<p>Hello! I am a parent of a student having a little trouble adjusting to boarding school. I would love to have a discussion of everyone's experiences with this, especially if there are some parents out there who've gotten through a difficult adjustment and emerged happily on the other side! Any stories to share? Thanks!</p>
<p>In what way, or ways, has the transition been difficult? I am not much help because my daughter has had a smooth transition so far, but most schools offer a great web of support to help in these situations. What does your child’s advisor have to say? I am sure other parents will chime in with suggestions, especially if you can give a little more information.
I hope you’ll be able to find answers soon.
zp</p>
<p>Thanks for the reply zp. I guess I didn’t offer much information, but it’s not complicated at all. She is a new junior at a HADES school. Academically she’s fine, but she just hasn’t made many friends. She says all the girls are nice, but all the juniors have plenty of friends already. She says the new freshman are nice, too, but she’s always had friends her age or older, although she finds the freshman are more welcoming anyway. She is basically homesick. She just misses her loving family–pretty straghtforward, actually. The “expectation vs. reality” thread has helped me a bit. It helps just to know things aren’t perfect for everyone. </p>
<p>Anybody have any stories to share?</p>
<p>It’s really early and she needs to be patient, plus join clubs, teams, ECs or some work-activity or study group will help her to bond with others in a small setting. For homesickness, calls, emails, carepackages, and skype all help stay connected and to let her know you’re still there to love her.</p>
<p>My daughter took a while to adapt to her school. There were good times and low points the entire first year. I’d been expecting her to fall in love with it right away, as she has for summer sleep-away programs, but it didn’t happen (so I had a low grade nagging feeling for months). Her advisor reassured me that sometimes more discriminating (not in a bad way) girls took longer to find true friends, rather than connecting immediately to roommates, etc, and that’s happened. By spring she was reasonably happy, but still not the ecstatic connection to her school that you see from some posters on this board (mom’s low grade guilt continued). Now she’s in her second year (10th grade) and has some lovely friends and seems to be hitting her stride (nagging feeling gone). Through it all, she’s done better academically than I ever imagined (shame on me for underestimating her!). I know that going in as an 11th grader is a different situation, but as the weeks go on I trust that your daughter will make some good friends. It can take a while for it all to kick in, though, even though we want it to be great right away.</p>
<p>lemonade 1–You’ve characterized it perfectly: “low grade nagging feeling” and “low grade guilt”</p>
<p>That’s it exactly. I will be patient. I appreciate the responses and am grateful for the people here willing to share their experiences. Thanks.</p>
<p>If she’s not calling home crying, consider yourself lucky! She’ll be fine once she get’s more involved and finds her niche.</p>
<p>For the perspective of a new upper (Andover-speak for 11th grader) that is adjusting well but still acknowledges that it is a difficult process read the following piece from the Phillipian - [Andover</a>, I Love You | Commentary | The Phillipian](<a href=“http://phillipian.net/article/8627]Andover”>Article: Antonio Pulgarin Speaks to Toxic Masculinity, LGBTQ+ Rights, and Latinx Issues in New Exhibition “Whispers of a Caballero.” – The Phillipian)</p>
<p>My daughter was also a new upper a few years back and I think the perspective that it is the most difficult year to enter BS is correct. Not only is it the hardest academic year, but the challenge of integrating into an already formed class is real. The school tried to help by putting the new uppers together in a few dorms at the heart of campus and having a special English class solely for them. However, in the end the path to success seems to be developing a few good friends and a couple of valued activities (my daughter started a dance group because Andover didn’t offer her favority style) so there are comfortable parts of the day. Then each subsequent day will get easier as the circle of friends expands and adapting to a new academic environment is complete.</p>
<p>Good luck to your daughter.</p>
<p>Great article from Andover. Yes, the problem is not so much that she doesn’t know anybody, but that nobody knows her. She does call home crying, by the way, but not nearly every day. And like the author of the article, she too had exhausted anything the schools could offer her here. Still, it was very hard to leave the familiar faces and places of home. </p>
<p>In the end, the article sounds so hopeful…I’d like to hear that tone from her someday soon. Thanks for the encouragement.</p>