<p>My 23 yo son who is extremely bright but also suffers from adhd and severe depression was suspended from his college a 2nd time and not allowed to reapply there. He has some credits, but a lot of classes he that he didn't fail he did poorly in. Of course I'm devastated. My question is how, when he's ready to go back to college, how could he transfer or get in anywhere with a gpa below a 2.0? He's not concerned one bit, but 'I'm very concerned</p>
<p>Thank you.</p>
<p>I think at this point in time, college should be put on the shelf and focus be put on his mental illness and his other dxs that may be impeding him at school and in other endeavors. If he can’t get some control over these demons, they can take over, and going back to college could be the least of ones issues.</p>
<p>For a number of reasons, I have friends whose kids have taken the 6 year, 8 year 12 year plans through college. Most local, community colleges do not require records, transcripts from other schools to take classes on a non matriculating basis. When your son is ready to go back to school, that is an option he can take. Start retaking classes he failed, did poorly in and rebuild his transcript. It is highly likely that if he takes a number of courses like that successfully he would be accepted as a matriculating student. There are any number of college like that. It’s important that he doesn’t “wear out”, “use up” options and alternatives. A lot of times, such students go back to school too soon and end up eliminating a lot of options. So focus at the task at hand, which is getting your son back on track, not getting him back to college.</p>
<p>I also think that worrying about where he might get in at this time should not be the primary concern. He needs to work and figure out what he is capable of doing on his own and if college fits into that plan. I know several young men who flunked out of highly selective colleges and years after and in their later twenties finished…one magna cum laude. Every state has a college or two that will take the chance on an older student returning, it’s just a whole different ballgame when a student has been on their own, self-supporting and working. The bonus is he will also be independent for financial aid by that time so that ‘paying’ fact also drives the reason for being in college home. If he doesn’t enter another four year college as cpt point out there is the local community college route and if he is successful that will go a long way toward where he might, if desired, complete a four year degree.</p>
<p>One more thought, how bright you are or what your test scores were at 17 have much less bearing now at 23. We have a great friend who never graduated undergraduate college but just completed his Masters at UofM. Your son may not return to academia for a quite awhile. Your time would be well spent helping him find a good behavioral health specialist to help him with the depression before he’s not covered by your insurance anymore and also helping him adjust to the working world. At 23 he will be with his peers also and it will be an easier adjustment than for the 18 and 19 year olds who hit the workforce right out of high school. Was he thinking about any specific industry? </p>
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<p>sounds like he needs to get treatment first.</p>
<p>Was he registered with the disabilities office and did he have accommodations? If he goes to community college, make sure he knows about this possibility. Extra time on projects can be especially helpful, or even incompletes that allow a few months to finish up.</p>
<p>I’m so sorry, OP. </p>
<p>Agree with the others that the first priority is his treatment. Get some therapy and medication for him and have him get some stability. After he is more stable (which could take 6 months or more), he and his therapist can formulate the next plan, which might include taking one or two courses at a cc, or working, or whatever is appropriate for him.</p>
<p>To answer your specific question, he will be able to transfer from a cc if he retakes classes he’s failed and earns the appropriate credits. But this assumes, of course, that this is the path he chooses. </p>
<p>OP, you have my sympathy, as does your son. Of course you are devastated. You want to avoid making plans of any sort right now — give yourself a week to grieve and ponder. Try not to disasterize things ( I got this advice when our 23 y.o. had similar circumstances. I ignored it!) </p>
<p>Concrete actions after that would be conversations as a family: what kind of treatment does he think would be helpful to try? what kind of things is he good at? what hasn’t helped? Your role is to be strong, steady, and set a tone of optimism. No accusations or hindsight. He needs to hear that his life is not over nor are you ashamed — even if he seems oblivious, he isn’t. Hug him often. Make him get up, give him useful contributions to the household. Find him a volunteer position or place to connect. Get him out in the world. ADHD plus depression means expecting him to follow through is unrealistic, so ignore the “tough love” people and have a compassionate heart and bridge those gaps. </p>
<p>Have a statement in your head for the questions: “he’s home for now” or “his plans have changed” or “he’s having a rough spot, we appreciate your prayers/concerns”. After you all feel a little more stable, THEN it’s time to think about education. A good online class is what we tried first. Then a couple. Then enrollment in distance ed…think baby steps. You don’t need a long term plan now. </p>
<p>It can be okay. I have been here, and it really can be okay. Just hang on, and don’t forget that he needs you now more than he may be able to tell you. (and again, it’s normal to feel angry, horrified, and panicked) . Feel free to pm when tou need to. </p>
<p>You never know, it might be the best thing for your son to get out of college - if he’s 23 he’s been at this quite a while and it might be depressing him just to be continually plugging at something that clearly isn’t working out. If he’s at a big uni it might not matter as much since there are generally many non-traditional and older students, but if he’s at a small school it might be really stressful to watch the kids come and go in 4 years. If there weren’t other breaks from life based on academia along the 5 or 6 years, this break might a positive thing. </p>
<p>College is not the be all, end all and it is not the only route to a fulfilling life as a contributing member of society. Let it go and go where comes more naturally-whether focusing on treatment or just on doing work he enjoys.</p>
<p>Sorry it took so long for me to write back. Still trying to deal with it. I’m getting there slowly but surely. He did up getting a temporary 16 week job checking invasive plants on boats. He’ll be 2 hours from home so I hope he can make it. He’ll have to grow up real fast. He still says he wants to go to college but at one that doesn’t give grades, can understand why he has problems and accept him as an upper classman. The basiceasy classesare thehardest for him to pass. Don’t know if that’s possible. He’s taken many classes at cc but they don’t offer the advanced ones he needs and enjoys. Then he mentioned taking classes online but who knows where. One local school turned him down just to take one class. Said they can’t take a chance on someone like him. He still wants to stay in biology and maybe go the environmental route. Since this job is only 16 weeks I hope he can find another job like that. His psychiatrist said even though he’s extremely smart and could have handled the courses he was just too immature to stay college. I was wondering if there are alternative colleges for kids like him. Mostly thank you for the support and understanding. It’s a lonely world out there when you feel you’re the only one going through this. </p>
<p>Since it sounds as if you and he don’t want to look into traveling too far from home, can you give some idea of what region you’re interested in and whether you have strict financial limitations? </p>
<p>We’re in Maryland and anywhere would be fine. He’ll basically have to pay his way since he wasted our saved college money plus more but if we feel the collrge is good we’ll help him out. The local schools are way to big. His last school had less than 1200 kids and if he were ready would have been the perfect school for him. They saw his potential and wanted him to come back. It’s really sad that he blew it there. He thinks way outside the box and hates to do things he thinks are worthless. I do have to say he does spend way too much time on the computer. I guess he uses it as an escape. There have to be some schools out there for him or at least schools that will accept him for online classes. Thanks for your reply! </p>
<p>I don’t see anything wrong with him getting a full-time job and working for a few years. Hopefully, he will mature a bit and realize that life doesn’t always cater to his desires. Sometimes, you have to do things you don’t like, such as taking “easy” classes, or having boring professors. I, personally, would not pay for any further college attempts. If you are paying for it - you will probably get the same result. He may take things more seriously if he’s paying for it. Best of luck!</p>
<p>You have my sympathies. Working, even if at temporary jobs, will give him experiences he may need. I agree with those who said that the number one priority should be getting him in a healthier, stronger place. He may need more specific training/skills to work with his adhd. Keeping him out in the world and successful in some ways (even if small) is important.</p>
<p>OP I understand your frustration and pain, but speaking from experience I have to say , your son is probably going through pain, frustration and a feeling of being misunderstood himself. The first priority should be getting him the help , support and treatment he needs to get better. I strongly caution you not to use language like “he wasted our money” " he blew it at college" or “he’s too immature”. I’m sure you are just venting on CC and thats fine, but if he feels accused, blamed or criticized by his family it can have bad consequences. Again I’m not saying this is the case in your family, but having seen someone go through something similar recently I feel its very important. I agree with the above poster who said that at this time your son needs compassion, patience and an assurance that you love him no matter what. He will come out of it with the proper support. Good luck to you.</p>
<p>The good (and maybe bad) news is that most humans don’t actually completely emotionally and mentally mature until 30. I know that in my early 20’s, I made some decisions and did stuff on impulse that was fairly stupid in hindsight (and drove my parents nuts). A co-worker of mine managed to graduate from an elite private with a 1.9 GPA somehow (he managed to talk the school in to letting him back in and also to graduate somehow; as you can imagine, he did more partying than studying when in school). After a year at a small brokerage, he made his way on to Wall Street, where you have to scratch and claw to survive. He thrived there.</p>
<p>I agree with the other posters that, besides treating the depression, getting your son working would be best. Preferably physical work away from a computer. This 16 week job seems like a good start. Maybe working while also going to trade school to learn a trade. Once he’s rubbing shoulders with guys who are gung-ho about doing boring dirty work for $15/hour because they have 2 kids and a wife to support, he’ll gain some perspective on what’s actually worthless or worthwhile. It’d be a good learning experience and probably would help him out socially as well.</p>
<p>BTW, be prepared for him to get fired a few times as well, but those could be learning experiences. </p>
<p>Growing up fast is a good thing (especially by 23), but the depression should be treated first.</p>
<p>Does he have any interests or goals? He should shadow folks in fields he’s interested in. </p>
<p>Oh, BTW, Harvard Extension School takes pretty much anyone. You do have to get a B in a writing course to get in the bachelor’s program, though. I’d also have him support himself while going to school at night.</p>
<p>Still having a rough time with him not graduating. I know you’re all right but it just kills me. He keeps saying his goals are to finish college and get a good job and make good money but he sure doesn’t act like it.<br>
His doctor explained to us that a person with an ADHD brain is not fully grown till they’re 30 and it doesn’t help that he’s depressed. The doctor says he’s infantile. He really wants to take classes online. I’ll have to check the Harvard extension. He’s interested in GIS and I suggested shadowing someone but he never pursued it. He has no motivation to do anything but play on the computer and watch tv. I’m the one having the real problem now and wished I knew others in the same boat. C’est la vie. Thank you all for your insight and making me see more the reality of things. Now I really have to take care of myself somehow!</p>
<p>We toured a school called Hampshire College in Amherst, MA They don’t give grades, they give evaluations. They appeared to encourage creating your own major, and had some non-traditional options like welding, glass blowing, agriculture, etc Finally, there were several 22+ year old guys that explained to us they returned to college here to finish because it wasn’t traditional. Best wishes</p>