A really screwed up situation...

Pre-College Issues High School Life
1

<p>I've been really stressed out these couple of days by school, applications, and mostly, the situation I'm in...and I would appreciate any advice or whatever you have that could just get me out of this because I can't do anything; I can't do my homework, I can't allow myself to eat anything, I can't go to sleep...I just don't know what to do and this may sound like a hopeless whiny vent, but I am just so I don't know, I don't even have a word for it. Maybe you can find a word to describe my feelings (if you decide to read past here)</p>

<p>Basically, since September, I have become great friends with a guy who had a girlfriend, and we've been flirting for months. We went out on "dates" (he paid for all our meals, etc.) while he was with his gf and we've had conversations that go beyond what friends would talk about. Two weeks ago I addressed him about exactly what our relationship was and he said how he wanted to be more than friends, but didn't want to jeopordize our friendship or break his gf's heart. We are really good friends, except our friendship is full of flirtation, but I do consider him to be one of my closest friends.</p>

<p>Last week, some of the senior class went to DC including him and my best friend. I didn't go. All throughout the trip, he was texting me and saying really suggestive things and then when they returned, he became really aloof and wasn't really interested in talking to me.</p>

<p>It turns out that he fell for my best friend while in DC. That was big shocker number one. Secondly, he broke up with his gf BEFORE the trip and didn't tell me. He actually broke up with her the night that he took me out downtown to a really nice restaurant.</p>

<p>And my friend didn't have any idea that he liked her...until I told her. And he called her and wanted to be more than friends with her. Normally, I would expect my best friend to say no straightaway; we know each other so well and I would have never thought that she would even consider being with him. Now when I ask her about what she plans on doing, I just get a "I don't know..." and I'm hurt because when I first told he about it (before he called her), she said that she realyl didn't like him as a person.</p>

<p>And that's not the biggest thing I've been stressing over. After a long conversation with him, I found out that I inspired, so to speak, him to break up with his gf since he discovered that there were a lot more "interesting girls out there" but now, there's just something about me that doesn't "click" with him. Here's the biggest problem: he says that he values our friendship over going out with my best friend (well, not so best at the moment)</p>

<p>Basically, if I am uncomfortable with their relationship, he's not going to do anything with her even though he wants to. That puts a lot of pressure on me. I AM uncomfortable with it because he expects our flirty friendship to stay the same and wants to continue hanging out with me, with or without my friend. If I pretend to be ok with it, then I think jealousy will come up between my friend and me and I will end up losing both of their friendships. If I say that I'm not ok with it, then I feel like they will both be upset with me, even though he says he values my friendship more.</p>

<p>I have totally lost any romantic intentions toward him. I feel like I would not be able to trust him and that he needs a break from girls, since he was with his gf for a year.</p>

<p>I really don't know what to do. I feel like I will always be stuck, and I will lose both friends no matter what I do.</p>

<p>And I'm really sorry for this long post. If you've read to here, then you deserve some sort of patience award for reading about someone you don't even know.</p>

2

<p>Patience my friend, patience is virtue.</p>

<p>I'd say calm down, take everything one step at a time, you need to eat, do hw, sleep, etc.</p>

<p>After you can do that again, go to your best friend and talk with her about the whole situation and how you feel, blah blah blah, and then talk with him....
If you are still uncomfortable, let time pass, you might get use to it or find someone new to flirt with.</p>

3

<p>If you read your own post, I believe your answer is within.</p>

<p>As much as you were/are/might be attracted to this young man, you have been disillusioned by the way in which he has violated the trust of his former gf by engaging in a boundary-stretching friendship with you and the way in which he violated your trust by risking your feelings with your best friend. Listen to your gut. There may be extenuating circumstances and nuances that you haven't shared in your post, but this appears to be a young man who is currently thinking exclusively about his own happiness, not yours. That's not to say he's a terrible person or that he won't mature or won't learn from experience and become a fine person, but at the moment, he seems to be acting on his impulses rather than on a code of honor. Proceed with great caution, and ask your mom what she thinks.</p>

<p>Dizzymom</p>

4

<p>I agree with Dizzymom, but also If you never officially went out with him, then even if it would have been nicer for your friend to back off, I don't think that you can say you had claim to him previously. Therefor, I don't think that your friend should be blamed, even if she didn't act as appropriately as she might have.</p>

5

<p>yea just let your friend have him..</p>

6

<p>uhh he would break up with a gf that easily? hmm... well i don't know the full situation, so i won't make any judgement calls</p>

7

<p>He's an attention-whore, and I doubt he'll change. I think you need to move on.</p>

8

<p>From your post, he just sounds like he's being selfish. He's playing with your emotions, and putting the pressure on you to decide what to do. Jeez, I've seen things like this happen so many times in high school, but then again, this is a period of experimentation. </p>

<p>I know it's easier said than done, but you gotta get over this guy! Show him that you don't care what he does, because he's below you. Spend some more time with your girlfriends, and maybe after a while, open your mind a little to a possible new relationship with someone more trustworthy.</p>

9

<p>Thanks for all your messages :-) This past week has been just a lot of emotional ups and downs. I think I'm pretty much over him, except I miss the attention and the flirtiness and I'm jealous sometimes...and other times I am so excited because I think "we can all be a really bood group of friends" and then I go back to not talking to anyone. And I think that my friend is just really desperate to be in a relationship, so I guess I'll just let them do whatever they want, because if he is who he has shown himself to be (a huge jerk), then it will show when my friend gets screwed over, which I sometimes hop does happen, and sometimes not (if you understand what I mean).</p>

<p>The worst thing about him is that I try to ignore him and not speak to him, and then he always asks me if something is bothering me or is something wrong and starts tickling me. And I just want to scream in his face and tell him "duh! of course something is wrong if I'm barely speaking to you" but I can't. I just respond with, "I'm just really stressed out..." or something vague like that.</p>