<p>MYSTERY -
You did the right thing - If my son had called me with a "missing ID" problem, especially within the first few days at school, I would have said that I personally couldn't do anything about it because it is his ID, but I definitely would have given him some guidance (such as your link) as to what direction he could possibly take in order to solve his problem. I don't expect my children to be 100% responsible the second that they walk out the door and go away to school - It takes time and I know that they will come to me for help and guidance - my oldest son did that several times during his first year at college last year - but I am not worried because I know that they will eventually figure it out. I am not worried about it. And giving your daughter guidance for her problem will not be a detriment to her - you are just letting her know that you are there for her - and that's ok. It will not make her unable to solve any problems she may experience in the future.</p>
<p>I agree with OLFORT - I have no problem with my children reaching out to me - they know that I am here for them. But eventually they will figure things out on their own and they won't need my help that much and I will miss that. But I will not withhold "help" just to prove a point to my child. Offering them advice and guidance for a problem will not "interfer" with their "growing up" process. They will be fine. I am not worried.</p>
<p>And MYSTERY - I believe that the main reason for your thread is the question as to whether or not your daughter's character changed - I don't think so. She has been at college for just a few days and she has probably become overwhelmed with her feeling of freedom and excitement and the newness of it all. If she was responsible and organized in high school, I don't believe that one day of different behavior is a signal that she has changed. Just give her time to adjust and settle into her new life and I believe that will still be the same daughter that was living at your house just last week!</p>
<p>I have significant difficulty with issues like this. I tend at first to be overly supportive, but when I reach my limit with my daughter, I definitely reach it, and then at that point I lack empathy. So I then feel guilty. </p>
<p>To motivate her, I have at times reminded her my own college experience - zip - as in zero - as in no parental support (emotional or financial or otherwise) since age 17 - and tell her that I am better off for learning and recovering on my own from a heavy volume of mistakes, but ultimately this line of thinking is unfair because for 19 years I have put her in a coddled and supportive environment and springing survival of the fittest on her doesn't make sense. </p>
<p>To the original poster - you did fine. I suspect your reaction will be different if your daughter was a junior in college - as it should be. But for now I feel your pain.</p>
<p>"And the reason I'm bothered that she apparently blew off the program orientation is that I also did the same kind of thing when I was in college and know it can be a lot harder to make the connections down the line, but I do know it's her life and she has to learn those kinds of things from experience. "</p>
<p>Why, why, why can't our kids learn from the hard-earned lessons in our mistakes?</p>
<p>But we survived and even thrived to become wise parents on CC, and so shall our kids! At least that's what I hope!</p>
<p>Kids sometimes call with the weirdest problems. My D, a student in Boston, went to Cambridge to watch her cousin, a basketball player, play against Harvard. At one point, she calls me here in Denver to say "Mom... I'm on the Harvard campus and I can't find the gym."</p>
<p>I'm in Denver. She's in Cambridge. Just what exactly did she expect me to do???</p>
<p>(She did find it, eventually. But still, it gave me pause.)</p>
<p>I get weird calls like that, too, katliamom! "Mom, I'm driving in downtown Indianapolis and I need to know how to get to XXX." When I ask what my D wants me to do, she explains that she wants me to get on mapquest, look something up for her and give her the instructions. She obviously knows that I'm probably sitting at my computer, perusing CC...AND SHE'S RIGHT!</p>
<p>Yea, ellemenope, it was only later that I realized I could have gone online to find a map of Harvard & guide her that way. And maybe that's what she was thinking too.</p>
<p>But honestly, wouldn't it be easier to just ASK someone there??? </p>
<p>OTOH, these kids are so independent already, maybe it's good that they occasionally think of us parents in moments of doubt :)</p>
<p>
[quote]
I get weird calls like that, too, katliamom! "Mom, I'm driving in downtown Indianapolis and I need to know how to get to XXX." When I ask what my D wants me to do, she explains that she wants me to get on mapquest, look something up for her and give her the instructions. She obviously knows that I'm probably sitting at my computer, perusing CC...AND SHE'S RIGHT!
[/quote]
Funny, I get calls from my sister-in-law who has gotten lost twice trying to find my niece on campus in my town. So far, niece hasn't gotten lost yet. LOL</p>
<p>I'm sympathetic. I think most people get stressed, confused and more likely to be careless and lose things when they are in a brand new environment. I'm a very careful person, but, well, ask my mom how many times I lost or misplaced my retainer, contact lenses, keys, etc. when I was a teenager/college student.</p>
<p>I'd help the kid out because I'd be worried about the $ and because she's a freshman in her first week (day!) of college. Second semester, no excuses.
Not sure why she isn't worried, though.</p>
<p>My kids know I am at the computer all day and they call or text not infrequently to ask me to mapquest, check something on their student acct, etc. I just view it as being efficient, handling online chores even when walking to class and I enjoy a chance to hear a tidbit or two about their day without making a big deal about a weekly phone call.</p>
<p>My D lost her communal bathroom key today. She asked enough questions to know it will be "fairly expensive" to replace the lock and all the girls keys...apparently she was calling to let me know. In the meantime she will borrow roomies...I suggested she not wait until tommorow...she did not accept my suggestion. Hmmmm.,,,perhaps I should call roomie!...joking....</p>
<p>Nothing more from D since yesterday; I hope it's because she knows we've always subscribed to the "no news is good news" philosophy when she or S have been away and that her psychology is similar to those of the kids who drop "Mom bombs" and that she's put it out of mind because it's over. Like atomom said, though, the biggest thing I can't figure out is why she wasn't worried enough to notify the card office immediately--that's what seems out of character even beyond expecting me to fix it instead of taking care of it myself.</p>
<p>S always has called infrequently but at seemingly random times; having grown up myself in an era and a family in which all long-distance calls were night or weekend, my stress receptors still automatically snap to alert when I answer a call at 2 PM on a weekday and it's S, even though I finally figured out that he calls then because he's bored while his pre-med roommates are in PM labs. His "what is he thinking I can do from 1,000 miles away" moment came when he was sick last year with what seemed to have been only a wicked stomach virus, but he called every time he threw up. I knew he must be getting better when I went 24 hours without a call.</p>
<p>LOL, I love this thread...makes me feel like my kid is not the only one calling me with ridiculous questions.....Don't you love watching them grow up???? like watching them learn to walk all over again...they stumple and fall, get up and do it again until finally they are stable on their own two feet.</p>
<p>Have a sense of humor, don't laugh out loud, encourage and they will be running soon.</p>
<p>Got a call todayat work from S who leaves to go back tomorrow. Apparently he never sent in the health care waiver and got an email from school. He promptly called me and asked what his student ID number is. I told him I was sure it was on his online account some where's and sure enough he did find it.</p>
<p>Apparently all is well with D and the ID saga; I think this sentence from the e-mail she finally sent sums it up for many freshmen: "I don't want you to be too involved in my life, but at the same time I want to be able to crawl back to mommy."</p>
<p>The id can be a big problem since it often serves as the key into school buildings and can be used to charge items. Not to mention identity theft.</p>
<p>My kids are very slow learners when it comes to assuming responsible adult activities. It has been a big problem here. Intervening has sometimes taken a burden off of all of us; sometimes it just delayed a bigger consequence. We are still learning. </p>
<p>However, I have found that e-mailing every day or maybe less frequently with advice and lists helps my kids who seem to be attention deficit. It gives a place that they frequent a lot (computer) where they can check on what they should do. Tell your D that only she can replace her id and give the reasons why she needs to do so quickly, but do not hang on the issue, moving onto to other things and not getting emotional about the task. That step to adulthood can be soooo tough for some of our kids.</p>
<p>My D would call at weird times also and participated in a lot of heavy breathing during the phone call. Turns out that the best time for her to call home was walking from one place to another--she's not doing anything else while walking and the length of the walk gives a perfect way to get off the phone with parents--"Well, I'm here. Gotta go."</p>
<p>Now that she is working, I get a whole different set of questions...what kind of insurance should I sign up for? How much do you put into your 401K? How about all of this other insurance? What should you invest your 401K in? <strong>Sniff</strong> They grow up so quickly...</p>
<p>"I don't want you to be too involved in my life, but at the same time I want to be able to crawl back to mommy."</p>
<p>Mystery2me,</p>
<p>As the mom of a college Junior I think this says it all. She is filling insecure and unsure of her self and though she knows she has the tools to figure it out, she just wants to know that you will always be there - whether she really needs you for day to day problem solving or not. It like when you fall and scrape your knee, you know how to put the band-aid on, but it felt more comforting when mom or dad was there to comfort you.</p>
<p>I have to fight the urge to be a "helicopter parent" constantly. I always have to fight the urge to fight all my daughters battles. Sometimes I wont find out till days or weeks later, about major problems in my daughters life and sometimes she will call with the silliest questions or updates. But you learn to treasure these equally. </p>
<p>Letting go is hard on BOTH ends, but it really is like the old adage, "If you love something set it free and it will come back to you."</p>
<p>mystery2me: that is great, funny, and shows a great level of self-awareness on the part of your daughter. Reminds me of that book several years ago: something like, Get Out of My Life, But First Could You Take Rachel and Me to the Mall?</p>