<p>TV4caster–have you talked to her about how it is scary going off to a place where you might not know anyone and how colleges work with freshmen to make sure they meet people? Could that be what is holding her back? Have you talked about transferring as a sophomore if which ever school doesn’t work out? I have found with my own kids that sometimes they just don’t know how to express how they feel and if you ask the right question, that gets to the point. The hard part is, what is that right question?</p>
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<p>But it might seem unnatural to ignore people with whom you’ve been friendly for years because of some sort of principle.</p>
<p>And it doesn’t necessarily have to be an either/or situation.</p>
<p>My daughter and one of her closest high school friends ended up at the same college. They didn’t plan it that way, but that’s the way it turned out. They didn’t live in the same dorm as freshmen, but they certainly didn’t ignore each other. And the two of them, together, became part of a social group that continued (with some changes in membership) for all four years of college and beyond. They are now in their first year after college graduation, and several members of this group still keep in touch through a weekly video chat, even though they are now scattered across the country.</p>
<p>I find it hard to see anything wrong with this.</p>
<p>Thanks Steve. Yes we have. Her brother told her that ‘you are acting like you won’t learn anything at UVA if you choose it over W&M. It’s still a great school and you can have an education and have fun’. That is what caused her to finally make a choice. </p>
<p>I know that if she thought that she could have lots of fun at W&M that she would choose it and feel good about it. The whole crux of the problem is that she seems to think she would have much less fun at W&M vs UVA, and while she doesn’t drink and probably won’t ever, she loves going to parties and doing fun stuff on weekends instead of studying nonstop, which is what she thinks they do at W&M.</p>
<p>Sounds like she made the right decision. For whatever reasons she had hesitations about W&M. They are very different schools and maybe she can’t exactly articulate what draws her to UVA but I’m sure it’s more than just the “fun”. My DS was admitted to both schools last year and after visiting both had a definite preference for one over the other. (He ended up going to a third school). Give her a few days and she will be bouncing around the house planning her dorm and all the new freshman excitement will take over!</p>
<p>TV4caster–sometimes hearing from someone other than your parents makes a world of difference. I guess in your case I would just tell your DD that you think she made the right decision and she is going to have a wonderful college experience and that you are proud of how she thought this process through so carefully. It might be exaggerating a but, but heck, who cares, she sounds like a great kid and I have to agree with her, there is a LOT more to college than studying. Go online and order her a lanyard or something from UVA or go have a cake made for her when she gets home from school.</p>
<p>There’s no getting around the fact that the more she studies, the more she’ll learn. Peer pressure (e.g., attitude toward academics) is one of the strongest influences at college. The four years will go by in a flash; does she value the social memories more than the accumulated knowledge and skills? She will gain lifelong friends at either school. I’d just hope she considers this angle.</p>
<p>vonlost, Both UVa and W & M attract and accept the best students in Virginia (and as both I and VaMom have said, most kids do seem to have a fairly clear preference-both my kids had strong preferences in that regard).She would have no trouble finding accomplished peers at either school. Congratulations on the decision,TV4Caster!</p>
<p>Congrats! I am sure the drama will be replaced by enthusiasm for HER school.</p>
<p>^^ I was thinking of HER perception that W&M peers study more, that it’s a good reason to choose a school.</p>
<p>If anything, it seems her perception of W&M is that the students there study “nonstop” (true or not that is her perception) and that was a concern for her. The bottom line is she seems to have made a choice and it’s time to celebrate.</p>
<p>I have a first-year at UVA. Tough decision! Does she have a possible major yet? That may sway her one direction over the other. The grade deflation exists at both schools (state schools…standard), so she’ll be studying a lot at both. I would mainly focus on the size differences of these schools (yes, I do believe in fit), and the possible programs she will be heading towards. Since you are instate, does she have some friends going to W & M too? My S had a lot of friends head to W & M, UVA and VT. But agree with others too that she will want to make NEW friends :). It’s a tough decision…no doubt about it…</p>
<p>TV4caster indicated in posts #20 and 23 that his daughter has already made a choice-UVa. We are lucky to have instate schools like UVa,W &M , and VT!</p>