Advice Desperately Needed

College Search & Selection
1

I have a dilemma. Actually, more of a nightmare with seemingly no escape.

But first a disclaimer: I’m not trying to get attention. This isn’t exactly where I would go for that. Oh and don’t worry, this has to do with college.

And I’ll try not to bore you with the needless information. It’s not meant to be a sob story (it’s not that sad).

So I was adopted. Born into a Muslim home, I was adopted by Christian parents when my father died and the government put me up for adoption. They converted me. I was twelve. The home was very strict, and I lived a very sheltered life, something that came with serious (future) consequences.

To the present.

I’m not allowed to read anything but the Bible (but I sneak books), am not allowed to use any kind of social media or contact friends (again, I sneak everything, including stuff like this post), and have severe restrictions on everything from driving (not allowed, though I’m almost 18) and a job (never had one) to food and a bedtime. Oh, and I am homeschooled, so that is how they facilitated this. It really is mental torture.

But I won’t bore you with a teenage drama. This is just background information that will, hopefully, aid you in helping me decide what to do. I need an outside perspective.

Somehow I made it through alive. I have a 32 on my ACT (no study for the above stated reasons, so please don’t call me an idiot), but because I was so sheltered, I have no EC’s. We’re not rich ($40,000 a year), and we have five people in the home and only one full-time worker.

So here’s the dilemma. I was accepted to the University of Iowa, Baylor University, and a few others that I have dismissed. Iowa offered me full-tuition, and Baylor offered me $17,000 a year. That is just merit aid. The estimated need-aid is $18,000 a year at Baylor (my dad was unemployed for 5 years recently) and all costs at Iowa. This means that for a four year degree, I would go into debt about $50,000 for Baylor and exactly $0 for Iowa. Seems like a simple choice, no?

It’s not.

My parents despise Iowa. No, they hate all non-Christian schools. To them, the debt is worth it if I can keep my salvation. To me, money is earthly salvation. So they are forcing me to go to Baylor (a school that I really love, by the way, but costs way too much money for a poor person like me). Iowa is just not going to happen…right? Are there any convincing arguments out there that I haven’t already tried? Help would be great…

So what can I do? Like I said, I love the thought of attending Baylor, especially if I get into their Honors Program. But I have to face the facts: I’m not rich. And with a school offering my a free education, it would seem that that is the best route to take. But my parents are in charge. They control everything. You can’t tell me that they don’t. What can I do to pay for this? Any help would be nice.

Please don’t say anything negative about my parents, by the way. I love them. They just happen to be very, very strict and,(I think), misguided in this one area. They are good people. Really, they are. Especially my mom. I just need advice. Desperately, I need advice.

Sorry for the length of this post. Thank you to everyone who takes the time to respond. I sincerely apologize if this comes off as a cry for attention. that’s not my intention. But if it does, please ignore this.

2

I am sure there plenty of wonderful Christian organizations at Iowa. Perhaps that would be a good starting point for a discussion about your options. Are they willing to pay the $72k for Baylor, or are you expected to pay/borrow that, because you will not be able to get that amount in loans.

I have never heard Iowa described as a den of iniquity, and Baylor certainly has it parties and decadent activities, just like any college, Christian or otherwise.

Good luck!

3

Could you bounce back some Christian/biblical theology to them about Christianity and debt i.e. the Bible does encourage people to not go into debt? I would think with a little thought and proper preparation and presentation you could present the case that it is not biblical to go into debt for any reason.

I wonder also if you could contact a Christian student organization on the Iowa campus and somehow have them come visit with you and your family?

Also…your parents may be well intentioned but Baylor is not some mecca of Christianity for college students. You are not going to go there and be surrounded by the most amazing faith experience. Baylor is like ANY other college campus with the drinking and partying. True there are probably rules about it on campus, but wow I could make your parents heads spin with the Baylor partying stories from my friends and now some of my friends kids friends.

Don’t get me wrong, Baylor does turn out some great students who representative of the church, etc. But there are also PLENTY of students there who are working hard to get the more “typical” experience.

I suspect somehow that because Baylor is far away from Iowa and the website makes it look so biblical and Christian then your parents have somehow worked it up in their minds to be this wonderful holy place for you.

4

Do your parents understand that your ability to borrow is limited to $5.5k freshman year and $27k for all 4 years? So who is paying the difference ($23k) between your $27k in loans and the $50k it will cost over 4 years to go to Baylor? They can take out Parent Plus loans to pay the difference but those loans would be in their name and therefore they would legally be on the hook to pay them back. They can co-sign for you to take out private loans to pay the difference but again as co-signers they would be on the hook if you choose to default on those loans (or you could just refuse to sign for them).

5

I would say, emancipate yourself from your parents and do what you want to do, which is also the smart option.

6

Seek out and see what Christian clubs and groups are available at Iowa. My son has applied to Cal Poly SLO and Baylor. He is in at Baylor and still waiting to hear from Cal Poly. The only thing I wanted to make sure of if he goes to a public university is if there is strong Christian support on that campus. Campus Crusade for Christ supported me when I was at UC Irvine having just become a Christian.

7

If God is directing you to Baylor and that is how you feel led than going into some debt is reasonable if that if going to equip you for what God has for your life.

8

Are your parents aware that all you can borrow is ~$5500/year? Even if you qualify for a federal Pell grant, that’s only another ~$5k/year. How do your parents intend to pay the balance?

Since [Romans 13:3](http://www.tbm.org/is_it_a_sin_to_borrow_money.htm) cautions against owing anything, it surprises me that your parents would consider borrowing to pay for school when there’s a free option available. They don’t consider going into debt a sin?

9

@Baylorpoly doesn’t it seem that god is directing op towards iowa? A full ride is extremely uncommon.

10

@Baylorpoly …I can’t imagine God directing a kid and his family towards almost $100K in debt. I guarantee you this isolated Christian family has heard the name “Baylor” and thinks it is some mecca of the Baptist faith that will be an amazing experience for their kid. They sound like they have locked on the “name” aspect and are just not considering the reality of the $$. Very sad.

11

If going into debt were a sin that what about everybody who has a car loan or a mortgage? If you have a strong system support system at college for Chrisitanity then hopefully your parents will come around on it. If my son gets into Cal Poly he is going to Cal Poly largely based on the economics but do not want him going to just any public university just to save money. Has to be one that has STRONG Christian support.

12

@Baylorpoly isn’t it also obvious op doesn’t hold the same weight on faith as their parents.

You are obviously more like op’s parents than the op, and can’t really see the absurdity in giving up a full ride.

While religion is important to some people, it will never get them out of student loans and debt. Religion has to be 2nd on the factors list, even to the most religious people on earth.

If a person truly believes in the religion, like their parents, they will stay with the faith no matter the obstacles, they do not need to be babysat and watched in order to keep them.

13

They have a Campus Crusade and a Campus Christian Fellowship there found via Google.

14

Agree that has a person who is going to be an adult he should make the choice himself. If he has a free ride than really isn’t up to the parents at all.

15

Parents concerned he would be swayed away from Christianity. He could go to Iowa on a free ride with the assurance he will seek out Christian avenues at Iowa.

16

When in doubt though if at all possible, follow the money.

17

Well, thank you all for your insight. By and large, I agree with everyone on here. Money speaks, and I listen. A full-ride at a school is nothing to laugh at.

Some more info came in today. One of the other school that accepted me (but I wasn’t considering in my top 2) actually sent me their financial aid letter. The school is Olivet Nazarene University in Illinois. With a $20,000 dollar a year merit aid gift and $5,700 a year from the school and the full Pell of $5,800 (my EFC is 0) and $5,500 in loans, Olivet would cost me $3,700 a year. Not terrible. A $17,000 debt in the end isn’t the worst thing that could happen.

But it’s not my first choice. Nor is it my second. Or my third…

It’s very small, but it’s Christian, which makes my parents happy. My fear is that it won’t give me a great education, though. I know it’s the student and not the school, but I fear that the resources just aren’t there. This just adds more confusion into the mix.

So what do you guys honestly think? Am I being a baby about this? Please be as straight up as possible – I can take it. I’m very grateful for everyone’s comments thus far. Your insight has provided some clarity. I need more. I can’t ask my parents because, even though debt is a sin in almost every circumstance, it’s not when it comes to a Christian school. Am I just screwed, or is there hope?

18

@forgetmenot98 DON’T go to a school like that.

You have the power here, not your parents.

Take the money and run, the full ride.

You are an adult and your parents can be as angry as they want, but that way you won’t be in debt.

Your parents could use the whole “we are paying for your education” card, but it doesn’t hold any weight when the education isn’t being paid by them.

It is free to go to Iowa, they might be angry, but is it better to have angry parents or a life of 60k debt?

19

Go to the best school with all things considered will make you the most content so you won’t be looking back. Have visited both Iowa and Baylor? Where do you live?

20

@SeniorStruggling – That sounds great, but my parents do control everything. I’m a minor. And my dad does all the financial stuff. He controls me, not the other way around. Oh how I wish you were right.

@Baylorpoly – I live in Iowa, but I have visited neither. My parents can’t afford to make a trip to Texas and they hate Iowa too much to make the short drive down there. I can’t tell you how much your help means to me. Just knowing that i’m not being so unreasonable (as my parents say) is such a relief. Thanks.