<p>Evaluate a significant experience, achievement, risk you have taken, or ethical dilemma you have faced and its impact on you</p>
<pre><code>The more I saw Troy, the more I wanted to breakdown and cry. It became demanding on my spirit because every new encounter inevitably lead to more sorrow and grief. I felt bad for his parents, his little sister Jennifer, but I found it particularly difficult holding back most of my tears whenever I saw his identical twin brother, Jonathan.
Troy told me he had been diagnosed with a rare form of cancer called Ewings Sarcoma when I was finishing up my sophomore year in October 2002. I was in a state of utter disbelief as he looked at me with a candid expression; my legs and arms became numb and I couldnt conjure up a single facial expression, just a blank stare. The first thing that came to mind was, How could this happen, hes only seventeen?
The financial burden Troys family was about to undertake was sure to be extravagant. Call me impulsive, but I soon became involved in every single fund that the community had to offer for him and encouraged others to participate, I simply became possessed. The depression from within dwindled from my system and it was replaced by an immense feeling of obligation and motivation. Never before had I been so determined in my efforts to support a cause. I discovered that I had the passion, fervor and intensity which I so much admired others for possessing. Perhaps the greatest gift he gave me was the lifelong relationship I will have with the American Cancer Society.
It may sound cliché, but Troys struggle to survive put life in perspective for me. Who cares if you did bad on a test, if you struggled at a sport or if you didnt have a lot of money, its all meaningless unless you have the gift of life. Perspective allows you to sort out the basic problems of life in a more meaningful and comprehensive way.
During my last visit before Troys death, he was very content with his situation and even cracked a few jokes. Here he was, near death and as a happy as anything. I cried uncontrollably as I looked at him, and he reassured me that he just wanted everybody to live happy lives and not harp over his death. My greatest inspiration derives from seeing him in his fragile state, consoling those around him as if they had been the ones to be struck with fatality.
Three weeks after I last spoke to Troy, his eighteen month battle ended in defeat. All I could remember were his last words to me and Ill forever have them imprinted into my mind, Just live happy lives. Its actually pretty sad when a persons greatest impact on you comes upon the face of death...
</code></pre>
<p>-full of syntax errors
-not about you
-you come off as caring only in desperate situations, not all the time. you make it seem as if after Troy's death you will stop working with all those organizations.</p>
<p>wow this is a sad story.........i think it does show something about you though....
in the middle ........all that stuff about "I discovered that I had the passion, fervor and intensity which I so much admired others for possessing.".......it seems as if this has taught u a lot..........and then you show it by giving examples of this passion/fervor.......i.e. "I soon became involved in every single fund that the community had to offer for him and encouraged others to participate, I simply became possessed".........hey u're essay just helped me. Thanks! </p>
<p>Although I do agree w/braingriffin.......i do get the impression that this passion will end.....or has ended now that Troy is dead......maybe you should write about what u've done after his death or something</p>
<p>Don't take my words as gospel......i'm having trouble w/ my own essays .......also, I heard death was supposedly one of the topics to stay away from....</p>
<p>First, my input: I agree with everyone. This is a sad story and I think you should try your best to stay away from it unless you have a happy bounce to add at the end of it. Maybe you can twist the story a little - talk about your experiences working with the different organizations...add your thoughts, any hardships, the rewards, etc... I don't know if that helped any, but GOOD LUCK! </p>
<p>Secondly, I was going to start my own thread with my essay, but I thought..."Hmm...that might be a bit much for everyone." So, Joke 1987, do I have your permission to attach my essay onto your thread? Pretty please?!? haha...</p>
<p>I think if you get rid of the last line, it could actually be a very uplifting essay. I would stick with it. Very personal, shows you as a compassionate and thoughtful human being.</p>
<p>I think you should focus more on what this shows about you. Yes, it does show that you are a caring and devoted individual, but more of the essay needs to be devoted to demonstrating that instead of talking about how sad Troy's story is. Try to use the sad story to show something happy and positive about you. (Oh, and it's not okay to use cliches, even if you precede them with "And this may sound cliche, but...")</p>
<p>And one totally random thing that probably only occurred to me: when you first said the word Troy, I thought you meant the movie and not the person. It wasn't until the bit about his family that I realized you weren't talking about Brad Pitt. You may want to make it clear you're talking about your friend.</p>
<p>and i dont know(neither do i really look for such information) where people get "sad story/essay" is bad for a college admission. can I ask where do you guys hear or read about that?</p>
<p>it does show "you", even though you can make better.(esp the end)</p>
<p>I've heard that sad stories can only work if either they are truly unique and demonstrate some truly rare quality in the writer (the "triumph over adversity" type of essay) OR if they are so amazingly well-written that they can bring the admissions officer to tears. Otherwise, the author can come off as being whiny and spoiled or as someone who is pathetic and wants pity.</p>