<p>I know I shouldn't but I feel sort of guilty that my daughter got into Michigan when so many kids with better stats were deferred including the kids of friends of mine. My daughter says she feels like that too. Anyone else ever feel like this way? </p>
<p>Don’t let it bug you or your daughter. Some of those kids may get into equivalent or “better” schools by the time admissions are done. Or they may have botched their applications in some way (poor essays, recommendation problems, admissions somehow found out it wasn’t their first choice, etc.). There is a lot of second guessing that goes on starting around this time every year – but no one know everything that goes into another kid’s application. Now… don’t let you daughter gloat, even if other kids are miffed at her (found out recently that one of my kids DID gloat when someone was rude to them about not getting in when my kid did, and I really gave it to my kid for not taking the high road…).</p>
<p>The schools are looking for all kinds of students to make up their incoming classes. Maybe they thought your daughter had the happiest outlook, a better recommendation, interest in a major that may be underrepresented. If it were just about stats, they wouldn’t require all the essays and ECs and hooks, they could just accept those with the best stats.</p>
<p>Yes, I felt that way when my I got into my current school, the College of William and Mary, and my best friend and teammate didn’t. He knew about the school before me, was wearing the school gear on acceptance day, and was the freaking board of ed rep of our school. So those feelings are normal. Keep in mind that those students will get into great schools too and as long as you celebrate with sensitivity, you will be fine. You don’t know why those students didn’t get in. Your daughter could have had something that the others didn’t (better essays, better extracuriculars, recommendations etc) there is only so much you can tell from the outside</p>
<p>The next day my friend congratulated me (although clearly somber), and he found out he got into another one of his top choices later that week: UCLA. That is where he currently attends with no regrets. You can’t control the outcomes of these students, nor will one student getting in necessarily mean the others won’t. Celebrate for her accomplishments and feel free to get some school gear. Go blue</p>
<p>Would you be stressed if someone with lower stats got into a school your daughter really wanted to attend? </p>
<p>@intparent. She’s definitely not gloating. She didn’t even post on FB that she got in but then she started getting commiserating calls and texts from other students who didn’t get in ( because where we live it’s the norm to post when u get in rt away so people thought she didn’t). And then those conversations were so awkward for the other kids ( when she had to tell them she was in) that daughter told her sister to post a " congrats" post which alleviated the problem. </p>
<p>Well, my kid wasn’t gloating at first either. But as weeks went past and the pressure ratcheted up on this other kid (who was denied from her ED school and deferred at her EAs), she was giving my kid a pretty hard time about this EA admission – openly saying to others and directly to my kid that she didn’t deserve it. I knew it was going on, just didn’t know that my kid pushed back by starting to purposely use her coffee mug from the EA school during a class she shared with the kid giving her a hard time… (ouch, I know… 
). My kid didn’t do it until she had been pushed pretty far, but still shouldn’t have done it at all.</p>
<p>@Maya54. You and your daughter have every reason to be extremely proud and none to be guilty. She earned it. You owe no one any explanation. And remember those deferred still have a chance. Let her soak it all in and just continue not to gloat. Congrats and Go Blue! </p>
<p>It’s normal for kids to be a bit confused and yes, feel a bit “guilty” that they got into a school they and others desired that others were denied. Reassure her that you are proud of her and are sure her friends and peers will all end up with good options in the Spring, as long as they had a good list with a range of Us that are affordable and at least some safetieies they “love.”</p>
<p>It’s probably best for her NOT to talk about Us with her anxious friends until they are accepted by a U they love and start getting excited abou graduating and moving on to their next stage of life.</p>
<p>@intparent. I could definitely see how anybody would react like your daughter did! </p>
<p>Aw! It’s ok, keep in mind that guilt is basically a wasted emotion. It isn’t going to help any of the other kids. You have empathy for those on the other side and that’s all anyone can ask for. My own daughter got two deferrals this week from schools that were very high on her list. Emotions are high this week and everyone is processing. I hope your daughter goes to Michigan in peace and has a great time! Her classmates will find their spot. </p>
<p>Not allowing my kid to wear his ED college’s sweatshirt to school. </p>
<p>Couple of year’s ago when my other kid was a senior, the girl nobody liked, and was an ok but meh student, shocked all when she got into big time Ivy. And in character showed up to school wearing all the bling and apparel reminding everyone why they didn’t like her. </p>
<p>Your D must have had the combination of grades/activities/talent that UM wanted. No need to gloat but certainly no need to feel guilty. </p>
<p>At my daughter’s school, it was a tradition, expected, that you wear the college sweatshirt when you got accepted. This was a catholic school and so uniforms, but they could wear a high school sweatshirt or the college sweatshirt. Even if it was 1000 degrees that day, the accepted person showed up with the sweatshirt on. Another school I know of had the tradition of the uniform tie being changed to a tie with an extra gold stripe in it signifying college acceptance. Why shouldn’t OP’s daughter be proud she got into a good school? Would it be okay to wear a sweatshirt from a lesser school?</p>
<p>I think the acceptance should be celebrated. Not everyone can win every game. I had to order a shirt for my daughter to wear in her signing ceremony picture last November, and you bet she wore it to school the next day. I wouldn’t go for a “Na na, I got in and you didn’t!” but that’s just rude. I think those accepted get to celebrate when they get in, not 5 months later. The others should be gracious to their friend and happy for her.</p>
<p>If my 16-17 year old self was more kinder and gentler, I’d have felt more guilt at some of my unexpected college acceptances than I actually was. </p>
<p>Instead, I actually was gleefully happy inside as I felt like a barbarian raider or a member of the riffraff who somehow got one over on the adcoms and the Profs who “accidentally” admitted me and is now allowing me to run amuck in the fancy institution. :D</p>
<p>There’s no reason to feel guilty. Your being admitted is proof positive YOU EARNED your way in. </p>
<p>Be proud without being an unprovoked braggart. </p>
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<p>While taking the high road is the most ideal one to take, most people…much less HS teens can only take so much provocation before he/she feels compelled to respond in kind. </p>
<p>Your scolding her would be very much in character with a few aunts and uncles whom I felt were expecting their kids to take all the slings & arrows from bullying jerks without responding back. The ones who didn’t overcome this programming ended up having serious issues getting picked on well into adulthood because they took “turning the other cheek” way too literally. </p>
<p>Fortunately, my parents were much more reasonable, especially my father who’d probably gently lecture me on why taking the high road is ideal while still acknowledging my reacting in kind is understandable and judging by the kid’s provocation…concede he/she should have expected such a response as part of the cause –> effect of his/her behavior. </p>
<p>Personally, I’d give your kid a huzzah for showing up that jerky classmate for his/her provocation. </p>
<p>Michigan will defer and wait list if credentials suggest the student is using the school as a safety. So students with scores that are too high and above those that usually attend are likely to be deferred unless they can somehow show they are serious about the school. That is probably why many students seemingly stronger than your daughter got deferred while your daughter was accepted. You daughter probably had credentials solidly within the range that usually accepts Michigan’s offer. These deferred students were viewed as “too good” not unqualified. Those with great scores that got deferred could probably get in by simply letting Michigan know that they are serious about the school. </p>
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Why are you playing that game? Kids who get accepted at a school have every right to wear the bling and apparel. We celebrate achievement.</p>
<p>@maya54 There’s no way to know why or how one student was admitted when another was deferred. She should not feel guilty! There are so many things they look at besides basic stats and even basic stats like GPA are adjusted at Michigan. They drop all +s and -s and only count 10th and 11th grade GPAs. They do look at essays so if the other students’ essays sounded cookie cutter, that could be a factor. </p>
<p>My son is a freshman at Michigan and is loving it! Congrats to your daughter and, as always Go Blue!</p>
<p>Agree with @lostaccount that UMich is playing a yield game (which is their right, IMO; a school will try to form the best class possible, which admitting kids who are using them as a safety and have a below 1% chance of enrolling does not do).</p>
<p>Once the OP understands that (so UMich EA admissions behavior this year is particularly unexplainable), I hope she and her kid will stop feeling guilty.</p>
<p>^ CC likes to think the adcoms are playing a guessing game. “Hey, he’s what we want, let’s defer him,” like a twist on the Groucho thing about not joining a club that would have him. Adcoms don’t guess like that. Of course there are kids who mention the other school in their apps or who may have a rec extolling him for Stanford. </p>
<p>Congrats to OP and daughter. </p>