Stop calling it therapy as a first step. Counselor, Adviser, “someone who can be a resource for you as you transition to college”. She’s not broken, so is clearly resisting the idea that there’s a medical professional out there hankering to fix her.
The anxiety troubles me. If she were cheerfully rowing her boat, that’s one thing. But if HS is making her anxious trying to keep up, college might really be a mental health minefield.
So in the interest of being helpful (or at least trying to…) have you dropped the idea that if she’s interested in a Gap year to do something non-academic so she can switch gears a bit before college, you’d be open to it? I hate to hear about kids who have spent HS anxious and worried heading off to college without some time to decompress.
My DD meticulously planned out her homework and studying as well–as a dyslexic, that was the only way she could have managed all of her AP classes. The part that does not make sense to me is that your DD feels that the problem is that her high school is competitive. I don’t understand how she thinks that her peers affect her reading issues. She will have those reading issues regardless of where she is/who her peers are. It’s not that her peers are all super geniuses, it’s that she has a problem with reading fluency. This will follow her everywhere.
I have given your issue a lot of thought and I am unsure what you can say to your DD to help steer her in the right direction if she is refusing to accept that she has an LD, other than to point out to her that she won’t receive the unofficial accommodations that she gets now, when she is in college, without requesting them. Again, I would ask her what her plan is to be able to finish her work and her tests without the benefit of extra time, if she has not been able to do so thus far. I wonder what she would say to that?
Unofficial accommodations are not something that is done behind the kid’s back. As I said, my son had unofficial accommodations. He rarely used them, and never as a senior. When a guidance counselor says they are unofficial, it means they acknowledge the kid needs extra time or whatever, and they are willing to give it without all the extra paperwork, etc…
I guarantee your child’s teachers did not just go “let’s give Sally extra time because her mom contacted us.” They could possibly lose their jobs over that. They would have probably known at the start of the school year that the student has accommodations. I always alerted my son’s teachers, just in case, but they always knew. They can’t decide to give your child extended test time because mom asked, and not give extended test time to other kids. If your child was given extra test time, it’s because it was already sanctioned by the school.
Regardless, she will not get accommodations in college without recent documentation, probably within three years of starting college. You will have to check with the college.
ETA: She is highly unlikely to fail out of college because she works very hard. If nothing else, she will realize very quickly that she’s in over her head and then will hopefully consent to being tested to get accommodations. I remember a very emotional post by a parent a couple of years ago on CC. Her main point was “let them fail.” Your daughter has to learn that she has limitations. If that means a rude awakening, maybe that’s necessary.
Well let’s take a difference approach. Letting them fail to prove a point just is not a great idea. This is your child we are talking about.
I told both my kids that with the college tuition I pay you also get some free stuff and they should take advantage of it. I mention some free music, art shows, students discounts to theaters, movies and that the learning centers and mental health facilities, medical services are also free. I told my kids that college can have lots of stressors and they can go and get help at anytime and they don’t need to tell me,if they don’t want to.
I also sent “links” to some of the these places to them. On most college learning sites there might be some downloads about how to study, techniques for staying organized etc. I clearly explain to them that they would not have a complete department and many helpful hints on their website if it was not truly needed and that people would use these learning centers, tutors, peer to peer tutors, professor hours etc . There is a reason like every college has a writing center… Right?
Let her pursue at her own pace but I would give her a few links. When I do this I bluntly tell my kids that I sent some links and want to spend a few minutes to go over them with them and that’s its my right as a parent to do this and make sure my children have the tools needed to be successful or at least know where to go to get help.
So… Whew… My son’s first week when he started college there was some issues with getting a class. He sorta freaked. I told him remember the links I sent you. One was to the office for his counselor. Call her and fix the problem.
He did. There were a few problems like this and he learned to navigate and self advocate.
Now he’s great at it and we hear about “issues” after the fact.
Sometimes kids just need a little help becoming adults.
I believe that diagnosis and testing has to be within three years of entrance to college.
Many kids don’t understand the concept of a level playing field and feel as if they are seeking a favor rather than fairness.
You don’t need a 504 for college. Just get a letter from an MD stating diagnosis and accommodations desired
My son has gotten accommodations from four different colleges, from the local community college to Stanford (for a summer course). At none of them was “a letter from an MD stating the diagnosis and accommodations desired” adequate to get accommodations. In our experience, the student needs recent testing from a professional (probably a psychologist). The documentation has to show the tests administered, the results, and why the results justify the requested accommodations.
Even then, the college is not obligated to grant the accommodations. Some colleges that require a foreign language waive that requirement for students with dyslexia. The college my son is at will not.
Based on the research I did when my son was considering colleges, it’s clear that most colleges require recent official documentation of learning disabilities in order to give accommodations.
My son chose a college that requires foreign language and they would have waived it, but my son has insisted he won’t be retested. So I have told him I hope he enjoys learning Korean. He has chosen to take that, rather than ASL.
If the colleges your child is considering don’t require that, then that’s great. When I said “let them fail” I don’t mean that the student literally needs to fail. I’m saying that the student perhaps needs to learn something about herself and that might be a hard thing to learn. You can lead the horse to water, but you can’t make it drink. This student does not feel she has a problem and does not want to be tested. Short of dragging her to be tested against her will, I don’t see what this parent can do.
The parent is worried. The kid is perhaps worried, but not so much that she is willing to do anything about it. So make sure she knows about all the campus resources such as the tutoring center, counseling center, and library. Make sure she understands that professor office hours can be really useful and that the time to see the professor is before she finds something difficult.
Your daughter is obviously intelligent and works hard. Yes, she will always have learning disabilities and she has learned compensatory skills over time. She will continue to improve her skills, and it may be that starting college will be the means by which she will improve even more. Don’t assume that college is going to be a disaster for her because she doesn’t have accommodations.
@Jennifer2 , the most important thing is not that your daughter receives official accommodations, but that she can self-advocate with each professor individually. Even if the school gives her accommodations, not all professors will be understanding. This isn’t like high school, where the teachers are all generally on board with helping a kid succeed. A prof won’t notice that she is struggling and try to help her (more likely, he or she will just think “this kid didn’t master the material, here’s your C or D”); your daughter will have to acknowledge that she is struggling and go for help on her own. And some profs will be total jerks. This is just a fact of life.
Rather than pushing her to ask for a 504 plan, it might be more helpful to back off and just clarify your expectations for college. This could be something vague like passing all classes the first semester, or it could be maintaining a certain GPA. I think the goal at this point shouldn’t be to get her to buy into your understanding of her abilities/disabilities, but to get her to think about what she will need in order to thrive in college.
This approach really helped us when my D wanted to go abroad her junior year. She has depression and anxiety, and I was terrified to let her live in France all year without help. So we made as a condition of allowing her to do this that she had to find a therapist there, and that she had to deal with her doctor and insurance to obtain all necessary medications before she left. We did nothing. She managed it all herself and ended up in France for 10 months. I don’t think she would have been as successful if we had worked on her behalf.
A bit OT, but your D should take a look at Colby-Sawyer. I don’t know what majors they offer, but they are known for their approach to kids with all kinds of disabilities. It’s not a school specifically for people with disabilities, but helping them succeed is one of their strengths.
As I stated earlier. Since there is a mixed bag of answers is pick a few schools your interested in and just call and find out what they require. Then you’ll know specifically.
So - my kid started college this year. She had only an informal agreement with her school on accomodations, no IEP and no 504 . Her counselor, who sends many kids with accomodations to college each year, said the ACT letter would be accepted as sufficient documentation for accommodations at ANY college. And it was, my D is given extra time for tests in all of her college classes. Anyone who says you need a 504 plan or IEP for college accommodations is flat out mistaken. If you google “504 for college” you get the understood dot org article and I quote:
"The short answer is there are no IEPs or 504 plans in college. The Individuals with Disabilities Education Act (IDEA), the law that provides students with IEPs, no longer applies to them once they graduate from high school.
Section 504 of the Rehabilitation Act of 1973 still protects students from discrimination when they get to college. However, they won’t get a 504 plan like they had in high school. In other words, a student’s 504 plan doesn’t “travel”
end quote.
At this point @jennifer2 you have done everything you can. Keep working with your D to destigmatize the accommodations she needs and when she applies to schools make sure to ask about how accommodations are requested - per class or automatic. You want it to be easy for her to self advocate, but she will have to decide for herself when to do so!
@Jennifer2, I work in a disability services office, and you’re asking some great questions. A DS office that is current on best practices and the law will not care whether or not your student has a 504 plan in high school, and they will accept the psychoeducational testing she had done at age 14. Much like some other posters have mentioned, 504 plans do not transfer to college. The DS office will want direct information from a provider that shows diagnoses. They may use a high school 504 as a guide for what accommodations your student has found helpful, but that’s it. They will mostly want to hear from your daughter about how the diagnoses impact her in school.
One thing I’ve mentioned to students is that there is no harm is registering with the DS office and getting approved for accommodations, because they are never required to actually use them. That at least encourages them to get registered, meet the DS office staff, and have everything in place just in case they want accommodations in the future. It also helps to know that using accommodations in college is SO much more private at most schools. Most students have no idea who is receiving accommodations.
Previous posters are correct that you cannot do any of this on behalf of your student, but you can accompany her (or conference call in), if you can get her in the door. Even if she’s 17 at the time, she is considered an adult for educational purposes if she’s in college. Many students want to avoid accommodations in college, because they want to be independent. That’s normal. Some learn the hard way (and that’s really okay) that they need accommodations, so they end up in the DS office eventually. It’s that much easier if they’ve at gotten registered with the DS office at some point.
Without looking at her documentation, I can still tell you some of the most common accommodations for ADHD and a learning disability in reading, just so you have a starting point: extended time for testing, reduced distraction testing environment, note taking assistance (various methods depending on school), audio textbooks, permission to type essay exams and use spell-check, use of speech-to-text software for written tests, course substitution for foreign language, etc. Just keep in mind that all accommodations are determined on an individual basis through a conversation with your student and a review of her documentation. I wrote an article a couple years ago that gives an overview of all of this, as well: https://www.additudemag.com/inside-scoop-college-accommodations/.
Feel free to message me if you have more questions!
@Collegesmiths , good article. Does the college set the parameters individually for the documentation they accept? When I researched this, admittedly on my son’s behalf, the colleges I talked to all wanted documentation showing disabilities from the last three years. Are you saying that ACT or SAT test accommodation approvals should suffice?
Referencing an earlier post, I’d like to contribute that we professors DEFINITELY DO NOT think any less of students needing accommodations of any kind. In any given term, I might have up to half a dozen students with the legal right to take extra time on exams, have tests administered in a separate room, employ a note taker or use a recording device, submit in-class written assignments via computer, etc. Not a problem! We chose this profession because we want to lift up the next generation, and that means genuinely wanting our students to learn. And, just to add: students can always choose not to use accommodations to which they are legally entitled. They can make this choice at any given time related to a particular assignment, a specific course, or for their entire college career. The important thing is that the student’s accommodation rights are in place. While it may work in high school, there are no “soft, unofficial” accommodations with which I am familiar at the college level. In the end, of course, getting these accommodations in place is the student’s choice and the student’s responsibility. I wish you and your daughter the best.
I appreciate each and every reply. My H and I are reading and re-reading them all.
@Collegesmiths You have given me an idea about registering for accommodations at the disability office. One thing that D objected to strenuously about the 504 was the process where teachers each received a copy of it at the beginning of the year. She hated that they knew about her LD (that she doesn’t think she has) before actually getting to know her as a student. A few of them reached out to her-- very mildly, but she is overly sensitive about this-- saying things like “let me know if you need any accommodations.” She felt so embarrassed and upset by that.
She is much more comfortable advocating for herself individually with teachers, seeing them during office hours, asking for clarification and even asking for extra time because she sees others doing that. Her GC says that some of the other students have 504’s and some don’t. She fights for every point and sometimes she wins, sometimes she doesn’t. So if it’s possible to register for accommodations in case she needs them, and her professors wouldn’t necessarily know, and she could pick and choose which classes to use them for, maybe she’d see the value in that. @blossom About the school stress, a gap year won’t help. She’s anxious to get going already with college and her issues won’t go away by waiting a year. What we have told her (someone else above mentioned this too) is that we have enough funds that she can stretch to 5 years if absolutely necessary, taking fewer classes each semester. We’ve been saving since she was born and are fortunate that we think we can cover that. She thought that was a terrible idea, but now she knows and hopefully she won’t feel financial stress. That is one thing we can do to alleviate the pressure she puts on herself about money. She was astounded when she first looked up the price of college. It’s kind of funny, with her dyslexia, she could not get straight at first how many 0’s were actually on the price tag. “Wait, WHAT?”
Your daughter should read the Hechinger Report series on the low college graduation rates of students with disabilities https://hechingerreport.org/vast-majority-students-disabilities-dont-get-college-degree/. She should get the accommodations in place in college. Even if she expects to never use them, it is MUCH easier to get last minute help if they are in place.
Hi @Lindagaf: You are correct that each institution gets to make it’s own rules. However, there have been course cases and civil rights complaint agreements that set a pretty clear standard that ONLY documentation that is truly needed to establish disability and impact of disability should be required. For example, I might accept LD testing from about age 13 on, because the characteristics don’t tend to change after adolescence. A hard and fast rule of documentation that is no more than three years is no longer acceptable, but it’s true that some schools are still clinging to that. That’s a good sign that they aren’t the most progressive in other areas of disability services, in my opinion, so that’s a red flag.
The important thing is that each school can, and typically does, require documentation from an actual healthcare provider. They make their own decisions about what accommodations are appropriate, so high school and ACT accommodations don’t suffice as stand-alone documentation. They can, however, support a request.
Thank you all for the insights. My DH and I have been reading and re-reading every single one. @collegesmiths This is excellent advice about registering with the disability office that might resonate with my D. Her biggest objection to the 504 was the process of distributing a document to all her teachers at the start of the year stating she has a LD (which she doesn’t think she has) before they got to know her as a student. She felt (justifiably or not) that it gave a negative impression from day #1. A few well meaning teachers would approach her (gently, but she is super sensitive on this issue) and say something along the lines of “please let me know if you need any accommodations.” This made her intensely uncomfortable.
She is much better advocating for herself individually with teachers. She has no problem going to office hours or asking for clarification and even for extra time here and there. She is very motivated and pushes herself to earn every possible point on her grades. Sometimes she wins, sometimes she doesn’t. If she could register with the disability office and pick and choose which professors know about it, at what point in the term, and ask for accommodations only in those classes where she feels she needs it, I think that would work. I didn’t know that was the process in college. I hope I understand it right because that is great news! @blossom We have indeed considered that college may take her more than 4 years. We have been saving obsessively and have told her that fortunately we have the funds for her to take a 5th year and do college more slowly if necessary. She thinks it means we don’t have confidence in her which couldn’t be farther from the truth. But we think the message has gotten in that she has enough to worry about and for $$$ we will take care of the funding as long as she is progressing and not wasting time and money.
Taking a gap year probably doesn’t make sense. She is looking forward to getting started and her learning issues will still be there a year later. But going more slowly might make sense.
For the summer, she is working in a fun, non-academic activity and giving her stress a rest.
One thing to talk to her about is not overloading her first semester. Take a lighter load. College is a big adjustment for anyone and many students actually score a whole grade lower then that they are at now. She needs to know this now.
But honestly if she is pulling the grades she is getting with hard work she will probably be fine. If taking a lighter load and she does well then she can up it later on or take one summer course to catch up if needed.
She just needs to find “strategies” that work for her. With my daughter who is similar it really was about confidence. Once she started to do well in her classes her trajectory was upward. It was more of a “I can do this” moment then anything else.
@Lindagaf Yes, I am sure you are right about the accommodations she has been receiving. Her GC was talking to her teachers about her situation.
It’s a subtle thing with her. Something is just a bit off with her processing. The first weeks of school they all think she’s brilliant. Then she hands in an assignment, or doesn’t do as well on a test as they though she would, and they think “huh?” How do I know this? They tell me during parent conferences which are usually a few months into the term. By then they seem to have already talked to the GC and “get” her style.