<p>Nephew attending a public university, and got an academic suspension for this fall semester. He appealed, but received a letter from the student affairs committee pronouncing the suspension is confirmed. His parents feel helpless as they just found out this situation last night and are unable to communicate with the school (language and location reasons).
A while back I read some parent saying how boys are different, how some of them are unmotivated and lazy, immature, and addicted to Internet, and my nephew has all of those problems. He is getting better, wanting to change, even doing volunteer work this summer. But apparently he did not work hard enough the past semester to bring up his GPA.
My question is at this stage; can we still appeal the decision even though the school has already denied his appeal? I know a lot parents out there are knowledgeable about the school system, so please help!!!</p>
<p>Is the suspension purely on academic grounds or due to discipline problems?</p>
<p>If it is purely on academic grounds, he should ask the dean of Student Affairs what he must do to be re-instated; if he is willing to attend a community college in the fall, could the credits he would be earning be transferred, so that he would not lose one semester? I suppose it is too late for him to attend summer school. I wonder why he left things so late that you are only dealing with this issue now.</p>
<p>"I wonder why he left things so late that you are only dealing with this issue now."</p>
<p>Because he is an adolescent male that does not believe it will really happen. I had 2 of those. In both cases the academic suspension specifically recommended not to go to community college the fall term. The pamphlet that came with it explained everything. But in both cases they did have the opportunity to take summer classes and bring GPA up before fall and void the suspension. One was able to once, but not the second time. The other worked and re-applied by letter to get back in. Letter had to discuss what he had learned and what he would do differently. He was then on a probation schedule.</p>
<p>Marite, the suspension is purely on academic grounds. His parents don’t understand English. They suspect something wrong, but don’t know what is it. They finally find the letter and typed and e-mailed me to translate to them.
Singersmom – you are right, I talked to my nephew asked him why he didn’t let me or his parents know about this, his answer is he didn’t know it would be this serious, and he also don’t want us to be upset :-(. So now would it be too late to do anything? Is his only options is to wait for the spring term next year.
I actually call and e-mailed his adviser when school ended. The adviser says my nephew was getting better but still needs improvement for next term. But due to the private law he cannot tell me what his grades were. So we are totally in the dark.</p>
<p>If he only missed by a little -it is all by the mathematical formula for GPA- then a summer session might bring it up in time for Fall and allow him to continue. If so and if he can still register for a late summer session then he should try. Depending on the school, if there is a session of one of the classes he failed, they will remove the failure if the second grade is better and that will raise the GPA. Their policy on repeats should be somewhere in the documents or on-line. </p>
<p>Before he is actually removed (start of fall term) make him sign on, download and print his transcript so you can see where the grades stand. That will tell you have far off he is. The school will not send them to you unless he has signed a letter releasing them and even then sometimes it is not done. </p>
<p>Also the letter from the school should have stated what his GPA was and what it had to be to continue.</p>
<p>Is he an international? If he is and he is not a full-time student in the fall, he might run afoul of the law. </p>
<p>I understand about privacy laws; your nephew should be the one handling things, i.e, find out how he did, what is needed to bring up his GPA and get re-instated. The dean should be around during the summer to discuss this. But it has to be your nephew who handles things. As an aunt, you have no official standing in this matter, alas. You could, however, contact the international office of his school and find out what impact the suspension will have on his visa status.</p>
<p>Singersmom- its definitely a good ideal to get his full transcript. At this point; we dont really know how bad it was. I will also let him sign a letter to releasing them to me.
Marite he actually is back home this summer. He should be all right on his visa status.
It feels a little sad as the (paying his tuition) aunt, I have no official standing in his school matter. I agree my nephew should be the one handling things. I only wish he is a little more mature to handling it.</p>
<p>As the paying tuition parent we have no standing :( except to withhold the tuition unless he cooperates.
There is a lot wrong with the whole privacy scenario but I am not up to arguing that now.</p>
<p>Yes singersmom, with my own D I have got the first term’s school report, the school specifically said that would be the one and only report I will ever get in regard to my D’s grade. With my nephew I know I have no say. But how I wish we as parent, or adults would know things early on so we could somehow help prevent it to turn into a disaster.</p>
<p>At most universities, the student CAN give access to information to the family by signing a form. We required that both of our kids do so....mostly so that we could check the billing online. But we also have access to the grades. If this nephew were MINE, I would require that he do this. Now regarding this academic suspension...most schools do not academically suspend a student based on one semester of poor performance. My guess is that the fall term was quite iffy, and the spring was quite poor. The university doesn't and shouldn't (in my opinion) weigh things differently for boys than for girls. And this student's addiction to things other than school work should also not be considered as an extenuating circumstance. He's not the first and only student to be in this boat. Most schools have a very well crafted policy regarding this that the student probably received (yes...and didn't even look at) at orientation. There is also usually a very well crafted policy about reentry to the school. My guess is that appealing this at this point is not where your effort should be...it would be better spent at getting this student enrolled at a community college where he could pass his courses and prove to this university that he is worthy of consideration for reenrollment in the spring.</p>
<p>Thanks for reply, thomper. Yes, this was not his first time. I just had a deep conversation with him. I obtained his name and password for his school account, so I’ve read the past two years e-mail correspondences (which is not much). Through e-mail I saw the school’s effort to help him and my nephew’s gross immaturity, and laziness. He wants to change but lack of the willpower to make it though. He agree he needs someone to do the police work to watch over him. He will sigh the release form to give me the access. This incidence just reminds me I will have my D#1 do the same as well, in case I really need the access with hers.<br>
I agree his parents and I need to focus more where he can improve, so he can show the university that he is worthy of consideration for reenrollment in the spring. I was reading a thread a while back, something regarding “college changing lives”. Somehow, I feel that type of school will serve him well.
BTW, I remember from an old thread, that you went to Furman. I did too. I didn’t finish due to the financial difficulties we were experiencing at that time. But I enjoyed every minute’s when I was there.</p>
<p>What looks like laziness may have deeper roots. </p>
<p>Whenever I hear descriptions of freshmen problems like your nephew appears to have had, I wonder if a learning disability or ADD has been ruled out. A surprising number of kids with LD/ADD are able to cope and hold it together in high school, but then when they reach the greater freedom and different academic structure of college, those coping mechanisms fall apart. </p>
<p>If English is not his primary language (as it sounds), that could also be part of the problem, as could just simply adjusting to a different culture. </p>
<p>Problems with drugs or alcohol, and even a broken heart or being homesick can make concentrating very difficult as well.</p>
<p>Instead of rushing to get him back into the wrong situation, I'd look a little deeper into what the underlying issues might have been, and then decide what needs to be done to get him in the right situation, with the right support if necessary. Having someone be the "policeman" may not solve any underlying issues for the long term. Sitting out a semester to get things squared away, or determine a new course of action, might be the best path, or at least should not be dismissed too quickly.</p>
<p>You are a good aunt. Your nephew is lucky to have him on your side. Bless you for caring so much.</p>
<p>My thoughts are that since he is the one suspended, he needs to be the one who deals with it. His parents need to set boundaries on what assistance he will get from them should he have to live at home or should he return to college later.</p>
<p>Writing this as a parent who is very sorry that several years ago, my husband and I decided to help out our older S, who had had a horrendous fall semester freshman year due to immaturity and disorganization. With S's full approval, husband flew up to meet with S and S's academic advisor. (Despite S's having a horrendous average -- below 1.0, the school was not at that point pulling his almost full merit aid because S had entered as one of their top students. Instead, the college put S into a workshop designed to help S with his organizational skills.)</p>
<p>Result: S managed to flunk every course second semester. Why? He was enjoying college only to party, something his dad and I had no idea about because while in h.s., S only went to work and stayed home (his choice).</p>
<p>If we were to do it over, we would have let S deal completely with the mess that he had caused. Considering S's disorganization, probably S would not have bothered to meet with his advisor, and they would have kicked him out, which would have been a good thing because S was too immature for college. </p>
<p>S ended up finishing freshman year, doing well on a summer internship, and then moving 3,000 miles away from home for a temporary job, which was not extended. S continues to live 3,000 miles from home, has never returned to college, and didn't even get a regular fulltime job until he had been living away from home about 2 years.</p>
<p>So, I think that you relatives should welcome their S back home -- with rules (such as he has to work fulltime and pay rent or go to community college or other college fulltime ON HIS OWN DIME, with your agreeing to help pay the tab only after he proves himself by getting decent grades). It's time for your S to take responsibility for his choices.</p>
<p>P.S. Having learned from my experience with older S, when younger S's grades dropped in a major way his senior year in h.s., my husband and I told him that we would not pay for his college oruntil he had gone to college for a year and gotten decent grades -- at least a 3.0 average (His h.s. average was about a 2.7 despite scores at the 99th percentile). S took a gap year, living at home (and paying rent) while working for Americorps. He used his own money to pay for college apps and also organized himself to do so (He had managed not to get around to applying to college as a h.s. senior even though he said he wanted to go).</p>
<p>He's now having to take out $20 k in loans to finance his first year at his first choice college, but he's doing this because, as he told us, he loves the college and the academics it offers (S could have chosen to live at home and go to a local 4-year or 2-year public college tuition free). Last I noticed, S -- who was infamous for procrastinating in h.s. (to the point that he almost didn't graduate) was also reading his summer reading for college, so I think that our tough love approach worked better than our going out of our way to help as we did with older S.</p>
<p>Best of luck to you whatever you and your relatives decide. Lord knows, I know what it's like to get gray hair raising sons!</p>
<p>Oh -- one last thing. I'm ADD, and was on academic probation my freshman year at college, an Ivy. I paid out of my pocket to make up the course that I flunked due to excess partying and skipping class because of deciding to sleep late. I ended up graduating with honors.</p>
<p>My older S is ADHD, younger S is ADD, but they both have the ability to do well in school if they bother to be disciplined about their work. I know this from my own experience and from watching them do miraculous jobs of raising their grades when I held their feet to the fire. Once someone is college age, however, I don't think that's parents' job because when they go into the work world, they will have to find ways of doing things on time that don't interest them or else they'll be out of a job and out luck.</p>
<p>Some students are ready and able to go to college at 18 and some are not. There are many students (both male and female) who go to school on something other than the 4 year plan (for a bachelor's degree). I do not think this student is lazy or immature. I think he may be in the wrong place at the wrong time for him. It is very important that HE be part of the discussion about his future and what he wants to do both for the short term and long term. If HIS goal is re-entry into the four year school,...then formulate a plan. If he is uncertain about that, there are plenty of other options to be explored...look at community college, trade school, vocational technical programs, apprenticeships for trades...or a job. And as Carolyn pointed out....look for the "why" and don't just assume it's laziness. It most likely is not. And in most colleges, no one will "police you" to get your work done. It's the student's job to do so. In fact, colleges will not even force you to go to their study skills centers or get tutorial help. The student has to be in the position to want to get this kind of help and seek it themselves. Perhaps the timing for this student to be in college is just not right at this time. And there is nothing wrong with that!!</p>
<p>Carolyn, Underlying problems may well be there. That said, my son told me that 40-50% of the students on the floor of his dorm were put on academic probation after their first semester of college. It does not seem to be unusual, although son said that he thinks that it was more prevalent on his floor than on other floors and in other dorms.</p>
<p>There is lots of good advice here, but I want to add an important caution. During the summers, I work 1-2 days a week in the master advising center of the community college where I teach. I recently had a conversation with the dean of student affairs regarding the honoring of academic suspensions of other institutions. Our state's cc system does not allow enrollment for transient students who are currently under suspension. I commented that it was a shame we wouldn't admit students who were serving academic suspensions as their time with us would likely help them improve their averages, etc. She said even if we took them, most institutions in our area (southeast) would not take credits earned during a suspension; therefore, the money and effort would be wasted for credits not transferable. As someone with close to 30 years of experience, her advice to parents of suspended students is to have them get the most awful job they can find for their child and tell them that they will support them in school when they have earned the right to return. It is her opinion that a semester of freezing in the cold or sweating in the heat often seasons an immature student .
You need to carefully confirm the details of the school's policy since academic suspension is different from academic probation.</p>
<p>I have 2 S who had academic suspensions. Neither were mature enough to put the work ahead of the pleasure of playing computer games and hanging out with friends all night, sleeping all day. Both had been good HS students. Both also had LD/ADD issues that made it hard to overcome the distractions. There is always someone willing to play when you are in a suite. But they would not seek the help that was available. I would not recommend suites for anyone who has distractability issues. </p>
<p>Both have come home and worked hard. With a job that requires attendance they don't have problems. With the lack of structure and all the distractions they did. They are growing up some now and when they try again will be ready.</p>
<p>"As someone with close to 30 years of experience, her advice to parents of suspended students is to have them get the most awful job they can find for their child and tell them that they will support them in school when they have earned the right to return. It is her opinion that a semester of freezing in the cold or sweating in the heat often seasons an immature student ."</p>
<p>I agree with virtually everything above, but would tweak it a bit: Do everything possible to force the student to do the work to find their own job. I don't think that the parents should have to take on the hard work of finding a job for their adult offspring.</p>
<p>Have the student pay rent, a reasonable amount of rent so the student realizes that a minimum wage job won't let them live in the lap of luxury and spend all of their money on things like clothes and entertainment. If the student has a car, the student also should be held responsible for paying for the expenses for their car.</p>
<p>Incidentally, my older S went totally offtrack when he moved in with my SIL, who had never had a child, and who thought that my husband and I were mean for telling her to have our S pay rent. S's being able to live in a very nice place without paying a dime led to S's not getting a job until SIL moved out of state and S learned that without regular employment, he'd be stuck living in a crowded, bare bones apartment with friends. Up until S moved in with SIL, he had been very responsible in terms of his employment, so even responsible young people can become lazy in terms of jobs if they are allowed to drop out of college and live comfortably on someone else's dime.</p>
<p>Have the student pay for at least their first semester of college after they return to college. Start financially helping the student with their college education only after the student proves that your investment is worthwhile. Set the criteria for this before the student returns the college. By earning good grades on their own dime, students who were suspended prove that they are worth parents' investing in their education.</p>
<p>I also don't think that parents should be expected to foot the bill for students' retaking classes that the students flunked.</p>
<p>Carolyn, what you mentioned in there it hit the nail in the head. I think the ADD (though never been diagnostic), language barrier, being homesick, lack of discipline, running away from problems, are all part of his problem. So fare, I don’t think drugs or alcohol is part of it, as he was very conscious about heath issues when he spent two winter breaks with me.
Thanks for the encouraging word. Though a lot time I just felt powerless, and knowing that I haven’t find that solution for his problem.</p>
<p>Northeastmom, I agree it should be nephew’s initiation to solve his problem. While as parents, we are so tempted to rescue them, I learned it first hand it won’t work most of the time. I did fly to his school last winter, talked to his student adviser, director, and RA supervisor etc. I also had a heart to heart talk with him too. He followed me like a five year old. He promised he will change, promised he will do homework, attending class etc. I really believed him.
I also agree tough love approach will work better with my nephew too. My sister, bless her heart, is too soft, too caring a mom. She answers what his demand, tending all his needs. The only child situation doesn’t help at all. His father’s approach seems fail on him too.</p>
<p>Thumper1, That's exactly my H said. Maybe it wasn’t a right time or right major for him to be in the first place. </p>
<p>Going through my nephew’s problem, I have great sympathy for parents with sons like my nephew. It’s really a tough job.</p>
<p>“As someone with close to 30 years of experience, her advice to parents of suspended students is to have them get the most awful job they can find for their child and tell them that they will support them in school when they have earned the right to return. It is her opinion that a semester of freezing in the cold or sweating in the heat often seasons an immature student.”</p>
<p>2VU0609, That’s exactly my instinct told me, and my exact suggestion to my sister last night.</p>