<p>Well, then go where you’ve been given enough merit that you don’t need your parents’ support. </p>
<p>I think it’s fab that you’re getting merit at Vandy, but if it still means that you need your parents to pay some of those costs, then Vandy isn’t a good option. Your mom could pull the rug out at any time…and then all those other merit offers would be GONE. </p>
<p>Good luck.</p>
<p>
</p>
<p>If you really love her, you will not continue to be a willing victim of abuse. Moving out to attend college on a full ride may be the wakeup call that she needs to change her ways and be a loving parent.</p>
<p>The other thing is, if the college your mother wants you to go to is not a full ride, that means that she will have financial leverage over you in order to control you.</p>
<p>To the OP, your current situation sounds awful and I would strongly consider taking one of the full ride offers. If you don’t do this now, you probably won’t be able to get another such scholarship and will spend your college years being abused by your mother. Maybe try talking privately to your dad about how badly she is treating you and how while you want to maintain your family ties, you really do need to get away to college. Hopefully you can get an assurance from him of any small financial support you might still need (health insurance?) if your mother follows through on threats of disowning you. Seeing as you are homeschooled, make sure your midterm grades have been provided to NMSC before you make any waves. I can’t help wondering if the homeschooling was your idea or hers. It would be a shame to have to turn down Vanderbilt (I’m assuming since you have a personal trainer that your family could afford to send you there if your mom wasn’t being difficult) but I think any of the choices away from home will be better than the nearby college. And I suspect that ucb is correct that she will eventually adjust if you assert yourself.</p>
<p>Since the dad is too weak to stand up to her, the D can’t accept any options that require the mom’s cooperation at any pt during the four years. She needs to take any of the full rides offered. </p>
<p>The dad may have long learned that when he speaks up, the mom turns her anger on him. </p>
<p>The mom has some anger issues maybe resulting from her own choices. If I remember correctly, she is a physician from her home country but “gave it up” to marry/raise family. </p>
<p>At any pt during the four years of college, if there’s a B grade or maybe a boyfriend, or maybe she hears about some socializing, the mom could pull support and demand that she come back home. This student has not been allowed to have the normal socializations of a high school kid. </p>
<p>If the D gets her health insurance thru her dad’s work then I doubt that would be discontinued. Are there other kids in the home? </p>
<p>You CANNOT control others’ actions. Which means there is no way that you can control your mother’s abuse though you can fight back. Then you have those consequences. What you can do is control what you do, and you have the option to get out of there. So do so. </p>
<p>No one can protect you from what can happen when you CHOOSE to live with an abusive person. You well know what the possibilities there are. By getting away, it’s a whole other story. It is up to you what to do. You have some options that most 18 year olds do not have, so think about using them. THey will not be painless or easy, but at least you have those options on the table. </p>
<p>OP, your mom sounds like an extreme Asian parent. But deep down she must believe what she is doing is for the best interest of you; so my advice is that you prepare your case well and then wait when she is in a good mood to talk to her. For you to apply for financial aid at Vandy, wouldn’t your mom need to give you the figures, returns, etc. so I am seeing a softer side of her. Just don’t talk to her when she is angry. </p>
<p>Congrats on the CV scholarship! I hope you will be able to use it.</p>
<p>The mother wouldn’t have any access to college records due to FERPA. The OP also has control over medical records at 18 (it’s automatic, I can see my daughter’s pharmacy orders online - right up until she turns 18 and then it will go dark for me) so the medical insurance should be fine unless the dad is that much controlled by the mom that he drops the D because mom is angry. You should take the full ride (somewhere). The school can’t even let mom know which dorm you live in without permission. </p>
<p>If the packages are pure merit, the student is as golden as it comes in terms of flying the coop, parental blessings or not. If there is a financial aid package in the mix that necessitates FAFSA/PROFILE apps each year, and there is a chance that mom/dad will refuse to file (I see that A LOT), then ther can be issues after this year (assuming parents are filing this year). BUt if the student has a guaranteed award in the works, that means working this summers, school, year, then I say go for it. It’s up to the student to weight the advantages and disadvantage.</p>
<p>I’ve heard and read about a lot of parental abuse, but when push comes to shove, nearly every single time, the kid decides it’s worth it to tolerate it. FOr many, it’s because they do not want to give up the material and economic support as they have few options in that department as a young adult. One can go from upper, upper middle, middle class in living comforts to being in a shelter and truly on the streets when leaving home without a means to make a living. Few teens are going to be able to support themselves anywhere close to the way their parents are.</p>
<p>But OP has some options as it appears some colleges will provide. IF she is interpid enough to work it out, she’s pretty much home free. It’s as good as it gets for anyone in her predicament.</p>
<p>“I do want to try and at least move out if nothing else, and I have a good friend whose parents are offering me really cheap rent at the rental house they own, but I know that will severeley sever the relationship, and I’m just reluctant to take that step.” I think this is a bad idea. It hurts the relationship and costs you sorely-needed money while not getting you to one of the colleges you wanted. You cannot count on the charity of these friends lasting as long as you may need it–what happens when they find a higher paying renter or decide to sell the place–can you afford a market price place or do you go crawling back home? I would stay in your home as long as you can this year, take the most financially feasible college offer, and try your best to get along with mom until you can leave.</p>
<p>I think everyone is approaching this in the wrong way. The mother (as described) wants the glory of a high achiever. Have the scholarships and admissions presented to the mother as a huge accomplishment (which they are). If the OP has a connection at Vandy, have that person present the scholarship to the family as a huge honor and explain how the award is a reflection on the entire family, not just the student. If it was an ED decision, and it is a full scholarship, the student is bound to accept and the small LAC should not accept the student even if a full pay. That’s the deal that was made.</p>
<p>@twoinanddone that makes sense. but I think it’s likely the mother still won’t accept (it’s worth a try to maintain the relationship with the mother). Hoping it IS an ED decision (then she has to go, woooo, freedom…)</p>
<p>
</p>
<p>Doesn’t look like that at all if the mother wants the OP to turn down Vanderbilt for a local college of no particular reputation. The mother appears to be a control freak; the OP needs to use a full ride opportunity to escape.</p>
<p>^ Love this suggestion and I think it may work better than all others</p>
<p>It’s rather puzzling why the mom helped the OP to apply to these schools if she had no intention of allowing her to attend any of them. As a homeschool mom, she must have needed to contribute a lot of support to those applications.</p>
<p>Beautiful OP (saw your pic before you wisely took it down), read through this thread and pay very close attention to the comments of ucbalumnus. Solid advice. Get out now. My husband was his dad’s punching bag for many years until he turned eighteen and got the heck out (with NONE of the options you have) and did very well for himself. Your mom is far worse than a control freak…she is a physically abusive one as well. If you can convince her to seek help, that would be ideal, but probably not likely. Therefore, you must go into survival mode. Make sure that any “sensitive” conversations are held in a public place (less chance of a punch in the head…makes my blood boil…). Disconnect from your mother as much as possible. It would be great if she could be kept in the dark as to where you even end up matriculating. I can easily envision her stalking your campus/dorm and making your life at school a living hell. This must end NOW. Do not let guilt over the fact that your mom has her sweet moments prevent you from making the smartest, safest choice for yourself. </p>
<p>This post has really bothered me and I’ve been thinking about it quite a bit. I’m not sure if the strategy of the great honor of the scholarships will work or not, only the OP may know if her mother is motivated by honor or not. Based on what the OP has written, this mother is all about control - in all areas. Homeschooling, personal trainers, strict scheduling of any free time, and that list of chores! This child is a modern day Cinderella! This mother has an in house slave that she works like crazy while telling this child she’ll never be good enough, she’s not pretty enough, she’s too fat, and the underlying - she’s not good enough for any of these scholarships. We all know that is untrue! This young lady is obviously very smart and I imagine she’s a lovely person. Please OP, see this abuse for what it is - your mothers attempt to control your every move. It sounds like your father gave up long ago - he sounds like he’s given up and us just a shell of a man, likely from the same abuse. Please don’t allow that to happen to you! You have several tickets out and once you get away, you should be able to find a network at any of those schools that can help you - counseling, battered women’s shelter (this is what is happening to you), faith based organizations, etc. These can help you find housing, etc. so that you can take advantage of these scholarships and live independently so you don’t need your parents monetary support. Consider emancipation if you are not yet 18. Get yourself where you need to be, then you can work on the relationship with your mother on an even footing - one where the power is equal and she doesn’t have control over you. Otherwise you will forever be Cinderella trapped in the tower.</p>
<p>Take the money and run!</p>
<p>Please take your scholarship and get out. Run, don’t walk You need to be away from an abusive controlling relationship. It’s wonderful that you have this opportunity!</p>
<p>Remember that staying home will not placate your Mother. She will always find some issue or problem. And the threat to disown you will simply be repeated on any other issue that comes up. Don’t let (undeserved) guilt keep you in an intolerable situation.</p>
<p>The good new is the door is open for you and you just need to walk through it.</p>
<p>OP, I want to apologize for making the “you’re not an indentured servant” comment in that other thread, because clearly, in many ways, you are. I don’t have any advice beyond what others have offered here. But I, too, would encourage you to accept the offer from whichever school would give you the best chance at becoming independent from your parents. </p>