<p>This was not what I wanted to hear from my son. There were 140 high school seniors so I thought my son could find someone that he would "hit it off with." Now he's thinking that's not the school for him. Should he try another overnight with regular students? Are there any other intelligent students out there who have had similar experiences?</p>
<p>Just remember, not all intelligent students are nerdy and not all nerdy students are intelligent. Your son won't have a problem finding peers who are as intelligent as him that he can have fun with.</p>
<p>Perhaps your son is not that happy with that school choice and was looking for an excuse to not like it? Or, perhaps, he should be more open minded to other people. Out of 140 kids, he didn't click with ANY of them? I find that very hard to believe. I have gone to some scholar weekends at various schools and have never found ALL the kids were nerdy. As Mondo said, there are a lot of awesome, fun scholar kids. Remember, not all scholars need to study, so some of us have time for a LOT of fun! Your son should learn that you are only as happy as you make up your mind to be.</p>
<p>Well, how nerdy is your son?</p>
<p>Perhaps your son is not that happy with that school choice and was looking for an excuse to not like it? Or, perhaps, he should be more open minded to other people.</p>
<p>Two good points, bandnerd,....maybe both are true.</p>
<p>Mondo, maybe 24 hours isn't long enough to discover this.</p>
<p>And no, Hunt, my son is not "nerdy", but I may be biased.</p>
<p>I know a lot of kids who just didn't like the "feel" of the students they met at admitted students or on overnights. They just didn't feel comfortable there. But they couldn't really articulate why.</p>
<p>It's like walking into a party where you don't know anyone. Sometimes you walk in and feel awkward and uncomfortable. Sometimes you walk in and something "clicks" so you feel right at home. Same thing with colleges. There's a "vibe" and a "feel" to the community that might not fit your kid. Yes, maybe he'll find enough kids there that he'll have friends, but still might not "fit in" with the entire gestalt of the place. </p>
<p>My d turned down a school that looked perfect on paper, gave her a lot of money, and would have given her an excellent education, because she "didn't like the kids." Nothing wrong with them; they were intelligent, nice and friendly, but she didn't feel like she fit in. The school she chose (also an excellent one, but not as "perfect" on paper) "had kids just like me". That's as much as she could articulate. Doesn't make her wrong.</p>
<p>I agree that feeling "at home" is really important in the process. Though I like to think I'm non-judgmental, and though I have many, many friends who have different appearances with similar personalities underneath, people in sweatshirts and jeans make me feel more comfortable than people in Lacoste and J. Crew.</p>
<p>I would also put out there that the students visiting and the students attending are not the same group. If this place is a good fit for your s and he otherwise thinks highly of it, he should try to visit again when it isn't as crowded and when he can hang out with students who attend.</p>
<p>And what does he define as nerdy? We don't drink, smoke or do drugs and around here, that makes us nerdy. We laugh about being proud to be "bandnerds" but really we are just into our music and jazz and each other, as athletes might be with their teammates. But I wouldn't say we walk around talking physics, calculus and such. Is he looking for party people? As I said, in a group that large, he should have been able to find a niche pretty quickly. That would be almost a whole dorm!</p>
<p>bandnerd, I didn't think for one minute that you were a nerd. I would think someone who would refer to oneself as a nerd, really isn't. He likes to party, get good grades, wear Lacoste, act in a plays, sing in a choirs, and play sports. Can you tell he goes to a small high school? Another part of the problem is that GIRLS are very important to him. He believes that some campuses have cuter girls than others.</p>
<p>Wow, toledo. Please don't be insulted, but it sounds like your s needs to have a little attitude adjusting. Hopefully, he is cute enough to get the cuter girls. Wow. Are you applying to small colleges? It sounds like his ego would take a huge blow if he went to a large school where he was one of 25,000 or more. Are you really his mother? I can't imagine my mother ever saying these things about me and not having a fit! Has he applied to SMU? Sounds right up his alley. Good theater, beautiful rich sorority girls, small. I assume he is also looking for a big frat presence as well? Again, no disrespect. I just can't imagine my mom saying these things(especially with being a party guy!) and being ok with it! Wow. Will you adopt me?????</p>
<p>Yup, I'm really his mom and maybe I'm a naive mom because I don't think he's drinking at parties. And funny you should mention SMU, because he actually did go down to visit that school, but it was a little too over-the-top, even for him. And you're right about the fraternity thing, too. He's looking a medium-sized schools. I don't think he'll be a big partier, because grades are important to him. Don't the bandnerds do a little partying sometimes? Does anyone sympathize with someone who wants a school with good-looking guys/girls?</p>
<p>Nope, we don't do any drinking, smoking or drugs, if that is what you are talking about. Band kids are usually the straightest, smartest kids in the school. Of our top 10 kids, 8 are in the band. Every year the valedictorian is in the band. They compute the avg. GPA of the seniors in athletics, cheer, kick, band, debate, etc. and we are always the top group. The band party kids probably are about 1% of the band and they are really lame. They are usually in sports, kick team, etc. Not true bandnerds. And yes, I think it is shallow to want to go to a school that he perceives to be "pretty". Will he only work at corporations that have good looking people? Do you encourage this? Wow. Is he like, really, really, handsome? It is a shame that his identity is linked to how attractive he and others are. He will miss out on some great people in life! We would consider you naive. Are you up when he comes in from his parties?</p>
<p>
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Does anyone sympathize with someone who wants a school with good-looking guys/girls?
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</p>
<p>Not really. Usually, when I hear this, it's in the context of some teenage guy whining about how he wouldn't go to a tech school because the women are ugly, and I'm tired of myself and my friends being insulted and objectified. And when people of any gender get overly concerned about the attractiveness of their target gender, it feels to me like they are on the prowl...thinking of the people around them primarily as potential marks.</p>
<p>But, not everyone is going to click with every possible environment, and it's often an intuitive thing. I have walked into social gatherings where I felt instantly at home, and social gatherings where I was utterly ill at ease the entire time. I have been in environments (not schools, but neighborhoods) that I took to instantly and environments that were so depressing to me that I was crying for no reason within two days. Maybe this isn't the school for him, and that's okay.</p>
<p>It's a teenage guy, and you are criticizing him for wanting 'attractive women'? Seriously?</p>
<p>Why do you think Tech schools want women so freaking bad? It's not because they have some urge for Women's rights, it's because guys wanna get laid, and won't go to schools that make that too difficult. Many guidebooks, and most that are aimed at the student rather than the parent will have some grading scale for the level of attractiveness of the stduent body.</p>
<p>This isn't unique, and shouldn't be some sort of criticism of Toledo's parenting.</p>
<p>And Bandnerd - don't proclaim band to be superior, ours had last years val, but no one in the top 10 this year. It is also home to the raunchiest goings on at the school. And is actually quite exclusionary in general. And drug use is quite common. Also, if he is missing out on so many great people, what is wrong with the party crowd, are they not great people?</p>
<p>This thread seems to be an excuse to bash the 'non-nerds', ripping on sports, near-sports, and anything related, bashing clothing choices, and bashing a kid for not feeling like he fit in.</p>
<p>So a kid being honest with his parents(hot chicks > ugly chicks) is a bad thing? I almost guaruntee that if your kid came home with an obese person, you would put on a happy face, but be opposed to the relation. Or someone with 'too many tats' or piercings and so on. You are just as judgemental, but you hold this shield. Why is he bad for wearing Lacoste? Maybe that is a comfortable to him as that hoody?</p>
<p>Girls are tired of being 'objectified'? Take down the Orlando Bloom poster and stop taking a peak at the guy with a six pack then. And just the same, you can wear a hoody and not be objectified, or wear a halter and a skirt and be objectified. Your choice. Do you think that 'muscle shirts' are made because girls aren't just as shallow as they complain about guys being?</p>
<p>*nerd who doesn't wear Lacoste never had a six-pack, and was in band</p>
<p>My son was looking for a school with nerds, I guess, but if yours isn't, there are tons of schools to choose from. If this school sounds attractive in lots of other ways, you might want to consider a repeat visit, but maybe this just isn't his kind of place.</p>
<p>An ideal school would have both types of students and opportunities for the two groups to mingle. I'm sure they could both learn from each other. My original question, rephrased, would be "Do you think you get an accurate picture of a school's students by attending an accepted honor student
overnight?" or "Are there any intelligent students out there who have a hard time fitting in?"</p>
<p>what school did your son stay overnight at? maybe then some of us know something about the school other than what he got. </p>
<p>and no.. i dont think its terrible for a 17/18 year old guy to say he wants a place with attractive girls. i mean honestly every school will have SOME attractive people but i have definetly seen the differences while visiting some of my friends at their colleges. its just human nature to say you would want to go somewhere with more attractive people of the sex or your presense. if two schools were exactly the same in my eyes (meaning academics, social scene, atmosphere, opprotunities, type of student) except one had better looking guys, of course i would lean towards the one with more attractive guys!</p>
<p>My son was looking for a student body that is unlike him because he finds people with perspectives that differ from his more interesting. Every kid is looking for something different in a school and if this school isn't it for your son, there are plenty of others. It's hard to say if your son's perception of the 140 students he met is accurate without knowing the name of the school, but it would have to be a very small school for a sampling of 140 students to be clear evidence that most of the students are nerds and most of the girls aren't all that attractive.</p>
<p>I can understand his reaction...my daughter has crossed a couple of schools off her list, not because of nerds, but because she felt that the people were too different from her.</p>
<p>One school seemed to have a lot of international students. I think they just need a good mix of kids like them and kids not to balance things out a bit.</p>
<p>The funny thing is, she feels totally alienated at her sister's artsy, creative school .
I think most kids seek out kids that look a bit like them or share the same interests</p>
<p>DSC, sorry to hear your band is drugged in Michigan. Perhaps in Texas it is different. I can promise you that for MY school it is true. And I said that if he was judging ON LOOKS ONLY he is missing out on some great people. Read what people write! And I agree, if he just wants pretty girls to hook up with, he should look at a school known for its beauty.</p>