Advice for a Shy Person On Asking For Recommendations

<p>How does a shy person go up to a teacher and ask him for eight recommendations (they're all just copies of the Common App, though) without sounding bad? I don't want to make my teachers feel pressured or anything...</p>

<p>ummm the same way everyone else has to ask?</p>

<p>Teachers really only write one recommendation letter and it's part of their job as teachers to put up with the whole process. If you talk to them, I'm sure they'll be more than willing to write you a rec (assuming the like you) and you'll realize that there was no sense worrying about it in the first place.</p>

<p>It helps me to plan out in advance what I am going to say. You might even want to rehearse it by yourself or with a family member. Ask as soon as possible before they get too many requests. Pick a time such as before or after school to approach the teacher when it's not too chaotic or rushed for them.</p>

<p>If you feel more comfortable, you can email your teacher with a copy of your resume/list of activities and ask them to review the resume and let you know if they have time to write a recommendation for you. Include some information about your desire to attend a certain school and why you think you are a good fit. (i.e. make it easy for them) Give them the number of copies for different schools you need and due dates. Tell them you will be checking back with them in person within a week for an answer. Then, after they have had time to review, you can simply ask the teacher if they received your email and come to a decision whether they have time to write a letter for you.</p>

<p>Mr./Ms. X, I'll be applying to college next year, and I'd be honored if you'd be willing to write on my behalf, etc.
They're usually flattered and happy to do it, though some do have very busy schedules, so keep that in mind.</p>

<p>I would NOT ask them by email first. That just seems like a no-no to me.</p>

<p>I'm shy too. I just keep telling myself to suck it up and march up to my teachers but it's sooo hard to do! I'm going to ask on Monday after school and I am beyond nervous. I think it's going to be along the lines of:
Hi Mr X! I'm going to be applying to college this year and I am going to need letters of recommendation from my teachers. I really was inspired in your class and I learned alot and I was wondering if you would be able to write a strong letter of recommendation for me.</p>

<p>I think you need to be able to give them a way out in case they really don't feel comfortable doing it (I doubt most teacher refuse though)</p>

<p>and hopefully it will go from there. I know this is so ridiculously scary though and it is not as easy as it looks on paper. Good Luck! :)</p>

<p>Yeah i would not ask by email. It leaves a much better impression if you ask in person, and they are recommending you so...</p>

<p>just go to the teacher that you are cool with,
i think shy persons are easier to get one since teachers like you more because you are quiet.
i am usually quiet in class when they teach so all my teachers are happy with me now i get mine easier.</p>

<p>Face to face can be hard for super shy people. Do whatever you feel you can to get the best result. I bet the above poster is correct when saying teachers probably appreciate the quiet, shy students.</p>

<p>They're often flattered (especially if they like you). Be forward, and this is important, be polite.</p>

<p>Sir/Ma'am, it'd be an honor to have you write a letter of recommendation for me...</p>

<p>Also, in my experience, teachers DON'T like someone more because they are quiet. In fact, they know less about the quiet people. How could they even make a judgement based on less information?</p>

<p>Lastly, offer to outline some of your accomplishments for the teacher. It could make it easier for them. When you make anything easier for a teacher it shows respect and that goes a long way.</p>

<p>It's a good idea if in addition to saying something about how much you enjoyed their class, you also ask them if they will be willing to write a recommendation for you. Don't say anything that assumes they will write the recommendation. </p>

<p>It's very helpful to teachers if you also give them copies of any good tests or papers that you produced for their class. That way, the teachers' recc can include specifics. Providing such info is more useful than providing a resume because the colleges want teachers to describe what the teachers have experienced with you in their classes and clubs they advise. If teachers' reccs only provide a summary of your resume, that's useless to colleges.</p>

<p>Ask teachers as early as possible. Writing useful recommendations is time consuming, and if you ask at the last minute, the teachers probably won't produce reccs with the specific info that colleges find useful. Give teachers info about where you're applying and when your applications are due. Also provide them with stamped envelopes addressed to the colleges' admissions office. The teachers can put their own return address on them or you could put the schools' address as the return address.
If you ask them, then if the teacher has any hesitation, the teacher can convey that info and you can ask someone else. This will help prevent your getting a lukwarm or even a negative recommendation. </p>

<p>Follow-up a week before your first application is due to ask the teacher if the recc has been submitted. If it hasn't, remind the teacher of the due date and ask if you can provide any more info that would be useful to the teacher.</p>

<p>Immediately after the reccs are written, give the recommenders handwritten thank-you notes. After you get college acceptances, it's courteous to either write a note thanking the teachers again and letting them know of your acceptances or you can tell them in person. </p>

<p>Teachers do write negative recommendations. After I was accepted to my colleges, including an Ivy, I let one of my recommenders know, and the teacher said she had told them not to accept me! I later graduated from the Ivy with honors in the subject that she had taught.</p>

<p>northstarmom,.. I'm surprised to hear that. How negative was the comment? Perhaps your lecturer might have been very critical that the ad officer overlooked the negative comments..</p>

<p>I guess your overall application was good that made u got thru.</p>

<p>I wouldn't email them, I think that is extremely bad taste and would rub me the wrong way if I were the teacher. I am very quiet and shy as well and it took me months (literally) to work up enough courage to ask. I just went after class and asked my teachers and they were both extremely nice about it. Remember, everyone is nervous and the teachers know that, plus, they know you and probably know how hard it was for you to ask.</p>

<p>When I told the teacher that I had gotten into Harvard, the American history teacher replied that she had written in the recommendation that I shouldn't get in because I wasn't Harvard material.</p>

<p>What I had discussed in my interview and I think also in my essay was my passion for learning about government, and how I had been so interested in the subject of the major paper that we had to write for that class that my family had taken a three-hour car trip so I could hear a speech by a person whom I was writing about in my paper.</p>

<p>I am black, and suspect that the teacher was racist. She was a member of the Daughters of the American Revolution and was old enough to have belonged to it when they didn't allow black people to perform at D.C.'s Constitution Hall, which they owned. My paper was on "Black Power", a concept and phrase that was very controversial at that time, about a year or two after Stokeley Carmichael (later known as Kwame Ture) coined the phrase. He was the person whom my family had driven me to hear.</p>

<p>Initially, when I chose the paper's subject, I had thought that Black Power was racist and bad, and I had been against it. My research, however, indicated that the concept was very different than what I had thought it was, and my term paper reflected that. I also remember discussing this in my Harvard interview, and also discussing how I had talked about the paper with a local political science professor. </p>

<p>I suspect that Harvard viewed me as having a clear passion for political science, and given the fact that I lived in an overwhelmingly white, conservative small town where I was the only student of color in my entire high school class, the adcoms concluded that the teacher was deliberately trying to sabotage my application. My suspicion is also based on having a friend now who is a prof at a top LAC, where she has served on admissions committees, and says she has seen teacher reccs of outstanding students whom apparently the teachers were trying to sabotage. Sometimes the students who are exactly the type that top colleges love -- the type of students who question things and are interested in subjects that aren't the norm -- are exactly the type of students whom some teachers hate.</p>

<p>If I hadn't mentioned the paper in my interview for fear that it would be too controversial to mention to a white interviewer, I suspect that I wouldn't have been admitted to Harvard because Harvard probably would have believed the teacher's assessment.</p>

<p>This is a big example of why it's important to be yourself in an interview. Frankly, if any school hadn't wanted to admit be because I'd chosen that controversial subject to write a paper on, that would have been a school that I would have been unhappy attending anyway.</p>

<p>Thanks for the advice everyone, especially Northstarmom! </p>

<p>I'm more worried about the number of Recs I'm asking. My school usually does not send many kids to Ivy League/Upper Strata schools. Last year, one kid went to an Ivy League school (Brown). So, I'm nervous about (1) telling my teacher to write like half a dozen Recs when usually teachers write 1-3 (2) putting pressure on my teacher by saying I'm applying HYPSM (3) whether the teacher actually writes a good recommendation (and good in a sense that it stands out or accurately describes me).</p>

<p>The teachers write one letter and copy it, so it doesn't matter how many recommendations you need. All colleges that I'm aware of -- including Ivies-- will accept teacher's recc letters in lieu of the colleges' forms.</p>

<p>You should give the teachers stamped addressed envelopes for every college that they'll need to write a recc for, and you need to give teachers a handwritten thank-you note, and have the courtesy to let them know what colleges accepted you. :)</p>

<p>I don't really understand how you can be shy enough to not be able to say a sentence to your teacher, but maybe that's just me that's uninformed and ignorant (for the record, I'm rather shy too, but with new people and in certain situations...)</p>

<p>I'd say just not worry and ask politely and clearly. Chances are, it's not a big deal and a thing to worry about.</p>

<p>Definitely prepare a short sentence or two before hand and even memorize it if it makes you feel better. Teachers will understand...they probably wrote recommendations before</p>

<p>"I don't really understand how you can be shy enough to not be able to say a sentence to your teacher, but maybe that's just me that's uninformed and ignorant (for the record, I'm rather shy too, but with new people and in certain situations...)"</p>

<p>Many people feel awkward asking for favors and feel that they might be putting unfair pressure on someone who they respect. They also might be worried that the teacher they ask doesn't know them as well as the student hopes.</p>