Advice for Current Juniors and Parents

College Majors Musical Theater Major
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<p>Taking college classes in theatre and musical theatre is completely different than performing in shows in high school. If your child went to a performing arts high school, they have a little understanding of this and some understanding of the culture. If your child went to a regular high school and did not have classes in drama, dance, music, etc, it is a difficult transition. </p>

<p>Yes, the arts can be very fun but it’s also VERY hard and extremely time consuming! If you’re used to being a star in high school, you will find that stars from all over the country are now your classmates. There will be someone in your class that will point out that they work harder than anyone else and therefore, they deserve the highest grade or the biggest part. There will be the girl in your class who knows the words to every Broadway musical and will take every opportunity to sing them- EVERY opportunity! There will be the theatre director who will spend the whole time in rehearsal talking because he loves the sound of his voice- meanwhile- there is a lot of time wasting. There will be the director who will call rehearsal at the last minute- after you have already made plans. </p>

<p>All I’m saying is that some kids really loves this and some kids do not. That’s why I can understand kids leaving their BFA programs after one semester. I think it’s especially hard for kids who go to colleges with sports and Greek life because you see all your dorm friends hanging out and having fun while you have to go to rehearsal and won’t get back until midnight. It’s hard to know all of this when you’re 17 or 18. A lot of kids will not realize this until they are in college. I don’t believe staying in a BFA program will make you successful or leaving a BFA program will ruin you for life. In this business, no one knows. That’s why I believe it’s your child’s life and they will know what’s best. As hard as it is- especially for parents who spent money on lessons throughout the years, we have to trust what our child decides to pursue. </p>

<p>One of my kids is a junior in a BFA Acting program and the other one decided to minor in theatre after one semester in her BFA Acting program. I believe both of them will be successful in whatever they do. Okay- stepping off my soap box as I feel like I’m going in circles! p.s. I didn’t think lucysmom was offensive in any way at all! I think she was very realistic.</p>

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<p>Monkey, perhaps a semantic point but I don’t think as a parent my job is to get my child to succeed. My job is to prepare her to go out on her own. Whether she succeeds or not will be up to her and not whether I make that happen.</p>

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<p>I have carefully read lucysmom’s post and I was not offended. I was one of the mom’s who was at Unifieds in NYC. My son auditioned for acting (not MT) and I saw many nervous kids with supportive parents all around me. I mercifully missed any child screaming at their parents. The majority of us theatre parents are used to our children being in uncomfortable positions of constantly being judged (by their directors as well as their peers, for the record). My son loved the process, did a few walkins to schools he was truly interested in, he only applied to programs he would absolutely attend (and pulled a few applications once he received an EA to a program he would be delighted in attending). Did we apply to too many? I have no idea (applied to 12, all audition based). For my daughter, we were blissfully ignorant, applied to 5, got into 3, chose 1 and it is absolutely perfect for her. If I had known what I know now, we would have never applied to so few…but it worked out wonderfully, and she thriving. Each child is different and the process is so hard…I think that is why when they end up hating their choices it is so hard because we know how much time, sweat and such hard work went into the acceptance. Plus, when they fall out of love with what had previously has been their passion, it is doubly sad.</p>

<p>Will my children work in this field? As of today, neither can imagine not…but who knows!!! I just feel that they are so lucky to have such passion at such young ages, I surely did not.</p>

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<p>Jeffandann, I was not very articulate (I had a glass of wine to celebrate my D’s acceptance into Ithaca)…I said, “You do what you can to get your kid to succeed.” I meant, as you said, prepare them as best you can so they have the tools to succeed. You are right…I was speaking in shorthand. But I agree with you 100%.</p>

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<p>@monkey13 with respect to your reaction to lucymom’s comments about parents who are willing to fly all over the place etc. and the conclusion that ‘I took that to mean that we may be pushing our kids into this, maybe in the face of something they don’t want, and are only able to do it b/c we were white, affluent, parents. Her post also implied, and maybe even came out and said directly, that our kids may not know what they want."</p>

<p>I think we MT parents all suffer from knee jerk reactions to explaining our kids’ choices and this thread may possibly have turned into misreading a fellow warrior’s comments. (Or I’m wrong and please lucymom tell me so). I am completely guilty of going on the defensive myself which I really had to since my daughter went to “uber-academic” school. But can we not all agree that it is possible BOTH to support what our kids want to do AND to admit that we do so with some level of apprehension and that doesn’t mean anything other than simply putting a voice to what many of us are also thinking?</p>

<p>I did all of the flying all over the place stuff because we had to (5 on campus auditions and 1 at the tail end of LA unifides which felt like it was in our backyard in comparison though it also involved a 2 1/2 hours plane ride). Were these trips a drain on us – heck yes. Did we do it anyway? Yes we did because I guess we could even though it hurt. I am also a white parents of a white daughter much like many of the other white parents of white daughters that were also there. I don’t take the leap from that to say that I’m pushing my kid into MT. We did it because it was what she wanted and I also agree with the observation that most of the kids you see at these auditions are indeed white females who had the means (through whatever level of sacrifice) to be there. How is that inaccurate? I think at the end of the day we are all warriors of the same cause because if we are posting here, we’re in it. And believe it or not, some of your kids will get out of MT or theatre no matter how certain they seem today just like my daughter’s BF in her program did this week. Maybe my kid will too. Hasn’t happened yet but it could. I’m cool with it and will not have considered one second of this journey a waste in any case.</p>

<p>quick edit: saw the acceptance into Ithaca monkey13 after I hit send. AWESOME and mazel tov!</p>

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<p>Interesting conversation. I agree with a lot of the points made on this thread - both sides. I have a D currently in her junior year at a BA MT program (her choice over a BFA). I also have a S who is a HS senior year who has an extensive professional resume in MT (and TV and film) - mainly before the age of 12 when his voice changed :slight_smile: He is pursuing a voice performance degree but we still have strong ties to MT and I seem to be the “go to” info person in our town for advice. </p>

<p>My observation: MT is the college major du jour for young girls. Maybe its the Glee effect, I don’t know. But it seems like there are four times as many kids wanting to audition as there were even 3 years ago. I hate to be pessimistic to the hopeful parents and kids that come to me, but I don’t think most people realize the competition. (You folks who have found CC are lucky - you understand how competitive it is). My son’s agent remarked to me recently that all of Broadway can only absorb about 20 new MT grads a year - men and women, and ethnics preferred. (This is only his opinion. Not a fact)</p>

<p>Luckily, neither of my kids want to do MT for a profession. My D is going more towards experimental, physical theater (and directing and writing and historical performance). She’s currently in Prague working with a company there for study abroad. My son has had enough of MT to last a lifetime. Of course, now he wants to pursue an opera career so don’t get me started on how competitive that is. </p>

<p>Anyway, just my observations. Break legs to everyone, but please realize that the goal is to raise happy, healthy, productive citizens, not to raise stars!</p>

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<p>Okay- pulled my soap box out again! My son was all over the board when he applied. He did not go to Unifieds as the auditions he wanted were regional and were only a 5 hour drive away. He got into Tulane and Boston University for film and tv and the University of Miami for classical guitar. He was waitlisted for DePaul for theatre, got into FSU in the honors program but did not even get an interview for the film school he applied for there. He was only rejected by Northwestern but got into NYU on the same day. So- he only applied to 7 schools but only had two auditions for theatre and one for music. NYU was his dream school and he is thriving there.</p>

<p>My daughter only applied to 4 schools- FSU, Penn State, Rutgers, And NIU. She was waitlisted for Penn State MT and was thrilled with that. She did not audition for FSU as that was her safety school and she only applied there because I made her. She got into Rutgers BA and NIU BFA. We absolutely LOVED Unifieds in NY. We met wonderful people and she had a great experience. She did two-walk-ins and the schools were pursuing her but they were both too small for what she wanted. (LIU and Ohio Northern).</p>

<p>I’ll admit, I was a bit taken aback when my daughter decided to minor in theatre but I am in full support of her for so many reasons that I completely understand. She has been performing since she was a little girl and has never had a social life. I have never seen her so happy as she is now. She is able to do so much more than she imagined and I fully believe all this life experience will not be wasted. She is still able to take acting classes and was just cast in two student choreography dance pieces. She is the only non-dance major that got cast in these pieces and the choreographers were all fighting over her. She is so happy because she was chosen on her dance ability and stage presence- not who she knows because at the audition, they did not know her. She has always been very strong in dance and I know she LOVES dance classes. She knows she can still take more acting classes and can supplement in the summer or she may decide to pursue an MFA. Who knows? I do know it will be her decision though.</p>

<p>For a girl, she really didn’t apply to many schools but she only applied to schools that she could see herself attending. Money is tight and neither one of my kids wanted to spend the extra money on applications and audition fees. I’m very proud of them for realizing that too! We ran into a family at Unifieds last year that applied to 35 schools- 35! Some were for Vocal Performance and some were for MT. But 35- Geesh!</p>

<p>I’m also lucky that both of my kids focused on getting good grades and were offered really great merit scholarships. Neither one of my kids attended summer intensives or did community theatre but they both got into really great colleges.</p>

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<p>I also think, and this fits with my original post of ‘Advice to juniors and their parents,’ is that this whole process is preparing for just this one new phase of life. There will be many other chapters to come, as we parents well know. Even if you end up with your dream college, or your dream job, your ‘dream job’ years later may be something you never even imagined. So although this seems like such a huge decision, with huge stakes, it is just one phase in these kids’ lives, and however it works out, they are going to become who they are supposed to be.</p>

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<p>Please, I apologize if you were offended. I was only providing food for thought. I am guilty of some of the insanity myself. After all, I was one of those moms in the hall, helping with my daughters clothes, music, etc. I support her in every way. But, I am trying to be realistic as well. There is a great deal of talent out there.</p>

<p>I actually do have perspective. We have another daughter in theater. One attends a “top ten” BA acting program. I went out with her and another acting student from her college after Unifieds. They shared stories that one third of the kids in the junior BFA program at their school have dropped back to a BA. I feel parents should be aware that these are still children, and that a life changing experience such as a BFA program may be too much for some.I am trying to say it is ok if they do not land in one at this time. </p>

<p>My perspective that just because one of the schools at Unified auditions fails to select your child, it does not mean they will never have a career in musical theater if that is their passion. Talent combined with drive and ambition will get them there no matter where they go to school. I am attempting to take the heat off the kids, to encourage everyone to learn what they can about individual programs, and each school. Make sure it is where your child would very much like to attend even if the musical theater program does not work out. Once you get to school you face a whole other set of challenges, for example: Will you be cast? Will you be faced with a bunch of back stabbing divas for four years? </p>

<p>If “Glee” and “American Idol” have sent more kids in pursuit of a life in the performing arts, the stakes are rising, and families are under increasing stress in an effort to help their kids.I applaud your children who can handle auditioning for multiple schools, and who will survive the inevitable rejections. I think it is important to support families whose kids just aren’t wired the same way.</p>

<p>I urge all of you to look at a website called “Challenge Success”. A group of respected educators is urging moderation in all forms of modern parenting, and it is in that vein I am posting. A perspective from scientists is that their brains are still forming, and stress can be toxic to their development. If musical theater auditioning is not stressful, but pleasurable for your kids, more power to you.</p>

<p>I suspect for most kids it is not.</p>

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<p>My son (the future VP major) hates auditioning. Luckily he was accepted into his #1 voice program in December and has since cancelled all of his other auditions (including Juilliard). He does not handle stress well, but at least he knows that about himself. My D also confided when she came home for Christmas that she does not want to spend her life auditioning for parts. She would rather spend her time in creating, not necessarily re-creating a part that someone else has done. But I know some kids that thrive on it - just not mine! (Yes, my S was a professional kid - but never really enjoyed the audition part)</p>

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<p>Lucymom, sorry if I made this blow up. You sound like a great and thoughtful mom. I think and hope that I am, too. It is true that our journey was very short with a happy ending and my son is enjoying his senior year. I feel for everyone who is waiting, waiting, waiting. It is hard. Best of luck to your daughter!</p>

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<p>My D loves auditioning and thrives on the …excitement?..(I am reluctant to use the word stress). She needs and wants the constant activity. Lucymom, you are right. Every kid is different, and as parents, one of our jobs is to try to figure out when to back off and when to try and guide them. And when to really step in when things are getting out of control. And I also agree that there are many, many paths to success, and a BFA is only one of them. </p>

<p>Here’s hoping that ALL of our kids enjoy this crazy process and find their own personal path to success. And I think the bottom line for parents of juniors is something we ALL agree on: do not let your kids apply to schools that they don’t want to attend. Do not apply for the sake of applying. Ask your child this question: if school X is the ONLY school you get in, would you be happy to attend? If the answer is yes, go for it. If the answer is no, not really, take it off your list!</p>

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<p>My D found that she liked auditioning at Unifieds- while we applied only to schools she could see herself at we did walk ins just because. Most of the schools did not charge for walk ins so it gave her a chance to find out about the programs- some peaked her interest and after some more research she applied to those. Many of the walk ins did almost make it to her original final list but since it was long she had to cut some. My D’s rationale for doing a lot of walk ins was “I’m here what else am I going to do I might as well audition.”</p>

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<p>After all the posts about stress, I chatted with d last night about her views on stress, auditions, and college. As near to verbatim as I can make it, here is what she said:</p>

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<p>I felt pretty good after we chatted. As always, she thinks I am a daffy parent but she appreciates my concern.</p>

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<p>Sounds like your D has a great head on her shoulders!</p>

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<p>EmsDad - that is the same conversation my son and I as well as my daughter and I have had (except for the driving part, I was a great teacher!!!) What causes stress in their lives are math, science, etc…not auditions. That is the part of their life they love…and feed off the nervous energy.</p>

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<p>Anything with high stakes is going to be some degree of stressful isn’t it? My daughter would not trade one minute of her theater world for more typical high school memories. Sure, she missed stuff but so what? She was doing what she loved and was lucky and I guess talented enough to have some great experiences. Right now, she is much more stressed about driving than she is about her next audition.</p>

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<p>Em’s Dad, your daughter sounds like she has already had some very specific MT actor’s training that many high school students have not! How fortunate for her! But other parents should not panic as they read about this. Many students have not had this advantage, and colleges understand this. They are often looking for potential along with skill. However, students should be aware that a college audition is not the same as auditioning for a role in a school or local production. It is a good idea to get advice from a student who has already successfully gone through the process, or a coach, local or hired to coach over the web, who specializes in the process. My daughter would have fallen flat on her face if we had not had very effective song and monologue coaches!</p>

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<p>Flossy, just out of curiosity how would your daughter know she wouldn’t trade for other high school memories without knowing what those memories might have been? Best of luck to her!</p>

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<p>Ugh, i just wrote a detailed answer but the post got lost so here’s the condensed version…</p>

<p>She made her own choices and knew full well what the trade-offs were. I’m not gonna sit around being sad about what she didn’t do when what she did do was pretty great. And look, she was not uninvolved in school at all. She has always been a high achiever academically, she participated in choir, drama, and a couple of clubs (although as I recall she thought they were lame). High school just wasn’t the center of her world. “My focus wasn’t there. I was intelligent enough to recognize that it was flawed and I was always striving forward. It was a means to an end, not an experience,” is what she said when I asked her about this and we spent endless hours driving to and from lessons and shows so I pretty much knew every thought in her head. “I had fun at prom and some random events but I was busy creating bigger memories.” Of course, she had friends but hanging out was never a priority. “I would get twitchy.” </p>

<p>And she was nowhere near the level of trained that some people on this thread are describing. It’s scary out there, but the kids who truly want this at a high level want it bad. They love it more than anything else. They have to. I really don’t think she’ll regret not spending more time at the movies.</p>