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<p>Who’s expectations are you doing this for? It sounds like you are consumed by what other people think of you. Does other people’s opinions of you really matter that much? Who cares some people at your college or from high school think your weird, socially awkward, or not a success. If you need someone else’s judgment of yourself to feel good you are setting yourself up for a long life of trying to please others while you ignore your own desires.</p>
<p>My two cents.</p>