We started our kid a year early in kindergarten. We were considering skipping her when she was in 3rd grade, but her cohort was especially good, while the year above her was not so much. I’m not so sure why, but some 20% of the K-5 cohort tested into the “gifted” program, which normally would just say that the schools was an “everybody is gifted” type school. However, aside from that cohort, far fewer ever were in the gifted group - maybe 7% of kids in the next cohort, and fewer than 5% in the year above her. The “gifted” kids’ achievements in middle and high school proved that these kids all were likely gifted by most standards, so it really was a lucky coincidence for that cohort.
Bullying of smart kids really wasn’t a thing in her schools, because the entire community was, I would guess, “nerd friendly”. Not that bullying didn’t happen, but being smart and academically successful did not make you a target.
It was a good school system for her, so I’m glad that we lived there and put her through the public school system there.
And now she’s graduating from college. Man, time does fly…
I told my son when he was in middle school that it is important in life to learn to manage his boredom, and that his success in life depends on his ability to do so
The issue with many gifted kids is that the ways in that they manage their boredom, especially in the midst of puberty, are generally not conducive to their academic future, their health, nor their safety nor to your own cardiac health.
I’m happy that I physically survived the many ways with I managed my own boredom… My parents survived because of their blissful ignorance.
Ha yes. Today I would probably have been reported to social services or the police for going to the garden center age 9 and asking to buy potassium nitrate and then ordering nitric acid by mail order (to make explosives). But my parents weren’t blissfully ignorant when I burned a hole in their kitchen table during my experiments
For us, by high school acid was really popular. We were really into mind-expansion and sensory experiments as well as generally pushing things as far as we could.
Edited to add: I meant to note “a different kind of acid”
I think my hole in the table incident was potassium nitrate and sugar (apparently an IRA favorite). Fortunately for my parents, my attempt to use nitric acid to make TNT was unsuccessful. And I was never very good at making gunpowder. This was all in elementary school. But I did manage to blow up a fume cupboard at school with powdered magnesium when I was 11.
A friend of my parents gave me a high school chemistry textbook when I was 7 to keep me occupied (and somehow I got hold of a mail order catalog for high school chemistry teachers to order supplies). I’m not sure that was what he had in mind though…
I am honestly confused that anyone cannot see that there are significant differences in children. I HATE the gifted label as it has nothing to do with the actual differences and often elicits the all children are gifted response. I have found it interesting how the world treats athletic differences - as one of my kids is strong in that area vs academic differences. The entire idea that there is little difference is ludicrous. One of my children learned to read at 3 with ZERO instruction. That is not a small difference - they maxed out the reading scale (grade 13+) in the second grade. Just putting them a couple grade levels ahead would do absolutely nothing. Some kids are outliers and to be honest I think we as a society are so hesitant to actually acknowledge that fact we are not doing our kids any favors with a - you’re going to be bored your whole life get used to it mindset.
I also feel my kid is different – along with almost all the other visitors here on CC.
I am only saying that it is harmful to designate the kid as such, and it is harmful to prevent them from dealing with their boredom, and to develop in them the need to constantly need stimulation – most jobs can’t fill that need in their adulthood. Since it is fashionable in this thread to quote their own personal giftedness, let me also say that I was also gifted – whatever that means :-). I thought I just wanted a job that is not boring. Guess what – I am dealing with the fact that jobs are not interesting all the time for the past 30 years or so. If I held on to that desire for a constantly stimulating job, I wouldn’t have a job. Friends of mine that are in research jobs, one might think have stimulating jobs. Only some 20-40% of that job is interesting. The rest of the time they are doing mundane stuff.
I have a friend’s kid that has been told she is smart. She comments on the other kids that they are dumb in some way or the other. I think this path will just add baggage that is really unnecessary.
We should not setup the kids to be unhappy as they grow up. It is really harmful. I want my kids to think they are normal – I have no idea whether they are or not. I would like to think they are not.
To be clear my issue is your statement that there are small differences in ability. That is just factually incorrect. I am truly sorry if your journey made you believe that emphasizing you’ll always be bored is the right answer. I haven’t been bored in my career and absolutely encouraged my kids to stretch themselves. I see zero issue with them being unhappy because we’ve emphasized learning. Learning to be bored was never an option for us.
Yes. There are small innate differences in ability. That is my opinion.
Effort and interest create large differences in ability in some 20 years or so.
Kids that are learning organically will figure what they want to do if they are not stepped up into a faster learning environment – good if you can. Not the end of the world if you cannot. And don’t take them out of a regular social milieu, because the harm that comes with that is not easily repairable.
Smart is also normal!
One doesn’t have to be part of the majority, or average, to be and see themselves as normal.
Kids can be allowed to realize (eventually they will anyway) that they have higher abilities in some fields than their peers. As a parent, I rather be part of that realization so that I can instill early-on to use their skills to be gracious, cooperative and helpful with others, and ensuring that I will be part of whatever conversations about any situations that might occur.
