<p>I was recently scolded for doing lots of college research for my DD.</p>
<p>Despite the fact that she is in the lead and she wants me to do the reseach because of lack of time etc., it brings up interesting issues.</p>
<p>Our kids lead busy lives trying to stay afloat in this college craze and this IS ultimately a family decision for many of us ... a decision that impacts our finances dramatically along with many other issues. </p>
<p>Is it really prudent to leave it all up to our kids? Yes they need to own the decision but isn't making a wise decision also dependent on gathering as much info as possible ... considering the sources and moving forward? I think it would be irresponsible to allow our kids to learn a life lesson on college choice decisions. </p>
<p>Now ... I am just helping with the draft list ... and we are not considering the ivies so the starting list could include thousands of schools.</p>
<p>I'm a student who's going to college in the fall.</p>
<p>Certainly, you, as parents, need to be involved. You'll be providing for your kids financially. This is rather a financial investment worth tens of thousands or even in the six-figures. Wouldn't you do your research if you wanted to invest that much money into a business or the stock market?</p>
<p>eh.... I tell my parents to mind their own business... I don't want people to help me do all that stuff because it'd be like them getting into the school, not me. If i was to achieve something, I'd want to achieve it myself.</p>
<p>Well, I'll try to give you a little something from a kid's perspective.</p>
<p>My parents aren't very involved in my college search - they're expressed that they're behind me 100% in my decisions and will support me through whatever path I choose, which is great to know in advance and has been a good starting point for my search.</p>
<p>On the other hand, when my parents have gotten involved, I've found them to be a bit heavy-handed. My mom continually tries to talk me out of applying to some of my favorite schools, but the reasons she gives are essentially stereotypes she heard when she went to college in the late 70's. The colleges she recommends are pretty much the opposite of what I'm looking for in a school - she goes more based on what schools she hears good things about, and doesn't really look further.</p>
<p>I wish my parents would be more constructively involved, though - my dad will occasionally e-mail me articles about the college admissions process, and while I appreciate his thought, it's nothing I haven't already learned from everyone on CC.</p>
<p>Parents should be somewhat involved in the financial portion of the decision, and that's about it. Only your daughter herself really knows what it is she's looking for. It's okay to drop hints, or to suggest some schools, but don't try to make up her mind for her.</p>
<p>It sounds like you are a positive influence in your daughter's search - let her take the lead and then follow along and perhaps provide her with additional info, but try not to take the wheel on a decision that should be mostly hers. :)</p>
<p>I don't think you as a parent should strongly advocate for particular schools. Doing research, pointing out pros and cons, and suggesting a few schools is fine, but I don't think you should bring your daughter into the living room and say "I think this should be your college list." I understand that you are making a significant investment and that you want to feel included. You should definitely clue your D into the financial aspect of choosing a college. But there's a fine line between being supportive and involved and being overbearing. </p>
<p>Some kids (CCers for example) have a good grasp of the college process and don't need much help. If your daughter is one of them, then give her a loose leash. For many kids, choosing a college is the first really big decision they have the chance to make, and they want to be given the freedom to make it.</p>
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I think it would be irresponsible to allow our kids to learn a life lesson on college choice decisions.
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<p>Life lessons don't always involve mistakes. :) If you're really concerned about the school your D wants to go to, then ask her to explain things to you. If she is able to clearly articulate why she thinks it's the best choice despite your concerns, then you should let her go there. Remember that your D is not an exact copy of you. She has her own preferences and these may be at odds with yours. She is the one who has to spend the next four years at the school she chooses, not you.</p>
<p>Thanks highopes ... I know that if I become too opionated, no matter how good the opinion, she is likely to do the opposite so ... I keep it toned down and open minded and we do laugh about our biases ...</p>
<p>Yes the 70's ... it was s VERY different world in college ... I am surprised so many people remember their college experience! ;)</p>
<p>highopes ... I recommend you suggest to your mom that she begin to look about CC. Though my first stop was PR which was very helpful in setting the stage and provided the input I needed to appreciate CC. We also have the Fiske college book on the "coffee table" ... so every once in a time I would leaf through it to look up XYZ college ... </p>
<p>I happen to find it all very exciting. In the 70's my parents did not help at all and I did not make a wise decision. I could have used some guidance.</p>
<p>It sounds like you're a little more in the know than my parents - there's a good balance to be had, where parents give suggestions without being pushy. In my case, I'm doing basically all the work in the college search, and then running my decisions by my mom (who offers such good advice as, "You don't want to go to Rice. It's in Texas.") ;)</p>
<p>lol... my parents don't care where I apply... but once i decide they nag about you need to do this and you need to do that, if your not doing this then don't think about applying whereever.... annoying.</p>
<p>LOL ... but Texas is fantastic! I love Texans ... and my daughter is amused with the few she has met. Talking about not taking life to seriously!</p>
<p>But then again I am 9th generation westerner born from the adventurer/renegade/outcast stock of the early west. Texans kind of remind me of Australians.</p>
<p>Good luck ...you seem to understand that your mother's heart is in the right place. A little trick used on me ... just give her lots and lots of hugs ... that is what my DD does when I start getting a bit huffy ... we laugh and I ask her "How did you know?" ....</p>
<p>It is really really hard to see your kids fledge ... parents have been living your whole life for this moment and here it is ... our last chance to apply a band aid and make it all right. We parents can sometimes live through our kids.</p>
<p>Just remember many many HUGS ... they say everyone needs 10 a day!</p>
<p>I think its a lot to expect a high school student to wade through all the information they recieve from colleges. I took the role of sorting and alphabetising mail and researching web sites and giving recommendations of good fit schools. I believe college is a family decision and you need all the information you can get. We didn't tell our kids where to apply but they had our opinion and took it into consideration when choosing schools.</p>
<p>Yeah, my mom and I are really close - I know she wants me to have the best college experience possible, but it's easier for me to feel out schools on my own, with the help of CC and research I've done on the internet. I'm sure my parents will be involved in my eventual decision, once I see where I stand and what offers I've got to choose from. The best parents are those who give their kids the tools to make good choices on their own, in the long run. :)</p>