<p>The agonizing decision has been made! Congrats! Happy for you!</p>
<p>Congrats. I KNEW it. Of course, I didn't bet - I am already cc addicted, and certainly didn't need to add cc gambling addiction to the mix. A little early for e-cristal, so I am lifting my e-grapefruit juice glass.</p>
<p>Alu,</p>
<p><em>C O NG R A T U L A T I O N S </em> * </p>
<p> *to Alumother & D !! *</p>
<p>Looks like is is going to have quite a bit of CC company. We've come a long way from the day you were sitting at your desk with no good news. Gosh, now you can imagine that curly red hair following in your footsteps. I am with you as the parent in me is crying 'why does she have to go so far". But the parent in both of us knows that she is beginning an amazing journey.</p>
<p>CONGRATULATIONS!!!!!!! I was pretty sure she would want to try the East Coast for a change...and Princeton!!!!! It's going to be a wonderful experience for her!!!!!!!</p>
<p>All the best to you and your daughter for this exciting climax! I had predicted Princeton too even though I did not join the bet. I hear ya on the sadness of your daughter leaving but let me tell you this since I am one year ahead of you.....it was very bittersweet when my D left for college. I was sad to have her leave the home and not be part of our daily lives after 18 years of just that but I was just so excited for her new adventure that I wanted her to have so very much. Yes, last spring at every last event...last dance performance, last tennis match, last band concert, last piano recital, last ski race, and on and on....tears flowed down my cheeks. And when we dropped her off at Brown, as I said good bye and drove away, I cried (though she didn't!!) and I knew she was fine but it was just really hard as a mom. And for the first couple of weeks, I found myself tearing up how she was not here for soccer, for dinner, and on and on. My other daughter was applying to college and even wrote one of her essays about the effects of her sister leaving home (I cried when I read that too....I'm a sap). But guess what? Within a few weeks, I got used to it. I mean I knew she was very happy and I never worried about her. I just missed that she was not here every day. But she calls all the time and tells me what she's done each day and so we are very connected and she emails too. And I got used to it. I really am used to it. It was not easy to do this goodbye but really I adjusted to this different stage of my kid not living with us. Now, SHE adjusted within minutes of arriving on campus (not that I ever worried about that with this particular child) but it was me who had to deal with it. Now, I am about to go through it with D2.......and be left with NO kids at home, yikes. And in the case of D2, we are missing out on her "lasts" because she is too injured to participate in them this spring. In any case, I share this because I read of your sadness but I can assure you that there also will be much happiness when you see how your daughter is happy at Princeton and having the time of her life and you can share it with her but just have to do it from afar...emails, cell phone, IM, whatever. It takes getting used to but you will. It is a new stage of life for us moms.....you'll make it! Really you will!!! It is a hard feeling to explain to people cause it is happiness combined with sadness in one package! </p>
<p>So, for now, celebrate and enjoy the moment of her new adventure and plans....cry later....there will be enough moments for that...her dance show, the graduation, the send off.....</p>
<p>hugs from one mom to another...
Susan</p>
<p>Wonderul news, Alumother! Congratulations to your D on her decision. I'm sure she will be very happy there and I know you must be very proud!</p>
<p>I don't know where I left my brain when I made my "guess." The earlier than expected decision on the weekend should have been a tipoff to me that Stanford's event or atmosphere did not match P's appeal for your D. (If S.'s had strong appeal, she might have taken some of the extended time to make her decision.)</p>
<p>Just remember that thousands of us are doing/feeling just what you are. As you can see from soozie's post, it's even true for those families whose college kids stay somewhat closer to home. (Vermont-->Rhode Island) </p>
<p>When I anticipate my own grief, I'm consoled that I would feel worse if my D were to stay close to home at a campus that she did not enjoy or feel was a true match for her needs. That would definitely make me grieve more.</p>
<p>Who knows? Maybe your D will go to Stanford for grad school.</p>
<p>Congrats! As a mom of a Stanford student, I was cheering the other way, but I also think it is good for kids to experience another part of the country. So I wish her the best and sympathize with you sending a child so far away!</p>
<p>Alumother: Congratulations to both of you! Either choice would have been great, but I agree with all who have said that to experience another part of the country is a marvelous opportunity. </p>
<p>jmmom: I guess I'm more addicted than I thought. I bet on Stanford. I think I could quit cc if I really wanted to, but I really don't want to. Is there a 12-step plan for those of us who suspect that we are too addicted?</p>
<p>Let me add my congratulations. I think it is the right decision. My son was also debating staying in CA (Stanford) vs going east and has decided to go east (Harvard in his case). Stanford offers better weather and probably an easier workload, but in the end, it is the excitement and challenges of a totally new environment that made his decision. He went off to Boston on Thursday, and on Friday morning called and said, "Send out the letters to the other schools. This is it for me." It is tough for my husband and me with the last one, but I am really proud of him, of your daughter, and of all these kids. One more milestone.<br>
Now the only problem is that he says that he doesn't know how he can spend five more weeks in high school. (But this week will be his last track meet and prom is two weeks later, etc. etc.)</p>
<p>I haven't been following the saga, but I can sympathize with how you feel about sending one far away to Princeton. I thought I could be happy knowing that S is happy, but every time he says good-nignt to me I think about how, in a few months, he'll be thousands of miles away.</p>
<p>The Princeton CC kids are a wonderful group! There are, I believe, at last count, 56 on the Princeton board, so it's a good representation from the class of '09.</p>
<p>Congratulations!</p>
<p>soozievt - Thank you. That helps. Also to those of you who have said essentially or exactly "She was ready for a big adventure", you are right. She feels very calm and sure about the decision. Just me, still waking up in the middle of the night thinking, No......</p>
<p>I thought you all might want to know what factors led to her decision. So. </p>
<p>She felt that Stanford was very famliar. She felt she would fit right in. She has some good childhood friends attending. But the Admit Weekend gave her, (and a friend of hers who is attending BTW) the feeling that Stanford allows its kids not to grow up. And she felt that, as it has been during her four years in high school, she would be the restrained kid amongst the less restrained. The Stanford Admit Weekend was much bigger, the band more bouncy, the receptions in the academic departments more focused on food and hospitality than at Princeton's April Hosting. Also, she was expecting the ballet group to be amazing, because of Christine Elliot's leadership, and she said it wasn't really.</p>
<p>She felt that Princeton had the best academics. Partly - I am sure - this comes from many years hearing me rave about my academic experience there. However, the classes she visited, the accessibility of the professors sitting in their offices without formal programs of welcome, the friendly graduate student who took us through the molecular biology lab without an appointment or even any warning - all contributed. One class in cognitive psychology especially. Not that the Stanford classes and lectures were close to being bad, they just weren't quite as eye-opening. She also felt that Princeton students were more serious, took themselves more seriously, and were more intellectual. Not more intelligent, just more intellectual. She loved the Princeton dance groups, and she even liked the idea of the eating clubs. She had a great time at the Princeton April Hosting, got asked to dance, sat next to a girl who'd done a documentary on the Make a Wish Foundation, saw a fashion show with cute boys.</p>
<p>If I try to summarize what it came down to, I think it is this. She wants to rule the world. She believes that to rule the world she needs to grow up and take a position as a leader. To do that, she needs to leave home and find a community she can stand out in. She is ready to leave home - although just barely. So that means Princeton. For the standing out, well, it's a set of things. Stanford is larger, and full of exuberant kids. At Princeton, it's small enough, and she just stands out. I don't know how to say it. I know that seeing her walk up the path at Princeton - she was shining. Seeing her at Stanford - she faded into the crowd. Could be as simple as the number of sunny days when she would have to be in sunscreen and hat and sunglasses compared to the number of cloudy days, when her hair and skin -white white white with a little bit of pink - stand out more. Could be as simple as sheer numbers of undergraduates plus no professional schools. </p>
<p>Now I am very clear that if I wanted to influence her I could argue her out of all her positions. I am sure there are many very serious, very intellectual kids at Stanford. Heck, given the mom's on cc with Stanford kids I have no doubt at all. I am sure she could find a way to have an impact at Stanford - probably by choosing a limited scope to work on of some sort. But my goal here was to help her make a decision she could commit to. She thought it would be Stanford. She was expecting to come away from the Admit Weekend convinced of Stanford. But for whatever reason, the image Stanford was presenting in those few days wasn't what she wanted. So, although she admits to being afraid to leave home, she has made her choice.</p>
<p>And I told her it would be easier to go to Princeton and hate it and decide to come home than to go to Stanford and hate it and then wonder where to go. In the first case she would know what she'd be coming back to. In the second case, any change would still involve throwing yourself to the unknown.</p>
<p>As we all know, she was very very lucky to have these choices. I just wanted the process to contribute to her sense of confidence, whatever she chose. The hard part is that because one of her choices meant staying home, I have been in denial all this time that she was leaving. So it is hitting particularly hard. Thanks again soozievt and berurah and all of you for the comfort. Funny that the final outcome, I'm still sitting at my desk with tears in my eyes. But it's not about me really, is it. I am so proud of her.</p>
<p>Now I just want some grandchildren!</p>
<p>
[quote]
She wants to rule the world.
[/quote]
alum~</p>
<p>Prepare for her to get her wish!! Your daughter is so multi-talented and bright and so sure of what she wants. Watch her fly...she will soar to amazing heights, I'm sure, but she will never truly leave her mom behind....</p>
<p>Thanks for sharing the thought process behind her difficult decision. I'm sure it will be of great help to others!</p>
<p>love, ~berurah</p>
<p>Wonderful thoughtful post Alumother. I wish great things for your d. Sounds like the world should get ready for her!</p>
<p>Alumother....just so you know, you are a GOOD mom...you let your child make the decision herself based on what felt right to her at the time. You have supported her all these years and you took her on these visits and so on and so forth and now you let her make her first big adult decision and you are letting her soar and fly and as much as it hurts to have your child leave home, she is ready and you are doing your job. You will get used to it. I promise. It is hard at first cause it is a major change after 18 years but you settle in and have this new kind of relationship from afar. </p>
<p>I realize your D is going many more miles away than my D but it is not that that different. I mean, away is away. The main difference perhaps is that IF my D needed or wanted to get home for a weekend, it is a little easier and cheaper, that's it. But she does not come home just to come home, ever. She came home on the big holidays like your D will. But because she is only 4 hours away, she was able to come back to support seeing her sister in a big theatrical production because she did not want to miss it and then she was able to be brought home to be with her sister during surgery following her car accident. But otherwise, I don't really see her more than you will see your D. Well, I can think of ONE exception, that was just in the first half of second semester...and that is that my D is on the college ski team and their races were in New England and I was able to travel for the day to get to some of these (like old times) so we saw each other several times this winter. But had she not been in those, I would not have seen her. I don't know your situation but perhaps if your D is in a dance show, you can fly in to see it...not often but enough that between her vacations at home and one or two trips to see her, you will see her every two months or so. It sounds hard but really,you can do it, as I have.....it takes adjustment for the mom (somehow my kid adjusted without a blink). </p>
<p>Susan</p>
<p>Alumother - </p>
<p>Congratulations on the decision! I was actually pulling for Stanford, but between the two, how could you lose? And w/ my own S deciding on Yale, I should have known.... it seems like most of the cc kids have been flying for a while... can't wait to see them soar! I hope the communications dont stop here and we have the chance to hear how it's all going! Excitement is in the air!!!!!!!</p>
<p>Princeton! WOW!</p>
<p>soozie - tried to send this as a PM but your mailbox is full. And, knowing all the communiques you've had over the last few months, what the heck, I will just post it.</p>
<p>In the end isn't that what we want? To be good mothers? From the moment we see that first pregnancy test - right? All the glasses of wine we didn't drink, all the nights we didn't sleep, and so on. Thank you for your post. It really helps.</p>
<p>Congratulations! I lived in Princeton for 6 months while I was working with a member of the 3-Day Event team - gorgeous campus, I met some neat people there. Nothing like waiting until the last, last minute, eh?</p>
<p>Alumother - Congratulations on your daughter's decision on Princeton! It will be a wonderful place for her to study and live (and I know you will enjoy visiting her, too :) ) !!!</p>
<p>Congrats Alumother-
She really had all good choices- My DDs friend is 3rd year at P now and has been having a wonderful time. </p>
<p>I thought of you this weekend and am glad ya'll arrived at a decision not having to wait until tonight at 4:49PM!</p>