<p>W, btw, it’s okay to condense several replies into one post.</p>
<p>My D majored in Government and Math, is working in Econ and will most likely go to grad school in Econ.</p>
<p>I think that “hanging out” mentality,even as a “vacation,” that you yearn for for your D is a really bad idea for someone planning to major in chem/neuroscience…stress will be a way of life. To use a running analogy (I ran cross-country in high school, did not in college…was trying to be an engineering major), once you fall into that easy long-distance rhythm, the best thing to do is stay with it.</p>
<p>I had an interesting conversation with D when she was home over the break. I’d always thought that she was on the edge of burnout for her senior year of college…she says it was the best year of her life (though I’m not sure 2009 or 2010 may not wind up surpassing it). She “slacked off” ever so slightly, changing her ballet class from graded to P/NP just so she didn’t have to worry about attendance if a paper, a project, or the organization of which she was president demanded extra time.</p>
<p>The culture at her school was interesting. Students didn’t compete with each other and there weren’t things like sabotaged O-chem experiments that one hears about at some schools. But there would be instances of two women consoling a third about a B+ in a class, telling her it wasn’t the end of the world, when they in turn would have been distraught were the situation reversed. </p>
<p>In retrospect, my D realizes that most of the non-social stress of high school was due to the amount of time she spent in ballet, that the coursework would have been trivial if she had the amount of time to spend on that she otherwise could. But it was carrying that kind of stress through high school that gave her the time-management skills and the “muscles” to bear the weight of a very full four years of college. (She did kick back a little during one of her “away” semesters, annoyed to this day about the only B+ of her college career, three points short on the final, due in large part to having fun with new friends, cooking, and romance, in some order, in an exotic city.)</p>
<p>FWIW – My son worked his butt off right up to the last day of high school. Then he spent the whole summer after graduation in non-academic pursuits which included playing video games, working out, and sleeping in. I think the down time was essential, but I was very happy that he didn’t let up while he was in school.</p>
<p>That is good but its not about guidance, its about psychology. Our students hear it over and over and over again, from every source, but some are unable to let go of the grade obsession. And truly it impacts their success because they have a perfect GPA and so-so publications. </p>
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<p>I completely disagree. It isn’t about ‘workload’ it’s about ‘stress’: one is the activity and hours spent doing it, the other is the anxiety that can accompany it. People have to learn to pace themselves. And without balance and mental state of wellbeing, what is the point of any of it? Really? So you gave up childhood to ace your SATs, so that, what, you can graduate and start working a year earlier, to do what exactly? Don’t get me wrong, my career and success are a part of who I am but not ALL of who I am. Do these students not plan to have relationships? Go on dates? Have children or spend time with them? See the world? Learn a new hobby?<br>
If you can’t learn to do that while still a TEENAGER, where exactly were you going to start fitting your LIFE into your work?</p>
<p>It’s mentally unhealthy and completely unnecessary! It’s why we have people posting about the 5th grader having crying jags, we read about the suicides on campus, and students who are afraid to tell their parents they are changing out of an engineering major. It’s really sad.</p>
<p>OP: I don’t mean to be using your daughter for my soapbox. She’s probably just fine. And you sound like a great mom. I am just responding to some of the general sentiments I find on this board (which the issue your post brings out in people).</p>
<p>I know what you mean! I got into my safety with full tuition and I know a B won’t kill me-but I constantly worry I suppose it’s better than slacking, but it’s seriously making my senior year not as fun as I had hoped</p>
<p>There’s a big difference between not lapsing into "hangout"mode and extremes like “giving up your childhood to ace the SAT’s,” 5th-grade crying jags, and turbulence about changing majors.</p>
<p>There are any number of fields where the only way you’re going to succeed is by sustained stress. Pre-med & med school, law school, getting into top PhD programs, for starters. Becoming an astronaut. Or a Supreme Court justice. Or the head of OMB. Whatever. The effort required may not seem worth it to <em>you</em> but it’s the individual student who matters…if they’re driven to find fulfillment in a field that requires it, then more power to them. And it doesn’t require some sort of monastic existence devoid of friendships, dates, and eventually having children…I don’t know what projected horror movie that come out of. </p>
<p>Not everyone is required to drive for excellence. But neither should anyone who does be disparaged. There’s an insidious strain of what I call “the school of good enough” that infects American culture.</p>
<p>To respond to your question, wilners, I’m not sure she is finding college easier than high school, as she is in the honors program and has several writing intensive courses, but she is enjoying herself very much. Even in high school, with 5 AP’s, a varsity sport in the fall, year-long EC’s in model UN and forensics, she always had time to hang out on weekend nights. She has good time management skills.</p>
<p>We disagree on the ‘sustained’ part. Sustained stress is what kills people. Knowing WHEN you can take a break-- like as in, oh, I dunno, like when you got into your top choice school and getting a B in your senior year isn’t going to matter. If you can’t learn to relax then and take a break, I don’t know when you will. Life is not a marathon. Nor does it have to be. </p>
<p>Hubby and I have seven degrees between us, both tenured at an Ivy (astronautical engineering, several MBAs and two PhDs to boot). Hardly slackers- but we have a life…we always had a life and if our senior kid was doing what the OP’s child is doing, we’d give their head a shake. Driving for achievement “just because” makes no sense at all. What are you exactly ‘achieving’ in this equation? Knowledge? Personal growth? Or collecting numbers for a transcript? And I can assure you, we’d NEVER admit a student to our PhD programs that we knew had to work that hard to get in…we look for a balanced life and a balanced <em>perspective</em> as well. </p>
<p>Enjoy yourself. Take a break. Take a breather. Life only comes once and you have no idea how long you have a life. By most counts, its generally too short. Most of the ultra successful people we know are no different. Take vacations, sabbaticals, whole days off. As students we took whole summers off and some of our best students are great about extended breaks. Sometimes we took (gasp!) fun electives, or ones that we’d blow but we wanted to learn something, and went to wild parties…and (hold your breath!) we smoked pot and didn’t tell our parents! And one of us even overslept an exam and failed physics! And neither of us pushed pushed pushed in 'sustained stress" to be the best best best. It never would have worked either. But thankfully we- and our parents- had complete confidence that we’d carve a very wonderful life for ourselves and we didn’t rest our ego on our GPA nor did our family’s sense of pride or shame depend on something as superficial as that either. </p>
<p>Since you bring into the equation culture, I want to add this mentality we see from those in developmental countries just doesn’t make sense in American culture. There is MUCH more to define success than external community approval through a narrowly defined subset of safe occupations that provide prestige to someone’s family and a bigger pay check. One doesn’t have to go to IIT to be ultra-successful in America…there are many many many many routes to uber-goals, if such goals are your thing.</p>
<p>Yeah, Senioritis really kicked in once I got that early decision acceptance. I’m taking one of those “mental health days” previously mentioned and getting my stuff done at home. My grades aren’t anywhere near as strong as my straight As junior year and 1st quarter, but I still have a 90ish average for 2nd quarter and my semester average should be a solid A. It’s just so hard to muster the will to even go to school. GAHHH SENIORITIS</p>
I suppose it’s better than slacking, but it’s seriously making my senior year not as fun as I had hoped</p>