<p>I agree with all the others advising counseling ASAP. You need some perspective, and you seem caught up in the bubble of your high school world. I understand the pressure at a school like this and the constant unhealthy comparison with classmates. You really need a professional to help you learn how to relax and turn off this these negative thoughts. I think you should also consider a gap year of some sort before you begin another 4 years in a competitive, high stress environment.</p>
<p>Most kids applying to top schools have worked just as hard as you, but all are not accepted to Stanford, so count your blessings. You have also not written about any concerns in paying for Stanford or Harvard, so you need to be reminded how fortunate you really are.</p>
<p>This statement stood out:
[quote]
I get...almost angry with myself and others when I'm asked to do social activities, as others have much more free time during the spring than I do (with EC commitments).
[/quote]
Though you say you love your EC's, they seem to be stressing you out. Just quit! EC's are a silly American obsession -- students all over the world are leading full, productive lives without them. And plenty of these non-EC foreign students will eventually end up at top grad schools alongside the American Ivy kids.</p>
<p>Cinser, your OP states:
"It's been a challenge for me to avoid all competitive aspects during HS .... I'm deathly afraid of being rejected by Harvard, not because it's my top choice ..., but because other students from my school will undoubtedly get in."</p>
<p>This reads as being very uncharitable towards others. Please look for a therapist or someone who can help you learn to cheer for the successes of other people. The college acceptance/grades/SAT score achievements of others do not reflect on you in any way. Please learn to measure yourself by your own yardstick rather than by comparison to others.</p>
<p>Also, there are multiple paths to the same destination. If you don't get into Harvard now but continue to feel that it offers something academic or an experience that is completely unavailable at Stanford, then by all means apply repeatedly as a transfer student until they accept you. Or look for internships and volunteer positions that offer opportunities similar to whatever it is you think Harvard can offer you, as an undergraduate, that other universities cannot. Just make sure that your ultimate goal is not merely a piece of paper that says "Harvard" on it rather than "Stanford" because neither of those words will help you find contentment.</p>
<p>^^^"then by all means apply repeatedly as a transfer student until they accept you." Harvard is not accepting transfers for the next 2 years. And even if they were, applying repeatedly does not increase your chances of acceptance, lol!</p>
<p>Cinser:
I think you are the extreme case of what most of HS students are feeling about acceptances at this point. A lot of students at D's school are in the same boat. A good 3.5% of senior class got into Stanford early and another 3.5% into MIT with another 3% into Yale, Caltech from the top 6 schools. This unique 10% of the senior class along with another 10% of those who didn't get early into top schools are prime candidates for H. Certainly 5% of this year senior class will get into H according to my analysis and will provide the school the best ever year of H matriculation but 15% of the most deserving seniors won't.
Does that mean those 15% will be any less a student? No, because H could have taken another 5% of the senior class from this 20% and still would have the same caliber students.</p>
<p>So if you get into S then just enjoy. Yes, it is sometime become tough to see one of your good friend gets in and you won't but you should be more composed.</p>
<p>Counselling might be a good idea if your parents are unable to pacify your anxiety.</p>
<p>menloparkmom, thank you for pointing out my error regarding transferring. Here's the alternative path that Harvard recommends rather than transferring:
"The College offers a Visiting Undergraduate Program, which enables students to enroll in Harvard College for academic credit at their home institutions." I was being facetious with the "apply repeatedly" comment rather than just saying Cinser should continually look for more and other alternative paths to the goal. Thanks for the correction!</p>
<p>Agreed with #18- if you don't care about Harvard or going there, then withdraw your application. By staying in the running, you're only taking someone else's spot who's been dreaming of Harvard.</p>
<p>You need to get yourself in perspective and your counselor will help you look at things in a bigger picture. Even once you go to Stanford, the competition won't end. You'll still compete with other students for the same resources and eventually, same graduate/professional schools, and jobs. Think you can handle another 4 years of this? You need to realize that it's your own world and you need to focus yourself within it. You control your own destiny.</p>
<p>Re 24: Yes, I suppose the isolation of my HS simply exacerbates this totally warped perspective. I have been strongly considering a gap year for reasons other than this. And finances will be interesting, to say the least. But I look at myself and am disgusted by the fact that I have such a wonderful opportunity that deep down I love, but is pushed to the back of my mind because of pending results. That being said, H is my top choice for social/geographic/academic reasons (well-formed, not prestige-based, despite the tone of my posts here).</p>
<p>And just a note about my ECs: I DO love them. They are not inherently stressful at all. It's just that I'm spending so much time on them (and I love the time I spend on them) that it's hard for me to look forward and say, "All this time was completely worth it even in a worst-case scenario." </p>
<p>Re 25: Oh, no, I would be happy for them. Really. That's the thing, I do many competitive ECs and have never had a problem with not being the best. But frequently, my grademates are not involved, which may factor in. Plus, as I've said, this is "it," or at least what I perceive to be it. And the problem is that their college acceptance does reflect on mine, given that it's clearly based on GPA/SAT from my school (100% correlation). It's not at all subjective. It will honestly be hard for me to look at them without thinking "This person is a superior student" every time. Because they would be. Because that's literally how admission works here, there's no random element. It's not like there's ever a student who got rejected who is statistically or EC-wise above an accepted student. Ever.</p>
<p>Re 29: I do care about H.</p>
<p>Anyway, thank you for the advice, and I know where I'm going with this.</p>
<p>"It's not like there's ever a student who got rejected who is statistically or EC-wise above an accepted student. Ever."
Boy have you got that WRONG. Have you never heard of DA's? Those who's parents have donated $$$ of dollars to a college are admitted ALL THE TIME ahead of those whose stats and EC's showed they were clearly more qualified. My son was one of those who did not get into Stanford, when others in his class, with less impressive stats, grades and EC's , but with rich parents, did.</p>
<p>But putting that aside, you sound very much like my s, whose EC's were also primarily solitary [classical piano and geophysics research]. Once you are in college, you will have a chance to continue those EC's , or branch out and try new things. You WILL find many smart students at Stanford, but that will give you a chance to meet new friends and peers that can relate to someone who was as intensely committed to things that interested them as you are. And if you want or need to take a gap year, both Stanford and Harvard are very accommodating to those requests.</p>
<p>As you mature, you realize that there are lots of people who really are smarter, who have higher grades, who have faster cars, who weigh less, who have cooler houses/parents/jobs, and so on and so on.</p>
<p>And as you mature, you get comfortable in your skin. You appreciate who you are. SO in ten years, maybe you'll like your Stanford degree.</p>
<p>Re 29: I have heard of DAs. I have the data in front of me, the scattergram. I know every H student from my school personally, and none of them were developmentals. I'm just talking about the context of my school, where the acceptance is predictable based on SAT/GPA. Except if you're on the bubble.</p>
<p>Re 30: And I would like to think so. But in the meantime... It's like your fiancee breaking off your engagement of five months after you've been dating for forever. Oh, you might get over it, but if he/she was the love of your life, could you ever forget that and move on fully?</p>
<p>"It's like your fiancee breaking off your engagement of five months after you've been dating for forever. Oh, you might get over it, but if he/she was the love of your life, could you ever forget that and move on fully?"<br>
Based on this statement I am sure you have GAD. A tendency to see the "dark" or downside of any positive suggestion is a symptom. Get thee to a shrink asap. This is in all likelihood not something that will go away without medication. It will help and you will feel better the sooner you get started. Continue to let us know how you are doing.</p>
<p>"The main symptom of GAD is an exaggerated or unfounded state of worry and anxiety, often about such matters as health, money, family, or work. Although people with GAD may realize that their anxiety is excessive or unwarranted, they are unable to simply “snap out of it.” For them, the mere thought of getting through the day can provoke anxiety.</p>
<p>The persistent worrying characteristic of GAD is hard to control and interferes with daily life."
This is the symptom that is the most important. However, A Dr is the only one who can correctly diagnose this. If the above description does not describe your mental state, then it still behooves you to find out what is causing your distress. Because it is not healthy. Getting into Stanford should have allowed you to breath a huge sigh of relief, not cause a meltdown. Something is wrong and it will likely get worse, unless you find out what is causing it and get some treatment. College courses are a lot harder than those in HS, especially at the top colleges.</p>
<p>Do not self diagnose. You realize you have a problem, now you need an outside professional opinion of the specifics and treatment. Even physicians and mental health professionals need an outside source to treat their problems. Do not spend more time overthinking and trying to come up with a solution on your own, even with our help- make that appointment this week.</p>
<p>You should not be so hard on yourself. as others suggested, you should see a counselor to help you with your insecurity. You are so lucky to have gotten into stanford and many, many people are probably wishing they could be as lucky as you.</p>
<p>I'm mostly writing to put in my two cents about schools. It sounds as if you are from the east coast, judging from your competitive school atmosphere and the obsession with grades. I am from the east coast too, and I know that for a person with low self esteem, that is a TOUGH mentality to have to deal with throughout school, especially when everyone is so cut-throat. If you do get into H, I would still highly recommend coming back out to CA and spending several days at Stanford. CA is a WONDERFUL state to go to college (I get this impression about the west coast in general). I am at another top school here and have had the best time of my life academically. People here are insanely intelligent and very intellectual, but when it comes to competing with peers, they couldn't care less. People here are out to work on their own academic growth and to be supportive of others. The atmosphere is very laid back and friendly because of this. The contrast with my high school, a top magnet on the east coast, is night and day. I liked being in a challenging high school, but the competitive atmosphere made me depressed and constantly down on myself. by the end of 4 years, I was burned out. I love college and am finding my niche here. I feel so much smarter and more adequate than i did in high school.</p>
<p>so give CA a chance! it's just a great culture for learning here. I've heard Harvard has much more of a reputation for being competetive/cut-throat and with your self-esteem issues, that may not be the healthiest or most rewarding way to learn.</p>
<p>Cinser, you say:
"It will honestly be hard for me to look at them without thinking "This person is a superior student" every time. "
What is wrong with looking at someone and thinking that the person is superior in any way? Does it bother you not to be able to place yourself above them? Somebody is a superior student and so what?? </p>
<p>Of course, you are basing superiority on admittance to ONE single specific school even though folks on this thread assure you that there is luck involved in college admittance as well as special consideration factors for any school. Are you paying attention to what people say or are you just responding to them? Have you made an appointment with your school counselor yet?</p>
<p>Whether you go to Stanford or H - if you don't get to the root of your obsessive thinking, chances are your beloved school (whichever you do end up attending) will become a nightmare experience as your underlying issues will impede your chances of success at the college. Frankly, without diagnosis and treatment of whatever your problem is, I predict college burn-out, flunk-out, or drop-out.</p>
<p>See the warning flags for what they are - you need help. </p>
<p>Get that help, and your time at college will be worth your time. Also start considering attending local universities as a very viable and better mental health choice. You are obviously very bright, but the mental distress you are in points to a potential problem that could manifest in several unhealthy ways and literally destroy your chance to graduate from college in a timely manner with a reasonable graduation GPA.</p>
<p>Good luck. Reaching out is your first step. Now you need to follow through with appointments with counselors and/or doctors. Keep us posted!</p>
Re 29: I have heard of DAs. I have the data in front of me, the scattergram. I know every H student from my school personally, and none of them were developmentals. I'm just talking about the context of my school, where the acceptance is predictable based on SAT/GPA. Except if you're on the bubble.
[/quote]
</p>
<p>If you know your school and you are in this situation then you yourself are to blame. I know my D's school and can assure 99.99% here that the Valedictorian will be accepted at Harvard. The student has not taken courses where it would have been impossible to get an A+ and is a presidential scholar candidate with D so have a good SAT1(1600/1600) too. The fact is that no valedictorian from D's school have ever been turned down at Harvard.</p>
<p>So if you had known this all along then you should have taken step to leave no possibility of an error.</p>
<p>^^^: The only way now you can get over your anxiety is by accepting that you will be rejected from Harvard. Since there are only ~6 acceptances in the last 2 to 3 years and because of your low GPA there are very less chances that you will 100% get in.</p>
<p>If you accept the rejection now and start planning your matriculation at Stanford by looking into what courses you will take and look into possible major and minors. This will take you mind of from this.</p>
<p>You will have a very hard time in college (especially one like Stanford or Harvard) if looking someone in the eye and realizing that they are a "superior student" causes you any anxiety (let alone major meltdown you seem to be in).</p>
<p>This is not about your acceptances or the college you'll end up attending. It is about your mental health. You really need some professional help to deal with it before you go to college.</p>