<p>I think the OP had a bad experience and that’s where the discussion should end. If a school gives you the willies, that’s perfectly fine. There’s no need to justify your feeling or go out of your way to have others affirm it. But I think that’s what’s going on here. And some of us have fallen into the trap of not respecting a parent’s prerogative to just not like a school “because.”</p>
<p>The back-and-forth here seems to be rooted in both our very different and highly personal feelings and expectations as well as, I think, a sense that the facts don’t correlate to our own experiences – making the facts all the more outrageous or all the more suspect.</p>
<p>In this case the facts we’ve been provided say
While going to the cafeteria seems normal and the sort of place where the school’s invited guests would be welcome, it’s still a curious move considering I have not been to one school where coffee service wasn’t provided in the admission building/office cluster/wing. Most schools had someone there who’s job was to make sure parents were taken care of. And then there’s the whole time thing. It would be weird to have the applicant interview end and then be a no-show for the parent interview. This wasn’t wandering around afterwards. It was wandering around DURING the interview. So – because we were invited to opine on the mountain or molehill position – I waded in and opined, as did others. And so we’ve gone off on tangents arguing about wandering-around rights at boarding schools. </p>
<p>But here’s the thing: Does it even matter if the OP was right or wrong? No! If she got weirded out by someone’s reaction to her, regardless of who was at fault or not at fault, that’s her prerogative. End of discussion.</p>
<p>I think this is as important for the OP to understand as those who have urged her to reconsider. The original question needn’t have been asked. There’s no need to seek our affirmation that you had bad vibes. I think there was a negative experience to that visit and there’s no need to seek justification or offer up justifications for that sort of reaction.</p>
<p>If, for whatever reason, you think a school is too creepy – even if it’s just some sort of “negative karma” that you sense – there’s no objective “right” or “wrong” measure as to what to do.</p>
<p>I can see many parents reacting negatively to this sort of thing. Frankly, if I had crossed some invisible line of propriety and had it called to my attention by an AdCom, I would be soured on the school. Come to think of it, I believe I did have a similar experience – and I bet others here have had them as well. I recall being in an overflowing waiting area on one visit. I gave up my seat for someone and there was no place to go in the parlor room for applicants so I stood in a hallway where there was some breathing room, pretending to immerse myself in a chart or framed picture of all the past heads of school. After 5-10 minutes, the door behind me opened and several AdCom people came out. One of them looked me up and down and asked me, “Can I help you because you’re not supposed to be here.” He thought I might have been eavesdropping! “Well,” I thought to myself, “screw you, pal!” I really REALLY detest that school, largely because of that encounter. And that’s my prerogative. So, yes, I get that it’s the OP’s prerogative to hate the school she’s talking about.</p>
<p>But if this fact scenario isn’t contrived or slightly engineered to justify a bad feeling about the school, it’s certainly highly specific to the OP and offers few lessons of a broad application.</p>
<p>Was she making a mountain out of a molehill? For her, no. For other people, no. For still other people, yes. Do our opinions or do our explanations make a difference to how she feels? No. (In my case, if you came up with some explanation that proved I was in the wrong, I’d still assert my right to dislike the school “just because” if you weren’t extremely persuasive.) Arguing over whether she was right or wrong is sort of futile. I can’t imagine this sort of complex scenario being replicated. </p>
<p>The only things I can think this situation is useful for is to remember to plan ahead as much as possible with respect to your needs on a tour/interview visit and to respect the fact that no amount of reasoning can trump someone’s “gut feeling” about a school. As for the latter point, that means there’s no use in trying to persuade someone that their gut feeling is wrong just as there’s no need to explain to others why your gut feeling is right. If you’re the person who experienced it, you’re always right to feel the way you feel.</p>