<p>When my D was trying to decide between two schools, she was in a quandry...so we decided to take a week of not talking about it at all...we talked about other college stuff, sheets, shipping, etc., but nothing about which school, for one week...still gave her enough time to make a decision, but gave her time to ponder and take a break</p>
<p>sure it was still on her mind, but my input and others was not shared, something my D needed, a break and time to just think without having to discuss</p>
<p>I recommend that for everyone- it won't do any harm and will allow things to become clearer</p>
<p>We can get sucked into each and every detail and lose some of the joy</p>
<p>Or we get so frustrated because of finances etc that the choices in get clouded</p>
<p>So now is a good time to step back and let it be</p>
<p>I also warned my relatives and friends not to ask...we would let them know...</p>
<p>I am surprised that so many people come to this message board and ask total strangers to make their mind up for them. Making this important personal decision on their own is a good learning experience, and the students should take their time to decide what is best for them.</p>
<p>I don't think they are asking people to make up their minds. They just feel like they don't have enough data to make a rational decision. The trouble is the data often isn't really there. Who know whether a particular department really is better at one school or another. Or you might pick a school for a famous professor, but then you turn out not to like him much. I don't think it hurts to find out as much as possible even if ultimately the decision doesn't seem to have a rational basis.</p>
<p>That said, I agree with CGM, that often sitting back and letting things percolate in the back of your mind can be really helpful.</p>
<p>Oh and cgm--we didn't have a week for silence. We did final re-visits the last 2 weeks of April and had a day or 2 at home before the deadline. I think I did let him sit with his impressions until he had his decision. When all the options are good and affordable...why not let the kid make the decision? And then bring on the joy!</p>
<p>bethievt - S reads all the responses, mumbles something like, "Oh, that's good" and walks away. Based on how he has reacted to all our college visits, this kid will definitely form his own opinions and make his own decision. We're going to be awfully busy in April with visits, and I bet he makes his decision on April 30.</p>
<p>As in all parts of the process, each family has its own process. A week off would be hell for my D who needs to constantly talk about something as it percolates.</p>
<p>However, as I posted before, the minute the acceptances came in, each keep knew exactly where s/he would matriculate.</p>
<p>Bethie: I am not saying this is the best way. In fact, I felt kind of cheated of return visits and a visit of UofC. But we didn't want to spend the money when it was obvious S had no interest in going. </p>
<p>I thought each was eliminating competition way too easily, but each had such a clear favorite, we didn't prolong the process, though it would have been more fun to IMO. </p>
<p>Deposits were sent in by 4/4. We just waited on particulars of FA to be sure.</p>
<p>I would strongly suspect that most people asking for feedback are just doing that - and they are not relying on these boards for their final decisions. </p>
<p>It looks like we aren't going to be doing any follow up visits either. Not my choice - his.</p>
<p>Even Harvard vs. Princeton can have some rational answers. Eating clubs vs. Houses is the first one that occurs to me. </p>
<p>Stanford vs. Harvard? Can be very difficult, but if you are a potential comp sci. major Stanford has a huge advantage.</p>
<p>For my son it was more a case of getting the courage to turn down Harvard for the "lesser" school he knew was much stronger in his department. We did spend about a week of not talking about it, until he finally pushed the button the day before decisions were due.</p>
<p>Good lord we all know our own children and how they process information by now, no? My D talks and talks, my S reflects. However, with colleges, D didn't need to talk. S, oddly enough, does need to talk. So there you go. Take the cues from the kids. Isn't that what all that cute gurgling and horrible waking up in the night taught us?</p>
<p>I think we are in an era where we feel that we need LOTS of "information". We almost fear that we don't have enough, so we cast a wide net, which includes asking total strangers for opinions. The upside of this is that in this data might be something that resonates with us (our kids) or validates a nagging feeling in the back of our minds. I know it really helped me last year when my son was finding fault with his supposedly wonderful and coveted college. Several kids and parents wrote to me and shared the same experiences and feelings that my son was in the middle of, and it was very comforting.<br>
I guess it's a feeling of not being alone out there.</p>
<p>My suggestion, when posting here or for at-home deliberations, would be for students to make a list of priorities. What are THEY looking for in a college experience.</p>
<p>That allows people to make specific recommendations that actually address the student's individual preferences. So much more valid than offering a generic opinion on whether Dartmouth or Columbia is "better".</p>
<p>I think that post #15 is a good idea, but posters should be careful in directing the discussion as many can offer valuable & insightful information & opinions on important topics that never entered into the mind of the OP. Often more is learned from open ended questions than from closed ended questions. During a courtroom trial, most experienced attorneys use closed ended questions to avoid surprises in front of the judge & jury, but during the discovery period preceding trial, open ended questions can be more beneficial in this information gathering stage.</p>
<p>To me, there a couple of different kinds of information you can gather about schools through a website like this. First, you can get info like, "78% of graduates of x department at y college went to a top-tier graduate school." That kind of info may be of use to some folks.
Second, and to me more important, you can get information about the "feel" or general culture of a school. This builds on things you read in guidebooks and that you see in a visit. This is something that was very difficult to get back in the olden days.</p>
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<p>I recommend that for everyone- it won't do any harm and will allow things to become clearer<<</p>
</blockquote>
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<p>I don't recommend that for everyone. The one-size-fits-all approach to decision making, especially when making a subjective decision, is almost never appropriate. Some kids may need to ponder in relative silence. Some may need to talk it out. Some may need to devour all the info they can find. </p>
<p>What worked so well for your kid may leave some other kid feeling stifled and uninformed. Let each kid and and each family make the decision in whichever way suits them best - and if that means we get several threads asking to compare schools, so be it.</p>
<p>I also agree with the idea that if a parent wants to post a thread comparing two (or more) colleges on the Parents Forum, let it be posted. Onlookers who have an opinion about the comparison between the two colleges are welcome to post. Anyone who surfs by CC is welcome to lurk. I suspect that such threads are very helpful to many lurkers (I know that I sometimes find them very helpful), and I don't think anyone should raise any questions about the motives of someone who is posting such a thread. </p>
<p>I will note for the record that besides this Parents Forum, a very appropriate place to post threads asking for comparisons of colleges is the College Search & Selection Forum. </p>
<p>It is helpful to post various been-there-done-that observations there about the whole range of colleges that young people are appying to these days.</p>
<p>Several years ago a neighbor boy was accepted to both Harvard and Stanford (and other schools). This was a young man who had planned every detail in his HS career and one who researched everything. He had thought that Harvard was his dream school after interviewing and visiting there. After attending both accepted student get togethers he was really torn. He ended up choosing Stanford. I asked what lead to his decision and he laughed and said he had planned and researched every thing in his life up to that point and in the end chose Stanford from a gut reaction. He is graduating this spring and said it was the best decision he ever made.</p>