<p>It might help me and others to talk about what happens the first year at college for ADHD kids My daughter with high scores -35ACT and good GPA 3.87 and unranked but in the top 20% did not disclose her ADHD though her guidance counselor may or may not have, and we decided to have her apply to more schools than most of her friends applied to (13). She applied to all types of schools, in every part of the country. She began the process attracted to the bustle and chaos of a bigger University in a large metropolis and up until she saw her last school we assumed that was what she would do. She had a full scholarship to Fordham in NYC and had decided that was it. She then went to look at a smaller LAC in a small east coast town on her last visit after acceptances, she fell in love and finally realized that she needed a smaller environment in order to do her best. She had a grant which made it a possibility. We had her accommodation testing redone over the summer as her last testing had been done in 9th grade and it needed to updated to continue in college. She still had the major discrepancy between IQ and processing speed that enabled her to get extended time on tests. She met with an academic counselor at the college that works with LD kids the first week of school and they walked her through the process of informing each teacher in person and by email the first day of each class. </p>
<p>So now... Her first semester has been rocky and we are so glad she ended up at a small school where her teachers knew who she was and her struggles were known by the administration. We did not see her between dropping her off at school and Thanksgiving break because it is a long expensive flight to get there. She was able to make good grades on tests but there were other issues that will effect her grades. She got turned around on her medication after using her early evening dose of Adderall too late in the day for many days and started staying up all night trying to finish papers and missed 4 morning calculus classes in a row towards the end of midterms before thanksgiving break. She gained 15 pounds and quit showering regularly and we were sad to see how she sounded and looked when we picked her up. We had to sit down and make a plan for what her approach needed to be when she returned to school. She went back on an antidepressant she took in high school and we got her a SAD lamp to help with the dark long days on the East Coast. She had to get in touch with her Academic Advisor and her LD advisor and the teachers and talk to them all about where she was and how awful and scared she was feeling. That in itself was a big deal for her because she is mostly inarticulate when when has to talk about her feelings. They were very kind. The academic counselor helped her set up a better schedule for her next semester as she had put 4 very hard time consuming classes on it with more early morning classes for the Spring Semester. One metaphysics class she signed up for was suggested for Seniors majoring in philosophy! The counselor told her the trick to writing papers for her was to stay home on Friday nights and work all night if that was how she needed to write papers and use Saturday to sleep. She told her to have a standing appointment at the Writing Center on Mondays and make a deadline for herself the week before papers were due. They looked at her schedule and when she could get math tutorials to get what she had missed in the morning classes before Final Exams. In short this semester was a bust and though we have not seen grades we are prepared for the worst. she has responded to the antidepressants though and that is a relief. She loves the school and her new friends and is motivated to go back and try to use stategies to get her grades up this next semester. I don't think either of us realized how much she depended on us to keep her on task by groundings on weekends before big things were due - waking her up when she missed alarms etc..
I know other parents of ADHD kids who have had their children fail out the first year and and we are aware that this may still happen but at least she is in a school where they care and they want to work with her to help her stay.
I'd love to hear comments from other parents abut how their kids did the first year. The worries never cease!</p>
<p>My D begged and begged to be allowed to go to art school and we finally relented, even though we really thought she didn’t have the independence she needed and should have taken a gap year. She messed up her medications too, and was constantly stressed out. Shortly after Thanksgiving we got an email from her telling us that she needed to talk to us because she was in some academic ‘trouble’ and she wanted to reassure us that she was taking the steps necessary to rectify the situation. She was in weekly contact with her therapist as well. Long story short, she got overwhelmed with the amount of work she needed to do, missed too many classes and is now withdrawn from that school (her dean said that all of her professors failed her). To make things even worse, I got a call from her therapist to go and get her because she hadn’t been out of bed or out of her dorm room in days. </p>
<p>She insists she ‘was’ taking her meds correctly, but after getting her a refill on Thanksgiving, there were still 30 pills in the bottle when I picked her up at school on the 15th of Dec. So I know she wasn’t taking them.</p>
<p>She was registered with the learning resources center at her school (and we had to pay plenty of money to get all the extra testing and documentation done so that they would ‘accept’ her) and they had turned her away twice at the beginning of the semester and by the time they really would see her, her situation was so bad that things couldn’t get ‘fixed’. </p>
<p>The school will allow her to go back in September with her financial aid/scholarships, though I have serious doubts that this would be the best thing for her. </p>
<p>Her psychiatrist is increasing her antidepressants due to ‘significant residual anxiety’ whatever that is.</p>
<p>sigh.</p>
<p>Her sister turns seventeen tomorrow and has Asperger’s. We have to start thinking about college for her. But we’re so disappointed with the process we’ve gone through with D1 that it’s hard to figure out whats best for D2.</p>
<p>D1 has ADD (inattentive) and is emtering her FINAL semester at a top LAC.</p>
<p>The first semester was by far the most difficult, as D struggled to adjust to the work load and independence: she failed one class and dropped another. Certanily, part of the problem was D’s unwillingness to take full advantage of the disability services. In fact, other than enganging the disability office’s assistance in securing a single room and extra time in one course, D had absolutely no interest in disability services.</p>
<p>Each semester has been a struggle and D’s gpa was always under 3.0, except for one semester. D just rec’d her fall 2010 grades - - a few Bs and a D. She is disappointed in her performance, but having refused disability services, never really acquired the tools to improve her work habits. </p>
<p>The school, however, has been wonderful - - very helpful first-year advisor (orchestrated swithching a class to pass/fail so that the F wouldn’t factor in her gpa, advice for second sem classes, priority registration, etc.) and accommodating profs. </p>
<p>The good news: D is on track and, like her peers, will graduate “on time.”<br>
The bad news: D never found a passion, she remains disorganized, unfocused and incred immature. I fear that she is woefully unprepared for the work work, which is far less accommodating that her LAC.</p>
<p>She will graduate! That is the achievement we are hoping for. I have heard of ADHD kids going on to become Doctors, which would require graduating with a good GPA - so I suppose that happens too sometimes. The target age for the maturity of the frontal lobe to kick in is 26 years old I believe so perhaps that is when the ability to decipher a career path is obtainable for ADHD kids. What I think will work for my daughter is a very hands on career with the ability to work late nights and nothing required early in the morning. Perhaps graphics work you can do at home on your schedule or working in an emergency room over night. She finished this semester OK after the Thanksgiving panic by the way with 2 C’s and 2 B’s. The C’s were in Environmental studies and Philosophy and the B’s were in Calculus and Government. We hope she learned her lesson about using the disabilty service’s suggestions but as nyc suggests this could be a pattern that repeats for 4 years</p>
<p>Yes, for average adolescents and young adults the frontal lobe isn’t fully developed unitl age 24-26. But I’m not looking forward to D1 taking up residence in my bsmt home and floundering or to wander aimlessly from age 22-26. </p>
<p>Also, as an ADD student D was never as engaged with the course work as her high-achieving peers and it often took her more time to complete assignments. Thus, she never developed the close relationships with professors that are a hallmark of the LAC experience. Don’t get me wrong, her profs were all supportive and accommodating, but but she has missed a great oppty to be mentored. And as a B/C student (with a couple of As and Ds in the mix), even if she wanted to attend grad sch, I don’t know who she’s approach for references. The most any of the profs could say is that she is a very hard worker (but despite an A for effort, her mastery of the subject matter was never more than sligtly above agerage - - B). Damning with faint praise.</p>
<p>The lack of solid references is also a problem (and probably one of the things frightening her) as D begins her job search. She has completed a couple of internships, but never performed quite up to the employer’s expectation - - so her primary reference will be from a non-profit where she has worked as lifeguard. </p>
<p>D’s plan for now, is to “take a couple years off” - -to lifeguard and have some fun before applying to grad schol. While I agree that she is not ready for grad school, I wish she would consider some area of work that might provide her some direction. </p>
<p>On the positive side, she has a good resume and is quite personable - - always does well in interviews and is always the candidate on which a prosepctive employer is willing to take a chance. If only she could deliver on that promise!</p>
<p>My daughter had a terrible first semester, grade-wise, with many of the same problems already mentioned. She loved the school and all her new friends, but admitted she didn’t go to class. I believe the problem stemmed from living on her own for the first time. She stayed up late every night and then couldn’t get up in the morning. She also refused to use any disability services until it was too late. The school did have her in two tutoring groups, but when I called the disability office to ask if she was even attending them, all they could say was, “Have her come in and talk to us right away.” I took that to mean “No.” I demanded to see her midterm grades. She had 3 Fs, 1 D, and 2 Cs. She claims she talked to the “F” professors and nothing could be done. We decided it was best to just withdraw before any grades were posted. This has been a very expensive lesson for all of us.</p>
<p>She is now enrolled at our local college and living at home. She is seeing a therapist. The thereapist says I have to quit “helicoptering”. She has class in an hour and is still sleeping, so will probably miss it. Maybe she needs to wait until she’s 26 to take classes. Clearly she still isn’t ready.</p>
<p>A definite problem for parents of ADD/LD students is the fact that colleges no longer automatically inform parents of grades (the way colleges did in my day). This can lead to disaster as the student, steeped in denial, keeps hoping that the next grade will pull up his/her grade - - a while digging him/herself a deeper hole. In D’s case, the first-year dean saw that she was floundering, directed her to meet with him and orchestrated her dropping a course w/o penalty and switching another to pass/fail (and taking the failing grade). His assistance meant than she carried enough credits to remain a f/t student and not loose her finaid.<br>
Also, b/c D is no fool, she knew that meeting w/ the first-year dean meant she was in deep do-do (which she would have shrugged off, had I been the one helping her).</p>
<p>We were very lucky; b/c the entire staff at D’s college was so incred supportive and accommodating we avoided disaster. But regardless of great the services/staff, they are a resource available to the student and in most cases it is up to the students - - they are, after all, transitioning adults - - to determine how much they wants to take advantage of that resource.</p>
<hr>
<p>Toledo - - hard not to helicopter with the kid living under your roof and you see her floundering. If the kid is at college, for better or worse, you are parenting at arm’s-length.</p>
<p>Not that anyone asked - - but D1, who will be 23 next month, secured an AmeriCorps position (had to nag her to follow thru w/ the app) and has been employed since August. The bad news: she remains plagued by immaturity and reports hating the job, her co-workers and her house-mates. </p>
<p>I have been trying (thus far unsuccessfully) to help her understand/negotiate the world of work, specifically to reign some of her unrealistic expectations regarding salary and her place in the hierarchy (she doesn’t like being low-man, she wants to be the boss). Specifically, I have encouraged her to look at job postings so that she can see what skills and level of experience are required for the jobs she wants. Also, if she is determined to leave her current job, she can spend the next few months attempting to acquire some of the skills necessary to transition to her next position. Thus far, she is unconcerned by the fact that all of the jobs that interest her require min of 3 yrs experience and pay no more than her current position (which included free housing). Still, she is employed, building her resume, living on her own and making sound financial decisions (saving a signif portion of each paycheck). </p>
<p>Here’s hoping that frontal lobe (impulse control, delayed gratification, etc.) continues to develop.</p>
<p>NYC,
Thank you for updating your story. Sounds like your D has a very nice opportunity and I hope things only get better from here.</p>
<p>In general, these stories are very scarey for me, especially yours, NYC, since daughter had such success in HS. </p>
<p>I have not helicoptered S, other than waking up for school in the morning and putting out his medication, just one concerta. He has taken hardest class load and what he’s earned, he did on his own, but he only has B average, and pretty much every class was a B. This year he is solid As in 4 AP math/science classes, B+ in honors English and Social Studies. Did extremely well on SATs and has great opportunity at very good college. We didn’t think he’d get accepted, but he did. </p>
<p>He has not worked very hard throughout HS, but says he has learned his lesson, realizes he got lucky and will work hard to keep his As and get good grades in college. I have been so happy over his acceptance, but now I’m more scared. One good thing for us, while he will live on campus, school is very close to home. If he’s having trouble though, not sure he’ll tell me. I think he tends to think he can fix things until it’s just way too late.</p>
<p>One thing I will try to start now, is have him set his own alarm and take his medication before he gets out of bed on his own. Hopefully this will help somewhat, don’t know what else to do. If you have any suggestions, please let me know.</p>
<p>PittPride, don’t worry too much. D did, after all, graduate in 4 yrs. And your S sounds like he is a few steps ahead of where D was as a hs senior: his grades are better, and he has articulated that he learned his lesson. D was more complacent - - completely satisfied with B’s (or a grade of C, if the class was difficult).</p>
<p>I think the real tragedy is that b/c D was content to squeak-by, she never found her passion. Thus, despite having what I believe to be a great job, she is adrift - - but I am still hopeful that, in time, she will find her way.</p>
<p>I’m glad I found this thread. I have been hesitant to post on CC because D’s issues didn’t seem to be addressed anywhere. Maybe I’ve finally found it.</p>
<p>D is currently a HS junior. She is diagnosed ADHD/depression and is medicated for both. She has social issues, is young for her grade as it is (summer birthday–probably should have held her out a year but who knew?), very immature, and not really into working hard in school. I fear being where many of you are now in 2 years’ time. She has minimal accommodations in school (seating preference, may leave the room if things get too stressful–often related to social difficulties but this seems to be improving). She works with a tutor once a week to keep her organized (she yells at me if I try to help her). She went to a private HS for LD/ADHD her freshman year, but I pulled her out due to social issues and low grades. She did better last year in public school, and her cum GPA is about a 3.2. This year she is all over the place; pulled her out of the one honors class she was taking because it was too hard and she “checked out.” She does OK on projects/essays (she enjoys writing and is pretty good at it) but terrible on tests and often misses hw assignments. I believe this is due to lack of motivation to study/work. I expect her cum GPA to drop by the end of junior year. Her standardized test grades have generally been fine; she is scheduled to take the SATs in March for the first time, and based on her PSATs I expect her scores to be low-mid 500s for math and high 500s-low 600s for CR and essay.</p>
<p>So now the college search starts. She wants a small LAC. I’ve been focusing on those that are driving distance, since I am uncomfortable with her being completely on her own so far away. But I’ve also heard if you find the right school, it doesn’t matter where it is. I fear that wherever she goes she will flunk out the first semester, and the thought of spending all of this $ for college to have her fail makes me nervous. She is up for taking a gap year (need to figure out what she will do) to give her an extra year to mature. But we still need to apply to schools in the fall. She loves singing and acting, and she has talent, but I think she loves them because she gets to be the center of attention (another sign of immaturity). She has dropped out of shows when she was cast in ensemble or small roles. I have told her she may not major in only theater at college–she can double major or do it as a minor, but I don’t want to spend 4 years worth of college tuition on a theater major, since I consider it a beeline to waiting tables. We talked about music therapy as a major, but when she found out she would need to learn how to play several musical instruments she lost interest. Now she is talking about a double major with psychology (she has never taken a psychology course and has little idea of what it’s all about) and a minor in creative writing.</p>
<p>I believe her biggest challenge isn’t necessarily her ADHD–it’s her immaturity and lack of motivation. She says she wants to go to college, but I think that’s because she doesn’t have any idea what she would do if she didn’t go. Meanwhile, I’m getting worn out fighting battles for her at school, watching her squander opportunities, and having her thwart all my attempts to help her.</p>
<p>The frontal lobe development discussion is interesting. Her therapist has said that ADHD kids are often about 1/3 behind their chronological age in maturity. </p>
<p>I’d love to hear some suggestions from those of you who have been where I am but have the benefit of hindsight, with regard to school choices, gap year programs, and just general advice on how to proceed.</p>
<p>The immaturity and lack of motivation are hallmarks of ADHD. </p>
<p>I thought LAC was a great choice - - lots of indiv attention, no chance she’d fall thru the cracks. If, you D is willing to consider a women’s college (Smith, MHC, Agnes Scott, etc.), that might be your best bet.</p>
<h2>Interestingly, like your D, my D scored higher on math (high 600s) than on reading (high 500s) - - the opposite of what most girls present.</h2>
<p>“Meanwhile, I’m getting worn out fighting battles for her at school, watching her squander opportunities, and having her thwart all my attempts to help her.”</p>
<p>Thanks, nyc. My D is not opposed to a women’s college but given her GPA, MHC would be a reach and Smith pretty much out of range. We may give MHC a look anyway, though. I looked at UMass with my older D and loved the 5 college consortium. Never heard of Agnes Scott, and Georgia would require a plane ride. Note her math SAT will most likely be lower, not higher, than the verbal sections. We are looking at Goucher, she loved Drew and Rider in NJ, have some others in mind.</p>
<p>I think a gap year is a good idea, but understand that D might not mature as much as you would like (or had hoped). If ADHD kids’ maturity lags 1/3 behind chronological age, at 24, they have the maturity of a 16 yr old - - still young for college. I know that for my D, waiting a year would not have made much of a difference. </p>
<p>Re specific schools: please do consider applying to MHC and Smith, even if they are “reach” schools. Both are very supportive; if she is admitted, the faculty and disability staff will work hard to see that she achieves the fullest measure of academic success. </p>
<p>We looked at Drew and loved it; Goucher not so much (actually, not very much at all). In fact, we didn’t care for any of the former women’s colleges, all ow which are now coed, but w/ lopsided male:female rations; not SLC, not Bennington, not Wheaton. With the exception of SLC, they were all pretty isolated - - even Goucher (approx 50 min to Baltimore via public transportation). And Goucher has WAY more gened requirements than any of the colleges D considered.</p>
<p>Simmons had much of what D was looking for, but no real campus. There’s a small women’s college in Pitt - - Chatham - - that a friend suggested. but we never visited. And of course, Scripps, but it’s in CA and way too far to drive. </p>
<p>D liked Hartwick, a small LAC upstate; town of Oneonta is cute/quaint and SUNY-Oneonta is nearby. Clark, in Worcester, MA was also among her favorites.</p>
<p>Hartwick is on our radar. I know Clark well, my older D was accepted there but decided it was too small. I love the school but I don’t think the crunchy vibe is right for this D. I found a few other small schools in Maryland–McDaniel, Hood, Washington College, St Mary’s College–anyone know anything about them?</p>
<p>I recall considering the MD schools, but each was cut from the list very early on - - probably for geog (too remote?) or too many requirements. But if you use the advanced search function, searching on the LD board for titles/posts with each school’s name, you get some helpful info. You may also want to search indiv schools and posts by northeastmom. You can also check my earlier posts, which were probably limited to inquiries - - but on CC, where there are inquiries, there are usually helpful responses.</p>
<p>Eastcoastmom~ My DD sounds very much like yours, and I am very worried about college. She has struggled since her ADD became apparent in 6th grade, diagnosis in 7th. We actually thought she had Non Verbal Leaning Disorder, but diagosis was ADD inattentive. Because of anxiety issues she was never able to take a med, and her first two year of high school were terrible, both grade wise and mental health wise. Terribly immature in decision making, easily led, depressed, anxious, ADD…terrible! We took a new approach this summer and found a great new doctor who specializes in ADD, and she started new meds. Now she is on Focalin XR which has worked wonders, but is also on a med for depression which has really turned things around. So, this semester has been much better. But, she still needs alot of support. We are STILL working on getting up with the alarm, and she never takes her meds on her own. I worry how she will be able to function in college with her executive functioning, and she needs to be somewhere where she can get support. We are right in the middle of the country, and most of the schools that she wants to go to are small LAC, but none are very close. That scares me to death. She is very interested in Smith, but it is a plane ride away, and Carleton, which is about a 7 hr drive or one hour flight. I have also heard good things about Beloit, which would be a flight and a bus ride! I am worried about her being able to take care of herself, makes appts, get her meds, ask for help, make friends, etc. I am worried about her flunking out. A year ago, I wasn’t sure that she would even be able to move out and take care of herself at all. With new meds it is better, but I stay on top of that. I just feel sad about it. She has struggled so much, we all have, but I just want her to be able to be happy and successul. </p>
<p>Thanks for letting me share that! </p>
<p>I will search for schools with good disability departments, but would love to hear where other kids have been successful.</p>
<p>My h.s. junior son and I are now starting research to choose a college. His is inattentive-type ADD with dysgraphia, has a current eval and accommodations in H.s. and with College Board. </p>
<p>The two concerns we have relate to choosing a LAC with effective support services, and at what point to discuss his needs - which are primarily organizational along with note-taking assistance and all typing written work. He may need extra time on exams, and perhaps some tutoring, but he is determined to pursue a science (chemistry, geology, environmental or hydrology?) MS. He is overall in good shape, but struggles with initiating tasks, keeping himself on track, etc. We’re hoping for the benefits of maturing over the next 18 months, but he will likely need some support or flexibility.</p>
<p>We live in Texas and hope to locate a small LAC as close as possible. We are looking at Hendrix, Millsaps, Rhodes, Guilford, Centre but will move farther away in our search for solid support services. Financial aid will be a big part of the decision as well.</p>
<p>I would appreciate any feedback or information about support services at any LACs.</p>