<p>Middle school boys are feral, and that behavior isn’t confined to the track. </p>
<p>I think that’s much more about the boys and not about the sport. Our middle school track was co-ed and in three years I didn’t hear of anything like that happening. High school XC is very supportive and friendly for the girls. I can’t speak directly for the boys but they do practice at the same time on the same course, and hold team meetings within earshot of the girls, so I think I might have heard something if there were that kind of behavior going on.</p>
<p>^^^my son ran Varsity xc and track for 2 years and fortunately did not see that behavior. His coaches were fantastic and would definitely not have put up with that behavior. I do think the coaches really set the bar for the team and their attitude trickles down. </p>
<p>OP - Good luck to your son, whatever he decides. If he misses soccer, perhaps he could team up with a local parent struggling to coach a team of young rec players. There are lots of newbie parent coaches out there that would love experienced help. </p>
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<p>And it helps to be fast! This said, this might might not apply to the goalies. A common mistake in many youth team is to place the least athletic kid to man the goal. </p>
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<p>Haha – girls are no picnic neither! </p>
<p>There are so many great lessons available in sports. Learning to try your very best and lose with grace builds character that will come in handy on any future Team whether in Business or Academia or community service or any other worthwhile endeavor. As an adult-onset athlete, I can also assure you that Sports, done right, can be a lifelong rewarding activity. </p>
<p>What is most important is to do things you like. If your son is stressed by pre-game jitters he may enjoy a sport that is more about self-improvement and overcoming personal challenge. There are dozens of sports that fit that bill and which fall across a wide spectrum of competetiveness. Some of these sports will in fact set him apart as unique. Riding a bicycle across your state or finishing a triathlon or ski race are just as valid as playing baseball.</p>
<p>I hate to see a 9th grader give up on sports so early since I personally think it is so valuable. It also helps with being well-rounded as academic excellence is assumed at all top colleges. Often sports and other extracurriculars and service activities can differentiate an applicant, especially when the student has played leadership roles. But again, it has to be activities the child loves and is doing for that love rather than to paint a resume. I am sure colleges can easily see who is committed to activities and who is merely checking boxes.</p>
<p>My own experience was that my kids ultimately enjoyed competing more for the glory of our local town and high school than they did for travel teams. We played travel in a couple sports and it becomes a more mercenary environment when kids get older and more serious about playing time and scholarships. That started right around 9th grade, Maybe your son is now seeing that difference, which can strain team bonds as some kids begin to take it more seriously. This happens in the classroom too as some kids accelerate beyond their peers.</p>
<p>I hope you keep talking with your son and urging him to stay active in sports he really likes. We like to see that in people we hire.</p>
<p>Watch yourself Xiggi, my HS D plays goalie in 2 sports, and she consistently ran the fastest timed mile of all her teammates in her fall sport this year! 
Having said that, when she started playing goalie in 6th/7th grade, she couldn’t really run at all - but once she hit high school and the demanding preseason conditioning of her fall sport, she found she actually liked running and liked challenging herself to keep improving - and it paid off her senior year when she became the one to beat!! So yes, even kids who think they “can’t” run may find that they actually can if they give it a try and challenge themselves to keep improving. </p>
<p>I really appreciate 2plus2 posts - both of my kids played 2 varsity sports and have benefited from it immensely, even though they do not have college level skills. They too thrived on the school pride aspect of their teams. My S had the same head coach in both of his sports, and he was an excellent role model and his players learned RESPECT from him at a very high level. It was a great team culture and I am thrilled he was part of it. Our school’s practices didn’t end until 5:30 or 6, but they figured out how to organize their time and stay on top of their academics, and they both did pretty extensive volunteer EC’s as well. It can be done, IF of course that is what the kid chooses.</p>
<p>My D’s fall sport just ended, and she is at loose ends right now with no afternoon practices! </p>
<p>So to the OP - if his heart has truly left the sport, let him move on, but do make sure he has something to occupy all that new free time he will have!</p>
<p>@T26E4 Strangely enough, I think doing a varsity sport can make students earn higher grades… it keeps people on their toes and waste less time.</p>
<p>We might be able to agree that all middle schoolers are somewhat feral. >:) </p>
<p>@lauriejgs my daughter is nearing the end of twelve years of playing soccer. She has played soccer at some level since she was 5. She also liked other sports so there were several years she played rec league only to play other sports and there were a few years her activity was limited due to growth issues in the knees-I was never a parent to tape them up and medicate them and put them out there so her body is still in good shape. She did suffer a concussion last fall in a game-she took a ball square in the jaw and it really was very hard for her to come back from that it took months. The decision to continue play was one she made with her doctor-I wanted her to never step foot on a soccer field again.</p>
<p>I have no idea if it has hurt her academics-it probably has especially with the concussion. The risks are there no doubt but I know kids who have gotten concussions in gym, in dance, in falls that have nothing to do with sports-of course soccer is a greater risk but accidents and injuries do happen.</p>
<p>I wonder as all these years come to an end if it was worth it for her- if the benefits outweighed the price she paid to play at a varsity level in a very competitive program. I cannot answer your question for you-the only advice I have is to let your son decide. Most kids she started with in 9th grade no longer play soccer for various reasons-I do not consider them to be quitters and I know she doesn’t either. It is a huge commitment that for her has become almost year round-a lot depends on the intensity of the program and the coach. </p>
<p>It will only get tougher from my experience-classes get harder, ECs get harder, they want to work and make some money-all just part of growing up. Your son has time to decide about playing spring soccer he doesn’t need to decide now-if his coach is a good coach he will give him the time he needs to make his decision. My daughter did not play competitive soccer for several years as I said-I think maybe that is why she was able to make it through 4 years of HS play relatively intact.</p>
<p>My older child did not play HS sports at this level-he dabbled in a few sports but never cared to commit to one thing. I can see the difference between his life as a first semester senior and hers-there is no comparison-and I do believe if she didn’t play she would have better stats to put on her common app-I am not sure if that should be the goal of a student or not-that is a personal decision.</p>
<p>I wish him the best with his decision-perhaps after a break he will feel he wants to keep playing-perhaps he is ready to move on. There is no right answer-the ultimate goal of any parent is the happiness and well being of their child and there are as many ways to that goal as there are children.</p>
<p>Good luck!</p>
<p>OP: an idea: have your kid take some reffing classes, and spend his time working a little. he obviously knows soccer well, and this might give him a boost, get him away from his team and kids he knows and yet give him responsibility and leadership skills. My DS18 has swam forever, and finally quit this summer. (YAY!) he coached a summer rec team, taught lessons and will be guarding all winter during HS swim season when others are swimming. He’s excited, and still in that realm of his sport. </p>
<p>i have a club soccer player DS12. as soon as he’s lost the love, he’ll be out of there. we love watching our kids perform and practice and we are proud of them. but only if they are enjoying it will we spend our family’s time and resources to continue it all. </p>
<p>**** And i’ll add that what my son learned by coaching 90 rec kids in the summer was immeasurable and HUGE compared to what he would have gained by practicing swimming all summer. He learned about working with competitive parents!! (goodness! we can get rough on coaches!) And motivating and teaching kids. And starting traditions and organizing swim meets. And listening to others and making decisions on the fly. </p>
<p>@bgbg4us great points! My daughter has loved reffing and coaching younger players and there is also a program where she works with special needs kids to teach them the game and help them play. She will continue to work with these programs once her competitive days are over (could be this weekend!) and I didn’t think about that being a good way to stay involved without playing! :)</p>
<p>Am I reading the original post correctly? Here we have a kid who wants to focus on academics because his extra- curricular activity is resulting in a conflict, and the parents are a bit upset about it! I can’t believe my eyes. I really am astonished that someone actually was concerned about this.</p>
<p>There are a HUGE number of parents that would give up a minor appendage to have kids to be this academically focused and mature. If this kid feels that playing soccer is hurting his grades and doesn’t like it as much, he should certainly be allowed to quit. This is NOT the same thing as being a quitter.</p>
<p>I didn’t read all nine pages, sorry, but I am not convinced colleges give fair weight to sports (or marching band) given how much time they take. Consider that a student could do 5 clubs, one every day of the week, and do their volunteer activities or be an officer in a couple during the time that one sport with two weekday evening games meets. Which will colleges see as more impressive? I think unless your kid letters 4 years and perhaps goes to state a couple times, they will like the clubs/leadership/volunteer work more.</p>
<p>Or do two clubs, be an officer in both, and do their activities and still have more time for studying than time spent for one sport.</p>
<p>@Taxguy, I am the OP and yes, my husband and I really did have a concern. We are very grateful and happy that he is so academically focused, don’t get me wrong, and that is our priority. However, we thought it was important that he learn–NOW–how to balance his academics with anything else he wants to do in life. The decision is his, but having seen how much he was getting out of playing with the team, we wanted to make sure he actually was leaving it for the right reasons. I also mentioned in a later post that we discovered part of our son’s reluctance to continue playing is that he suffers pre-game anxiety. So it’s not all about academics. By the way, I have absolutely loved your posts about art schools and interior design. That’s something our daughter may pursue, and your reviews have been invaluable.</p>
<p>@taxguy it isn’t so simple-I completely understand where the OP is coming from-playing a sport is an important part of some students growth as a person and it is not merely some appendage. I agree the decision is the his.</p>
<p>My daughter is mature and academically focused but continued to play in spite of it impacting her grades-HS isn’t just about the classroom or academic focused activities.</p>
<p>@Daddio I completely agree with you. I have had two children the first one very involved in lots of ECs but not a sport and the second one also involved is lots of ECs and a sport-there is no comparison in the amount of time. Marching band and other EC’s may well be as time intensive but a varsity sport at HS is a huge physical, mental and time commitment. I used to get annoyed when parents of athletes would tell me that there was no comparison since my son was very active in numerous things-but I have learned through experience they were right?</p>
<p>Of course it is a choice and in the end she made it and for whatever reason stuck with it-if her grades or test scores or whatever else are not as high as they would have been it was something she realized before she ever played-and if colleges don’t value that or like her application because of it then she doesn’t belong at that college.</p>
<p>I am a big believer that HS shouldn’t be limited to maximizing the strength of a college application but for growing up.</p>
<p>I am going to weigh in with some thoughts, but before I do let me tell you about our family’s experiences with balancing school and sports, including soccer.</p>
<p>S1 is a big sports nut, but he is not an athlete. He played rec only, mostly baseball, until high school. Once or twice, during a season, he wanted to quit a team (it might have been basketball or soccer), but he forced him to finish out that season if he started it.</p>
<p>S2 is more of an athlete, starting with soccer at a young age. One spring he wanted to play baseball in addition to his club soccer. We signed him up, and early that season, the first really nice Saturday of the year, he had a morning soccer game, with a late afternoon baseball game scheduled. After we got home from soccer, he changed and ran outside to play with his friends in the neighborhood-normal 9 year old stuff. When we called him in to get ready for his 4 PM baseball game, he balked-now he’s not sure that he wants to play baseball. We made it clear to him that he made a commitment to the team for that spring when we signed him up, and that skipping the game was not an option. We made it through the day and the season with no more issues, and that did end up being his last season playing baseball. He did play a couple of years of rec basketball, but that was it until high school. His freshman year, he decides to try wrestling. This was a surprise to us, since he had never wrestled before, and his high school had a strong, deep team with a history of good teams going back to when I had attended there 30+ years ago. He ended up wrestling JV for 3 years, and decided not to wrestle his senior year because he was taking a college level English class with a lot of writing required. The funny part is that his friend who convinced him to join with him only wrestled one year. His junior year he decided to try spring track, which he really enjoyed his last two years there. Throughout high school he continued to play soccer on his club team. His club team coach did not schedule any games or tournaments in the fall, but they practiced in the winter and did games and tournaments starting in March through August. Every player on the team played school ball (though one or two played football for their school team). They generally practiced 2 days a week, with 1 game on the weekend unless they were doing a tournament. When all was said and done, he played club and school soccer throughout high school, with 3 years of wrestling and 2 years of track. He is now a college sophomore, and though soccer remains his favorite sport, he is running track at his school. He has played in an adult soccer league in the summer the last two years (full sided mens), and in a coed soccer league this past summer as well (short sided indoor). </p>
<p>D1 is a high school freshman. She has played soccer for several years, both club and school. This is her first year playing at a high school level, and she is a bit worn out. Practice or games 5 or 6 days a week for the last 2 1/2 months will do that to you. She has one game left (more if they win, but they are a low seed so it is not likely) and already her club coach is starting to schedule practices (2 a week) and tournaments (one in November, one in December). I expect that schedule to last throughout the rest of the school year, with 5 or 6 games in the spring, along with about 4 tournaments. She is planning on running winter and spring track at her high school, and dance is 2 nights a week. We have told her that if she is physically hurt (even just too sore), or if she has one of those days where there are 3 exams tomorrow, that she will skip a practice or dance to prep for school-academics come first. This is consistent with what we have done in past years. She did play rec/AAU/school basketball earlier, but the physical nature of the game was too much for her. She quit after 7th grade, and we did make her tell both her school coach and AAU coach she was not playing any more, and why. She did this after the season was completed, and both coaches were very understanding and thankful that she came in person to let them know what she was doing.</p>
<p>My son and daughter both play soccer at a similar level. They are (were) on good but not great teams that travel and do tournaments (some out of state, but most staying here in New Jersey). I never paid anywhere close to $1400 for a full season (November-August), let alone a spring season of soccer, so I suspect that the OP’s son is playing on an academy level team (though it probably isn’t under USSDA, which bans most of their players from high school soccer-but that’s a debate for another time). </p>
<p>(Part 2) </p>
<p>Given all that (sorry for the length), here are some of the things I think the OP should go over with her son and husband:</p>
<ol>
<li><p>Did her son try out for this team knowing what the level of competition is, and what type of practice schedule he could anticipate?</p></li>
<li><p>Did the OP and her family have her son try out knowing that the fees for playing on this team are not insignificant?</p></li>
<li><p>Can the OP’s son ask to be placed on the B team rather than the A team, with a reduction in practice schedules, games and fees?</p></li>
<li><p>The OP has stated that her son is occasionally dealing with anxiety issues, especially before a game. She also stated that her husband is an attorney, and that he has mentioned that he deals with the same types of issues when appearing before a judge. Is this an opportunity for her husband and son to talk about how to deal with this-not just in soccer, but in all facets of life? If anxiety becomes a major concern, therapy might help. I know it did for S1 when he wanted to leave his high school his sophomore year.</p></li>
</ol>
<p>I don’t think that the son should quit soccer, but that he may be able to switch to another team within the club if the team he is placed on is too intense. This can be a bit of a learning experience on what a commitment is. The son tried out for the team, presumably with the commitment requirements spelled out. The parents signed him up, with a good sized financial commitment. They should honor that commitment. I can tell you from my experience that my son was burnt out on soccer at the end of school ball, but he stuck with his club team as soon as his school season ended. He liked club ball more than school ball, but he did enjoy both. My observations on boys soccer is that school ball and club ball are two different animals. School ball consists of relying on size, speed and athleticism, with physical play and dump and run soccer prevalent. Don’t bother with an offside trap-the two man ref system isn’t conducive to that style of play, and the refs I’ve seen aren’t as well trained as the club refs. Club ball is (mostly) much more of “the beautiful game”. If your son is juggling a soft ball in your family room, it’s pretty clear that there is still some love for the game, and playing club ball will help him cultivate that.</p>
<p>Academically, I can tell you that both my sons went to an academy level high school. S2 played his sports at our local high school, so there was a lot of travel involved, he was never on time for school practices, and we did have to make arrangements other than the bus to make some games. There was a not a lot of free time, and some homework, studying and sleeping was done on the 35 minute bus ride in the morning. A challenging academic schedule and participation in sports (or drama, or music, or any other time consuming and challenging activity) are not mutually exclusive. You need good time management skills to handle it, and that is a skill that will serve you well throughout your life. </p>
<p>It sounds like the OP is not doing anything just yet, letting her son unwind from the end of fall soccer. I think that this is the best course of action, and that come March, he will be ready to go with spring ball. </p>
<p>Last but not least, academics come first. If grades suffer, and the reason is time constraints and anxiety about soccer, then by all means quit the team. It sounds like your son is smart enough to handle everything, and may just need to learn a little more about how to handle time management, and not putting so much pressure on himself. </p>
<p>Sorry for the lengthy response, and best wishes.</p>
<p>What a wise decision for such a young person! Most kids this age don’t know themselves well enough to know when they’ve taken on too much. He’ll go far, not because he quits/does not quit spring soccer, but because he knows what his values are.</p>