RE: Letting the kids take the lead…remember these are 17 year olds with limited life experiences. Remember when you had to first buy a house? You went through the whole process and said “Wow there is so much to learn!” Picking a college is like that …quite a bunch of info to learn about while studying and doing ECs.
Also much like homework which they mostly do on their own, a “have you done your homework” nudge is helpful. So to is helping with the college search…you have to find the line between “do it on your own” and “here is the college you are going to.”