<p>{{{mafool, jezebell, and everyone else rising above abusive childhoods}}}</p>
<p>Hey, you might be my sister, I lived in MI too! My sister didn't get it as bad as me, though, as the oldest daughter I had the dubious honor of getting the worst of it.</p>
<p>Does this describe your experience too, mafool, my mom was pathologically jealous. So any accomplishment brought fresh reasons for abuse and sabotage, including nice comments from a teacher or attention from my dad. I have a feeling our lil sis jezebell may be dealing with that, because she sounds very bright and accomplished. </p>
<p>I'm so glad mafool said that, too, further proof that you will get past this, and your children will have very different childhoods than we all had.</p>
<p>I, too, had some of these issues with my mother. As I got older, I came to realize how difficult and how violent her upbringing was--Europe during WWII. We were never close and it hurt both of us in the long run. She is now elderly and in ill-health and I am her primary caretaker. I've had time to heal and gain perspective. I have not completely forgiven her, but we have an understanding now, due in large part to the fact that she is dependent upon me. And yes, my experience was what shaped my parental philosophy, as well. Breaking the cycle is the best thing you can do for yourself. And, for your children, the contrast between parent and grandparent can be eye-opening. </p>
<p>I hope the OP is reading this thread and doing okay...let's hear from you jezebell if you're still out there and up to it.</p>
<p>BAfromBC I had a very simliar situation with my mom. After years of taking care of her, the past eventually healed. It was weird but I almost felt like a parent to her in the end, because she was completely dependent on me. And when you look at someone through those eyes, you cannot help but be sympathetic and forgiving (as parents usually are). It was an amazing journey. Hell, for sure, to watch a parent slip away over a long period of time, but very healing after all. It is interesting to hear from someone at the age of the OP, who is at the beginning of a woman's journey towards establishing an adult relationship with a difficult mother.</p>