<p>Fauxmom, congrats to your daughter! She sounds a lot like my daughter, feeling guilty. She still can’t believe that coaches are emailing her. I think because this is a new sport for her, she doesn’t feel like she “deserves” it. I remind her that all the years of swimming, plus biking and running, have prepared her to do well in this sport even though she doesn’t have a lot of experience. I also think she is “mourning” the loss of her dream of swimming in college, even though she made the decision to switch her focus. This recruiting stuff can be very “heady”, with emotions all over the place! </p>
<p>Pacheight, thank you and congratulations to your daughter!</p>
<p>Can’t really add more to this discussion except to say that we’ve been keeping the news of her early verbal low key over the past few months. Another mom of an athlete recently said to me that people were going to hate me. I’m sure that came from her own experience. I just hope that her friends don’t turn against her as the news spreads and as senior year arrives and they receive their rejections which are sure to come. I do readily state her SAT and I do tell people her gpa. I feel as though I need to do that to keep the wolves at bay. Besides that, the papers aren’t signed . . . a verbal is only that, a verbal. I think we all know that on rare occasions plans fall through and promises broken.</p>
<p>there are three approaches to those kinds of comments:</p>
<p>1) add to their list of hooks that kids have to get into college:
first time college in their family
legacies
development admits
nerds with so so grades who’ve won outstanding math competitions
underrepresented states
debaters
bassoon players
being a boy
hip hop artists
movie stars
etc etc etc</p>
<p>2) if the topic is “who is qualified”, remind them that admissions directors at all levels of schools commonly tell us that easily 3/4 of their applicants are well qualified to do the work, that the schools know that what some people think are objective and exact measures (SATs and GPAs) are in fact inexact (the College Board says an SAT score is accurate within a range of +/- 32 points) and are heavily influenced by Social Economic Status </p>
<p>3) listen politely with feigned interest, then say, “well, that sounds like personal problem . . . . did you see Apollo Ohno on Dancing With The Stars?”</p>
<p>Let’s be honest, no one wants to hear a parent bragging about their child. It’s obnoxious. My advice is be quiet and humble while you are going through this recruiting/admission process because you simply never know how things will work out in the end. We did not experience any snide remarks but when we were asked about college searches and athletic visits we spoke very matter of factl "Going to …school to attend a prospect day and check out the program. " Then when we actually had something concrete to report to friends and family who care, we shared it. Parents here know who the top athletes/top students, their parents don’t have to say a word. Frankly we’ve had some great kids who go on to play in college (Div. I, II, III,Ivies etc.) who are grounded and humble (as are their parents) and who you love to cheer on!</p>
<p>“Let’s be honest, no one wants to hear a parent bragging about their child. It’s obnoxious.” </p>
<p>Since I am the op, I find this a bit offensive. In the conversation I posted about, I never mentioned anything about recruiting. I was asked what my plans for spring break were and I answered that we were touring colleges, which is a very common thing to do on spring break in my area. I was then asked if my daughter planned on competing in college and I replied that she would like to. Not a single word about recruiting. The tirade started from there. </p>
<p>I am not a braggart nor are the other parents who post in this forum. We come here for support and advice from people who have had, are having, or are going to have experiences similar to our own. We may disclose stats or accomplishments of our students, but it is necessary information to help with the recruiting process.</p>
<p>I am truly grateful to the parents and students on this forum. I love the supportive nature of the Athletic Recruit forum, particularly given the climate of cc in general with regards to athletes. As parents, we have to be rock solid for our kids as they maneuver through the stressful recruiting process. We need a safe place to share our experiences and gain the insight and support we need to guide our kids through the recruiting maze. And I love hearing when students have positive outcomes after all their hard work! So I say a big thank you to all of you on this forum who have been so generous with your support and advice.</p>
<p>That’s my experience too fishymom. There are some people that ask about S/D and then react to the good news with the type of comment we are discussing here. </p>
<p>Since now on, I will follow the suggestion of one OP: Tell D or Son is doing fine or great, without giving specific details. Just will reserve the details for family and best ever friends, which really enjoy the kids experiences.</p>
<p>“I am not a braggart nor are the other parents who post in this forum. We come here for support and advice from people who have had, are having, or are going to have experiences similar to our own. We may disclose stats or accomplishments of our students, but it is necessary information to help with the recruiting process.
I am truly grateful to the parents and students on this forum. I love the supportive nature of the Athletic Recruit forum, particularly given the climate of cc in general with regards to athletes. As parents, we have to be rock solid for our kids as they maneuver through the stressful recruiting process. We need a safe place to share our experiences and gain the insight and support we need to guide our kids through the recruiting maze. And I love hearing when students have positive outcomes after all their hard work! So I say a big thank you to all of you on this forum who have been so generous with your support and advice.”</p>
<p>Sorry fishy to quote so much of what you wrote, but I just wanted to say a huge DITTO!! This site has been invaluable for me and my child in more ways than I can count. We never in a million years expected to go through what we are experiencing. There are so many different emotions on this rollercoaster and there is no better place to share those feelings and experiences than this site, where we are all so fortunate to have others who have either gone through this all, or are going through it at the same time - the advice, guidance, support, empathy, etc. are priceless. I agree that no one is trying to show off - anything we write is pertinent to our situation - anyway, who would we impress? First of all, we are anonymous, and secondly, there are parents of potential Olympians on here - this is not a competition!! This has been such a safe place to share and learn, and I am so grateful to every single one of you for the advice and support that has been given. THANK YOU!!!</p>
<p>Sorry Fishymom did not mean to say that you or others on this forum were braggarts . However, there are plenty of folks out there who do. What I am really saying is just what Greenery said, " I will follow the suggestion of one OP: Tell D or Son is doing fine or great, without giving specific details. Just will reserve the details for family and best ever friends, which really enjoy the kids experiences."</p>
<p>“Tell D or Son is doing fine or great, without giving specific details. Just will reserve the details for family and best ever friends, which really enjoy the kids experiences.”</p>
<p>^^^This is the double standard that bothers me. S is going to a Big 10 school, if people ask how he’s doing I can name the school, his major, etc. and nobody thinks I’m bragging. If people ask about D, however, and I say where she’s going and what she’s doing, it’s bragging. The way I look at it is she’s worked really hard, has accomplished a lot and I’m not going to be embarrassed by her success.</p>
<p>Hi varska, that’s fine we shouldn’t embarrass with the success of our kids. In fact we are proud of them, athletic and gifted. </p>
<p>However, I’m tire of the uneducated, not well-intentioned people, jealous, envious people that ask how your child is doing and when you tell them their comments or reaction are innapropriate: Questions such as “oh are you as smart as your child, probably you are smart too, where did she or he get so smart.” I should probably answer like an op suggested you are an “idiot”. Because I don’t have that determination to call them names and because it bothers me to deal with these kind of people, if they are my friends, and they come with those inappropriate comments since now on I’m avoiding them like a plague.</p>
<p>I like sincere and well-intentioned people around me. Believe me, recently I have crossed out several from my list of “friends”.</p>
<p>Funny how the last year or two of high school causes a lot of “friendships” to break off. Funny is not the right word to use, but certainly as parents we all care very much about the results that take place in the college app process . . . whether the kids are athletes or not. So many different reasons why one kid gets chosen over another, and in the case of my older D, it was sad because she lost out to an ethnic minority (special pick). My other D, because she is an athlete is going to take the spot of another aspiring athlete. I’ve been on both sides of this debate, and it’s painful all the way around, but it’s most painful when hurtful comments come from those you thought were friends.</p>
<p>On the other hand, I have made it a point to be upbeat even when I know someone got something because they “qualified” in a special way. Adding to jealousy doesn’t help anyone. As someone said earlier, it is what it is.</p>
<p>I haven’t read all these posts, but just wanted to chime in that a non-supported (i.e., not recruited) athlete can indeed do well in the admissions process but NOT if he hasn’t done the academic work. If you are a top student and sports was your passion, it doesn’t change your “value” vs having been in band or a yearbook editor. Remember, there are lots of outlets in college for an athlete … fans for the stands, participants in club and intramural sports, etc etc. However, I well remember having to tell people son WASN’T a recruited athlete when the assumptions were he got in because he was an athlete, which believe me, was equally as insulting as if he were one.</p>
<p>I do not suggest kids forgo academic achievement or rigor for athletic success… because the truth is, I know plenty of 4.0 students with perfect scores who still might not have gotten into Harvard had they not also been a track star. I also know at least one trifecta student (perfect scores, legacy and athlete) who were rejected from their parent’s alma mater and ended up at it’s biggest rival. Go figure.</p>
<p>Thanks Sammy- she sounds like a great girl. It was interesting to see that SF pro teams are linking with high schools to give scholarship awards for scholar/athletes. Is that common in the US? We don’t have a pro team in our STATE, let alone our city :)</p>
<p>The amount of time and devotion this kid must have put into her success is mind boggling. Congratulations to her and to her parents. I hope she really loves Stanford. I’m back to failing to understand how people can be so petty as to put someone down who earned her kudos honestly.</p>
<p>But I am curious how she plays more than one sport in a season. Is that all high school?</p>
<p>beawinner: I just want to jump in quickly to congratulate you again on your daughter’s early verbal - that really is so, so fabulous - and since I know you can’t/don’t go all around town advertising it, I just wanted to re-recognize it here! Might sound silly, but I am really, really happy for you - and her!</p>
<p>bea: I think others just want to hear something that makes them feel OK about how they raised their kid or why their kid isn’t a star. So you hear things that usually start with an “oh”, like oh she’s 5’11" or oh she’s a legacy, or oh I hear all the girls get into college in that sport, as if it was an accident of genetic height or luck of a sport chosen. </p>
<p>this girl Ferrante is a great example of the truth behind athletes, she 's not that tall, she’s involved in multiple sports, she’s academically at the top, and I doubt her parents are alum. And I’ll bet you she’s tough as hell to beat.</p>
<p>my D says something to her team that is similar to a quote from Steve Prefontaine, and I think it sums up the spirit of a lot of recruited athletes and is telling at how they approach sports, academics and other challenging aspects of their lives.</p>
<p>“Somebody may beat me, but they are going to have to bleed to do it.”
Steve Prefontaine </p>
<p>pach, great quote! I’m going to send it over to our HS running coach. He’s always looking for something new to put on the backs of the kid’s shirts. They worship Pre.</p>