<p>As I discuss plans for spring break college tours, I have been bracing myself for negative comments. So far, so good, until last night. I ran into an old "friend" and we were pleasantly catching up on the doings of each others kids. The topic of spring break came up and I mentioned we would be touring schools. She asked if my daughter was going to compete in college and I said that she really wanted to. And then she opened her mouth and out came what could best be descibed as an irrational, convoluted tirade about college athletics and the admission process. Basically, she said that athletes take spots away from well deserving students (because most athletes are too stupid to get into a great school on their own merits) and once in they are given preferential treatment by the schools with grade inflation and the like. She finished her tirade by assuring me she wasn't talking about MY daughter! I have to say, I was nearly speechless, an uncommon condition for me. I tried to enlighten her on the admission process for athletes at the types of schools we are looking at, but quickly realized she was not hearing a word I said. She had a "but" for everything I said. I cut my losses and got the heck out of dodge as fast as I could. </p>
<p>When I got home, I was telling my husband about it and he said someone at work had made similar comments to him. He said he just told the guy he was an idiot and went about his business! Must be a man thing, I wish I could do that, would make my life so much easier. But I am left to stew about it and wishing I had said this or that, knowing full well it would not have made one bit of difference. So, how do you guys deal with these types of comments?</p>
<p>There is nothing that you can say to such people. Just shrug your shoulders and say “it is what it is” and remember–living well is the best revenge.</p>
<p>fish, sorry about that. people get jealous and frustrated. And the thought that your child is both talented and smart is just too much for them, so they take back handed or direct shots at you and your kid. And the disclaimer that she’s not talking about your child is bs. Mean people suck, especially when they are your “friends”.</p>
<p>I’ve head a lot of this stuff over the past few months as well, and I try to walk away as you did…not always successful at it. The one group that I’ve found supportive and enthusiastic about my D’s success are parents of other athletic recruits. Where I live there’s a bunch of us, 100+ in my community and 10 or so that I know. </p>
<p>here’s my favorite line from an old “friend”: “there’s no way your offspring could ever win an Olympic medal” a double insult, to me and my kid. We were talking about where things could go IF things went well in college, and she offered up this comment, nice huh.</p>
<p>I do admit to proactively letting certain people in my social group know what my D’s SAT score was back in September before she signed. After all of her hard work these past years I didn’t want anyone saying to her she got in to college on her sport alone, I wanted them to know she could have gotten in on her academics as well.</p>
<p>I hear you fishymom. All of us who are parents of athletes at top schools have been there. Moreover, the fact that our kids are in schools where they had to prove themselves academically before being considered as an athlete makes it all the harder to take. Considering the sheer number of us who hear this dribble leads me to believe that this is a widespread and pervasive way of thinking. The cutthroat competition for admission to college feeds this belief almost as much as the green-eyed monster.</p>
<p>One of the ironies of the situation is that most athletes are achieving success in the admissions process by doing something that they actually love, rather than something they do to build a resume for college.</p>
<p>This inappropriate conduct is directed to parents of kids that are successful in something…I’m glad we have discussed here in CC. Now some friends with similar expereinces and I know we are not alone and the suggestions discussed here and the other thread (“Are you intelligent too? Are you smart too?”) have helped us to have an open mind and how to handle it better. Thanks for sharing it here.</p>
<p>Athletes take the biggest risk out of all students. They invest all (or most) of their time in their sports, rather than in after school clubs or ECs. A non-supported athlete will not do well in the admissions process.</p>
<p>I’m a three season track/XC runner. I spend 2-3 hours after school on my sport, and usually a huge part of my weekends. You’re not going to tell me the average top school applicant has spent 3 hours a day, 6 days a week, for four years straight (I train through the summer), on extra curricular work? If I devoted all my time to academics, you bet I would have an impressive resume and a sky high GPA.</p>
<p>What a “friend”…
if they really knew what these STUDENT-athletes have to do in order to be ready early
and then have their grades and tests scores etc that are up to snuff for an ivy AdCom to say–yes look at them…
and then try and make the cut on PRs etc…</p>
<p>Anyone can go to an EC club 1 hr a week and call that an EC…kwim…</p>
<p>Yes, and the best revenge is also the excellent college degree that your child is going to have for the rest of his/her life - that is priceless, and permanent! Hold your head high, and smile!</p>
<p>That is nice that you have found support in the parents of other athletic recruits. I have really enjoyed talking with other parents in my community whose children are trying to be/are being recruited. However, although none of our children are in the same sport (which you would think would make it easier), there is an openly competitive feel which I am uncomfortable with. My daughter has so far had an extremely strong start to this whole process - (all very exciting but absolutely could end tomorrow, with injury, etc.) I know my fellow athlete parents here are happy for her/me, but it is awkward at the same time when their children are not having the same kind of continued interest from coaches. However, at least these parents of fellow athletes know that my child has to be bright too to be considered by the very high academic level of schools she hopes to attend - AI, qualifying SAT scores for non-Ivies, etc.</p>
<p>Fishymom and others, I’m sorry to hear about what you’re having to endure, especially from “friends.” I haven’t really had any of this, but my guess is it’s really because, where I live, nobody really cares. People go to the school that’s best for them, rarely leave the area for college, and are generally more supportive - since a lot of people don’t generally apply to “top schools” as defined by CC, it’s not seen as a cut-throat environment. However, I know that this environment does exist in other areas, and it’s really too bad. Just find solace in the fact that at the end of the day, your child’s receiving a top-flight education and getting to pursue what they love…</p>
<p>It is sad that ignorance rears its ugly head as jealousy. These folks have no idea of the committment and responsibility that student/athletics will go through. I like your husbands approach. ;-)</p>
<p>Fishymom…I usually stay quiet and say nothing to the inappropriate comments. Then I feel the pain wondering how people can be so mean… I really don’t know what the best answer is. Lately I found myself avoiding does people that are tactless and like to hurt others with the type of comments discussed here and the other thread mentioned.
Believe me it make me sad, but at the end of the day why I want to deal with people like that…they should know better…so to avoid myself to be rude I’m avoiding this kind of people.</p>
<p>Yes, I would like to say something similar to your husband’s words…but not sure I have the determination…it is easier for a man than for a mom to say what it should be a response for such rude comments…</p>
<p>I don’t think most of these people intend to be mean. I do think they are justifying their own family’s story of why their kids are not going to particular schools. Not very many people can say the words: Congratulations! I’ve always thought your kid was really smart and talented. We would have loved for Johnny to go there, but it wasn’t meant to be.</p>
<p>Most people aren’t quite self-aware enough to understand and own their own horrible sinking feeling when they realize the person they are talking to has a child who has excelled in a way that theirs has not. Rather than expressing their pride in and love for “the kid on the couch” (one of my favorite CC expressions) they either bash the system that rewarded your child, chalk the success up to luck or legacy, or make excuses for their family’s decision about college. </p>
<p>I find myself doing the damage control for the parent sometimes, especially if their kid is standing right there, completely taking in the mixed message that their parent has just bashed a system or school that rejected them. Kids who make an appropriate match for college, and are helped to feel proud of their choice, are probably going to be happy, successful and engaged for the next four years. The name of the college doesn’t guarantee that, but the attitude the kid brings with him sure does.</p>
<p>I think it was Gore Vidal who said, “Every time a friend succeeds, I die a little.” None of us are immune to it, but some of us hide it better than others. Interestingly, I’ve also seen the same person who has made snide comments to us about the unfairness of athletic recruiting, etc. go ahead and brag about my D to a 3rd party. It’s almost like they can take pride by association.</p>
<p>It’s been an interesting lesson in human nature for us.</p>
<p>they take the fame by association and also brag, it’s fascinating. Yet in person give you nothing. I’ve heard 2nd hand that so and so was telling me about your D, wow! Yet so and so is either neutral or negative in front of me.</p>
<p>On the other hand it’s not all bad, since it’s the college acceptance season, it only takes about a minute after finding out that your kid is a senior for a parent to ask where is she going to college. yesterday (which was good timing after this discussion) at a restaurant a parent asked me, I told her, and she said, “it’s your child, she’s the one! wow, congratulations…I’ve heard about her, she’s famous”. </p>
<p>so that was a bit of an ego boost, and nothing but positive comments. And the wild thing, this parent is from a neighboring town and school, which made it even better considering I’m living in the middle of 20 million people:)</p>
<p>Fish, I’m impressed with your athletes academic and athletic success! Very impressed!</p>
<p>I wonder how much overt bashing is directed at our kids? My D was successful in ED at her dream school, and felt really guilty about getting in when some of her classmates did not. I had to remind her that she was not only qualified academically, but had spent hundreds of hours per year on her sport, and deserved to have it factor into the college’s admission decision. I think she’s convinced, but she stays pretty quiet around peers who are waiting for their RD decisions.</p>