Academic suspension appeal letter feedback please?

To Whom It May Concern,

As a result of my unsatisfactory performance during my freshman year at the University of North Carolina, I have been justly and in accordance to the rules - suspended from the university. I am well aware of the decisions that I’ve made over the year that have led to my sub-par performance, and in light of my recognition and rectification of such, I would like to urge the committee to reinstate me for next semester.
Freshman year had been a year of memorable, first-time experiences for myself, much like other students. However, unlike other students - my first semester, had also been a culmination of detrimental mistakes. I enjoyed more than my fair share of parties, cookouts, and other social gatherings that while in high school, was not accustomed to being invited to. While I am ashamed to admit it - I do understand that my failure first semester was simply due to a lack of focus, and a failure to prioritize. I allowed myself to overindulge in trivial, social matters - and rather than finding a balance between my education and other extra-curricular activities, through my decisions I blatantly disregarded my responsibilities as a student. I frequently stayed up late, and a result would forgo attending class to sleep in - or would fail to complete an assignment in lieu of prior engagements. This was my number one issue. As my grades show, the assignments and tests that I did complete were satisfactory, and usually above average. My class latest in the day, I received a B+ in. While I can say there were a number of minor mitigating circumstances during this period, I do not attribute my failure to them whatsoever and nor will I attempt to. My dereliction in responsibility was my downfall.
My second semester, I attempted to rectify this issue. My grades had been a result of my own action, not anyone else’s. For this reason alone, I was determined that I would prove to myself that I am capable of success, and I believed that since I was the one who dug myself into this hole - I alone would dig myself out. I am not accustomed to asking for help - and even in the academic position that I was in; I could not at the time fathom doing such. My second semester, I pulled up my grades significantly – I would not allow myself to fail any classes – I would not accept even a D. I passed all of my classes with satisfactory grades – but I did not excel, and did not overshadow my performance first semester.
I have made a number of mistakes my first year at UNC-Pembroke, and I accept responsibility for them. However, these are mistakes that given the chance can be rectified. As mentioned above, my primary issues were time management, and prioritizing. I have since developed a system for managing my time that has been very effective, with the key aspect being a handheld planner that I keep with me at all times that allows me to be much more organized and to schedule and balance my time, rather than becoming overloaded and reducing my productivity. As far as prioritizing goes – the predicament that I had placed myself in had forced me to take a step back and analyze what I was doing wrong, and as a result of such, I had to completely re-evaluate my mindset on a number of things. One, in recognizing that there is nothing wrong with asking for assistance, and accepting that no one person knows everything. The information that I may have gained from something as simple as attending the Academic Support Center monthly, may have helped me to recognize my issues before the came to fruition. The primary change is in the significance I placed on a social life. I feel that I had misconstrued the meaning of attending college – it is not a social outing. It is an opportunity to learn, to further one’s education – but more so, the beginning of one’s adult life.
Attending UNC – Pembroke is a privilege, one that can be revoked just as it is given. I have come to love the University, and I can truly say that it feels more like home than my domestic home does. If reinstated, I will use the critical lessons and skills that I have learned due to my failure first year to propel myself to excellence. I will also use my own failure to help others avoid placing themselves into this situation, by applying for a number of mentoring positions within the school – if eligible. I am willing to undertake any task to keep my education on track – and plan to do whatever is necessary to prove to myself, to those who have taken the time to help me understand where my head should be, and even to this committee – that I will be successful.

To be frank, I couldn’t read the whole letter. It is too wordy, too dense, and too disorganized. You should break it into paragraphs, each having a main idea.

I’d like to see an outline like this:

  • Restating the issue: I was suspended because.... (a short paragraph)
  • Acknowledging the causes: My performance is unsatisfactory because (1), (2), (3), .... (each (1), (2), (3), ... is a paragraph).
  • Stating the solutions: I will correct the problems by (1), (2), (3), ....(each (1), (2), (3), ... is a paragraph).

Also, reduce the number of instances of “I” and “my,” and don’t use “-”.

^ Yes, and also explain how that magic handheld planner will help your butt get to class. Will it send out an electronic shock if you are not in class?

You could actually just leave out the first paragraph.

I hate to say it but the letter isn’t very convincing. It does have merit in terms of honesty though. Keep the part about the social whirl short and matter of fact, mention time management, and maybe ask if there is a way forward that you can take to prove you are genuinely motivated now.

Paragraphs are your friend. I agree also that it’s way too long on unnecessary details, yet short on actual solutions.

Good luck.