Hope this is somewhat relaxing as a discussion topic for this very intense day. And for those more experienced parents, it may bring back memories. I understand this is mostly for upper grade admissions, but I really don’t know any other forum that can help me with this ( or simply give me a hug).
I helped my 9-year-old boy (oldest) applied for 4th grade entry in Milton Academy, Meadowbrook School of Weston, and Fay School, and he got waitlisted for all. My son really likes Milton Academy and thought he did very well in the group interview.
He currently goes to a good public school in Massachusetts. He loves STEM subjects, good report cards from school (for this age there is no grade, only report cards), teachers like him, top rank in junior math competitions, plays tennis competitively and has won a USTA Junior series, loves teamwork, has many friends, nice and kind, not very aggressive personality but show supportive leadership, passionate about community service and goes to Boy Scout since Kindergarten.
I have high standards for many things but I don’t know what more I can ask for from a 9-year-old . The only downside I can think of are the parents - we are not legacy, have no connections, not from Ivy Leagues. But parent interviews all went pretty well. Schools seemed to love our family. So I don’t know what schools are looking for nowadays in kids/family this age?
I have to say I am shocked to learn the results, not so much about my own efforts yielding no tangibles, but how I walk a 9-year-old boy through this very heartbreaking failure - I know it’s not 100% rejection yet but we all know the chance of getting in through WLs is small.
Not sure if parents here have experience helping their kids at younger age to apply, and share their experience, or how they manage less than ideal results and grow from there?
As someone who actually went through private middle school/prep school admissions, I have an inkling of understanding. My younger brother is a couple years older than your oldest, and we’re both MA residents, btw- I was waitlisted at a bunch of top middle schools- Winsor, Shady Hill, Belmont Day (iirc), and ended up attending Dexter Southfield after getting accepted off the waitlist.
My younger brother who’s 12, applied for competitive middle schools and got waitlisted everywhere (Beaver Country, Shady Hill, and a couple others)- he now attends Cambridge Friends School (and graduates of that school go to Dana Hall, Phillips Exeter, Nobles and Greenough, Brimmer and May, etc- it’s amazing) -and my best advice is just be supportive, and try to move forward as best you can, and if you want to reapply for middle school, there’s always another chance. I’m sure your child will go far in the years ahead.
(and as an add-on, I’m going through the college admissions process so I can understand how it might feel hearing about all WLs.)
Thank you so much for sharing these experience. I hope you get into your dream college! Do most of your or your brother’s classmates at Southfield/Cambridge Friends School come from another private school or public school? I wonder if he should go to a lower tier private school first before applying to the very competitive ones. It may be an easier progression that way. And I wonder how these top schools view students who come directly from public schools (even if it’s a good one).
I now attend the public high school in my area- and both my brother and I went to public schools before attending private schools. My younger brother went to Saint Peter’s School from grades 3-6, before transferring to CFS for his own reasons.
I would recommend your child go to a lower tier but strong private school before reapplying- because my brother did that and he benefited so much from it, versus myself, where I came from a loosey-goosey public elementary and went into Dexter with very few skills.
Most of my brother’s friends do come from private schools, whereas mine come from the public school system.
If your child is a strong student, these higher level private schools will definitely consider them, even if they are coming from a public school. It’s about the student as a whole and the strengths they can offer to that prospective school, not necessarily just where they’re coming from.
Others, feel free to chime in, if I’m missing something.
Just want to build on above! I also am in metro-Boston.
This is SO hard. My oldest (now in HS) applied to private PK-8 and we have ivy degrees, FP, and histories at (different) independent schools so as prepared in the classical sense as we could be. Kid still didn’t get in to our first choice (at the time). There are SOOOO few slots and SOOO many kids.I think that our 1st choice had 3 slots (and this was at a key PK entry point) for boys after taking out legacy and siblings, 3!. Kid ended up at a different school which we have LOVED for both our kids… AND we did get off waitlist at 1st choice (thought turned down “love the school that loves you.”).
You can re-apply for middle school and/or HS if you really want a private experience. (note one of my kids is in LPS and truthfully it has amazing track record with colleges, huge number of courses, some great teachers and in the honors classes lots of dedicated students.etc. )
Also waitlists for PK-8 move more than the boarding schools, I think.
Also note, not all schools have exact same year as key entry points IME, so keep an eye for that to boost chances.
Also demonstrated interest is going to be very big at small schools!
Given this paragraph, it seems he can feel very good about where he currently is. In fact, the only thing that seems to be amiss is that you’re concerned he is going to feel rejected. Frankly, it’s their loss. Do you want him at a place that doesn’t want him?
Maybe help your son understand by saying that he is lucky that he is already in a great situation. If prep school is meant to happen, it will, but he has so much to be happy about.
Your perspectives as a student are great. It definitely tells me more about the private school system in this area. If my son wants to reapply for 6th grade, I will probably suggest him looking at some more school options at the lower tier. I still haven’t delivered the news to him. He will come back from tennis practice in half an hour. Boy I wish I had magic but at the end of the day I can only be a mom who tries.
I wouldn’t call that “failure”. You child applied to top schools that average kids don’t even think of applying. I am also from a good public school. In my school only kids at the top of their grades applied to private schools. And the acceptance seemed to be random. I would give your child a big thumb up for reaching outside his normal comfort zone.
We came into this admission season thinking that we are quite prepared, but we definitely underestimated the level of competition for such limited number of spots. It’s too late to improve on the parents’ background but if you only look at the kids, what unique skillsets or outstanding personal quality do you see in kids who are in top private schools? Some examples?
Excellent question and think it really depends on the school (which isn’t that helpful!). My kid’s PK-8 is quite small and “fit” with the schools values and culture (which are maybe not unique, but not for everyone) is big. And, I don’t believe our school pays one bit attention to parent background in the sense of where they work and where they went to school. They do look at parent interviews and if they think the family really wants to be there and will be happy attending. They also want to make sure kid can do the work and not be disruptive, etc.
Note, I am not sure most people would call it a “top” school- we think it is top one as we love it, but probably not its reputation;) That said tons of very smart kids with incredibly accomplished parents select it.
I do share that concern and really don’t want him to feel that these results define him. But I think this will bother him for a while, and I don’t blame him for that. And quite frankly, as parents I reflect on my decision to help him apply for top private schools this early without seeing the full picture of how fierce the competitions are or preparing for what it would be like if all schools turn us down. I just feel a punch in my heart every time I think of him taking a deep breath to go into a 3.5 hour group interview, one after another, coming out looking very hopeful, and now learning that there is almost no chance of getting in any of them. And he is 9.
This is so so so hard. I don’t have answers, but want to recognize that!
(We only did this one a 4 year old who had limited understanding and 13 year olds, who have a lot more understanding).
The easy answer is to do nothing for a while. Kids have to also learn that they don’t always get everything they want. But you said he’s happy and so it will probably be like water off a duck’s back.
Thank you for your kind words! I will definitely be supportive. He did great in this process really and has excellent quality. With that said, he is the kind of kids who has high standards and expectations for himself. Although this is earlier than I wanted, he will also learn a lot about resilience from this journey.
I think 4th grade is a tricky year to apply, as it is not a typical entry year such as the beginning of middle school or beginning of high school. There were likely very few spots available to begin with. Waitlists do move sometimes, in fact I got off the waitlist at Milton (in 1991 haha), but I would say your best bet is to try again in 6th grade. Or I think Thayer starts at 5th grade now so you could try for there next year (not sure exactly what town you are in but Thayer is a great school too).
@BeHonest - your child’s profile looks amazing! I don’t think you should worry about it.
Out of curiosity, did you apply for financial aid from any of these schools? This might be one of the decision making criteria.
Intake years make a big difference for all of these schools. My child goes to a similar school, also in the Boston area, and pre-COVID kids came and left every year and I think you could pretty much walk in so long as you were reasonably smart and well behaved. After COVID, they filled up to the brim, and a lot of people stayed. And now the only time they have space is intake years, unless someone moves away. Milton in particular is tiny. I think they only have like 25 kids per grade in elementary or something like that (at least, when we looked, which was like 10 years ago).
but if you only look at the kids, what unique skillsets or outstanding personal quality do you see in kids who are in top private schools? Some examples?