<p>I had a lovely conversation with my daughter yesterday. She mentioned how eagerly/anxiously she was awaiting the decisions, and I launched into a speech about how she shouldn't feel bad if she doesn't get in, it doesn't mean anything about her abilities, intelligence, etc, plenty of brilliant successful people weren't recognized at a young age blah blah blah. She explained, reasonably un-snarkily, that she wasn't thinking that at all. She just felt that she'd be happier at boarding school.</p>
<p>So then I started my 'wherever you go, there you are' blah blah speech, about how you can choose to be happy (or unhappy) wherever you go, and she kindly cut me off again, and reminded me of her goals and reasons for wanting to go to BS. "But Mama, I want to DANCE!" Ok, she didn't really say that but that's a big reason for her.</p>
<p>She shared the theory that she's gotten from her team coaches: a chain is only as strong as its weakest link, a team is only as strong as its weakest player (I don't actually believe that but I understand why coaches say it) and in her view, a person is only as strong as their biggest flaw. I took issue with that: I talked about means, medians, modes and outliers - you could average all your characteristics, or you could choose to ignore the one glaring flaw if it isn't representative of the whole. (That's my current philosophy about my marriage: if, after 20 years of marriage, JHPhotoSpouse still doesn't like to wash the pots and pans and grumbles about washing my lunch containers, but in all other respects is an excellent partner, I'll just disregard it!)</p>
<p>Since there's nothing else to do between now and tomorrow (boarding-school wise - I have plenty of snow shoveling and other work to do) I have only this to contribute to the general conversation!</p>
<p>Well said, jahphotogal.</p>
<p>Not sure if you’re into college BB but Coach K likes to say that a fist is much stronger than five individual fingers. Obviously, the pinky is much better off with other four than alone.:)</p>
<p>We’ve tried to have similar conversations with DC and agreed that we could “rationally” accept whatever decision is given to us without taking it as personal rejection or judgment of one’s caliber. Most applicants to top BS, though, used to excel and thrive in whatever lines of endeavor they have engaged. So no matter what we try to paint the situation in different colors, I expect that they would suffer from strong pain of rejection for however many days it will last. As a parent, I would suffer from watching dear child in pain. However, I didn’t think such an experience would be necessarily bad. We’ll all learn from the process and become more mature. If you are a believer, God may be pointing a different path for us (that’ll lead us to equally successful yet different lives) and we just need to accept and follow where He points. </p>
<p>Good luck to all of you tomorrow. The snow keeps falling but melts as it touches the ground. No shoveling for me.:)</p>
<p>So far this morning at 9:10am, we’re zero for three. I haven’t woken my daughter up yet - waiting to have some good news. Her top top choice is a March 9 one but they haven’t posted it yet. Her next two favorites won’t let us know til tomorrow. her two reachiest schools said no, as did one that seemed more within reach but that she had a very lukewarm experience at.
ETA: waitlisted at top choice. Heart is breaking for her.</p>
<p>I am sorry photogal. As a mother, I know that heartache all too well. It is tempting to go crawl into bed with her and wrap your mommy arms around her, isn’t it?</p>
<p>I’m so sorry jahphotogal, maybe the two other schools you have not heard from will bring good news and if they do, as they say around here, love the school that loves you. I know how you feel as a Mom, hugs to you both.</p>
<p>@jahphotogal: it ain’t over–keeping all my fingers crossed for your daughter and sending you love and hugs while you wait. You have a lot of support here. We’re pulling for you.</p>
<p>Agree! jahphotogal, you’re one that I’ve been thinking of today.</p>
<p>Thanks, all of you!! I believe that failure and adversity are good for kids - but only if she takes the right message - that she needs to work harder and be more focused - not the wrong one (i.e. that she’s just not good enough.) She is bright, but she has such anxiety issues that she avoids the necessary work.
But I think this can focus her - next year if she wants to try again, we’ll start earlier, take a test prep class, maybe even work with one of those counselors who helps you refine your essays…
But for now, it’s just wait and see how it all plays out.
I fear that even if she does get into her top choice, there won’t be any financial aid left so it will be moot.
And turns out I didn’t need to wake her to tell her - she’s actually gotten up herself and checked. She was pretty sad.</p>
<p>Just more hugs to both of you.</p>
<p>Heartbroken, waitlisted by exeter, waiting for andover.
We were contacted by exeter earlier this week about tax return ect., thought she had a good chance…</p>
<p>You are taking the right message away, I just saw Ballerina22 accepted with a full award at Andover, last year wasn’t such a good outcome for her. Maybe your daughter could reach out to her. There is a lesson in perseverance that is inherent in this process. DD is finding that even in boarding school right now as a Freshman, she has to work harder than she ever has and right now she has to give it everything she’s got, she has to persevere. It wasn’t such a good week for her so just know your DD is not alone and you are not alone in your sadness or concern. Make a new plan if this one doesn’t work out and trudge along until this new plan works, one way or another your daughter is going to wind up exactly where she was meant to be and it might take even more work once she does. I’ll be hoping for good news for you tomorrow, fingers crossed.</p>
<p>Sending virtual hugs to all of you who are getting disappointing news this morning. I was in your shoes two years ago - our son applied to only two schools, and was waitlisted at Exeter and denied at Choate. I completely understand the many emotions that you’re working through - but hang in there, you will get through this.</p>
<p>Please feel free to send me a PM if I can help in any way - I’d be glad to share my phone number if you just want to talk through this with someone who has lived through it, too.</p>
<p>Sad day for my son as well. So far - 4 deny and 4 wait lists. He applied to a lot of schools and spread it out pretty well in terms of selectivity - “reaches”, “safeties”, etc. He does need a fair amount of aid for it to work though and my fear has been that the “elites” are too hard to get in to and the next tier just don’t have the aid money. He has a couple to go but right now he looks like a basset hound! Surprisingly, he asked me about applying for 10th grade. I’m not sure I can go through it again!! But, for him, I’ll be a good dad and help any way I can.</p>
<p>Exeterhopefulmom & Chathan, I’m sorry you’ve received such difficult news, virtual hugs to your family. Learn from the experience and move forward in whatever way you and your child want to. A lot of kids come back and apply for Sophomore year or they re-apply as a Freshman… Time for a new plan…</p>
<p>Same here. 4 rejects and 2 wait lists.
Waiting on 2 but it doesn’t look good.
Big hugs to @exterhopefulmom, @chathan, @jahphotogal.
I’m sure for every happily accepted kid, there are eight heart broken kids.
Requesting FA puts one in much worse position, it seems.
Received a call from one school, if we would come off FA, DC will get accepted.
It’s hard.</p>
<p>Received one email acceptance (FA unknown) so the day is not ending with no acceptances. 
Hope everyone finds silver lining.</p>
<p>Happy to hear payn4ward, I hope you get the FA you need, hopefully it will come through for you.</p>
<p>Congratulations @payn4ward and I hope the aid is good news as well. We still have several to go but at this point just getting a “yes” would be wonderful! Right now, I don’t even care if he goes. Just give him a “yes”!!</p>
<p>Tne more wait list, and one that was supposed to post at 9am hasn’t done so. Other kids on this board have received an email from this school but we’ve heard nothing. Fearing the worst. This hasn’t been a good weekend here.</p>