OP- you need a candid conversation with your parents.
I’m in the camp that says if parents tell you they can afford it- they can likely afford it, but you need to see it on paper, from them, not from a stranger on the internet.
I guarantee you my kids did not think we could afford to send them where they ended up. But we could. We even financed TWO kids in college (full pay) for a short while with only one income which I think freaked them out. We had always been somewhat transparent about money (we can afford this, we can’t afford that) but didn’t feel that an 8 year old needed to know (or could process) how we earned, invested, paid taxes, saved at a granular level.
So it was a bit of a mindshift to learn that even though we “couldn’t afford” half the stuff they wanted when they were growing up, magically, we could afford to send them to the places we thought were the best fit for them. Education was our top priority; being immigrant/refugees we had seen first hand that intellectual capital is often the only capital you can take with you if you are kicked out, displaced by war, genocide, or whatever events made you a first generation American.
I can’t claim to understand your parents thinking or financial situation, but if it’s anything like the family I grew up in, they may not be able to afford most of the stuff your friends have, but “magically” they can afford to send you to college. The magic is in their savings and investments; if they were low income with no assets, it’s unfathomable to me that Yale wouldn’t have offered you aid- even if you didn’t think it was enough.
So have a sitdown. You don’t need to go to Yale. But if the only thing holding you back is fear that when they say they can afford it they are lying to you- maybe seeing the numbers in black and white will help.
Congratulations on your acceptance to Yale. Have you thought about if your UC option is not UCLA? UCLA is a tough admit and is not a sure thing by any means. Would you be happy with, say UCSD?
You don’t need to go to a top law school to do big law. You just need to be at the top of your class. The better the law school the lower you can be. Atlanta has some of the largest law firms in the US and all of them hire from Georgia State law school - often the number one student in the class but it happens every year. You can be even more successful financially doing “small law” if you go the plaintiff’s attorney route. Several lawyers I worked with in big law over the years defected to do this.
True. A family friend’s son went to UF undergrad, UF law - both tuition free. They are residents.
He’s now clerking for a federal judge. Supposedly will make zillions in a few years - ie this is the golden ticket to big money. Had a job lined up for after the clerkship.
Another family friend chose Miami over Vandy. She got big money is why. Miami is low ranked relative but she took the $$. How she’ll fare career wise I dunno. She was in Honors at Rutgers.
It’s hard to paint with a broad brush.
Harvard kids fail. Nebraska kids run companies.
On average will Harvard outperform. Yes. But people aren’t averages. Every story is different.
There appears to be an unspoken expectation that this student will attain enough wealth as a result of going to Yale that she will support her parents.
This student says unequivocally the parents will have to take out significant loans (which they mistakenly believe will be forgiven.)
There are two siblings who will go to college.
We have seen more than one story on this forum of students who can no longer afford to attend their college and have to transfer elsewhere.
This student is experiencing stress about the whole situation (not just the immediate one of how to pay, but the long term repercussions to her siblings and her own future.)
Clearly Yale believes this family (who work 7 days a week) can afford the money, but finding ways to actually pay that money could be very detrimental to the overall finances of the family.
I suggest that @bigbluebelugawhale ask the parents to sit down for an an honest and transparent conversation so OP is very clear on the situation, while also expressing the concerns listed in this thread. She has a right to know how her parents will pay for her and the siblings and she has a right to be honest about how she sees her future. She also deserves to know what level of support her parents expect from her in the future.
Hopefully it will work out and OP will go to Yale. But there is clearly a lot of uncertainty that is causing the OP a huge amount of stress. At the very least, the OP should not have to begin her college career with these important questions looming over her.
I think we all agree the student needs a transparent sitdown with the parents.
But OP’s parents wouldn’t be the first people who’ve told their kids “We’ll be working until we’re in the ground” (I’ve said it to my own kids, even though it’s not true…) or “well, you’ll have to hope we can pay off the loans before we drop dead” or similar… regardless of their actual assets.
So yes, a transparent conversation. But I don’t assume that the parents lack the ability to understand their own financial capacity and limitations. A First Gen family savvy enough to amass enough income/assets so that a generous college like Yale believes them to be full pay is likely smart enough to understand their own balance sheet.
I second this. A remark about Biden erasing student debt could have been said almost flippantly, or could reflect a sincere belief. That’s why I say we cannot know the real life nuances in any poster’s situation. And why this really is only between the OP and her parents.
My kid lost a library book in HS. We got a bill for $40 and I told the kid “Oh well, kiss college goodbye”.
It was a flippant remark, and I don’t think my kid actually thought that the 40 bucks was going to wipe out our ability to pay for college.
Kid DID conduct a thorough search and find the book however- which was the intention of my comment, so it’s all good. Paid a 25 cent fine and the episode was over.
@bigbluebelugawhale I sent you a DM. Let me know if you have trouble accessing it. You will see a 1 in the upper right hand corner next to your avatar.
This was in the NY Times this weekend. I think you may find some relevance.
P.S. Your parents’ loans will not be wiped. Ever. That’s not the proposal. Based on the info in this article, it appears your parents are using the little tiny bit they’ve heard about student loan forgiveness as an “anchor” to steer them in the direction of their existing bias.
When you have the transparent conversation with them, be aware of cognitive biases.
Hi— We were in a similar situation. Daughter applied to Yale REA, got in, but we did not have a financial aid offer in Dec ( I did not submit the documents by Nov because honestly, I thought her chances were super low). We told her to apply to Harvard, Princeton, Stanford over Xmas even though she was in love with Yale.
Surprise, the kid got into Harvard. And thank God she did because the Harvard financial aid offer was $20K+ more than Yale. Yale seemed to think we could spend 50% of our take home pay on college. Granted, we are a somewhat complicated situation— high income American citizens living abroad in high tax country, extra medical expenses, also providing financial support to the grandparents—but still. I think the takeaway is that not all Ivies are the same and you should try to apply widely to get the best offers you can. I don’t really pretend to understand how the calculations ended up so far apart but I must say we are grateful that we were offered such a generous package.
The Harvard specific financial aid questions on the CSSS did ask about other issues— like how much credit card debt you have, what kind of cars you drive, if they are paid off.
I have read many posts here that Yale will renegotiate based on an offer from Harvard so we may try that route.
Bottom line: don’t just go on what the quick calculator tells you. The colleges are receptive to the fact that everyone’s situation is different. And not all of them are seem to be using the same calculations.
I also helps to have a good aid offer from a peer school, and Yale and Harvard certainly consider themselves peers of each other (no matter what they say on game day). Yale should see what Harvard did for your student and be motivated to take a fresh look if asked.
It’s surprising that Yale’s and Harvard’s FA offers were so far apart. Yale will match the financial aid that Harvard offered. You just have to ask.
I’m also intrigued about how you managed to get so much FA as a “high income” family. I’m not sure colleges consider support you give to grandparents because that’s voluntary.
