk at the wedding was to invite them to an open bar rehearsal dinner the day before. They laugh that the guests may have still been hung over, but at least they werenât drunk and rowdy at the wedding.
Interesting approach.
Nothing, as far as I know, including a hangover, would stop a determined person from getting drunk at a rehearsal dinner and then again at the wedding.
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Yeah, being drunk one day doesnât stop my relatives from drinking the next. One nephew/cousin will not be invited, but he lives most of the time in Mexico so probably wouldnât come anyway. One brother/uncle will be sent home in an Uber if necessary.
I learned many years ago to arrange my own transportation and to leave when I want to.
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Niece married a nice young man, but for a while he was living in a city with his over-drinking pals â and it was keeping him from really focusing on his career and moving on with life. So he moved to city where he had roots and good for career, and he met our niece. Father of the groom told the story in a very nice way, and he had a term for the group but it escapes me now (but related to their heavy drinking and no direction). At the dinner/reception, these pals were continuing on their heavy drinking, but all in a jovial way.
Recent family wedding had a very strange father of the bride story - he had some kind of IRS story which he experienced, so he spun that into the end of his microphone time. It was obviously something that was heavy on his mind, that he brought up this âIRS warningâ. The rest of what he said was what you would expect on this occasion. Brother in lawâs ex was there with her ânewâ husband (had affair and left BIL for this guy) - of course they stayed separate, except in passing.
As everyone knows, weddings and funerals are the times when family arrives and some with baggage/drama. One niece didnât invite DH and me to her wedding because she was concerned (unnecessarily) about drama out of my sister (bipolar) who was mother of her MOH (if she would have attended our DD1âs wedding where my sister and her husband were there, she would have known there would be no drama out of my sister). That niece bordered on Bridezilla with her wedding.
Surveying this crowd with some early thoughtsâŠ.
D1 and fiancĂ©, both 34, recently engaged, hope to set a date spring 2024. Likely to be around 100 attendees. H and I are gifting them some cash to do as they like with. Wonât cover the wedding costs for sure but we are keeping in line with what we gave son/wife for their wedding (plus inflation!) . I also am going to use $$$ from my momâs estate to buy her dress.
His parents have offered to cover the rehearsal dinner and the alcohol for the wedding. Very nice gesture!
In addition to the gifted cash and dress, I figure we will cover âthis and thatâ as plans get made. No obligation to but if it feels right, we will do it.
I was thinking todayâŠ.if they are interested in a âmorning afterâ very simple breakfast/brunch for family (not a large amount), long distance out of town guestsâŠcould we cover that?
So Iâm interested in hearing your SIMPLE, budget friendly ideas for a morning after brunch. The event will NOT be in our town so hosting at our home will not work. Nor will us preparing a lot of food. Iâm thinking more upscale than Costco bagels ( which can be fine by the way! 
) but not a full brunch. Initial thoughts: Coffee/tea/juices, local bagels/spreads, pastries, maybe quiche (they LOVE quiche!), fruit. Maybe a cheese plate or soft cheeses for the bagels. I really have no idea but lets say for 40 people.
Share what youâve done, where youâve done it, how you kept it simple!
If youâve done more extravagant, feel free to share, but I wonât be able to âkeep up with the Jonesesâ 
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Our family thought the Costco quiches were quite good. The ones they had were egg white quiches and vegetarian.
Not sure where you are planning on hosting this event. But most things could be bought at Costco and a bagel shop.
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We did this. We had a morning after breakfast for any out of town guests. It was at the hotel where we reserved a block of rooms. We thought it was a nice way to send folks who had traveled off. It was a Buffet breakfast, served by the staff. I thought it was very nice and was well appreciated.
We also had a small reception the night before the wedding for the out of town guests as well. A bunch of appetizers. Cold beverages, no alcohol (bar was across the way and some folks got their own).
We paid for these extra two small thingsâŠjust thought it was a good idea.
ETAâŠwe had no interest in hosting this at our home or anyone elseâs home. And the hotel where everyone mostly from out of town stayed seemed like a good choice. Really, the costs werenât outrageous. We asked for RSVP to these things on the invites to the out of town guests.
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My in laws paid for a morning after brunch at the hotel. It did require an RSVP & was a buffet that was frequently refreshed. It was lovely. If you can host it somewhere that allows you to bring your own food, perhaps there is a local market that can prepare cut fruit. You could get muffins and bagels wherever you like. The hardest part would probably be coffee, unless you donât mind brewing it in the aluminum church urns! 
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