A Stanford application essay

Colleges and Universities A-Z Stanford University
1

<p>Hey, can you guys read my application essay and give suggestions and ideas? Its slightly over character limit, but this is only my first draft.</p>

<li>Of the activities, interests and experiences you listed previously, which is the most meaningful to you, and why?</li>
</ol>

<p>Learning a new piece is like building a new relationship. The composer is suddenly your friend, and the music is the rapport that each person maintains. I admit relationships are never perfect, so when octaves, scales, or arpeggios impede my acquaintance, I only practice harder.</p>

<p>Take for instance the temperamental Scherzo in E flat minor by Brahms, which isn’t the most pleasant piece to befriend. Epic runs, dangerous leaps, and awkward intervals line the sheet. It’s a lousy friend at first: slightly insolent and very volatile; I try not to aggravate it by applying slow practice in the beginning stages of our acquaintance. I practice meticulously, each hand separately, until I can grasp every note, articulation, and contour with each individual finger. This phase requires the most patience because at this point the relationship is not reciprocal. </p>

<p>When harmony and melody first meet after slow practice, the piece tames begins to become receptive to my ideas. It begins to trust me, but more importantly, I begin to trust myself in its interpretation. In the conversation among the pianist, music, and composer, the pianist has the final say on how to resolve the cadence, or pedal the phrase. Eventually, with enough time and practice, the piece becomes a dependable friend from whom I can seek consolation or motivation.</p>

<p>Though the process involved in building a relationship with a new piece is long and arduous, the rewards are endless. The piano and its literature contain an ineffable quality that speaks to my soul at its greatest depths. The slick ivory and warm ebony serves as a friend that I can express my emotions to without reserve. I’ve made many friends, and each one amalgamates into my repertoire as a person.</p>

2

<p>Not personal enough. You don't talk about you enough. Remove generalities.</p>

<p>I have other suggestions but they're mostly personal opinions and assumptions so I will spare you. The one I stated above is valid though.</p>

3

<p>Could you give specific examples on how I could make it more personal?</p>

4

<p>Too many bulky words? Amalgamates?</p>

5

<p>Yeah, thats what I thought. What word should I substitute in for that?</p>

6

<p>I wrote about piano too =(</p>

7

<p>There's no shortage of pianist for sure!</p>

8

<p>My opinion is: I don't know if this would work. It is fairly eloquent and well written with interesting imagery, but I don't know if adcoms will think it says enough about you. I don't necessarily want to discourage you because I only know the essays of one person who was admitted (me), so just because I wrote a more personal essay doesn't mean that yours will fail. </p>

<p>Are you happy with it? What do you want it to say about you? What do you think it says about you?</p>

9

<p>I'm happy that I even squeezed it out of myself, lol. Well, its only the first draft that I spit out in an hour or so. It probably doesn't say as much as I'd like to to say as of this point in its conception, but I would like your opinions so I can shape it more.</p>

10

<p>bump bump bump</p>

11

<p>bump??????????????!!!</p>

12

<p>I think the main problem is that it sounds like a textbook. I don't believe that Stanford is going to be impressed by your ability to use a thesaurus. I understand how you're trying to create an extended metaphor in your essay, but it seems more like practicing instructions then something that has been written by YOU. Truthfully, are songs really your friends? That seems cliched and sticky sweet with sentiment... Tell how piano makes you feel! Why do you even like playing piano? Tell an anecdote, talk about a time when your "friend" betrayed you at a botched concert, do anything to make it sound like you aren't just a song learning, piano playing robot. Put emotion into the essay, because at its core, that's what music is. It isn't just learning the notes, it isn't just interpreting phrases, it's throwing yourself into the piece, with reckless abandon. Music is just tonal emotion.</p>

<p>Some little things: "I begin to trust myself in its interpretation." I know what you're trying to say, but it sounds like it is interpreting, not you. "The piece tames becomes receptive to my ideas." I'm assuming this is a typo.</p>

<p>Hope this helps, and I'm not trying to be hypercritical, but you did ask.</p>

13

<p>Thanks for the tips, lothar. Those are definitely good ideas that I will incorporate when I draft it again.</p>