<p>My parents are pretty controlling, and 1st semester of college they made me live at home, although it was financially feasible for me to dorm because of my scholarship, and I live over an hour away from college by public transport. This semester, after some bargaining, I've moved to a dorm. </p>
<p>They insist I come home every weekend. They contacted the bursar's office, got a copy of my schedule, and found out my last class ends Friday afternoon. So they wait for me outside my dorm every Friday without fail to take me home, and don't let me leave until Sunday night. Last semester I had a horrible social life because I lived far away and worked long hours in my hometown; this is my chance to make friends, but I'm gone all weekend. Plus my dad is such a hateful, aggravating person and I hate being around him. </p>
<p>Some of you will say, "They're chipping in for college so their money, their rules!" but I'd be ok with coming home all Sunday, rather than Friday 4pm - Sunday 10pm. </p>
<p>Today, I fell asleep after class because I was exhausted. I just woke up and saw 5 new voicemails - they're furious because they drove out here and I never came out! It's almost 9pm but they're driving out here again because they simply won't let me come tomorrow morning instead. I don't think I'm being unreasonable.</p>
<p>That’s ridiculous! Even though they hate leaving you, thats quite extreme. Maybe if you just told them straight up about how you felt? Cause I’m sure if you stop coming outside when they come pick you up, they’d threaten that they would stop paying your tuition. :-/</p>
<p>wow and i thought my parents were controlling. I know in situations like this its often really hard to approach your parents yourself, maybe due to fear or intimidation, otherwise you would have done it already. Maybe you could go to one of your college counsellors and ask them to mediate a conversation about the situation between you and your parents. That way you have someone who is objective and also an adult. and that would probably listen to your side of the story better. Because in their mind you’re their child and your feelings and opinions can be disregarded but the same thing coming from an outsider may have more merit.</p>
<p>so what do your parents tell you when you ask them to loosen up a bit? do you have an older brother or sister who didnt succeed in college? you have to tell them that you are in control of your future</p>
<p>The thing is, I’m still 17, the oldest child and a girl, and my parents are 1st generation south asian immigrants so that’s not a good combination : ( Their culture is very strict compared to American culture. I’ll be 18 next month but they’ll still hold tuition over my head.</p>
<p>I have openly told them how I felt many, many times, imploring them to let me come home Sundays instead of all weekend. They insist that since they’re paying for college and I’m still 17, they’re in charge. I guess that’s technically true. I don’t really have a counselor or anyone I can trust; I briefly met with my college advisor for maybe 7 minutes last September. Not that they would listen anyhow - they don’t want me to be “corrupted” by outside influences like rational people.</p>
<p>Wow, you’re parents need to cut the umbilical cord… Since you already have a scholarship, why not get a job to pay for the rest and tell your parents to **** themselves?</p>
<p>My scholarship doesn’t cover full costs. I have a job, but swiping meal cards and answering phones doesn’t pay for college. I’m also not eligible for much need-based aid because their EFC is high. The merit scholarship covers about two thirds of tuition and no room/board. </p>
<p>Plus I’m only 17. Legally, I’m a child and the law is the umbilical cord that binds me to their toxic womb :P</p>
<p>And please don’t say, “Why don’t you simply declare yourself independent, leave home forever, never talk to them, and come up with college tuition yourself!” because it’s not that easy, emancipating yourself is difficult in this state and I’ll be 18 soon anyhow.</p>
<p>For what, picking up their kid from school? </p>
<p>Come on you nerds, put your ivy league brains together and come up with a brilliant solution :)</p>
<p>Also, don’t you think it’s ridiculous the Bursar’s Office handed over my schedule so freely? That should be illegal! What if some random creeper called pretending to be my dad, would they give it to him too?</p>
<p>Say that you need to acclimate to your new environment, and going out and actually talking and meeting people is a great way to improve your grades?</p>
<p>I was only 17.3% serious about the ivy leage comment.
No, because going out and talking to people leads to sex and then I’ll get pregnant and die and go to hell where I’ll be raped by 72 walruses or something equally ridiculous, I’m sure.</p>
<p>Haha imagine if I told them I was a lesbian! Well, you’re right, they’d never talk to me again. They would ship me off to Syria to live with my great aunt in a lonely village. And then I’d never pass biochemistry.</p>
<p>that explains alot asian parents are always strict. the thing is they want you to do your very best, an assume you will slack once they fall back.</p>
<p>My cousin had something like this going on (her parents wouldn’t allow her to live in the dorms/pay for room and board). She saved up enough money to pay for a semester of room and board, and after that semester her parents allowed her to live in the dorms/pay for it.</p>
<p>Will things change next month when you turn 18? I’d wait until your 18th birthday.</p>
<p>Then, sit them down for a serious heart to heart… Tell them you love them but that they need to step back- they are crippling you and not letting you grow up.
Tell them that you are wiling to come home one weekend a month. (This is far more than most kids, let them know that.) You need to make them understand that they are hurting you, not helping you. Make a list for them of the things you will be doing on the weekends when you’re at school–like the concerts you’ll attend, or the sports, the clubs or other activities that you’re interested in. If you’re not there, you can’t really be a part of the community. Keep at it until you can agree to some kind of solution that works for you. Maybe you could call them every day, or email them. If once a month is just not something they can agree to, perhaps they could take you to dinner at your college town one extra day a month. Whatever you can work out, but you need to take charge on the day you are legally an adult, and let them know that if they can’t respect your wishes, they will seriously damage your relationship, perhaps forever.
You can do this. They won’t be happy about it, but they will accept it eventually.</p>
<p>No, things won’t change when I turn 18 because they’re still my parents and they’re still nice enough to chip in for my tuition and room/board. Room/board costs $4k/semester and I have 3 years of college left - I can’t cover $24k! I swipe cards at the dining hall, folks :(</p>
<p>As I said earlier, I’ve already talked to them many times about this. I’ve been patient and rational. One weekend a month isn’t enough for them. One day a week isn’t enough for them. They want me home by Friday night and there until Sunday night. They don’t want me to be part of the community. They don’t want me to join sports or go to concerts. They don’t want me to go out at night. They have openly said this several times.</p>
<p>I talk to them on the phone every single day already, and come home all weekend on top of that. It’s not enough for them, because nothing is ever enough for them. </p>
<p>Let me be clearer: my parents are immigrants from Syria and Pakistan. They believe in arranged marriages and being very strict with their daughters. My family isn’t exactly the Brady Bunch.</p>
<p>WOW!. OK, so i asked my mom who is a psychologist…she suggested that you try to negotiate with your folks…to slowly “show” them that you can be responsible (I know, you are responsible). Maybe encouraging a meeting with them and you with a college counselor and discussing the dorm options next year etc. Like, going into an alcohol and drug free dorm, all girls dorm etc. Are you Muslim? If so, that is a big part of their issue, right? If not, getting them to see that your grades are good etc. Another point of negotiation is keeping a minimum GPA etc. It is like negotiating a curfew in high school. I know it sounds dumb and all, but if you offer baby steps etc, then they might be more willing to ease up and all. Syria would not be where I want to go right now. I have been to Jordon and that country ROCKS! Good luck :)</p>
