I volunteered as a once-a-month art enrichment teacher in the local elementary school — MUCH more fun than substitute teaching!
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Our friend lived in an area near a major research hospital, and he drove a courtesy van that takes locals to/from the hospital. He loved it! He moved to be closer to his D, though, so he had to leave that job behind.
I have played tennis since I was a kid. I worked full time and had three active kids so life was very, very busy so I stopped playing. When the nest started emptying out I started going to a tennis clinic, then I started to play socially one, two, three then four days a week. Then I joined a nighttime team, and then a weekend team. My job of 29 years ended when I was 58. So I started playing tennis weekdays, I joined more teams. I now play most days, sometimes twice. My tennis friends and I travel to play in tournaments and have traveled to attend professional tournaments.
In addition to tennis I know have 4 grandkids so I babysit too.
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DH is the kind of life that you either love it or hate it. It doesn’t sound like you’re happy, but that’s just my interpretation. 
When our daughter was young, my wife stayed home off and on, but she was never really happy being a “domestic engineer.” She’s very happy working as a teacher now and our daughter starts college next year. If she goes away to college, we’re empty nesters…WOOHOO! Do what makes you happy and don’t worry about what family or friends say about it.
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Of course, this is ideal, but something easier said than done! But if you feel unhappy with people’s reactions, allow yourself to figure out why. It can help you find direction.
If it makes you feel sad because YOU want to be doing something different, that’s valuable info. If it makes you feel sad because nobody is available as a “play mate” but you’re fine with how you’re spending time, you need to cultivate a different group of friends.
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Pickleball
But be careful: https://www.usnews.com/news/health-news/articles/2023-07-12/as-the-popularity-of-pickleball-soars-so-do-related-injuries-poll-finds.
One of the reasons I have not retired is that I can’t quite figure out what I will do. After my youngest went to college, I took up pottery and take a class once per week at a local art studio. I am not great, but really enjoy it.
I have also been much more diligent about exercising and know that would be a big part of my retirement plan.
Before kids and while my kids were in school, I spent a lot of time volunteering. Over the last few years for a variety of reasons I haven’t done much of that. My DH has a bit of a hard time finding regular volunteer gigs but he now has a part-time gig with one of them.
Volunteer opportunities around here include driving (or other work) for a meals on wheels program (since covid there is limited interaction), community foodbank always needs people, ESL and other programs at an immigrant program. But it is not that easy to access volunteer gigs. I don’t think schools around here allow volunteers. I have thought about becoming a para-professional (part-time) or even subbing a a nursey school or early elementary grades (since it would be hands on rather than showing a movie).
My retired friends seem to spend a lot of time on things like pickleball, golf, tennis and mahjong along with some arty things like painting, quilting or knitting. A class is a good way to be in a social setting without having to fully socialize. While some of that would be fun, I think I will also want something of purpose.
As others have said, it takes time to figure things out. One of my friends has made a business out of advising folks on how to plan their next phase in retirement.
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My H is busy doing all the deferred maintenance at our house, yard work and also now woodwork with hand tools.
I’m busy running my nonprofit and now also on a board and some committees of national nonprofits.
My volunteer work involves some travel and gives some modest honorariums. We’ve both been pretty busy doing our respective activities for the past decade and we both feel adequately productive, with flexible schedules.
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I would say tennis, ha.
OP, my situation is different but the last two years have been full of disorienting changes and transitions for me. I’m still working full time but took a big step back responsibility wise, D23!is off to college, DH a very busy guy. I’m using this time to do the hard work of figuring out how I make myself happy. Not diving into doing or another big job that will make me busy but not necessarily fulfilled. I’ve been doing for everyone else for a long time - now what do I want for me? I journal every morning and read a lot and I think I’m getting closer to being honest with myself. I also have a hard time making friends. I’ve been trying to deepen the friendships I have by really showing up. Some are very old relationships some are new and local. But as opposed to old, too busy me, I’m trying to be a better listener and give those relationships time. Do you miss your mom? I thought I read that in your post but maybe now is a good time to work on that relationship. To someone else’s point - your DH will be ok, really, if making his life smooth is not your focus now.
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I’ve talked about the same thing in a post in a the empty-nester thread, but a wise friend of mine said that for mental health, most people need Community, Meaning and Structure. Our jobs often provide some or all of these things and can feel lost when they are no longer employed and SAHMs (and SAHDs) can get these community, meaning and structure through the kids’ events/lives and often feel lost when the nest empties. @greenbutton, it sounds like you may need more in all three areas.
It sounds like you are attempting to form elements of community and structure from your volunteering and church, but it does not sound like a) that is working; and b) you are building much of a community. I wonder if you are proactively trying to build relationships with those in the volunteering work that can transfer to time outside. Alternatively, what about alternative activities that can work for starting other relationships (e.g., regular yoga classes). If volunteering is tough because, remarkably, there is too much competition for the few volunteering slots in the town, would you consider starting a business? I hesitate to make this kind of suggestion to someone I don’t know, but I wonder if Cognitive Behavioral Therapy would be helpful. It can be really useful in helping people get around unproductive thoughts (“I won’t approach her to talk because she probably won’t be interested in me”) or sometimes in building the skills to initiate new relationships. CBT can be remarkably helpful.
We’ve had retired friends throw themselves into hobbies with the same intensity they applied to their work. One has learned how to cook and does all the cooking now that he is retired (He’s not yet as good as he thinks, but OK). An architect is now doing art photography and exhibiting (he is very good and probably better than he thinks). A scientist decided to become a painter (he is way worse than he thinks). Several women who have become painters as a second act. One uses her business skills to hustle very effectively. Is there something you have yearned to do/be good at?
Although virtual relationships are not the same as physically proximate ones, perhaps you can find both volunteering opportunities and friendships virtually. I have friends all over the world (though the friendship typically started in person) but I touch base with people around the world. Could that work for you?
Could you do a virtual job? Probably part-time given my sense of your other obligations. I don’t know what your past job was or what skills you have, but there are active markets for a variety of different kinds of virtual work.
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Bridge, canasta, pickleball, gym, mah jongg (though I dislike the last one) are time fillers!
H and I walk … a lot. Our neighbors joke about it. Just this morning, a neighbor who attends our church asked if we’d walked there this morning (5.5 miles, so no!). We really like having the time to enjoy walking. It was a chore to try to fit it in when we worked. After I retired, I happily walked by myself until my H finally started joining me about two years ago. I often drop him at home & continue on. It’s an activity that not only fills my time, but also brings me a sense of peace and balance. (I don’t use a phone or listen to anything while I walk - it’s my time to just be with my thoughts.)
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I’m worried about my best friend, who retired last year and just lost her younger brother to cancer. She’s kind of at loose ends. I’ve been encouraging her to find some kind of part time work. 60 is too young to just stop doing anything.
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IDK - I retired at 60 and it went very well- 7 years now. I’m doing work at home and in volunteering. Work- just not paid in money.
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