ADHD, college, and a mess (Help really needed)

Parents Forum Learning Differences and Challenges - LD, ADHD
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Hi everyone,

I’m a high school junior with ADHD. High school has been really difficult, in ways I can’t really describe with words, and I’ve been pretty happy myself to be able to maintain decent As/Bs throughout. Ever since the middle of soph year, I feel like i’ve developed depression and anxiety from my family (long story short: parents fight everyday, I get blamed for a lot of things and feel totally useless and helpless) and just in general. I remember it got really bad once and I almost started self-harm (did not in the end, did not have the guts to do it).

My problem is, junior year has been the worst, with school drama, classes, family problems and just everything. My overall grades have dropped and I just feel horrible. My guidance counselor does not know about this or my ADHD and i’m sort of scared to tell her because i don’t want to make it look like I’m making an excuse for myself and I’m just trying to gain pity. My junior year grades will definitely reflect badly because they’ve decreased a lot (from all As and 2 Bs in sophomore year to half and half As and Bs) from my mental health and just dealing with horrible teachers (experienced teachers doing favoritism with students when grading and a teacher who cannot teach the material and just nothing makes sense).

What would be wise decision here, being that I will start applying for college soon?

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That’s not how guidance counselors think. Your schoolwork is affected by ADHD, anxiety, possibly depression, and a difficult situation at home. It is the job of a guidance counselor to assist students in this type of situation.

The wise decision would be to request a meeting with your guidance counselor, explain the reasons you are having a hard time at school, and ask for help.

Your parents also should know that you are feeling anxious and depressed.

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Talk to the guidance counselor about ADHD and family discord. ADHD may result in accommodations through an IEP or 504 plan. If you do receive accommodations, make sure they work for you. Or you may find that medicine or whatever treatment you have works for you and ADHD is caught up in the other problems you are having. This may sound trivial, but many people find their chronic conditions seem worse with addition of other stress.

Your guidance counselor likely has suggestions for counseling at school or elsewhere for family issues. The GC may be able to help you talk to your parents about their impact on your emotions and schooling.

You also mention a third concern about horrible teachers including those who play favorites and others who are not good at conveying class content as well. The teacher issue may have less to do with their horribleness and be more about your turmoil with your life and/or the mix of teachers in any school. I don’t think you will get any traction at school about poor teachers because: 1) some teachers are good and some are poor as we all found, 2) many teachers are well-regarded by some students and disliked by others-“you’re kidding” in response to our friends reactions to particular teachers. 3) Favoritism is personnel problem and not your issue. Your teacher concerns are likely far less serious now than ADHD and family discord.

You added difficulty understanding class content. If you are having new difficulty understanding lessons, your guidance counselor can help you sort out your specific concerns and help you devise strategies to manage specific concerns.

No, you can’t apply to college early. First, you need a particular number of credits in specific academic areas to apply. Second, even if you could apply this early, you would be sending a pattern of declining grades that would likely raise red flags.

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As the parent of a HS junior with ADHD I do want to assure you that some of this is just normal junior year stress. This is by far the hardest semester you have had to date. It is hard, brutal, on most kids. Slippage, while not ideal is relatively common (even if it may not seem so with kids you know). You have a LOT on your plate. Pressure to maintain grades for GPA, maybe AP tests, SAT/ACT tests, choosing the right classes for senior year, not to mention the coursework is simply harder in 2nd semester. Your slippage is not disastrous by any stretch. I don’t know the rigor of your coursework but I know how tough 2nd semester junior year is. Horrible is A/B to B/C or to C/D or worse. Not just more B’s than before. I realize it feels horrible but it isn’t.

Add ADHD into the mix and family drama and it is that much more difficult. I’d look at a few things.

  1. Are you currently taking medication? You don't mention it. If so, you may want to look at an adjustment in it. I would meet with your doctor. Is your medication timed well for your more difficult classes and primary study time? It does wear off during the day depending on the dose and the effectiveness for studying can be impacted greatly if studying is done after the medication has worn off
  2. Are you eating? A common side effect is lack of appetite with ADHD meds. Add low food intake, or not the right food, to normal teenage hormones, the stress of junior year and everything will feel worse and amplified. My poor kid is a wreck half the time and doesn't know why, eating (or lack of) is a huge factor!
  3. Are you sleeping? this goes with #1 and #2. If not, something else to discuss with your doctor.
  4. Even if the answer to 1-3 is yes, I'd still see your doctor. Depression is not an uncommon shared condition and your doc should know and can tweak meds as needed. I am glad you did not resort to self harm but considering it at all should be taken seriously.

Your GC and teachers will not see having ADHD as an excuse. It is a medical condition. It helps them to know you have it as it can help them determine how best to help you. I would say as a junior if you’ve not alerted them previously and are at an A/B level, you are unlikely to get accommodations (unfortunately) or a 504/IEP. I do agree that to the best of your ability, if you can not focus on favoritism (perceived or real) or poor/great teaching that will help you. The reality is there will be good teachers, there will be bad. There will be good bosses later in life and there will be terrible ones. Part of the maturing process is figuring out how to navigate it. All you can control in this is you, but you have the power to drive what your interaction with these teachers is like. And then you move on and start over with a new set text year.

If you can, talk to your parents. They want to know you are feeling all of this and I promise you, do not want to knowingly add to any stress, anxiety or depression. A lot of it is really really normal and part of the pain of teenage years and growing up but that doesn’t make it suck any less.

Focus on finishing the year, seeing your doctor, take a few weeks to breathe and then start thinking about college. You need to destress and just be a teen for a few weeks I think. The wisest thing you can do is take care of you.

HUGS

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Our DD had ADHD, and we had her schedule “frozen” every year. Basically, the guidance counselor met with her in the Spring to discuss her planned classes. They discussed when the GC would be returning to school in the Fall, and made a tentative appt for a brief meeting. At that point, the master school schedule is generally fairly set. The GC would discuss alternatives, and they would hand choose the schedule for our daughter picking teachers with an eye toward ADHD and anxiety as well as quality of teaching, and “freeze it”. For the general school population, when a new section of a class is added, they hit the “mix” button and everyone shifts teachers. Freezing it meant that if a remix affected our daughter, the GC would get a flag and she could hand shift her back. I do not think they will be happy or perhaps even willing to do this unless there is a specific reason, which is USUALLY a 504 or IEP. That said, given that it is too late for this in most areas, my guess is that they would make an exception for you if you were honest. Go TODAY!!!

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Sorry for the late responses everybody

@Snowdog- I feel like it’s really late in the school year to talk to her about it. Like, I’m afraid of going to her because she’ll be like “Why are you telling me this now?” or she won’t believe me. Also, part of the reason why I’m feeling anxious and depressed is BECAUSE of my parents. I’m afraid of what will happen if I tell my GC because I’ve or my parents have never told my school or any of the schools of attended of my ADHD

@zannah- Thanks for your advice. I’m currently a junior and will be applying for colleges in the fall

@eandesmom- ohmygod you’ve literally hit everything. I used to take medication when I was in elementary school but I stopped because it stunted my height and after a while I couldn’t swallow the pills because I developed a gag reflex to it and honestly just got scared of it. Every morning before school I’d have to take the pill and I literally hated the idea so much sometimes I would pretend to swallow it and throw it out. After the 5th grade, I stopped taking medication. I also usually don’t eat breakfast or I have something small, like a slice of bread. But other than that, I do eat a good amount, although I am still a teensy bit underweight. I’ll be honest, I do not sleep a lot. I used to go to sleep at around 11PM, but now I go to sleep at around 12:30-1AM. I usually stay up to study or do schoolwork though. I don’t know if I want to tell my doctor (neurologist) about my depression. It’s been getting a lot better, but I haven’t seen my neurologist in a couple years, and if my neurologist knows, so will my parents, which is something I’m afraid of. I completely understand that I won’t get accommodation at this point, but I feel scared to just go to my GC and tell her. Like I don’t know how to describe it, but it’s something that is really daunting for me. I completely understand the whole teacher thing, my GC said the same thing when I went to her with my struggles. I go to my GC pretty frequently. I don’t really want to talk to my parents about it, if it makes sense. They are a source of my stress and usually I avoid talking to them anyway. We don’t have a very good relationship.

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@shoot4moon- Oh i see. Yeah I don’t think my GC or school would be willing to do that for me at this point. Thanks for letting me know about it.

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Late response, but I think that it would be good for me to add my two cents. I have a situation very similar to yours - family problems, anxiety, and ADHD. My biggest advice to you would be to talk to your guidance counselor. Your GC can’t say anything about your sessions with her because of confidentiality, though I know that states do have exceptions (Florida requires teachers and counselors to report abuse, self-harm, or harm to someone else if it is suspected or told to them, regardless of confidentiality). Your parents probably won’t even know that you’re taking to your GC. I opened up to my GC about most of my problems and she helped me get on track and bring up my grades. Right now, block out everything and focus on where you want to be - have your future in mind and shoot for it and don’t let anything stop you. Just set standards for yourself and keep pushing.

Work with your teachers to see if you can do anything to bring up grades (Or just talk to them to be nice. It would help with them liking you and maybe for recommendation letters ;). A simple compliment goes a long way and talking to them about your grades makes you seem like a good student).

If possible, and if time permitted, fill up your days with activities to get away from the fighting. You can go over to a friend’s house or the library to do homework or study together or join your local youth orchestra or join clubs on campus after school. There are a lot of options :slight_smile:

Stay strong. There are two more years left until you graduate, and then you can do whatever you want.

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@darkangel3541

First of all HUGS to you. Big huge hugs. I understand the medication issues and concerns, however I will repeat what our pediatrician told us. My S was actually not diagnosed until sophomore year and we took him in, at his request as he was really struggling with things that had been easier for him in the past. As you have been on, and now off, medication for quite some time I think this may apply to your situation. Bright kids with ADHD can compensate in school for quite some time. They “look” like a B student and do not give teachers much concern as the teachers focus on the truly truly struggling to pass kids. However at a certain point in HS the workload gets more and more intense and all of a sudden the coping strategies can’t quite keep up because the brain is just wired differently. This is what happened with my son. He flat out hit a wall academically that he couldn’t get over without medication. He hates taking it, would prefer not to, but does during the school year and school week. You had medication, were able to move on without it for a bit but now have hit your own wall as both you and your workload have grown. Add that to normal teenage hormones where everything is amplified (and I’m not downplaying real issues with your family drama but it is all more intense when you layer in teenage hormones) and that’s a tough tough load for anyone. You need help and that is ok. It is a strength to recognize it and do something about it as you are starting to do here.

His doctor would argue it is better for him to take consistently, daily, and I can’t disagree. But I also respect the fact that my son really doesn’t want to take it on weekends if his homework is done, or during the summer. You have changed a lot since 5th grade as have the medications out there and it is perfectly ok to tell a doctor what you did in the past (be honest) and why you didn’t like it. Can you see your regular doctor (primary care) for just a standard check up and talk about all of this there? Your parents do not need to be in the room with you and so would not “know” any details until it became time to fill a prescription and at that point you should be able to keep it very high level. A good doctor understands this. Please please do not skip treatment simply so your parents do not know. Unfortunately they hold the insurance cards and you are still a minor and so at some level they do have to be involved but you need to take care of yourself. Regardless of how poor the relationship is, I have to believe they would want you to be healthy and support treatment. That doesn’t mean they need to be terribly involved.

Was it a neurologist that prescribed for you back in elementary? ADHD and anxiety/depression can be treated by a variety of different doctors, we use our primary care as he is looking at the “whole” kid but I know folks that have gone the other route. You do not have to go back to the same doctor and it may be easier to start anew and while I am not advocating hiding things from your folks, a new doctor/different field may just make it all easier. Just know that anxiety and depression are common co conditions and the “whole” kid (aka you) can and should be treated. Not treating is it at all, is part of what is making you afraid to tell your GC and to blame teachers for some of the issues. Your GC may well be able to refer you to a counselor on the depression/self harm thought side of things…they deal with this a lot and often have local, free, and confidential resources to share with students. They want to keep students safe, healthy and happy and are very aware than many kids will not want to talk to their parents about this stuff or share some of these thoughts. Are you afraid of disappointing your GC? I am sure they only want to help and the more they know, the more they can help.

You have one more year. If you can, try to channel that anxiety into plans to get healthy and find college options that are good fits and consider how to approach your senior year in the healthiest way possible. I don’t know if you are getting pressured on that end or not but folks here are able to help with input if you want it. In the interim, though it is by no means a solution, some find journaling to be very helpful. Just getting stuff out on paper if you don’t have someone to talk to can help.

And…go to bed earlier and eat breakfast!!! Make yourself eat breakfast if you can. A smoothie full of all kinds of protein, whatever it is you like but get the protein and fats in you early in the day versus later and it really will help. I know it may sound silly but it makes a huge difference. A slice of bread cannot carry you through morning classes, that’s running on empty. Put peanut butter on that bread. Have a yogurt, or 3 reheatable breakfast sausages…you need protein and not just carbs early in the day. Something quick and easy and small but that has some energy base to it. Lots of water too. You are in a cycle that needs to be snapped into adjustment a bit but it is totally doable. What are your plans for the summer? I agree with the above poster, keeping busy will really help you and I think you are in a great spot actually, school is out or almost out, you can focus on you over the summer and really start senior year fresh and ready to go.

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Definitely talk to your GC!!! that is what they are there for…to help you.

When my daughter got mono, her GC helped her figure out how to finish out the year (arranged for her not to have to take the quarterly final).

Definitely get your mental health under control in HS and get medication if your doctor recommends (and they can find non pill forms if necessary)…it will be much harder in college.

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@eandesmom - Is it okay if I PM you?
@bopper - I see! I’ll do my best

Thank you everyone for the comments and words of advice :slight_smile:

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@darkangel3541 sure, PM away :slight_smile:

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I would add this information into your essay. Everything but the bad teachers.

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Would others agree that a student with ADHD discuss their condition in their college essay? I’m interested in this as my son, a senior in high school, has ADHD. Like eandesmom’s son, mine does not like to take his medication. We can prevail on him to do so only on days when he has a big test in school. He’s very bright, but suffers from all the executive function deficits that are typical with ADHD – disorganized, hears about half of what the teacher says in class, forgets deadlines, forgets to put his name on homework, etc. As a result, while he got a 1390 (out of 1600) on his SAT test, he has only a 3.6 weighted GPA. We’re having a hard time finding “match schools” because of the disparity between his grades and test score. We can’t decide whether to shoot for the schools that match his test score and try to explain the ADHD hit to his GPA using the essay or the application. On some level, I worry that the admissions counselors may view it as “making excuses” for what looks like underachievement.

darkangel3541, I hope you found some help and are doing better this school year!

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Common App has an additional information prompt if you want to address but not include as part of essay.

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My S will not include in his essay. He may reference it briefly in the additional info section to explain the upward trend in GPA and low test scores but have not yet decided on that. Most likely he will not mention it at all.

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I don’t think it’s necessary to mention in essay.
He has good scores and grades, and lots of kids are stronger in one or the other area. Once he’s in, figure out if they are supportive of his accomodations, if any are needed.

From experience with my ADHD-combined type niece, your son is unlikely to become a better, more organized student in college. If anything, being on his own in school may lead to a drop in the areas tied to executive function.

My niece applied to schools that were a match (or lower than) for her GPA and took the merit money for her high SAT scores. Then it is a matter of not letting all the distractions at college–and there are so many–not distract her from keeping a high enough GPA to hold onto that merit scholarship. Good news is she has it for year two, and her parents can pay the difference if she loses it, but it will be much tougher financially for them.

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Hi everyone, I’m sorry for such a late reply. I never got any notification of all the replies until I log into CC myself. I decided to write about something else for my CA essay; it’s about anime movies and robotics club (i know, it sounds super cheesy). I also got my Sept ACT scores back-- I got a 29C! It’s not that great but it’s a big improvement from the first time I took it. I’ll be retaking it one last time on 10/22 to see if I can get a 30+.

Other than that, things have been pretty okay. I’ve had a lot of downs going into the school year (and still do) but i think it’s slowly getting better. I just can’t wait to get through it to be honest haha.

Would any of you be able to help me in reading what I have for my CA essay so far? It would be a major help and I’d really appreciate it.

Thank you so much for all the advice :slight_smile:

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@darkangel3541, I just now saw your October post. How did it all go? Do you know where you’re heading next year/ I hope all is well.

As for my son, he did not mention his ADHD in his essays or application. As @Maystarmom’s niece did, we focused (mostly) on schools where his GPA was in line with the middle 50% and his SAT score in the top 25% and got a number of nice offers for merit aid. We also focused on small liberal arts colleges with small class sizes in the hopes that our son will not slip between the cracks if his executive function problems and the usual distractions of college get him into trouble. I figure if he is in classes of 12 to 15 students, his professors will know him by name and be more inclined to be proactive if he seems to be missing deadlines, etc.