A story of a young man (me) and his struggle with long-term migraines and depression

Pre-College Issues High School Life
1

<p>Hey everyone,</p>

<p>During June of this year, I started showing symptoms of a strange long-term illness, and I posted a thread here four months ago to ask for advice, because I was afraid that I would not be able to attend school. I haven't been active on the CC forums ever since, but I decided to return today to share my story.</p>

<p>Anyways, I've always been considered a "model student" at my school. I get straight As, have many extracurriculars, and have friendly relations with my teachers. But shortly after my sophomore year, I started having constant migraine headaches and debilitating dizziness that never go away. It is wreaking havoc on my daily life: I cannot watch TV/movies/videos at all, have trouble reading, experience intense motion sickness while riding in the car, and have trouble concentrating while studying. Obviously, my entire summer was ruined.</p>

<p>Due to these problems, I was basically stuck in my home the entire summer, unable to do anything except lie around, with almost no social contact. In short, it was pure hell, and I developed depression and panic disorder. The combination of all these problems were driving me insane, my friends and family became scared, and I wasn't sure if I could attend school in the fall. I went to a neurologist, who isn't sure what is causing my headaches and dizziness, but he prescribed me medication which ultimately treated my depression and panic attacks.</p>

<p>As I entered my junior year, my school was very helpful in re-adapting me to the learning environment. I'm only taking five classes, two less than the usual number. At first, my long-term illness was killing my academic performance, but I refused to give up and miraculously, I ended up with straight As (barely) first quarter. But this quarter, my grades have started to slip, and it is not because of my illness...</p>

<p>I've always considered myself a math/science person, but ever since I've been inflicted with my illness, I've been slowly immersed into the humanities, for artists and philosophers are often fueled by exposure to continuous pain. Although I first concentrated on my studies and got straight As last quarter, now I often spend my time not on homework, but playing guitar, debating social issues with myself, or pondering the true nature of reality and the meaning of life. I don't mind the drop in grades; in fact, I recently realized that grades aren't that important in the long run, and I'm using my time to do what I like to do. But this sudden change of interests is messing with my previous plans; I enrolled in mostly math and science courses to prepare myself to be an engineer or research scientist. Now, I have no idea what I want to do. I don't even know if I can get into college or not: I collapsed after taking a 45-minute physics test due to dizziness, how can I expect to survive the 4-hour SAT?</p>

<p>My life is becoming more and more confusing and my future is uncertain. For some reason, after almost half a year, my headaches and dizziness still haven't improved. But I have an appointment at Johns Hopkins next week (since my current neurologist can't do anything more), and hopefully that will lead to some answers, at least ones regarding my long-term illness. Until then, I will bravely fight on and attempt to live a normal life.</p>

<p>Does anyone care? If so, comments are welcome.</p>

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<p>I remember your post. Personally I think you should have tried a different doctor in the first place, but it's nice to hear you are now. Just keep in mind that the guitar isn't going to pay the bills! :)</p>

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<p>I care, and I remember your posts from awhile ago about this topic. I hope that everything works out for you...stay strong!!!!!</p>

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<p>fight the disease and win the cure. it is in you. if you are confused, whether it be emotion or symptom, remember: the enemy's gate is down.</p>

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<p>Thanks, it is great to know that there are people supporting me ^_^</p>

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<p>My advice is to keep pushing your doctors to find the cause of your symptoms, not just prescribe a bunch of medications. Go all the way to the top if necessary to try to get an answer. You can do research yourself on the internet, not to diagnose yourself but to raise questions for you to ask the doctors. Good luck!</p>

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<p>
[quote]
but ever since I've been inflicted with my illness, I've been slowly immersed into the humanities, for artists and philosophers are often fueled by exposure to continuous pain. Although I first concentrated on my studies and got straight As last quarter, now I often spend my time not on homework, but playing guitar, debating social issues with myself, or pondering the true nature of reality and the meaning of life.

[/quote]
</p>

<p>you sound a lot like me there. i didn't get depressed, nor did i sulk in my room for days after days. but i did end up surfing website after website after website after website and stopped caring about my grades and totally changed my value system in such a way that I don't really care about social status anymore. and i feel more conscious about the world. most things really don't matter that much. and now i'm more self-motivated, albeit somewhat more inclined to avoid people and to only interact with them when i have to, since i feel that most people are a waste of time and that what applies to one person does not necessarily apply to me. i am frustrated at the educational system more so though - since I like to learn things at my own pace and at my own whim, which makes me skip lectures and to try to find some way to take tests that demonstrate ability (without forcing myself to take the concurrent courses). hm. </p>

<p>But I used to be pure math/science/history too, then i started diverging into other areas (social sciences and biology and mere contemplation). but i realize that i can learn everything BY MYSELF and not through any damned institution, which makes me future extremely uncertain since I don't have anything to prove myself (and won't have anything to prove myself other than my own writing). most people are insanely specialized and narrow-minded through their training and over-reliance on formal education, and it makes me sad, as it really lowers the number of people i can have a conversation with. </p>

<p>so i'm still suspicious of most people and institutions, but am open to unexpected surprises. hm. </p>

<p>i've never been mentally ill though. i just philosophized myself to another belief system through which i have an outlet for my stresses, and my rational egoism + cynical nihilism provides a bulwark against depressive thinking. But it seems that (for now) at least, I have some outlets (as long as my parents are willing to support me).The problem is that my parents have little appreciation for abstract intellectual pursuits (and neither does society for that matter => most PhDs, especially in the social sciences/humanities, end up doing something non-academic) and so consequently I'm considered to be more or less of a leech, even though my self-study is leading me to become very thoughtful and intellectual.</p>

<p>On a side note, i do have asperger's syndrome and possibly ADD</p>

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<p>Dear friend,</p>

<p>I've had most of the same problems as you for the last two years.
I started out with depression. Then the dizziness came, but it wasn't as bad as your seems, just extreme weakness when standing up. I had panic disorder and still am on anti depressants. After going to about three of the best neurologists, I still didn't get the answer I wanted. I pushed them to have an answer. I educated myself about my symptoms. I would stay many hours on the computer to find out what I may have. One doctor said I may have an undeveloped neurological system....bull. My mom even began thinking I was a hypochondriac because I kept pushing doctors to get more and more tests and more answers. Now, my mom always says I was right all along by pushing the issue, when she just worried about the money (although she really doesn't want to admit it).
After so many tests they did, the only test they never did, and should've done at the beginning, was an EEG. They discovered I have Epilepsy. I'm now treated and feel much better.
I encourage you to ask your doctor to do one, and if he refuses, then go to another one, or push your patient rights. And EEG can find many neurological things, and it's one of the first things that should be done.
If it has already been done, please post what tests have been done and I'll apply the little knowledge I have from my experience.</p>

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<p>amorosasrojas:</p>

<p>Thanks for your concern! Actually, the doctors who I've been to have been very helpful and I have done several tests: MRI, EEG, eye test, several blood tests, and urine test. The results indicate that everything is normal, which is very perplexing...</p>

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<p>What state do you live in? The doctor I go to did various test, but he does them on everyone who steps in his office. I don't know all the names, but I could find out.</p>

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<p>I live in Maryland.</p>

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<p>Oh well, not very close to Texas...lol.
Anyway, I've been so touched by your story that I just want to help. It seems like we have similar things. Keep pushing the doctors to figure it out. Dizzines and depression are not normal. Make sure they check your thyroid and other major horomonal glands. You never know, your case could be so simple but your doctors just haven't done the right test.</p>

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<p>All right, thanks for the advice! ^_^</p>

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<p>I just read your post and I have either the same or a very similar problem. I experience headaches, dizziness, and light sensitivity. I can't use the computer for more than ~1 hour without getting lightheaded, and haven't watched television for enjoyment for over a year. Reading has gotten a little funny. Most of all, I can't concentrate. </p>

<p>I've been shuffled between opthamalogists and neurologists who can't figure out what I have. I have had 1 MRI and an EEG that was "somewhat limited due to bad patient relaxation", but both have been considered normal.</p>

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<p>On a side note, I find that the best (non-therapative) treatments for depression come along the lines of trying to read as much as possible (and just to vent out one's feelings on a private blog). Oftentimes those who are depressed close themselves from the rest of the world and consequently get stuck in a loop of unremitting self-defeating thinking. But reading is a way to get out of that (reading A LOT) (especially if you try to think about what you're reading) - and it's also a way to avoid external stressors that could exacerbate the situation when they go bad (friends are not always reliable - sometimes friends will go along the way of "screw it, you're not worth the trouble anymore", especially if depression lasts for too long). </p>

<p>cognitive strategies often help with some types of depression. divergent thinking (thinking along the lines of the perspective of an external observer, or testing out null hypotheses or playing devil's advocate) also help.</p>

<p>i still don't know of a way to deal with obsessive fixations (which can probably trigger or exacerbate depression) though</p>

<p>I don't know. I've had brushes with anger and anxiety - not direct depression. Sometimes thinking of analogous cases really helps. The main thing with me is that I'm a voracious reader.</p>

<p>in some cases depression can also devastate a career afterwards. in which case a change in thinking strategies could often help with the post-depressive period. granted, i'm still angry a lot (it's gone to the extent that I've sympathized with the manifestos that school shooters write - although I would never do such a thing) and i'd like to find a way to get out of my anger and to live at peace with the world.</p>

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<p>schrizto:
Oh wow, that does seem really similar, except for the light sensitivity. How long have you had this problem?</p>