I don’t know where to begin. My thoughts are all over the place trying to get to the root of my problem. my grandmother’s death did not lead to me failing calculus (which by the way is the actual class I was taking. I was trying to keep some facts confidential before I posted this on the forum and forgot to change “calculus 142” to physics. I did not take physics at all, I wanted to change it to make it more “confidential,” but i forgot that one detail. sorry for the confusion) Yes, she passed away but that did not happen before 2 academic probations i was on, so i know that there is NO reason or excuse at all for my poor academic performance. I squeezed that detail into my prompt to specify the steps that lead to my poor performance but that obviously got me nowhere.
I dug myself into a really deep hole since that first academic probation warning. It happened fall quarter sophomore year. In all honestly, I let myself go in sophomore year when I went through a long distance relationship breakup. Yes, it is silly and stupid of me to let a boy and a breakup come between my education and me. I didn’t realize at the time that I wasn’t focusing on my studies and that I was so caught in the idea that I needed to look good and feel good through social events, rather than focusing on my studies. I was heartbroken and i acted like everything was fine. I went out every weekend to forget what had happened between us, which took up all my studying time without even realizing it. I wanted to feel like i could have fun without him, i was selfish and superficial. I didn’t think about my actions and I completely let go of my studies. I lost sight of what i was going to college for. That goes the same for winter quarter. I was a little more disciplined and stayed in on some nights and thought about my studies, but i was still in the process of soaking everything. I was still lazy and felt like i couldnt get out of bed, skipped classes, didn’t realize the long term consequences and how much of my parents money i wasted by doing this. the spring quarter of my sophomore year, i was not on academic probation. By then, I was aware of academic standing and knew the consequence if i had another academic probation.
This quarter came (fall quarter) and i was determined to get my grades up and turn everything around. I was excited about the internship i had gotten at the dental office. but i just didnt know how to balance work and study. i was going to work in the morning and had class in the afternoons and by the time i got home, i was too tired to study and go over notes. it is definitely no excuse because i know a lot of college students go through this all the time and still manage to stay in school. i didn’t realize until nearing the end of the quarter that i just did not have the ability to do both. i could have quit the internship but i kept it because i thought it was such a great experience and opportunity that i just didnt want to let it go. I should have prioritized my education and should have known to do what i knew was best for me at the time. i did miss my first calculus exam to drive to the funeral, but i knew that was not the reason why i did so poorly in the class. i lost motivation, i lost track and sight of my goals. i thought i could easily pass with mediocre practice, but i was very wrong. i underestimated the course. i did not think i was actually going to fail the class because i passed the second midterm with a 98%. that may have gotten to my head and did not strive enough to prepare for the final. which i know was very very very stupid of me. there is no excuse for that, it was very well under my control…
im very lost right now, and i have no idea what im going to do. i took what all of you guys commented into consideration. I do want to appeal and I do feel that if cal poly takes me back, i can succeed. Now i don’t know if my appeal will have reasons serious and compelling enough for them to take me back. Im sorry for the lengthy response but it is helping me little by little by recalling past events. Thank you sooo much for taking the time to read and respond to the post. you guys have no idea how much it means to me