<p>Since they won’t talk about it, I think writing a paper is a way to start. I’m guessing that distance is the main problem, so I would do part of the paper as a list of objections they’ll likely have to your going there. Along with each objection, list solutions to it or ways to mitigate it. You’ll probably miss some objections, but it will at least open a dialog between you, allowing further discussion.</p>
<p>I’d need to know a bit more about their objections.</p>
<p>One way to approach it might be to leave aside specifics of this or that school and hash out with them some general parameters around the kinds of schools you can apply to, e.g., distance, cost, majors etc.</p>
<p>If it turns out that they only want you applying to schools within 15 minutes of your house then perhaps there’s a relative or respected friend who can speak with them on the advantages of leaving home.</p>
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<p>No, No, No!!!</p>
<p>Always be positive when you are trying to convince someone. Start with the reasons why you should go there. For instance, you want to study math, and they are the #1 school in the nation for math.</p>
<p>Only after you have stated your case, then, if you haven’t already, you can address possible objections. When you do, frame it in a positive way. For instance, don’t say: School ABC is not too expensive. Say: School XYZ will only cost $5,000/yr to attend since they have a good scholarship program. Whereas Local State University will cost $15,000/yr because they give out very little financial aid.</p>
<p>Thank you guys for your honesty. Really, hearing/reading some of those posts really helped. And yes, I’ll work on my grammar! I’m terribly sorry about the prospective/perspective mix-up. It probably makes me seem unfit to say that the school that I would like to go and visit is the University of Chicago. </p>
<p>We live in the midwest, Nebraska to be exact. We live in a very small town. I can see their side of the story, because it would be very different for them and myself as well. </p>
<p>Some reasons I like the school (from what I’ve seen in viewbooks and current students opinions) are the core curriculum, the academic atmosphere, and the fact that it is in a big, urban city. As for the core, I like the idea of still having classes you’re required to take. While I’m leaning toward a biology major, I still am not completely positive, and believe that the core may help me find a real “passion” for something I haven’t yet experienced. I also see college not only as a stepping stone to a great, high-paying job, but as a chance to question everything around you. It appears to me that the University of Chicago does just that, plus they’re known for the academic rigor. Since I come from a very small town, which I’m not incredibly fond of, I am looking for a real change of pace, and feel that Chicago would be a welcome change for me. </p>
<p>I’ve mentioned the above reasons to my parents at one point or another, and they seem to think they are completely bogus reasons. They are true believers in the “go to college to get a good job”, and not much else. I really want to grow, and meet a diverse group of people who want to LEARN! I don’t want to surround myself with people who want to party 24/7. (Granted, I know that this is college and partying will happen, but anyone who knows about UChicago will probably agree less goes on there) </p>
<p>I really do think that the real reason is the distance. Money could very well be an issue too, but even if it was a “cheaper” school, their feelings would remain the same. Whenever I talk to my mom about it, she starts to cry, and nearly shuts down, so we just drop the subject entirely. </p>
<p>I have talked to them about other colleges around my hometown that I’m interested in going to. And we have gone on a couple of visits around home.</p>
<p>I’m sorry your mom cries. That’s so unfair because what you’re asking for isn’t unreasonable. At the same time, I can appreciate the parental perspective of how can you know this is the perfect place for you if you haven’t set foot on the campus.</p>
<p>You’ve got to have a true heart-to-heart with your parents. Forget about your mom’s tears (some of that is natural as you’re an only child and she WILL miss you when you are gone, but she will live, so don’t let that derail you). You’ve GOT to find out if the issue is really money. It’s difficult for parents to tell their kids they can’t have everything they want, but at 17 or 18, you should be mature enough to understand the financial situation of your family and be able to engage them in an adult conversation about it. Maybe they don’t understand how generous some private colleges are (I don’t know about UChicago). You haven’t mentioned your stats; will you be eligible for merit aid? A compromise is to apply to a couple of schools you want, a couple that they want and maybe a couple of compromises. Tell them that just because you apply doesn’t mean you’ll get accepted, and getting accepted doesn’t mean you’ll go. You can look at the financial situation then and decide.</p>
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<p>Come on guys, some ‘gifts’ are pretty close to obligations. You have a child, you are obligated to let that person share in the family resources long enough to be set up for a productive life. You can decide that don’t want to make the ‘gift’, and other people including your children can decide that they consider you to be a stingy rat.</p>
<p>Okay, my own knee-jerk reaction to Chicago would be ‘how safe will my child be there?’ Of course I’m also worried about crime where my own son will be attending college, and it’s only 40 minutes away from home (his choice by the way.) I’m less worried about my kid who will going 3 hours away from home.</p>
<p>Anyway, that is a concern that you will need to address.</p>
<p>The bottom line is that you can apply anywhere you have the application fee to apply. You don’t need your parents permission to apply anyplace.</p>
<p>You’d be surprised at how affordable some schools are when you factor in scholarships and other financial aid so don’t just look at the total cost and think it’s totally out of your reach.</p>
<p>Do not let your parents tell you that you can’t attend any particular school because ‘they’ can’t afford it. That’s why student loans are available. It’s going to be more dependent on YOUR willingness to assume debt…and student loans are a form of ‘good’ debt because you’ll be using those funds to improve yourself.</p>
<p>I have virtually NO funds to help my sons attend college due to my husband being laid off and going back to being self-employeed (plus I lost my job last year, etc.) Yet one of my sons will be attending a college that the bottom line cost is around $33,000 per year. He got a scholarship that will amount to around $6000 per year…the rest he’s going to have to get loans for.</p>
<p>His grandmother (my mom) has said that she will help some with funding, BUT…and this is the really important part…my mom has been saying all along that she’d only pay for college for her grandkids (this particular batch of them, three going to college this fall) if they lived at home and went to community college.</p>
<p>Well…from that point on I haven’t really discussed college funding with their grandmother because community college is absolutely not the correct place for either of my sons. For one he would have to STILL take four years at his 4 year university of choice given his chosen major. The other boy is going to art school. That’s not to say that I didn’t investigate the community college option…it’s just that I found it to be NOT what my sons ultimately wanted.</p>
<p>And you know what? Now that’s it’s obvious that my sons will NOT be attending community college their grandmother STILL wants to contribute some money to their education. Don’t know how much yet, I haven’t asked, but we’ll accept her help graciously. But I refused to allow grandma to make my sons feel that they couldn’t or shouldn’t attend the schools that would best meet their needs AND dreams.</p>
<p>My point is that you need to listen to your parents concerns AND you need to investigate other schools that might have the same philosophies that U of C has that might be more acceptable to your parents AND you need to figure out if you’re willing to apply to U of C on your own AND if you’re willing to fund your education yourself through student loans if need be.</p>
<p>If you go through the whole college search process seriously considering other schools and show your parents that you are serious about what you want and end up being accepted to U of C then my guess is that, in the end, if you really, really want to go there (after carefully weighing all options) they will support your decision. You might want to practice saying things like, “I know this isn’t your first choice for me, but I’m going to apply to U of C as well as Colleges X, Y and Z.” “I have an idea for a summer trip…let’s go visit U of C. I know you don’t like the idea of me going there, but if we visit perhaps I’ll find something I HATE about it and not want to go there.” “Well, I’ve got my acceptance letters from X, Z and U of C…after going over everything I’ve decided that I want to attend…”</p>
<p>Good luck. Ultimately it’s YOUR life. Tell your parents you love them. Tell your mom you’re not purposely trying to upset her, but this is your dream and that she’s taught you that you can do anything you want and that you should follow your dreams, etc, blah, blah, blah.</p>
<p>AND, if your parents can come up with some really iron-clad reasons why U of C isn’t a good choice then please listen to them! But by the same token, you might need to gently insist that they listen to you if there’s no obvious reason why U of C isn’t a valid option.</p>
<p>OP: You seem to have very good reasons for wanting to go to UChicago and you seem to have thought it through well. However, I still have my earlier question: Do you have a list, at this point, or just one school you really love? Though there aren’t many great schools in Nebraska, to the best of my knowledge, there are plenty of good schools in Iowa, Minnesota, and Colorado, all of which ought to be strongly considered if distance is really your parents’ concern.</p>
<p>You mentioned that you’ve gone on college visits nearby. What schools did you visit, and how did you feel about those visits? Have you spoken seriously with your parents, basically, about the rest of your list - with or without UChicago on it? You’ve outlined what you want in a college well. What, aside from a strong degree and education that leads to a good job later on, do your parents think would be best? And can you compromise on most of the schools on your list and then ask them if you can apply to UChicago (maybe offering to pay for the application fee yourself, if you can) and then just see what happens when results and financial aid comes in?</p>
<p>Knowing Chicago and the area around the U of Chicago it may scare your parents to know too much about the outside of Hyde Park neighborhood. Visiting the city would be a good one week family vacation for everyone, with a brief side trip to thhe campus. Your family could have a wonderful time with the museums, Navy pier, et al. Staying in the western suburbs can be cheaper. Plenty of families with kids of all ages along Michigan Ave’s Magnificent Mile. Lake Michigan is worth the trip. Seeing the tourist sites would make the city feel safer to them. Good Luck.</p>
<p>As a mom of a really bright S who THOUGHT that Chicago was THE college for him[ he was accepted both as a Freshman and as a transfer student his sophomore year] , a few words of caution. 1] Unless you are pretty poor, Chicago may not be affordable to your parents, as they have a well deserved reputation for stingy FA. If you are middle class, or your parents are self employed or own property, don’t count on a generous FA package from Chicago, especially when compared to other top private colleges.
2] Son transferred to Chicago his sophomore year, and found that even for a geeky, studious kid, the workload was more than he wanted. He also liked to have some fun, but found there just wasn’t time, given all that work required.
3]Chicago is best for the intense, self directed student who has a hunger to learn ABOVE ALL ELSE. Chicago is not a great college for those requiring hand holding, or who aren’t sure of themselves academically. Are you a tip top student at your HS? You can get an equally great education at many colleges, you would just would have to stay more focused to not get distracted. At Chicago, you have no choice but to stay focused if you want to succeed.</p>
<p>You need to deal with your mother’s separation issue head on. If she thinks she’s going to cry any less because you’re only an hour away, she kidding herself. She doesn’t want to “lose” you. The process of visiting and applying to schools is a repetitive reminder that each day you get closer to leaving.</p>
<p>My suggestion for a strategy: Show her how you can stay in touch. Get Skype free Video Chat on the computer at home. You’d be able to check in daily (at first), and she’d be able to see you were doing OK. Or offer an appointed phone chat time every other day when she knows you’ll be around to talk to her. </p>
<p>You, your mother and father all need to acknowledge that this is not about UChicago or UAlaska or UTimbuktu; it’s about everyone realizing the opportunities and responsibilities involved in becoming a college student. This isn’t about money or crime or quality of education; it’s about letting go.</p>
<p>Second, I think that any worries/discussions about money are ridiculously premature. The OP hasn’t even applied yet. After he applies, after he’s accepted and after he sees his FinAid package then there can be a discussion. </p>
<p>Finally, I agree with with menloparkmom, UChicago has a reputation as “The Place Where Fun Goes To Die”. In the last 5 years, 2 of 4 students from sons’ high school have been accepted and then transferred out…</p>
<p>I strongly DISAGREE that it’s premature to consider finances. You can get a rough estimate of what would happen with some of the free Finnancial Aid calculators. It is important to have agreements and realsitic options that the family CAN AFFORD rather than “pie in the sky” thoughts that if only I apply & am accepted at “School X,” the money wil somehow work itself out. It doesn’t happen that way & more & more kids & families are finding this outthe hard way. It makes no sense to go to “Dream U” as a freshman only to run out of money & have to transfer to cheaper U to get the degree.</p>
<p>Chicago is a great school, but the concerns mentioned by many are very valid. Please consider the many excellent smaller schools located much closer to you, as well as honors programs at the larger schools. You will find they also offer the academic experience you seek and enough activities that you will not necessarily miss a big city.</p>
<p>If a big city is essential to you (and I love the excitement of big cities, but can tell you that while at a top big city school, I had very little time to explore the city), look at other schools as well which are in or near big cities. It never pays to fall in love with a college which has not yet admitted you, and offered you any aid you need, much less one you have never seen.</p>
<p>Chicago is a great school and Chicago is a great city. Both are expensive (although probably not much more than “the many excellent smaller schools located much closer to you”) (and which schools are those? I wonder). The (many) Chicago students I know do have fun, and they do take advantage of being in a great city, and they are generally hardworking, intellectual people who care about what they are learning. I have no doubt that Chicago offers high-quality educational opportunities that are not available to the OP closer to home. The question is at what price?</p>
<p>The OP is in Nebraska. The menu of educational opportunities available within, say, 300 miles of home (much less 50 miles of home) is pretty limited. Chicago is where really smart Nebraska kids often go when they want to stay closer to home than Massachusetts or California. Perhaps Colorado College or Grinnell are closer, but not so much closer that it’s really meaningful. </p>
<p>I don’t blame the OP for wanting to think about more than Nebraska has to offer. But he or she needs to talk about that with the parents, and also to talk about the financial aspects of looking for something better.</p>
<p>In many ways, I desperately want to get out of Nebraska, for reasons that are probably pretty obvious. My high school has many students who opt for the traditional University of Nebraska choice, and are just fine. The thing is, I want to get out of Nebraska. I don’t really want to live here, and am afraid that if I don’t “get out” while I have the chance, I won’t. My parents, who have lived in the town we currently live in for all their lives, don’t understand why I want to get out of this “wonderful” area, which is centered almost entirely around farming. It’s not all I have for my hometown is hatred, it’s just that it’s not a place I want to live my entire life.</p>
<p>Believe me when I say that I’ve looked around for other colleges a little closer to home. I’ve searched on numerous websites, looking for colleges which match my preferences, and the pickings seem a little slim. </p>
<p>In Nebraska, the main college I’m interested in is Creighton University. We (my parents and I) did go on a visit here during the spring of my junior year. My mom was so giddy after we returned home, it was a little sickening. She does in fact seem very high on this school now, which is NOT a cheap school, by any means. This gives me the idea that cost may not be as big of a contributing factor as distance may be. Plus, my cousin is an alumni of Creighton, which may give my mom a little more confidence. </p>
<p>I also have visited Nebraska Wesleyan, which is a private university. They would love to have me go their, as well. </p>
<p>My mom has also made the comment that, should I end up going to a school very close to home, I can “pretend I’m far away and never come home”. This, of course, confused me. </p>
<p>I completely realize that saying I’m in LOVE with the University of Chicago is entirely wrong, given the acceptance rate and cost for tuition, room and board, etc. I do have more colleges in mind, but to me, the University of Chicago sticks out to me. I’m sure I’ll be happy wherever I end up. I’m really looking forward to the entire college experience, no matter where it happens. </p>
<p>Thanks so much for all of your helpful advice. I really appreciate it.</p>
<p>You might look at DePaul as another Chicago possibility. The college is in a great Chicago neighborhood and has many nice merit scholarships available. A fun school in a fun neighborhood, many of its academic programs are excellent, and it is a safety school for a top student (as long as they don’t think it is just a safety school for you). Check it out.</p>
<p>Based on what you previously said, I’d have bet that distance was the main issue. You need to convey that even though you’re hours away, you can communicate with a simple phone call, text message, email, skype, or any other method. That you promise to contact them at least weekly to let them know what’s going on.</p>
<p>If you want examples, S4 will be 3+ hours away by plane or 50-60 hours away by ferry and car. Our other three sons were away a similar distance when they were in school. Just let them know that other parents face the distance issues and have survived it. Oh, and we do have a local university, so going out of state was not because of a lack of choice locally.</p>
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<p>OperaDad,</p>
<p>I think we were in agreement here. I said part of the paper should address objections, not the whole paper. I agree objections should be framed in the best light with solutions, so the parents will see that it was well thought out.</p>
<p>First off, Taypi, I am very proud of you! You sound like a courageous young lady/man who wants to broaden their horizons.</p>
<p>Can I make some suggestions to you?</p>
<p>You love the University of Chicago and the urban environment, and your mother was thrilled with Creighton.</p>
<p>Can I suggest Loyola University of Chicago or Marquette, which is in Milwaukee, about 90 minutes from Chicago?</p>
<p>They are both Jesuit schools. Look into them. If you like them, you can talk them up to your mom that they are Jesuit schools, just like Creighton. This will be a plus on their side.</p>
<p>Depending on what you want to major in at Loyola, if you lean toward it, you can actually take courses and stay in a dorm at the Water Tower campus. This is in downtown Chicago, right by Michigan Avenue. You will have the excitement of the city and the opportunities of an urban college. The lake campus is more north of the city, but seems to be close to public transportation, so you could see the city as well. </p>
<p>As for Marquette, there is one campus, but lots of different majors, is in an urban environment, has engineering, which Loyola doesn’t, but also offers internships/coops in the surrounding area. So you could possibly intern/coop in Chicago for a few semesters and possibly land a job there, if that’s where you want to settle.</p>
<p>There is also another Catholic college in Chicago called DePaul, which seems to be in the city as well. I don’t know too much about it, but if your parents aren’t partial to Jesuits, but maybe Catholic colleges in general, look into it, see if you like it, and try to sell it.</p>
<p>Start off by going to their websites to gather information. Register to receive information. Ask for Marquette’s Big Book. Do the same for the equivalent at Loyola Chicago and DePaul.</p>
<p>Loyola and Marquette do offer merit aid, are around the same price as Creighton, so if your parents are willing to pay for Creighton, they may be willling to chip in for Loyola or Marquette.</p>
<p>Maybe you can open your conversation with your parents with, Hey, mom, dad, I found some really good Jesuit/Catholic colleges that are in Chicago. Maybe we can look into them? </p>
<p>And another bold suggestion I may make is, how about a compromise? Maybe you can pitch in on the cost of attendance. Get a job at the cafeteria or another on campus job. If you’re able to, pay your room and board, if your parents are counting on your living at home and therefore not having to pay that, and maybe your parents will be willing to pay some of your tuition. </p>
<p>Talk to the financial aid office about what your options may be if you don’t qualify for scholarships or need-based aid. Maybe you could take on a low interest loan. Take CLEP tests and AP tests so you can earn credits without taking classes and thus finish earlier, thereby reducing your overall cost of attendance. </p>
<p>After you get through your first year, keep searching for ways to get aid. Look for scholarships available for upperclassmen, particularly in your department. Now that you’ve got your foot in the door on campus, look for more jobs. Ask lots of questions not just of financial aid office, but also, in your department. </p>
<p>It will take a lot of work on your part. Nobody is going to walk up to you and say, Oh, by the way, we want to help you out with your tuition. </p>
<p>Best of luck to you!</p>
<p>taypi31, I’m also from Nebraska and will be attending the University of Chicago this fall. Here are a few pieces of information that may help convince your parents to let you attend UChicago.</p>
<p>-There are a few airlines that have a direct flight from Omaha’s airport to Midway (the airport in Chicago that isn’t O’hare and is very close to UChicago). The flight is a little under 2 & 1/2 hours.
-UChicago has contributed heavily to the field of biology. For example, the Urey/Miller experiment was conducted at the University of Chicago.
-Employeers cite UChicago kids as some of the most creative and useful potential employees out there (this is especially true for people who have attended UChicago’s business school).
-UChicago spends a lot of its $4 billion endowment on research, which would provide you with unique research opportunities you might not have in NE.</p>