3 Years Later - A College Transition Success Story

Parents Forum
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<p>Three years ago, I was very active on this thread:
<a href="http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/parents-forum/990317-anyone-else-have-child-who-having-hard-time-making-transition.html?highlight=freshman+abasket%5B/url%5D"&gt;http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/parents-forum/990317-anyone-else-have-child-who-having-hard-time-making-transition.html?highlight=freshman+abasket&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/p>

<p>My S who had been hugely successful in high school socially, academically and athletically was having a horrible college experience. His unhappiness emotionally tore me apart! He was not connecting with the school, was not connecting with friends, was not connecting academically (he was trying hard and did well except for one class struggle) but the classes didn't seem to be engaging/exciting him. </p>

<p>This morning he finished his last exam at the school and is packing up to come home. He was accepted to complete his student teaching out of state in a special program through Chicago Public Schools next semester. One of the best texts ever was received from him this morning: " Last exam completed! I am so excited for Chicago but SO SAD to leave! I can't believe I am leaving this place for good!" Enter Mom tears.... :)</p>

<p>Some of you may be holding your breath right now waiting for a college freshman who has had a hard transition to come home. I remember and totally feel the pain and anxiety of wondering if the wrong college decision was made. The feeling of having a child who wanted so badly to be happy and have a good experience, but just isn't. I reach out and hug you! </p>

<p>I will always question if his school was perfectly right. If we should have looked more, should have considered a transfer, should of/could of/ would of...! But what I am most proud of is my S. For forging ahead, for figuring things out. For asking for help and guidance. For receiving support from his GF three hours away. For standing up for himself and remaining the person he was/is and not succumbing to the peer pressures sometimes present at college. </p>

<p>For him, high school was a "10" - college , not so much! My guess is he isn't done with education yet. I think he will find himself in the classroom again - not only as the teacher he plans to be, but as a student again at some point. </p>

<p>It's a weird feeling today. Looking back to three years ago and knowing how unhappy he was. Coming home for that first Christmas break was the turning point for him - he somehow was able to regroup and go back to school with a new outlook and intentions. </p>

<p>I know someone out in CC land is in this same place this holiday season - with a freshman arriving on the front step frazzled, unsure, maybe somewhat unhappy - but SURVIVED. My best wishes to you - enjoy the holiday break and may better times be ahead. :)</p>

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<p>Thanks for the happy update!
(I believe my b-i-l is in the same student teaching program next semester. . .)</p>

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<p>Nice to hear!</p>

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<p>Congrats abasket. Yes, a quick review of this forum shows that so many of us freshman parents have had similar anxieties, however, we don’t often get to read about the final outcome. Glad to hear your success story and thanks for sharing. Mine, while still only a soph is trending upwards in all aspects, though he often wonders whether he should be elsewhere too…there’s always grad school and first real job, it never ends :slight_smile: Continued success to yours!</p>

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<p>I love the success stories! Thank you for sharing, and congratulations to your son.</p>

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<p>Great post…thanks for sharing!</p>

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<p>Wonderful, timely update.</p>

<p>I’ll add that my ds1 after his first year also talked about transferring, even though he LOVED his school. I think he was doubting his decision to pursue a liberal arts education instead of something pre-professional. I just listened (we were on a road trip, just the two of us). By the time we got back home, he dropped all ideas of a transfer. There’s just so much going on for a college freshman that a little doubt is perfectly normal. Don’t panic, parents!</p>

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<p>So happy to read your post, looks like there is hope… :)</p>

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<p>Congrats to your S and to you abasket for standing by him as he worked through the rocky times. So glad it turned out well for him.
My S2 had a similar situation except in reverse…loved the school but struggled with the academics the first year, wondered if it was going to be possible for him to ever graduate. He worked hard to got it all together and was very sad to leave his university behind after graduation.</p>

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<p>It must be a wonderful feeling to look back, in hindsight, and see that he not only accomplished his goals, but had quite a struggle to work through to get there, and he did it.</p>

<p>Congratulations!</p>

<p>A couple of weeks ago, I googled D1 (hey, I was bored), and was surprised to read something about her on a website, where she shared how incredibly fortunate she was, to have had the college experience she did, and how well the college prepared her for her career. It made me realize how fortunate we were to have found such a perfect match for her, because not every college student has the same experience… that indeed there are lots of good reasons that college students may be struggling to get through each semester. It’s good to hear a success story!</p>

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<p>This is so good to read! I well remember the earlier thread…</p>

<p>The resilience your son has demonstrated will serve him well throughout his life.</p>

<p>Well done–to you and to him</p>

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<p>Love this post as I go through the anxiety of helping my son choose a school. </p>

<p>I was like your son…. high school was a 10, college not so much. I attended a top 20 non-Ivy and it was full of people who were intense, rich, artsy, or some combination of all 3. I had a hard time fitting in and finding my group. I’ve sometimes wondered how my life would be different if I had attended the big state school honors program, or the small top 5 LAC, that also admitted me. But in the end I have come to believe that everything happens for a reason. </p>

<p>My school was my choice largely because they offered an excellent financial aid package. Dealing with others who were so different from anything in my background prepared me well for the business world. College isn’t necessarily meant to be the warm cozy place that feels like home… it’s also meant to challenge a student and open their eyes to the rest of the world. I had that experience and now looking back am glad I did.</p>

<p>Good luck to your son, I think one day he will also look back and be grateful for the experience even with the difficulties. They helped build the person he will become.</p>

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<p>Great news!</p>

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<p>My D never cared much for high school. In college, she was unhappy freshman year, and she transferred sophomore year. She transferred for academic reasons, and she loved the academics at her new school … but never truly felt she fit in. After college, she was certain she would never find happiness. 2-1/2 years after graduation, she has a great job, lives in a fun city, has a very active social life and a serious relationship. She is truly happy. For some, it just takes longer. Patience, my friends, and they will find their way.</p>

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<p>Great success stories. They all get there…in their own time!</p>

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<p>It’s fun to read “… the rest of the story…”. Thanks for the upbeat update!</p>

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<p>I just reread that thread. It is hard to believe that our then freshman kids are ready to graduate. My son still doesn’t call much but I have learned to accept that he is not much of a phone talker. We do a lot of texting. The geology trip that S was so excited about never happened for him; he was hospitalized with a throat abscess 4 days before the trip and hadn’t recovered enough to take the trip. He didn’t switch his major to geology but instead added history to his film major and added a minor in Asian studies. He has applications for Korea, Japan, and Denmark in the works but might stay another year in his college town to continue working on the independent film project that started as an internship and has evolved. So, from freshman year when he talked of transferring that first winter break, he now “visits” home for 3 to 4 days before going back to where his life is now centered. </p>

<p>He has grown so much but so have I. I still miss him when he is away but it gives me such a great feeling to know that he is where he needs to be. Although I won’t tell him, I am secretly hoping that he will go back to Denmark for a year.</p>

<p>Abasket, thanks for the update on your son. Happy to hear that he is doing well and looking forward to the next set of challenges.</p>

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<p>Lotsof, yours too is a great update.</p>

<p>Lessons learned, patience needed - but emotions sometimes get in the way and make it hard to be patient! We want so much for the, to have a great experience!</p>

<p>D2 is a junior in HS. Very curious to see how her college search and time goes. She does well in HS and likes it fine, but I feel like its not “home” to her - I think she will be one that really shines and finds happiness in the college environment - for her HS may not be the “10”!</p>

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<p>abasket, so happy for you and your son! Good luck to your daughter!</p>

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<p>kelsmom, that’s a very heartening report. My D didn’t love high school and while the academics at her college, particularly in her major, are a good fit for her, socially it’s not so much. H and I have been trying to maintain a positive attitude (particularly around her) that things will come right for her in the end. It’s encouraging to see a success story.</p>