A 12 Essay: Very Poorly Written and Wrong Use of Vocabulary

<p>Alright, just in case anyone is interested, I am going to type up my essay real quick and show you how such poor writing and grammar can still lead to a 12 with the correct formula. Here is mine:</p>

<p>Success can be defined as achieving a previously established goal. Although perseverence often ameliorates a goal, actual ability is the critical aspect of following through in an idea. In all facets of history, a person's talent rather than persistence has defined how big his empire extended, how strong his power is over the people, and ultimately, how successful the person concluded. Overall, ability conquers persistence due to the respect it garners, the decisions it creates, and the true power it wields.</p>

<p>When one looks into history, he will note that the greatest empires and countries were led by ingenious individuals who gained the respect of their constituents. An unfortunate example lies in the life of Adolf Hitler. Although his plans were filled with anathema and animocities towards other races, yet he was able to gain the overwhelming faith of millions. The reason for this is because he had such a great charisma and presence that his ability alone was able to orchestrate his plans. Although he succeeded in this way, his downfall was caused by persistence. He insisted that Germany attack on two fronts rather than one, commencing his empire.</p>

<p>In addition to ability getting the respect of others, it also allows the person to constitute smart ideas. Julius Caesar demonstrates this facet as he made intelligent decisions matched by none other. Although he claimed many of his ideas were "iact alia est" (rolling a die), he acknowledged that his brilliant tactics were the only reasons the Roman empire was able to extend so far. If he was more persistant, he likely would of had his empire destroyed much earlier.</p>

<p>True power is the ultimate goal for many, and ability is the road to it. While looking at a present example, one will notice the persistence of the current president. He insisted that his plan was justified, and now holds a 72% disapproval rating. If he utilized his ability in a better way, he could have gained much more power and prestige.</p>

<p>All in all, persistence is inferior to ability with regards to respect, decision-making, and the resulting power. If the power of the world was based on persistence, we would live in anarchy.</p>

<p>I counted about 10 sentence structure errors/vocabulary misuses. Also note that I bashed Bush, which was probably a plus. In addition, my handwriting is terrible and large, but I filled up two pages (PM me if you really want to see what it looked like). Sorry if it just seems like I am trying to show off, but I wanted to show people how easy it is to score well if you follow the formula.</p>

<p>So, what exactly is THE formula? The 5 paragraph structure of the essay? Or something else/more? Maybe i'm just being ignorant because I havn't began studying much for the SATs yet.</p>

<p>I agree... I wrote a TERRIBLE essay with a nice quippy intro and a bunch of big words which I didn't understand the first time i took the sat - 12!</p>

<p>This time I wrote a very well written, well argued, logical, and flawless (grammar-wise) essay... 10... Its official... big words and quips are the secret.</p>

<p>Haha, I have also noticed that bigger words seem to lead to better grades. I just can't understand how I got a 12 with lines like, "He insisted that Germany attack on two fronts rather than one, commencing his empire." I know what commencing means, and I have no idea why I used it instead of destroying or something.</p>

<p>i think its because each reader only reads the essay for like 5 minutes... they don't analyze it they just wanna get it over lol...</p>

<p>i'm not bashing anyone... i mean you said it yourself it doesn't seem like 12 material and you made fun of BUsh(yay).. congrats though :]</p>

<p>OMG it's barely English.</p>

<p>If you really got a 12 for this, kudos. That's remarkable.</p>

<p>I had a couple of PMs asking to see what my essays look like, so I'll just post the pictures here. I've been told that my handwriting looks like a 5 year old's.</p>

<p><a href="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v237/ChronicFuture12/Essay1.jpg%5B/url%5D"&gt;http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v237/ChronicFuture12/Essay1.jpg&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/p>

<p><a href="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v237/ChronicFuture12/Essay2.jpg%5B/url%5D"&gt;http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v237/ChronicFuture12/Essay2.jpg&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/p>

<p><a href="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v237/ChronicFuture12/EssayScore.jpg%5B/url%5D"&gt;http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v237/ChronicFuture12/EssayScore.jpg&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/p>

<p>Plus, here is a sample of one of my WoW drawings back in the day when I still played:</p>

<p><a href="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v237/ChronicFuture12/untitledx.jpg%5B/url%5D"&gt;http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v237/ChronicFuture12/untitledx.jpg&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/p>

<p>As for the person who asked about the formula for these essays, I'll tell you what I did differently from my previous essays (10 and 8 respectively). I utilized the 5 paragraph format, I did not use any personal examples, I took a liberal approach, I made sure I filled up every bit of the pages, strengthened my intro paragraph, and used big words, even when incorrectly. You have to realize that they are reading these in a minute, so they will likely just graze over and notice big words, but not how they are used in context (apparent in my essay). My previous essays were written like an AP Language essay, while this was written as if I had the logic of someone half my age. Hope this helps.</p>

<p>your handwriting is so funny :] i kinda agree with the whole 5-year old statement ;)</p>

<p>lolz i see warcraft III chronic.</p>

<p>lol @ eye of the tiger</p>

<p>this is so funny :) </p>

<p>lol The essay graders get REALLY tired...</p>

<p>The OP's handwriting is ridiculously funny; I just can't conceive how an essay critque grader could even grade your paper, no offense.</p>

<p>Thank you for posting this =) I was feeling stupid (for a lack of a better word) for scoring below a twelve, even though I wrote what I thought was an amazing essay--AP Literature style. Now I see I need to 'follow the formula.' Many thanks!</p>

<p>Say you feel daft canned_dice. Or even, call yourself a dolt or a dunce. </p>

<p>All words mean "stupid".</p>

<p>Or just say amicable and they will probably count it as if it made sense.</p>

<p>The weird thing though is that some of my teachers actually enjoyed reading my handwriting (especially my AP Lang, my AP Lit teacher, not so much), and they always knew it was me when I handed in my papers.</p>

<p>What is 'the formula'!?</p>

<p>This just proves how ridiculous the SAT is. After you write an essay, I bet you could go back, change all your 'use's to 'utilize's and boost your score a point or two.</p>

<p>The formula is mvsquared/2 = mgh. Use that on the essay, and you're golden.</p>

<p>
[quote]
"iact alia est" (rolling a die),

[/quote]

Lol, at the terrible latin quotation and grammatically atrocious translation.. Good job on the 12 though! Haha.</p>

<p>Alright, first off, I spelled it wrong when I typed the essay, not when I wrote it. Second of all, I hate Latin. Third of all, I think it's translated "the die has been cast," but I'm not really thinking of how to translate when I'm writing an essay!</p>